Tuesday, September 28, 2010

When Life Calls For You To Step Aside.....

There are times in life where it is our place to defend ourselves - whether that be verbally or physically. Obviously if someone is coming against our life then it's time to take action and defend yourself. But there is also a time and place for other people in a place of authority above is to take care of the situation. But I don't believe people can take you seriously if you have taken matters into your own hands before......there are times when life calls for you to humble yourself, step aside and allow someone else to handle the situation. That doesn't make you weak, or stupid. It makes you mature to know when it's your place and when it's not.
I recently read a mother's account of a situation her daughter is in with "friends" from school. She said the friends are being immature and bratty over boys. Which I am sure can be the case, I have dealt with situations like this myself. Your friend likes someone, that someone likes you instead and then it's a fight. But luckily even though I had issues with friends at the time I had friends who were at least decent and kind enough to not make a HUGE deal out of it. I guess that was the benefit and blessing of growing up with friends who had been raised in church. This mother of course sees her daughter in a "no wrong" light. Which is easy for any mother to do, we all want to think the best of our child and hope that they would never stoop so low and some of their friends. But I know that as a young teenager you sometimes do things behind your parents backs to push other people's buttons, I know I did! But then when they retaliate you look like the victim. The war between these girls is over guys, of course! I'm betting that not one of these guys is that great, that mature or worth the time a day any of them are being given but so be it! Lol! The mother goes on to state that one of her daughters so called "friends" came by at school and kicked her. First of all, that made me laugh outloud! That teenagers are so immature that they resort to kicking each other like 2 year olds when they get mad?! I don't think my 3 year old has ever lost her temper enough to kick anyone or hit out of anger ever! Hopefully Beej and I have taught her better then that. But then this mother states that she told her daughter that next time it happens she is to hit or kick the girl back!!!! Can you believe that?! I'm sorry, I guess I was taught manners far more then that. I was taught when something like that happens you go to who ever is in authority there and talk to them and you take someone with you who witnessed the event if that's possible. Someone else commented something to the same extent on this person's blog and was basically told that it's "giving in" like that that puts women in abusive marriages.....that if a man attacked her she would fight to the death. And I agree, if you are fighting for your life defend away! If a man hits or kicks you, first try to get out of the situation and fast, but if not and it continues then of course defend yourself! We aren't talking about her child being abused by a man at school, we are talking about teenagers! But here is the key to getting authority to back you and do something for you - because the mother's biggest complaint is that the school authorities aren't stepping in the way she would like to handle this situation. The biggest key is that you are the kind of person who is credible. I'm sorry, if you've been a trouble maker yourself then most likely people are going to think you were as much apart of it as before. If you been in fights, verbal or physical then most likely people are going to simple think you started it or continued it. So the best policy is to step aside and allow someone who can handle the situation in a mature fashion take over. I had told G over and over, if someone hits, bites, pinches or slaps her when she is playing she is to immediately go to someone and tell them. That's that, if the behavior is continued and no one takes action then we need to remove them from the situation until it can be handled properly.

"If you wish to experience peace, provide peace for another." - Tenzin Gyatso

"Peace is not the absence of conflict, but the ability to cope with it." - unknown

Monday, September 27, 2010

Position and Presentation

I've always been taught, like just about everyone else, that it's not all about our appearance but at the same time the way we present ourselves is key to how people perceive us and what we have to offer. I don't care how talented or business smart I might be, if I walk into a business where business attire is what everyone wears and I'm dressed like a bum they are most likely not going to take me serious. Don't get me wrong, I realize that not everyone is a "fashionista" and that's OK, but there is still a "code" that has to be remembered when we are given positions. I am all about casual looks, I have no problem with people wearing jeans or pants to church, or work, etc. when the time is right but when you are in a place of position where people look up to you then it's key to present yourself in, well, a presentable manor so that people take you seriously. If I see someone in a position of "power" that dresses sloppy, rarely smiles, stands with their shoulders drooped, etc. I'm going to assume they are bored and don't want to be where they've been placed, that they don't care about the position that has been given them.
I see women all the time who walk around with boobs and butt hanging out and yet they get upset when they are treated with very little respect, especially from men. They act like they don't realize that's how they present themselves. There is a HUGE balancing act that goes on when it comes to dressing, how you act, the way you look, what you do, etc. And it's hard to find the balance - I don't think I have it down perfect at all but I do know that sometimes a situation may call for me to dress or present myself in a way that isn't necessarily "me" - I have to step out of my comfort zone so to speak and step up to the moment. I've worked many jobs where I was the first thing people saw when they walked into the business - working the front desk. I had to dress neatly and a little "dressier" then maybe what I prefer but it got me the respect I needed in the position I was in. The same when I have been on various praise/worship teams, or sang specials in church......I don't do so in a pair of old jeans and a baggy t-shirt and dirty tennis shoes - that's for washing the dog or cleaning the house! It gives you a careless appearance when you present yourself in that way. It makes it look like "I don't care, I don't know why I even bother...." and honestly, that gets you zero respect from me. Again, I'm not saying you should never wear jeans to church or work, I'm not saying there isn't a time for casual, I'm not saying you have to be in a dress and heels every day but I am saying that putting yourself together, being neat and clean and in some kind of order will get you much farther in a position that you desire or have earned then if you slop around.
No, it's not ALL about appearance but face it, that's what people see first, that's what most people base their first impression on - keep in neat, clean and in order!!!

Saturday, September 25, 2010

When Apologies are Rejected.....

It is never easy to say you are sorry - often is takes a good about of humility. It usually is a big hit to your pride when you have to admit you did something wrong or handled something the wrong way. But usually you at least have the hope and reassurance that your apology will be accepted. Occasionally though you have to deal with those people in life who are bitter and wrapped up in themselves and their own self pity so much that they can't even truly forgive you. No matter how much you apologize, humble yourself, do your very best to make things right they will forever hold your wrong doings over your head. Or they will drag out the "forgiving" process by saying things just take time to heal when they really have no intentions of ever forgiving or forgetting. It's sad but true. Truly forgiving someone is hard to do, it's almost as hard as asking for forgiveness. Our human nature wants to hold onto wrong doings and "sins against us". Our selfishness wants to wallow in self pity and snub our nose up at those people. But more than anything it's a hard pill to swallow when someone you love and care about reject your apologies and your heart felt love. They are too busy building walls around them to "protect" them that they can't see that not everyone is out to get them. I have been hurt but I have also hurt people in return - people I love and want nothing but the best for. Often though I think we react out of that hurt. When someone hurts us we feel the pain so deeply that we want them to feel the pain we feel. So we inflict on them things we know will tear them down and pull them apart. Not realizing that mending those torn ties will be much harder than we think. Your first reaction when someone rejects the apology you put out there is to harden your heart against that person - it's so very hard not to. But that doesn't help you or them. It's key that you keep your heart humble, don't start thinking to highly of yourself. Sometimes I think the other person is watching just to see how you react to their lack of forgiveness. That way if you jump back to being angry and hard they can point fingers and say they told you so, they knew you weren't sincere, etc. You yourself have to forgive them for their unforgiveness! If that makes any sense.....

