Sunday, July 31, 2011

Grown up tantrums.

Growing up I had pretty strict parents. Now that I'm more grown up I understand the reasoning
behind them being so strict and in some ways I'm grateful and in some ways I feel like I missed
out on things that weren't harmful or bad. But I remember growing up I dreaded asking my
parents if I could do things or go places because 9 times out of 10 it was "no" and a reason behind it. Sometimes it was a good reason, sometimes it was just a reason.
But I hated asking. I hated hearing no, as most of us do. I hated the feeling of disappointment
and I always felt embarrassed about it. I was embarrassed that I cared so much that it
upset me that I was told no. I hated showing that something someone else deemed silly,
stupid or even bad, meant so much to me. I'm a people pleaser, I hate that sometimes but unless it causes me straight up harm or my family I usually say yes. I guess that's why I stay out
of as many situations as I can that I might possibly have to say no to. I feel guilty and I feel
like whoever I say no to thinks less of me for saying it. And I hate that certain people who say no to me have the power to make react with such emotion. I want to not care, to show them that just because they have the power to say no and make the decision for me doesn't mean I care. But sadly, I do care. So I end up carrying around that disappointment and frustration a lot longer then maybe others do because I have to sort out so many levels of emotions.

I'm like this still - I hate having to ask permission to do something or get something especially
when I kinda know the answer may be no already. I literally feel slightly clammy and my heart races, and I twirl my hair and walk around and think about it for EVER before I finally get up
the guts to ask. Then when I'm told no I immediately feel like I'm 12 years old again asking if
I can spend the night with a friend.......I feel that embarrassment and frustration welling up.
Not even so much that it was a "no" but that again, their decisions effects me emotionally so much.
I feel completely silly saying all this but my point is this - I throw mental tantrums. We are
kinda dealing with a bit of a tantrum stage with Gianna right now. When she's told no she throws her hands around, stomps off, says stuff in an angry tone. Of course we are working with
her and disciplining her so that she learns to control these. Because whether we like it or not
we can never curb our children of tantrums. They simply learn to control them and not express them with outward physical signs. I throw fits in my mind - in my mind I yell, throw my hands in the air, stomp off and scream "that's not fair! You can't tell me what to do! I'm a grown woman!" But instead on the outside you see me say Ok, remain kinda quiet for awhile, not look you in the eye and remain in a thoughtful mood until I can get ahold of my "tantrum". And if you speak to me or push me about what's wrong I'm going to cry. Because their is a tornado of
feelings inside my head that just explode with the slightest prod.

I'm pretty sure I'm not alone - do you throw quiet grown up tantrums?

How was it?

We've had a pretty good week/weekend.....

Wednesday we made a trek out with my mother in law and her friend who is visiting......we made the usual round to Costco and then Wal-Mart and Petsmart. That's Gianna up there
browsing DVD's at Costco. You'd have no idea that right before that picture she was flipping
out and crying because I said no to a $25 Tangled dvd. Good grief, why are dvd's so
expensive anyway?

My mother in law had foot surgery on Thursday, both feet. This is her third surgery.
Basically, because of years on her feet at her old job, the bones in her feet have started to
rotate and move and they keep having to go in a reset the bones, pin them in place and
put in screws to hopefully keep them right. She pretty much has no feeling in her
feet now from all the work done on them.

Friday we spent the whole day at home until that evening and we decided to go visit my MIL
and see her friends - she had two different ladies who came down to help take care of her
and all the cats at her cattery. One of the ladies I met earlier in the week and she was
super nice! The other lady I had met once before and liked her. But this time around, good Lord, she was a completely different person. And I'm not joking. She had never met Beej until
that night and she literally spent the whole time we were there making jabs at us.
Like totally rude, bashing comments! I was in total shock. We kept trying to make
excuses for her because honestly, I've never met anyone that openly and blatantly
rude to someone they didn't even know! Even now when I think about it I'm still shaking
my head......
So Beej spent most of the time upstairs chillin' on his Mac (and she had something to say
about that too!) and Gianna kept trying to blow up a plastic glove to make a balloon.
After it was blown up she couldn't figure out why it wouldn't float up in the air!

Wednesday night Gianna fell out of her bed while she was sound asleep. The picture doesn't even begin to show what a HUGE bump she had on her head. It was the size of a golf ball!
She never falls out of the bed except on a rare occasion. But she's been filling her bed with so many stuffed animals and dolls I think they finally pushed her over the edge!

