Monday, February 22, 2010


I am often overwhelmed by this intense urge to be something, to be something better then I am now. But more often then not I don't know how to even start. It seems like an overwhelming task. I've recently been under going a physical transformation but I'm also going through a mental one too. I'm learning that I am stronger then I thought I was, I have more stamina then I ever imagined and I have more will power then I could have dreamed! I'm learning that I can set my mind to something and accomplish it. If someone had told me 6 months ago that I would be able to stick to a strict diet for over 5 weeks and not cheat one time I would have laughed! I didn't think it was possible for me to do that - but then I learned I can say no. It's still so hard for me, I have a lot of bad habits stored in my natural reflex and it finds me starting to put things in my mouth I shouldn't. But less and less. I'm changing those bad habits into good ones! I know, it may sound a bit like bragging, and maybe I am, but it's hard not to when I've accomplished more then I ever thought I could for myself. Now I've got to learn to take that same determination and will power and put it into other things. Mainly music - I so badly want to get back to writing and then recording at some point. I love music, I love to sing. But I haven't done it in so long and the task of writing songs seems so hard. I feel like I get tongue tied when I try to write lyrics and the melodies just seem old and dry. I just keep hoping for something to kick me into gear and I'll just start! Lol! I know it doesn't happen that way, it's a process, a sometimes long one. I also have been considering going back to school. The very thought makes me want to laugh out loud to be honest. It's a great idea but it doesn't seem like reality to me. I know lots of mom's and dad's go to school every day. Just because I have a child doesn't mean I can pursue a career at some point. I'm just not exactly sure what I want to pursue. I have about 3 ideas and options - just trying to decide which is going to be the best for me in the many things I want to do but I feel overwhelmed trying to figure out how to accomplish them.

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