"A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. " Prov. 15:1

"To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you." - Lewis Smedes

Friday, September 24, 2010

Discounts, Deals and Out Right Blessings!

Every time the seasons change and it's time for me to switch out Gianna's wardrobe I start worrying a little. Clothing and shoes are so expensive these days, even "good deals" aren't really good deals a lot of times. They might be better then what it is normally but still not a good deal! It's amazing how expensive children's clothing and shoes are. You can spend as much on a child's pair of jeans or shoes as you can on a grown adults! I want Gigi to be dressed well, adorably. But at the same time we can't spend a fortune on clothes for her. So I have learned to hunt for deals, keep my eyes open for sales and never pass up good, quality "hand-me-downs". I'm always afraid Gigi's wardrobe will be lacking or that I will have to spend a fortune to get her what she needs. I don't know why I do this because I see every season that Gigi has everything she needs and more! And it seems to just happen! Lol! I'm always scouting out thrift stores - and here's the thing, thrift stores have some nasty junk and sometimes I leave empty handed but I keep going back because every once in awhile you find something that's an absolute gem! I went into a thrift store while I was in Bama and walked out with an awesome back pack for Gianna - bigger then her tiny one that didn't hold anything but smaller then normal back packs, just her size! It carries her books and markers and snacks and she loves being able to carry her own bag around. I also went into another thrift store while I was there and walked out with a pair of Nike's for Gigi - almost in perfect condition! A spin through the washing machine and a little "spit n shine" and they look awesome! I got them for $4! I love finding a good deal, especially for her!
I've mentioned before that I was doing WeeRuns this year - I actually put in stuff to sell but I priced it all very reasonable hoping that maybe it'll help someone else out and maybe make me a few dollars in the process. But I also like shopping and finding deals for Gigi. They have two sales - the main sale and then a week later they do a big half off sale and everything that is left is half off! I went to both sales this year and got some great stuff for Gigi's Fall wardrobe. From both sales I ended up with:
3 pairs of shoes
2 pairs of Children's Place jeans in perfect condition
2 skirts (one from Old Navy, one from Children's Place)
3 shirts
1 sweater dress with matching leggings
1 "poofy" vest
2 hoodie jackets
1 sweater jacket
1 dress

And I got all of it for about $50 dollars!!! I was very happy with that - so tonight I decided to go through some stuff I have gotten from my aunt and some other stuff I had gotten here and there and put away for Fall. I was shocked at how much Gigi already has for Fall/Winter! 7 pairs of name brand jeans and pants, loads of jackets and long sleeve shirts and several cute dresses and great winter shoes including an adorable pair of brown fur boots!!! Basically all she really needs still is black winter boots and some bright, fun leggings to go with dresses and skirts. I am thrilled! And so very blessed! I get compliments all the time on how cute Gigi is dressed and most of her stuff I find at thrift stores and discount sales and most of them are NAME BRAND!!! It pays to look and search.....people who spend, literally, fortunes on clothes for their kids I just don't get. Don't get me wrong, I love buying Gigi brand new things and I do sometimes but I don't over do it because I know how quickly she outgrows them. I LOVE buying her shoes - she usually has quite the collection for every season but I rarely spend more then $10 on a pair of shoes for her. The most expensive pairs of shoe she has were a pair of Nike's I bought brand new at a Nike factory store on sale for $20! And then a pair of Converse's that we got on sale for $20! I am proud of how she looks and I'm even prouder that I can dress her so well on a budget! It makes me feel like I'm accomplishing something!!!!

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Moving past judgement.....

"If you judge people, you no have no time to love them." - Mother Teresa

I have done my fair share of judging, I will admit. And it is wrong, very wrong. I do not want to be judged in a wrong way. There is a time for "judgement" but not in the way that most people think of the term.

Judgement - the process of forming an opinion or evaluation by discerning and comparing;
a proposition stating something believed or asserted.

I know that even if I don't publicly point fingers I have done so in my mind many times. I can't say I will never be judgmental again but I am trying my best to truly think before I pass an opinion on someone. Because I know how it feels to be judged wrongly or to even have gotten myself into a situation and been regretful of it but no one sees my regret or my remorse they only see the "sin" I've committed. Recently I have had to face a couple of people and situations that I had been very judgmental in. I hadn't spoken it out loud really but in my heart I was hard against these people. And then the other day I realized that these people might be hurting in the situations that they were currently in. That maybe they were regretful of where they were and how they got there but needless to say they are there! They need love and compassion and someone to help encourage and guide them in a better direction and onto a path that leads them in down the road God had originally intended for them. I have to remember that turning up my nose at them and pretending I'm better, when I'm not, isn't going to help them at all. It's so much easier to judge then to love sometimes. I'm not a naturally compassionate person - I tend to have a "you got yourself into this mess, you deal with it" kinda attitude but I'm seeing that attitude doesn't help me or encourage me to do better so why would it help others? So I am trying to reach out instead, reaching past my judgment and I'm finding that the people I have wrongly and too quickly judged are hurting and just want to be loved. You can become so wrapped up within yourself that you forget sometimes that other people need you.....and they need you to look past their faults and see them for the needful people they are. Take the time to look past yourself and past the judgment you might not even realize you pass and love someone.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Is it possible?!

So, yeah, she has my dream mid section! And I am sure she works her butt of for it too! I wish I could figure out what it's going to take for me to get abs like that....I know, a lot less "cheating" on the eating and more working out? I don't know how I could fit that into my schedule! No one can really tell me what routine will get it for me. I've done Insanity and P90X and I've gotten much fitter but I still don't have that mid section I want. I get SO frustrated sometimes looking into the mirror, I feel like I'm working my butt off but I'm still not getting where I want to be. I don't know how to push myself much more.

Where Ya Been?!