Thursday Gianna got a package from her Janou (grandmother) - my mom does this thing called and you can make cards online and the company prints them and mails them out for you. you can add goodies, like the GIANT cookies Gi is holding, too.

Gianna is all about some Apple products! She loves playing games on, she'll browses Beej's picture files all by herself and even though she isn't allowed to touch our iPhones she still knows how to unlock them and find where she wants to go. Craziness.

Tigre is leaving tomorrow. I'm actually kinda sad. I've gotten really attached to her over the week she's been here. And I feel bad because Gemima has gotten used to having someone to play with and now she'll be gone. I know Gemima will adjust but still I feel bad. Gandalf is
officially to old to really want to play and all. He'll be 13 on Oct. 1st! Gemima isn't looking like
much of a kitten anymore....even though she isn't even 4 months old yet and she's still pretty
small her face looks grown up.

This was my couch last night! Lol! My family got in from their Maine vacation yesterday. My
mom headed out immediately to go meet up with some of her old highschool pals. She
went to private boarding school up in Asheville and a bunch of the women from her time there
were getting together for the weekend up there.
My dad and my brothers came over for dinner, one of my sisters joined us as well.
I made a huge spaghetti dinner - everyone scarfed it down and then went swimming!

I busted out a work out after we had breakfast at Cracker Barrel yesterday morning. I kinda felt
guilty! And then after spaghetti I decided on a mini workout using my Nike Training app.
It's a new work out they offer by Hope Solo - she's the goalie for the US soccer team. I think. Haha!
Google "Hope Solo Nike work out" - the girl has KILLER abs!
And this morning my lower abs are sore so that's a good thing! Today is my "rest day"
before I start Month 2 of Insanity tomorrow. Yikes.
But I may just do another mini work out tonight for good measure. Really trying to keep
my eating lean today since I'm weighing in tomorrow morning and this week has been
rough eating wise. Ugh.

How was your weekend?

Friday, July 29, 2011

I wish I had....

Tonight I wish I had.....

(An hour long hot stone massage.....God. I'd die!)

(A hot fudge brownie sundae. Yum.)

(A work out partner. It would make working out SO much more fun.
I might even take up running if I had a buddy to do it with!)

(A slice of pizza. Craving. Like the way I put my work out buddy wish in between
two awful food items?!!)

(A really great friend. I miss having a good girl friend. It would be awesome if
my good girl friend would also be my work out partner. Tada!)

(This great satchel purse from Target....I love purses.)

(A whole day on the beach by myself to tan, sleep and read......*happy sigh*

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Room Inspiration

I've been in the mood lately to re-decorate Gianna's room. Right now it's totally "girly" - loads of pink and purple. Kind of an overload of it actually. I just want something classier and modern and awesome!

I've been thinking lately that a black and white room with bright yellow accents. How cute
would that be?! So here are a few things that gave me a little "inspiration".
Who knows when it will actually get done but still I like thinking about it!

(I think I'd incorporate some birds into the rooms.....)

(How awesome is this dresser?!!! Do you think it was painted?!)

(I'd probably end up just doing something simple like!)

(I like this simple black and white bedding.)

(Lovely bright, happy yellow!)

(fun patterns)

(And birds!)

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Catch up

Who is this child?! I swear, she is literally growing right before my very eyes way too
quickly. In some ways it makes me a little sad. I miss her baby-ness. I wish I could
keep her two years old forever. I liked that age. Still a "toddler" but grown up
enough to not need me all the time. Now she's smart, witty, and she back talks me.
She's independent and wants to do things on her own. She can entertain herself in her
room for an hour or longer. She is funny and sweet and thoughtful.
I love her so much and as excited as I am about her growing up, it kinda makes me sad too.

My parents are in Maine right now with my brothers and my mother left her car with me
since they flew up there. It's lovely! It's a cute little Kia Soul and I'm in heaven driving
it!!! No joke. I've never had a new car.....and I hope one day when I'm working again
that I'll be able to "splurge" a little and get something this adorable.

She also left her cat with us, Tigre. And she's adjusting well. I was afraid she wasn't
going to get along with Gemima after their first meeting but she's settled in now and
her and Gemima are getting along well now! It's cute to see them tearing around the house
after each other.