I have neglected my blog a bit lately....I have just been pretty busy the past couple of days. My dad has been staying with us for the past week while he is in town and my sister is still trying to get all her stuff together and ready to move out when he goes back to AL tomorrow. So things have been a bit hectic and out of order here at my house including my house! I feel like it hasn't been cleaned up or straightened up in forever. I am eager to clean it and get it back in order tomorrow! It seems like every time I go to start laundry someone else's laundry is in the washer or dryer, dishes are always dirty, the floors are always unswept, and the lists go on and on! The animals are starting to overwhelm me now - I had fully expected them to be gone by now. It's amazing how much food two extra dogs and a cat go through. I am starting to be more and more thankful for my light eating Gandalf! I don't ever remember having to buy food as often for him and we do for these others. *sigh* It's ridiculous that out of all the people I know and all the people they know I can't find good homes for two dogs. Ugh. I'm not a dog person, don't get me wrong - I like dogs, alot, when they are someone elses. But other then that I don't like them for myself. I'm a cat person! I like the neatness of cats, their independence, the fact that they don't have to be "watched" or babysat. If we wanna go away for a couple of days we leave some extra food and water out and Gandalf is good! The dogs aren't.....the small dog is going with my sister until we can find a home but we still have the big Golden Retriever outside, I am desperately trying to find them homes. They need good homes where people want them and can spend time with them. PLEASE someone take them!!! They really are good dogs, for dogs! We just can't keep them.....so needless to say that's putting extra stress on me.
Gianna is going through a bit of a temper issue lately. Mainly with me, occasionally it shows up for Beej but it's mainly when she's with me. I guess because she's with me all the time she knows how to push my buttons and she knows how far she can push me before I give in, etc. But she has become quite the little back talker and she says "Mom!" in this exasperated tone all the time! I am trying to be patient because I know she's gets bored sometimes - she's 3 and full of energy and I just don't know how to entertain her all the time. I need to get more organized with preparing activities for her, I'm just not good with that kind of thing which is why I'm so eager for her to be able to go to school! I know she's going to love the interaction, projects, other kids, etc. I am so hoping I can get her into a good More at 4 type program next year. She really needs it....I think we need the time apart too. I love her, don't get me wrong, and she really is a good child but I think we would both benefit from a little time without each other! Lol! I know she's going to love school - she loves learning and I know she is going to be such a great little student!
I have been ask to write a guest blog for a blog I follow....I am so excited about it! I have been mulling over ideas all day long and I think I've finally settled on one. I have been trying to get all my thoughts together on the subject and arrange them in some sort of order but that doesn't always work for me! It's better for me to get an idea and just start writing, then it seems to flow. But I'm excited for someone besides just my readers and followers to hear something from me and also that J would trust me with speaking into the lives of her readers as well. I honestly don't ever think I have a lot of interesting things to say but I get compliments on my blogs and my writing a lot so I just keep at it because it's something I enjoy and if someone gets something out of it then I am very glad!
The WeeRuns half off sale is this Friday - I've never been to the half off sale so I don't know what to expect or what will be left at this point. But I'm going to go see if I can find anything because a lot of stuff, to me, just seemed way over priced for used items even though they were name brand. Lots of shirt and pant sets were like $12-15 so I do hope that some of them are still there and half off! I'm eager to see how much of my stuff sold - we get checks on October 1st. I am kinda using this as a trial run to see if the work and effort is worth it. Because it's a little tedious preparing everything for the sale - it all has to be on certain types of hangers, all hung certain ways with safety pins, labeled a certain way, etc. So I'm going to see what kind of percentage I make back and see if it's worth it.
Well, that's my little update! Nothing spectacular but I just wanted everyone to know I'm still here - I'll be back into the swing of blogging about interesting stuff soon! Bear with me!

Saturday, September 18, 2010

The Value of an Opinion

A opinion is defined as - "a personal belief or judgement that is not founded on proof or certainty."

A second definition would be - "a message expressing a belief about something; the expression of a belief that is held with confidence but not substantiated by positive knowledge or proof."

I express my opinion on things often, perhaps more often then I should but needless to say I do! And it never ceases to amaze me at how people react to it - how bent out of shape they get over the way I see something or feel about it. I guess perhaps I should be flattered that my opinion means that much to them! Because as the definition above states, it's simple a belief, it's not a fact. So just because I think of something in a certain way doesn't mean that's the way it is. I understand that! I know that other people have opinions on things that I don't agree with, unless it's a question of faith or morality I do my best to let it be. I can't say some peoples opinions don't upset me, usually they upset me because it's someone I respect or look up to that has disagreed with me on some level. But ultimately it's simply an opinion and nothing for me to get totally upset about. I saw this quote this morning and thought it summed up a lot.

"I have often wondered how it is that every man loves himself more then all the rest of men, but yet sets less value on his own opinions of himself than on the opinions of others." - Marcus Aurelius

And how very true it is, even if we don't think that about ourselves seeing someone say it can make us doubt. But why should it? If we truly believe in who we are and we truly believe that what we are doing is right then why is the world should someone's opinion matter that much to us?

And do not pride yourself on not speaking your mind as well, because in that very thought you are setting a higher opinion of yourself then everyone else. Believing that because others are confident enough to just say what they are thinking and you don't that it makes you the better person. That in itself is simply opinion.

Because in the end just because it is spoken doesn't make it blessed fact. And aren't you glad of that? My opinions are not all founded truths, they are simply the way I see and view the world and what goes on in it. I guess I should be very flattered that people find my opinion so unnerving and swaying in life. But I would rathe they just be confident enough in what they are doing that what other people say doesn't matter. Am I there yet? No way. I struggle with people's opinions a lot, mainly because I find some truth in them and the truth is never easy to swallow. I have not found full confidence in myself yet, I am working towards it but there are still a few people in my life who's opinions far out weigh mine. Should it be that way? I don't really know but that's the way it is. But for the most part, when people say things that I know are facts then I let them go unless I find a shred of truthfulness in it. I have often said that people give themselves and their guilts away by getting upset about things that people post or say even when it's not directed at them! If I put up on my FB that I dislike liars and someone gets bent out of shape and asks me if I'm calling them a liar then I naturally assume that they have a guilty conscience when it comes to lying. Same with any other subject, if I post something and people get upset about it then I start thinking it's something they have already thought about, feel or know to be true in their own hearts. Simply put other's opinions have the power to bring the actual truth to the surface when you try hard to bury it, whether that opinion is fact or not the reason it upsets someone is because there are veins of truth hidden inside it.

"It doesn't matter if you think I'm clever or otherwise, my opinions are still the same and equally valid." - Thomas Harrison

It's A Crimson Saturday!

It's a Crimson Saturday, people! The Tide is rollin'! We are going to totally dominate Duke today! I think it's a joke we have to play them at all, such a little crap team and we are #1 right now. Come on! But it'll be fun to watch them whip up on them anyway.....I'm looking forward to seeing 3 teams absolutely killed by us this season - the Auburn Tigers, Tennessee and the Florida Gators. Our three biggest rivals and my three most disliked teams. I despise orange! Lol! Luckily, we have sophisticated colors to wear - white, crimson and black and white houndstooth has become an unofficial "color" of the Crimson Tide. Now if we could just get some chilly weather to go with all this football then it would be perfect!!! We still have gotten satellite hooked up at our house yet so we are talking about hauling the big screen from our house 30 mins. away to my parents ministry office so that we can watch the game on it, yeah, we can be pretty dedicated! Lol!
I went to WeeRuns last night, after a mix up with my babysitter I finally made it. I'm just glad my sister happens to be in town this weekend or I would have had to miss it. I picked up a few things for later in the Fall - a jean jacket, a couple of hoodie type jackets, a long sleeve shirt, a pair of Childrens Place jeans almost new, a sweater dress and leggings set and two pairs of shoes. So that wasn't a bad start. They had a lot of great stuff but I just felt it was WAY overpriced. I'm going to go to the half off sale later this month and see what's left. It's funny, I put up on my FB status over and over that I was looking for someone to go with and NO ONE wanted to go until AFTER I went. Then I had three or four people telling me they wish they could have gone, or wish they could have known, etc. I guess no on really reads FB status updates anymore except me!
My hubby and I are going to Charlotte in October to see Campbell the Band live! I'm totally excited, I've been a fan of their music for awhile. I've known their guitarist for awhile - dated his cousin at one point. But anyway, it's so cool to see them "making" it! They are uber talented and I think it's going to be a great show. They are playing a venue that we saw Mute Math at last year so that's totally awesome! I've been very impressed with what I've heard from them so far....Check out on my favorite songs by them HERE.
We are also hoping to see Mute Math again at the end of October! I feel like it's been forever and for those of you who know me and my hubby we are HUGE MM fans!!! We've seen them in four different states so far! Lol! But I think April was the last time we saw them so we are eager to see them again!
It's a beautiful day outside and I'm eager to get the day going! Gianna actually slept in till 8:30am! So I got plenty of sleep and I feel pretty refreshed. Getting ready to conquer my Insanity work out. Still gotta get my P90X dvds back from the people who borrowed them, I just haven't had a chance to get down there yet. But I need to so that I can start putting some of those workouts back into my routine. I feel like putting some weight based work outs back into my routine has really helped me already....I still haven't lost any weight but I haven't gained any and that's good! I'm hoping to see the scales start moving down here soon though. I'm only 7lbs away, SO CLOSE!!!!

Friday, September 17, 2010

Ugh. Detox.

So my first day of SlimFast went SO well, I was actually really surprised. I never really got hungry and I didn't feel bad at all! I was thrilled! But yesterday it kinda hit me....I think my body went into full "detox" mode last night and suddenly I was shaky, head achey and crabby for no real reason. And that's usually what happens to me when I come off sugar. Horrible, isn't it?! To think that sugar has that strong of a hold on your body. You don't realize how much you consume nor do you realize how awful it actually makes you feel until you come off of it completely. I've done it enough now and been off it completely for long enough periods of time that I now know the feeling and effect it has on me. I realize how slow and sluggish I feel, how tired and run down, a lack of energy, how bloated it makes me feel too....all those feelings I quickly identify when I'm eating too much sugar. I don't see how people go their whole lives living on soda's and candy now. I spent about 5 days in AL with my family and I really just kinda let myself be - I didn't do my work outs (although I did do bike rides almost every day anywhere from 3-6 miles) and I didn't watch what I ate at all. It was fun for a day or two but then I felt frumpy in my clothes and just so worn down even though I was doing less then I normally do at home. And I hate those feelings! Hopefully today will be a bit better - I am drinking my water again, although I don't think I'm up to quite as much as I'm supposed to have, I'm getting there! I keep asking why I do this to myself, I know how I'll feel, I know how I feel when I come off of sugar but I keep going back. It's seriously like a drug and a bad habit.
I skipped out on piano this week....lame, I know. But honestly I just felt kinda discouraged with it the past couple of weeks. Yeah, yeah, I know - I'm doing great, it takes time, etc. I got all that but it still doesn't change my feelings of discouragement for the moment! So I decided just to give myself a break this week. I didn't get to practice at all this past week being in Bama so I still don't have my songs figured out. Anyway, I'm sure once I'm past this "detox" mode I will feel better about it. It's amazing how food and lack of nutrients can affect your mood and demeanor. I'm not quitting piano, I do love it most of the time! Lol! And my teacher is great but occasionally I just have to take a step back. If I keep pushing when I'm frustrated or upset with something it just ends up being worse in the end. If I take a step back and take a deep breath and plunge into it with a cleared mind things seems to progress better.
I have WeeRuns tonight and I'm quite excited! My sis is going to go with me since no one else wanted to....so sad, I know! But sometimes I think it's better this way - without a lot of friends. Less emotional roller coasters to deal with. I have casual friends I keep up with on FB and those kind of friendships seem to be the best for now. I'm not ready to be "buddies" with older more mature women, I'm not ready to feel "old" yet! Lol! But it seems girls/women my own age are far too consumed with themselves to be a good friend. So for now, I'm good with me and my hubby! But I am thrilled to be going and hunting for Fall stuff for Gianna. I love shopping for her and dressing her up. Her new thing is she wants to match me! I rarely go for that, I'm not into the whole matchy-matchy thing but occasionally it's cute. The other day she was debating with me whether guys and girls can wear jeans or just guys! Haha! Her little mind is always at work!
Tuesday we take Gi in for her last (fingers crossed!) appointment with the urologist in Charlotte. It's her final after procedure check up. They'll do another dye test where they fill her bladder with dye and watch it on x-rays to make sure it's not refluxing anymore. Luckily, this time with the dye test she'll be out unlike when they did it at Rutherfordton Hospital. They just held her down and forced a cath into her. Now that I look back on it I'm am horrified that I let her go through that but at the same time I hadn't dealt with real professionals at that point so I didn't know they did it any other way. The hospital acted like everyone did it this way with little 3 year olds. Now I know better and it makes me angry that they would be so cruel to her....how traumatic would that be for her?! I can't even think about it, it just makes me sick to my stomach. But thankfully, we are dealing with true, kind professionals who have only Gi's best interest at heart and I'm so thankful for the care and attention we have recieved so far! I'm eager for her to get the "all clear" and we'll be done with this and the daily antibiotic! Hooray! It's been a long year dealing with this off and on.....I'm glad, especially for her sake, that it's all over with.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Walking Proud!

I am overly harsh on myself, and I know that. I am always seeing the things I'm NOT doing versus the things I am doing and accomplishing every day. Sometimes I have to take a step back and remind myself that I do a lot, for the most part! Everytime I feel like I should be doing more work out wise I remind myself that just over a year ago I NEVER worked out - so going from that to working out 5-6 days a week is BIG step and one I should be proud of. Every time I fail to eat correctly I am reminded that at least I am conscience of it now and make efforts to get back to eating right, I feel guilty when I eat garbage and my body feels bad. But a year ago I ate whatever, whenever and wondered why I was so miserable. I have to remind myself that I have gained A LOT more discipline in the past year then I ever thought I would be able to obtain. I have started learning piano because deep inside there is music I want to share with other people - MY music. I don't want to cover someone elses music. I don't want to sing someone elses songs which is what I have done in the past with soundtracks at various churches. I will never understand new artists/bands that take the time to do a quality recording of someone elses song. What's the point? I mean, I guess if you advertise as a cover band that's cool but not as a fresh new band should a cover be the first thing you let people hear. But I've learned that Christians labeled "worship band" are a cover band usually. They do other peoples worship songs and that's about all you hear from them.....(oops, got a little sidetracked there! lol!)
I have to remind myself that I am working, slow but sure, towards my own EP and that excites me! There just doesn't seem to be enough time in the day to get everything done I want to. But I keep trying! When I have the finished product in my hand, all my own original songs, I will feel like a million bucks! I have two songs written, pretty much, they need a little tweaking and guidance but I'm excited to hear them produced well.
I have to remind myself that I am the mother to an amazing 3 year old! She is smart, happy, fun and a sweetheart! I can take her places and expect her to behave as well as a 3 yr old can! And that's because I have been a good mother - it sounds strange and almost prideful to say that. I am by no means perfect, far from it! But I do my best to teach her right from wrong.
The list could go on I guess but all I'm saying is, sometimes when you take a moment and list the things you do and accomplish every day they look a lot different then when you just stack them up next to the things you don't do! Take a moment today and remind yourself that you are awesome!!!