We dropped by my mother in law's today to take her and a friend down to the hair salon
to get their hair done. They both ended up going much blonder and they each got a
feather in their hair! So cute. Especially on my 60 year old mother in law!
But while we were at the house Gianna took the opportunity to jump on the inflatable
guest bed. She said it was just like Kidz Play - our local inflatable park!
I snapped a couple of photos, her faces crack me up! Click on the picture to see it larger.
It will most certainly make you smile (and look at those long legs! Geez.)

My little artist. She found a "paint brush" - it was actually an old make up brush but she was
thrilled. She located her little paint pots and wanted to paint. So I got her some paper
and she painted for a good 30 minutes. She painted a flower garden, and later
she painted a picture of Daddy walking in the flower garden.
She has such an imagination!

After some painting we made smoothies for a snack. I have these smoothie mix packs from
Jamba. They are little individual bags with pre chopped strawberries, bananas and yogurt
"chunks" - you add juice or milk, blend it up and enjoy! She loves them as much as I do!

I pretty much wear my hair up like this all the time! It's so much easier to deal with, quick
to style because there is no flat ironing involved and SO much cooler since you
pretty much sweat as soon as you walk outside right now. Today was "cooler" and it
was still 95 out. I'm trying to get better about wearing all my cool earrings. I just
forget most of the time.

I'm hoping it'll be good and sunny tomorrow and that I can actually get Gi and I
out to the pool. We haven't really spent any time out there in like a month.
I think I spent more time out here at the pool when I didn't live here!
But my tan is practically gone now and that's not cool since it's still July......

But I'm looking forward to August - mine and the Hubs 6 yr anniversary (I should share "our story" sometime!), my 25th birthday (sounds so old!), Gianna starting school (hopefully)
and the possibility of me getting a part time job (after um, five years, being at home. Yikes.).
I put in an application at our local Hibbett Sports - I wouldn't mind working around
cool shoes and fitness equipment so I'm hoping to hear back from them. *fingers crossed*

She Breathes Deeply link

Hello, blogger lovelies!

I'm going to direct you right over to She Breathes Deeply today.
She put up a post about how to grow your blog and I thought it was so
right on and insightful. I think that whether or not your want a million
followers or not you do want to know how to best portray yourself
through your blog and you do want people to read it and enjoy it!

I've been at this whole blogging thing for awhile now and I feel like I'm
just beginning to kinda break into the community of wonderful bloggers out there.
So many of the women I follow are fellow wives and moms and they have no
idea how much their daily posts encourage and enlighten me.

Right now, where I am in life both area wise and as a person, I don't have
a lot, well, any, friends right now. I feel like such a loser saying that but it's
not because I don't want friends, it's mainly because I just haven't found any
really great women to be friends with. My last two friendships didn't end on
great notes so I've kinda shied away from trying to form more at this time.

But my point is this, blogging isn't just about standing on your soap box and
shouting your opinion although it can be used for that too. For awhile
I used my blog to vent. I needed that at the time but when I got back and
read those posts, geez, I sound SO angry! But I think being able to get all that out
via my blog helped me heal quicker and move past what was holding me down.

So head on over and check out Mandy's blog, She Breathes Deeply.
It's a lovely little corner of cyberspace and she's sweet, brilliant and fun!

Monday, July 25, 2011

Featured on Mama and The Dudes!

I'm SO excited to be featured over at Mama and The Dudes blog today!
She has this cute little feature called:

And I really look forward to reading these posts every Monday.
They totally brighten up the day and it's a great way to "meet" other blogger lovelies.
So head on over there to see us today!

Sunday, July 24, 2011

'Cause I'm Bored....

1. High heels or boots? Boots.
2. What time did you get up this morning? 6:56am
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Harry Potter & The Deathly Hallows Part 2

4. What is your name?
Alaythea Marie Carroll

5. What is your favorite TV show? Fringe, Criminal Minds

6. What do you usually have for breakfast? Some kinda carb like cereal or oatmeal.

7. What is your middle name?
8. What food do you dislike?
Asparagus, mayo, crab, onions

9. What is your favorite CD at the moment?
Codes and Keys by Death Cab For Cutie
10. What characteristic do you despise?

11. Favorite Clothing? Sun dress and sandals

12. Anywhere in the world on vacation? Paris

13. Are you an organized person?
No, not really. I don't like super messy but I'm not overly organized at all!

14. Where would you retire to? Ireland?!

15 What was your most recent memorable birthday? My 24th birthday, mainly because it wasn't that great! Hoping my 25th is better!