Moving on, I started the SlimFast diet plan yesterday. I was pretty sure it would be a miserable day to be honest! I've done SlimFast before and it's not bad just hard. I had a weekend of sugar "bingeing" down in Bama so I figured this week of "detox" would be rough. But surprisingly, yesterday went very well! The shakes aren't bad, the snack bars a tiny but yummy and with a piece of fruit they kept me full. Dinner was good but healthy - deer tenderloin, steamed broccoli and a tiny little bit of creamed corn (which I hate!). I am looking forward to today! It's actually kinda nice not to have to think, plan and make 5-6 small meals a day. Of course I won't do SlimFast forever, this is just to boost me back into a routine and back to losing some actual weight hopefully. We'll see how today goes....but I've learned with any diet plan or routine, keeping a positive outlook on it is the key! And I know, if you do something long enough when it comes to working out and eating right at some point you'll see results! I have a pair of Aeropastle size 1/2 jeans sitting in my drawer.....will I ever be that small? Who knows, but who says I can't work towards that goal?! I keep at it that's all I can say!!!

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Being "better".

Being the better person is never fun, is it? Our flesh is quick to rise up and make us do things that aren't necessarily the right thing to do no matter how right it feels at the time. Our human nature makes us stamp our feet, pitch fits, say ugly things and generally act like a 3 year old not getting their way. I am pointing the finger at myself as well as others. I have often missed the mark on being the "better" person in a situation. There are times I just get tired of rising above the situation and doing the right thing. But I try because I know in the end it's the right, Godly thing to do and because I don't want to have a guilty conscience as to how I mistreated someone. But one thing I have noticed is that a lot of people claim to be being the better person when they really aren't at all. They think because they didn't react as badly as they wanted, because they didn't walk out at that moment or because they are staying inpsite of how "low" some people can be that it makes them better. One thing I've learned is that people can turn in an instant. I've experienced it on both sides - I've seen how quickly someone can suddenly "hate" me and how quickly I in turn can harden my heart against someone I previously respected and loved. It is our defense system kicking in but that doesn't make it right. I find it amusing how in one breath someone can praise their job, boss, situation, family, friends, etc. and then one little thing doesn't go their way and suddenly those people are so "below" them! They suddenly think they are so above everyone else because someone wronged them. Sometimes what we consider being wronged is simply us not getting our way - I see how people over and over manipulate people and situations and when someone finally stops being manipulated by them they are angry and accuse people of being two faced and liars, etc. It's funny how people think they are so "liked" by those around them and when it comes out that they aren't liked at all they can't believe it and don't know what's wrong with other people - when all along no one has respected them, everyone has side stepped them because they know what monsters they can be when they don't get their way.
I know that we all probably see ourselves in a better light then we should sometimes, I try so hard to deal honestly with myself. I try to buck up the courage to know when I'm just acting like a brat and when I have legitimate reason to be angry or upset. Just because I am corrected doesn't mean that the other people is wrong - maybe it's time to take a look at myself and see what others see. Because they can probably see it a lot more clearly then I can. People want to be able to gripe, moan, and be ugly publicly - they want to put down those around them in order to make themselves look better. It might work for a little while but in the end who they really are will come to light and they will be expose for the kind of people they are. Sometimes it take an eternity or so it feels for those who are doing right and in right standing. It's so hard for me to sit back and watch a situation where the wrong person is getting dealt harshly with. It angers me and makes me want to slap the people who are dealing with it wrongly but that never helps anything. I have to be patient and remember that in time evil always exposes itself unknowingly. I will never understand people who publicly speak out in anger about their employers, place of employment, co-workers, etc. Do they not know that at some point that gets back to those who's ears matter?! They say they don't care but when they are kicked out on their rears and handed their last paycheck then they scream about things being unfair and how low people can be, etc. All I can do is laugh! What did they expect really? That those they don't like would come crawling to them? No, it is never a good thing to deal harshly with those who help put food in your mouth, clothes on your back and a car seat under your butt. It never ends well, let me tell you! If you have a problem that can't be resolved move on but do it in a mannerly fashion so that you don't leave looking like the hind end of a donkey!
There is much power in the tongue - the Bible says life and death are in the power of the tongue - and how true that is. I've done my share of killing with it, I am sad to say. I am trying much more to speak positive, it's hard! Especially when "evil" people lurk on your doorstep constantly. I'm also trying to decipher when someone is truly a bad person or when I simply have a problem with them. If most people get a long with someone and I find I'm the only one with an issue with them then it's probably ME that really has the problem! That's a hard thing to admit but it's the truth. Sometimes I swing to far the other way with people I truly care about or what things to be right with - I think it's all my fault, that it's something I've done or said when it might actually not be me at all. I've been dealing lately with several people and issues that I'm trying to make sure I haven't caused the issue. Luckily I have a wonderful husband who will never lie to me - if he thinks it's me then he'll say so, if he doesn't he'll say that too! I am learning more and more that there is a time to speak up for yourself and there is a time not to. Speaking up too much can just make you a bigger fool then you already seemed to people. Sometimes true respect can be not making a bigger deal out of something then need be......don't use your kids, your spouse, your mom, your dad, your dog, etc. as an excuse to be harsh towards people. When really it's just another excuse to say what you want. If what is happening directly effects them then it's your right and duty to protect but in the safest and calmest way possible of dealing with the situation. It's never easy to TRULY be the better person especially when you feel you've been wronged or hurt but remember someone else in the situation may feel the same way! There is always two sides to every story.

"He who guards his lips, guards his life. But he who speaks rashly will come to ruin." Prov. 13:3

"The best time for you to hold your tongue is the time you feel you must say something or bust." - Josh Billings

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Restless Night....

I kinda felt like this owl all night.....I just couldn't sleep. I tossed and turned most of the night. There were several factors but the main one was the source of my post last night. I don't think I have ever felt so burdened about someone or their disbelief. Not because I want them to say "you're right" or believe like I do just for the sake of it - I want them to know what a true and wonderful relationship with Jesus is like.....I can't say I was up praying all night. I wish I had been. I did pray about though - I did ask God to speak to this person, to show them the Light, to show them the Truth as they read His words. It has also inspired me to read through the Bible again. This person has just started in Genesis and I thought I would kinda "read" a long although I don't how much they'll be reading every day at least I will be in the general area each day with them. This person said that the first 5 chapters of Genesis were gibberish and full of contradictions. It made me want to read them over again and try to see what that person saw or didn't see there. I can't truly read it in the way they are because I am not approaching it with the mindset that it's all worthless. I approach the Bible with reverence because I know the words and parables in it are THE Truth. I hope that as I read 'along" that I discover new truths for myself as well!
Moving on to the day ahead - we got up rather early this morning in order to see my brothers before they head off for school since we'll be gone before they get back. It's always rather hectic getting them together - getting breakfast done, lunches packed, back packs and after school gear together, etc. The older of the two boys is playing football so he's at school till almost 6pm every day. I think the "girls" are going to try to hit up a few thrift stores and see what we can find. I didn't find as much as I had hoped for yesterday at the one we had stopped at. Especially for Gianna. I think all their Fall stuff had been cleaned out already.
I am looking forward to WeeRuns on Friday! I have asked for someone to go with me - offered a free pre-sale "ticket" in but on wants to go. Isn't that sad?! I don't have one friend who is a mother like me who wants to go shop. It's a sad day for sure! But hey, maybe it's a good thing. I'll be standing in line for 45mins. - an hour so I'll take a book and do a little reading. Over the weekend I started and finished Dean Koontz's Velocity. Amazing book! I just couldn't put it down. It's on of the few my hubby has read before me and he recommended it highly and I wasn't disappointed at all! I also started Peter Straub's Mystery. So far I've read two of his books and have really struggled with his writing techniques. They seemed "muddled" to me - you have to really search for what he is trying to convey and even then it isn't always clear. But I'm trying one more hoping I might enjoy it better, so far, just a few chapters in I already feel confused!!! Lol! And that's pretty rare for me......
Gianna has been testing me the past few days - it doesn't help that she hasn't seen her daddy nor have I had his help with her. I don't realize what a blessing those couple of hours in the evening are where he takes her and plays with her and I don't have to think or worry about it. Her attitude has just been unreal - she whines and pitches fits about EVERYTHING! I am quite overwhelmed. I feel like I spend most of the day correcting and spanking and it's quite exhausting. I just want my happy go lucky little girl back. It's like dealing with a mini teenager and I'm not joking! She rolls her eyes at me and huffs and puffs and throws her arms around.....I do hope it's a stage that will pass quickly. My patience is starting to wear a little thin I'm afraid. I'm hoping that this weekend will be a little bit of a relaxing time for me and my hubby = between a night out to WeeRuns for me and hopefully a date night. We need some time out together!
Gotta run get ready....going out in just a bit. Ready to be home. Looking forward to my work out tomorrow! I haven't worked out all weekend long! I'm dying! My computer isn't working and there is no TV available for me to use so I have been stuck with just bike riding.....I did 2 1/2 miles one day, around 6 miles one day and about 4 miles yesterday. I just don't feel like I've done anything but make my backside sore from the stupid seat! Lol! But I guess some exercise is better then none! I'm ready to get back to hitting it HARD!!!!

Monday, September 13, 2010

For Those Who Don't Believe

"Maybe the atheist cannot find God for the same reason a thief cannot find a policeman." ~Author Unknown

"In all unbelief there are these two things: a good opinion of one's self, and a bad opinion of God." - Horatius Bonar

"As no good is done, or spoken, or thought by any man without the assistance of God, working in and with those that believe in him, so there is no evil done, or spoken, or thought without the assistance of the devil, who worketh with strong though secret power in the children of unbelief. All the works of our evil nature are the work of the devil." - John Wesley

I know that I have touched on the subject of unbelief before. I have never honestly met anyone that was a complete atheist, or at least claimed to be until recently. I do not believe there are true atheist, well, I at least can't imagine there are truly atheists. I do not see how anyone can completely write off there being a God of any kind. Do they really think that highly of themselves and other humans around them? Do they really think they are that superior? I know that I am not, I know and must trust that there is Someone and Something much higher then myself. Does that mean I do not believe I have a part in making my life and making who I am? Of course believe I have a part in my life. I do not blame God for the bad in my life, I do believe that bad things happen and that is a result of free will which God has given us. He can not MAKE us not make bad decisions. With His help we can have the wisdom and understanding to not make those decisions, with Him we have the grace to be picked back up and set back on the right track, with His love we can love ourselves and each other more clearly. Does that mean Christians never make mistakes? Absolutely not. And there are a lot of "christians" who's behavior gives those of us really trying to live a Christian life a bad name. But not all Christians are selfish, back biting, greedy people. And that's where you must learn the Truth of the Word for yourself. Just reading the words won't make any sense because your little human mind will be overwhelmed by the sheer greatness of what He is. The words won't make sense to a bitter, cold heart. It's with God's help and wisdom that your eyes are opened to the Truths hidden inside. I can't honestly imagine living my life, day to day, without knowing that there is someone looking out for me, who loves me beyond measure, who holds my life in His hands with care, who is there to help me shoulder the burden of every day life, someone to whom I can take my sorrows too and praise for the joy that comes by way. I have been blessed beyond measure and I know that isn't something I earned just on my own!
I recently ready a blog of a so-called atheist and it literally made me sick to my stomach with pity and made my heart ache for that person. I can't imagine being so cold that I could not and would not allow myself to believe in God. Or being so hard that I wouldn't allow the Light of His Truth to shine through me. The way this person spoke of the Bible nearly brought me to tears. To hear someone trash something so precious and of such worth. Yes, I grew up in a Christian home, I was taught the Word since I was young but at some point I had to make the decision whether or not I truly believed that or not. Not all of my siblings have and that grieves my heart as well. They are not atheists but they have allowed untruths to take over their lives and take root inside them. But I made the decision to believe because I have read the Bible, I have experienced God in my own life, for myself. I hurt for this person, I hurt to think that at this point in their lives they do not have the hope of Eternity or the salvation of their souls. I hurt to think that unless they allow God to work in their hearts they will spend an eternity in Hell. Yes, that may sound harsh but it's the Truth. Unless we believe on the Lord Jesus, believe that His death saved our souls, unless we believe that Jesus is the Son of God then we are bound for damnation. It sounds cruel but we have the choice. The choice is ours, God is calling us, longing for us to be His but He does not force us. We want free choice in everything in life yet we think we should just have a secured place in Heaven just because we are who we are. This person "believes" that they are all there is, that what they make of themselves or their accomplishments in life will be their salvation in the end. What a bleak life! How I would dread waking up every day with that knowledge. I low I would feel! I sometimes forget what a peace and joy believing and KNOWING that Jesus is who He says He is brings me every day.
The Bible isn't full of contradictions - show those contradictions to any true Christian and they can show you that they aren't contradictory at all! You have to have the WHOLE Truth before you can judge. Picking out bits and pieces or reading this chapter or that chapter won't get you there. Also going in with a pre conceived idea and a bitter heart and attitude will do nothing but make you see "lies". I am praying that God will speak to this person and change their heart. I have never felt truly burdened for anyone before but this has burdened my heart. My first reaction was fleshly and human - it was to react with despise for that person , to think how dare they criticize something they don't even understand. But then I let go of that and realized that more then anything I was scared for them! Scared that they could possibly go their entire life and NEVER know the Truth of the Gospel or the Love and mercy that Jesus has for them. The overwhelming peace that He brings into someone's life. I pray the realization of what He went through on the cross for US will break their hearts and bring them to the foot of the cross with repentance on their lips. Christianity and salvation isn't about embarrassing you or making you feel low and dirty. It's about tearing down walls of pride and hatred and lifting you up in humbleness and love for a Savior who has literally given His life so that you can have life Everlasting! What a wonderful God we serve!
My dad was saved from a life of drugs, alcohol and adultery almost 30 years ago! His testimony is amazing - sometimes I forget how amazing it is because I have heard it so much. But a life of addiction and pain is something some people struggle against all their lives because human nature is too weak. But with the strength of a Mighty Savior we are saved, we are able to rise above it. My dad is a walking, breathing testimony to the Power of God!!!! How could I not believe?!!!