16. What are you going to do when you finish this? Get the kiddo ready for bed and watch The Yellow Handkerchief

17. What is your Birthstone? Peridot, I hate it!
18. Person you expect to publish this first? No one

19. When is your birthday?
August 23

20. Are you a morning person or a night person?
morning person for sure! I'm no good after like 10pm!

21. What is your shoe size?
Anywhere from a child's 4 to an adult 6 1/2! Usually a 6.

22. Do you own any animals?
A Persian cat name Gandalf

23. Any news you'd like to share? Nope. I'm boring!

24. When you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up?
A singer/entertainer.

25. What is your favorite flower?
Lilly's and roses.

26. What is a day on the calendar you are looking forward to? Aug 5th - our 6 yr anniversary, Aug 23 - my birthday, Nov. 20 - Breaking Dawn is out!

27. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?

28. How is the weather right now?
Hot & muggy
29. Last person you spoke to on the phone? My hubby?

30. Favorite drink?
Water and frozen Crystal Light Lemonade
31. Favorite restaurant?
Outback and Carrabba's!
32. Hair color?
Dark, slight red tint. Growing it out to my natural color right now.

33. What was your favorite toy as a child?
My bike

34. Summer or winter?
Fall for sure but I've kinda enjoyed Summer this year

35. Chocolate or vanilla?
36. Coffee or tea?

37. Wish you were still young?
I guess I am still young but I wish I FELT young still!
38. Do you want your friends to publish this?

39. When was the last time you cried?
I don't remember, maybe last week sometime?

40. What is under your bed?
Some extra purses and probably my cat! Lol!

41 . What did you do last night? Hung out with my family while they were in town, ate Mexican food.

42. What are you afraid of?
Being alone, getting old, birds and the dark.

43. Salty or sweet?
44. Best quality you have?
I guess I'm honest and loyal - or at least I try to be with all my heart.

45. How many years at your current job?
I'm a stay at home mom and I've been at it for 4 years!
46. Favorite day of the week?

Our weekend.

I mentioned that we were going to cat-sit my mom's new kitten, Tigre. We got her today and she's spent the past couple of hours trying to adjust to our house and our two cats. Gemima so badly wants to be friends but Tigre isn't quite there yet! And she throws a fit when Gandalf comes around! Poor dude, he just wants to check her out. But I think she'll warm up in the next day or two and it'll all work out. She's so tiny though, she makes Gemima look big. They are only a week apart - Gemima was born April 20th and Tigre was born April 27th.

My mom also got Gianna this Slip N Slide! Lol! I guess we'll try to use that's been pretty super hot so it'll be something fun for her to do. Oh, and that's a random picture of Gianna showing me her wad of gum after dinner last night!

I always think it's so funny to see Gianna playing with this giant baby doll. It was my sister's doll growing up and now to see Gi playing with it, especially when it's SO huge, cracks me up. My mom has a bunch of old handmade vintage clothes that actually belonged to a friend of ours when he was a baby, now mom keeps them around for Gi to dress Giant Baby in, who by the way doesn't have an actual name!

I may or may not have spent 20 minutes straightening my hair so I could put it up in a pony tail this morning. When I dry my hair it gets all wavy, not curly and not straight. And I hate the way it looks if I just put it straight up so I flat iron it first and then put it up, it looks cute that way!

Haha! That's me torturing poor Gemima by making her take pictures with me.....and that's me torturing Gianna too! Lol! I say Hey come take a picture with me and she moans and smiles for one and then she's done. Oh, well, I got one.

I'm going to watch The Yellow Handkerchief after Bug goes to bed tonight....I've been wanting to see it. It was kinda an indie film so not a lot was said about it but I've heard through the grapevine that it was good so we'll see. The hubby and I also got about 15 minutes into The Crazies last night. So far it feels a lot like a Stephen King story so I'm excited to see how it plays out!

For now we're chillin' and watching Cupcake Wars. The weekend has gone by WAY too fast. It always does. How was your weekend?!

Friday, July 22, 2011

Gotta love her!

So I know I have a follower (or two) that can't understand why I absolutely love
Kristen Stewart but I do and I'm sorry if you like me less because of it!
Just kidding. But seriously, I do think she's amazing.
I love her awkwardness, her quirkiness, her effortless way of falling into a role.
And yeah, I'm a big Twilight fan too but that's not the only reason I
like her so much.
And this picture, I think, it absolutely stunning of her!
My hair will be that color next summer and hopefully that long too.