Oh, that Crimson Tide!

" Sweet home, Alabama,
Where the skies are so blue.
Sweet home, Alabama,
Lord, I'm comin' home to you!" - Lynard Skynard

"They've got a name for the winners in the world.....
They call Alabama the Crimson Tide!" - Steely Dan

I have been in Alabama since Thursday of last week, visiting family. It's been a great time although I've missed my hubby and my routine, especially working out, a lot. But it's been good to see the family and spend some time with them. Also got to meet my new cousin, little Glavin! We got to spend the day with him and my aunt and my cousin Ava on Saturday. And of course watch the big Bama game! Luckily my dad and uncle got to actually go down to Tuscaloosa and be there and enjoy all the festivities and amazing energy that other Bama fans brings! The game was awesome, we killed it even though we didn't even have our best players out on the field due to injuries. I don't understand all the details of football but I know enough from years of watching it that I get the general idea and I LOVE watching Bama football. And we couldn't be prouder of our boys this year and last year. We are champions, national champions at that. Coach Saban has completely kicked their butts in gear and beyond. We are an awesome looking and playing team. Bought some new Bama gear while we were here, you can find it almost anywhere here and it's a lot cheaper. I got a new t-shirt and a new hoodie. Gi got a new t-shirt and thanks to my cousin, a "new" Bama cheerleading outfit which I'm SO excited about! Already she is proud to be a Bama fan too!!! There is just something about being here in Bama during football season that warms your heart - it's almost like an on going holiday here. If you are wearing Bama gear or it's on your car then you get Roll Tide's all the time and big smiles and fist pumps and a general feeling of unity and excitement and I just love it! On game day we drove down to B-ham to spend the day with my aunt and we all had on our crimson and white, had on decals on the car and our car flags waving!!! Such anticipation! We won - beat Penn St. like a drum! 24-3 I think was the final score! Our next game is against Duke and we will beat them silly......yes, it's football season and that can only mean one thing - ROLL TIDE, baby!!!!
I am ready to get back home now though, although I hate to leave my family behind I know I'll see them again pretty soon. And I'm ready to get back into my routine. I've been thinking for the next month I'm going to mix doing Insanity and P90X. Getting some of my muscle built back up and maybe throw in a few Turbo Jam work outs for fun. Keep doing doubles on Mon., Weds., and Fri.'s. And also starting the Slim Fast diet. I need something to jump start me back into losing again and I want something I honestly don't have to think about too much right now. I think I've gotten tired of trying to plan out meals, make sure I can fix them, cook them and pack them to go, etc. I just need something that is ready to go for me, at least for a little while. Beej might even do it with me which would be great! I always like doing things better when I have someone to do them with. It seems lately I can't get anyone to do things with me, even when they are free! Crazy huh?!!! But I'm excited about doing it, just because I need something new. New always helps me.
I'll be back to posting more often when I get back home. The next week will be a little crazy since my sister will be back to finish packing up and moving back to Bama herself. She's getting her braces off as well and WeeRuns starts on Friday, which I'm totally stoked about!!!! Can't wait to get Gi some cute fall stuff. We ran by a Salvation Army thrift store today and I got Gianna a super cute little back pack and an awesome brown velvet "vest" for me for Fall time and then I grabbed a pair of jeans. They are a little too small and I always promised I wouldn't buy things that didn't fit at the moment but since I know I'm going to be losing more weight soon and they were a great deal - Aeropastle jeans for $2.50 - I got them! I love the worn and faded look they have, someone has already "broken" them in so they will be uber comfy and cute! Hopefully I'll be in them by Halloween! That's my goal! They look awfully tiny but I know I can do it!!!!
Well, that's all, folks....for now at least!!!

Thursday, September 9, 2010

On the road!

We are headed out the door any minute now....on our way to 'Bama!!! I'm pretty excited about going and seeing all the family again. It seems like it's been forever. Hopefully between upcoming golf tournaments between Beej and my Uncle and then the holidays we'll get to see everyone once or month or every other month. I know Gianna is really excited about seeing her Janou again! She's been yelling at everyone this morning "Are you ready to go to Ana-bama?!!!" She's excited about seeing Ava and meeting her new second cousin Glavin who should be here any time now!!! They are inducing my Aunt this morning....so we are keeping our fingers crossed that he will make his appearance shortly. Especially since my Uncle (G's daddy) and my Dad have tickets to the all important Bama game on Saturday! So he's gotten get here so that they can go! Lol! Yes, Bama football is THAT important!
Also get to see my brother play football tonight....that should be awesome! I'm glad I'm going to get to see one of his games at least.
I had piano this morning and it went well....I am way too hard on myself. Everyone keeps telling me that but I just can't help it. I want to be perfect at it and when I'm not right away I get frustrated at it. But my teacher makes me feel like I'm doing awesome and should be proud of myself so I try! I just hate it that I can play a song really well at home but then I get over there to play it for her and I get nervous and totally crap out the song. If she could here me practice at home she's probably be even prouder! LoL! But I keep at it and hopefully one day it'll just flow from me......
Got up at 5:40am so that I could work out and finish up packing and get ready and all that good stuff. It's amazing how much you can get done when you get up early! By 9am this morning I had eaten breakfast, waxed my face (don't laugh!), done a 45 min. cardio work out, fed all the animals, took a shower, dried and flat ironed my hair, finished packing mine and Gianna's bags and toiletries, packed snacks for the road, practiced piano and got Gianna up and dressed! Oh, yeah I'm feeling powerful this morning!!! Haha!!! Ready to settle back for the car ride, read a book and listen to my iPod if I can find some headphones first!!!
See ya later, bloggers!!!

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

An (Un)Eventful Life!

It's another day! And I'm dragging a bit...got in bed a little late last night because Beej and I stayed up to finish watching Primal Fear with Richard Gere and Edward Norton. And can I say it was an amazing movie! Such a twist at the end that I did not see coming. I've always liked Richard Gere - he was so good in Pretty Woman and more recently in Nights in Rodanthe, two more amazing movies! But Edward Norton has really grown on me lately too - The Illusionist was such a great movie and I thought he did so well as the Hulk. I was very disappointed that they are getting someone else to play the Hulk in the next movie. I have no idea why!
But anyway, we were up a little late and then I found out I didn't have to be where I thought I had to be early this morning so I just laid back down and didn't get up until 7am. I guess maybe I needed the sleep. Another long work out this morning before I head out the door to take my stuff to WeeRuns. I'm excited about the sale coming next weekend! I always find Gianna a lot of cute stuff especially for Fall/Winter. I love the layers and jackets and scarves, etc. that come with Fall/Winter! Gianna looks so cute in leggings and boots and hats. Her grandma has already picked her out two pairs of really cute boots for the winter, we just have to go get them! I'm eager for chilly weather to hit! I think towards the end of this month after things have settled down some we'll start looking for Gianna's costume for Halloween. She has been set on one thing all summer but she recently started throwing out another idea to me so we'll have to see. I have a feeling we'll get to the costume store and she'll choose something completely different!
Gianna has recently become obsessed with "school". She has a little back pack she puts on and walks around saying she's ready for school. She loves to draw and color right now and she's getting so good with her letters and numbers. She "draws" words she sees and she asks us all the time how to write certain words. She recites letters off of billboards, menus, signs, etc. I'm so proud of her! She seems to be good at self teaching, which is like her Daddy and I'm very glad of that! If she wants to learn, she learns. No one has to force her, but if you do try to force her she's over it in a heartbeat! So I just let her learn as she goes, when she asks I tell her! She has decided that once she is 4 she is going to school so I guess I need to check out a few preschools and see what we are looking in to! I asked her yesterday why she was all about school right now and she said it's because it's where all the kids are! I'm glad to see she has interest in being social and out going. I don't want her to be obsessed with being home or being alone or not going anywhere. I want her to love her family but I don't want it to be the only thing she is comfortable with. Gianna can write her name now, and she's really proud of that! She knows her name starts with G so anytime she sees a G she says "thats like my name!"
We are making a trip to Alabama tomorrow. Gianna is very excited about seeing her Janou and her uncles! I'm excited to see everyone too. We are riding down with Dad and D tomorrow and then riding back with them Tuesday. We went get there tomorrow night we are going to see Kenneth play football. His team is really good this year unlike the teams he's played for around here! The last time Kenneth played football here the team barely had enough players to put on the field, this time around Kenneth's new team - the Meridianville Eagles - has 60 players!!! Kenneth was moved up to first string this past week and I know my Dad is so proud! But I'm excited to get to see one of his games. I wish it was cold though, football games are so much more fun when it's chilly outside! My aunt is supposed to have her baby tomorrow - she is 41 weeks and hoping they are going to induce tomorrow. She was supposed to be induced last week but the dr. said she wasn't quite ready. So we are keeping our fingers crossed that today she'll get the go ahead for Mr. G! I really want to be able to see him in person while we are in town! It's so exciting, a new baby but also a boy! It's been just over 5 years since the last boy was born on this side of the family and that was A and Mr. G's older brother, Maddux, who passed away shortly after his birth. We can't wait to see what Mr. G looks like!!!
We've been debating getting a new cat for awhile. I had kinda decided we were going to get a new one but then it just didn't seem like the right time plus we decided that in the apartment we just really didn't have space for another cat. So I kinda put the idea on the back burner and let it alone. For those of you who don't know my mother in law raises pure bred Himalayan cats. She owns a "cattery", and she breeds and raises these expensive cats. Well, being her daughter in law and all she has told me over and over again that I am welcome to anyone I want at any time. So I've been looking, she has a lot of different color lines and I've been looking, watching and just getting a "feel" for them. She right now has 5 or 6 cats having kittens, they usually have anywhere from 1-5 kittens each so that's a lot of new babies! So I'm scouting for one now - now that we have the house we have room for another one. The indoor dog is leaving next week and the outdoor dog may possibly be going to so I think I want to add another kitty! I have narrowed it down to two different color lines that I'm interested in - I haven't decided male or female yet, I kinda want to go by personality. I want a very loving, lap cat! The males tend to be better for that, the females more moody! Lol! So I'm watching and waiting.....I'm either getting

A Solid Chocolate Himalayan (although these are much more rare for her breeding lines at the moment. She only has one right now and if that's all she has out of all these litters I won't take it, I'll let her sale it but if she has more then I really want to get a chocolate!) If not, I'll most certainly go with....

A little Tabby Himalayan! These are just so cute and she has had several of them and they are all so cute and sweet! Either way we go, chocolate or Tabby, male or female it's name is already picked out and has been for awhile! We won't be able to actually get it and bring it home until mid to late January. They have to be about four months old and weaned and box trained before you can take them! But excited about the possibility and the whole idea! I know Gianna will be thrilled as well, this will be her first pet really since we had Gandalf before she was even born!

Tuesday, September 7, 2010


The past few days have seemed like a bit of whirlwind, mentally and emotionally. I just felt kinda outta sorts yesterday. Gianna is pushing all my buttons lately and I'm trying so hard to be patient with her. She's been sick for the past several days so that doesn't help anything. Runny nose, coughing, can't breathe, etc. The first couple of nights I "slept" with her which means I didn't really sleep at all. She finally started sleeping through the night on her own again but then the dog has started acting up during the night. We kennel her around 9:30pm or so after we walk her for the last time in the evening and for several weeks she's been good straight through until 7am or so. But the past several nights she's gotten me up around 5:45am barking and "moaning" because she has to go outside....so I get up and let her out but then she doesn't come back right away so I have to wait around and yell and call for her.....not exactly putting me in a great mood. Last night she got me up at 1am. After that I just couldn't get back to sleep. Then Gianna was up around 5am because of a bad dream - a reoccuring nightmare that a big bug gets her. It's always the same. So she ended up in bed with us. The dog got me back up at 7am whining and crying again. Needless to say she has been a constant reminder as to why I will never have an indoor dog, possibly an outdoor one but I don't even like that. I am so glad she's going to Alabama with my sister next week! I've asked Beej if I managed to get rid of both of my parents dogs, one indoor and one outdoor, if I can get a new kitty! I've been wanting to get a kitten for awhile - Gandalf seems to do fairly well with other animals if they aren't annoying. We haven't had one problem with him and the inside dog, except she scarfs down his cat food so we have to confine her to the living room and kitchen area.
I have been emotionally frazzled dealing with all the sudden changes my family is going through, and I'm sure they aren't over yet. My whole plan and idea for the rest of the year has suddenly gone out the window with my sister suddenly deciding she wants to move to AL. I think she was planning on going all along but she had to wait till it was "her" idea. She doesn't like anything to be Mom and Dad's decision. So she waits long enough that it can be her big idea. But it has left me in a bit of pickle. I am still not quite over the frustration and disappointment of it all. As dramatic as it can all be sometimes I still like being close to my family. I'm really going to put forth some serious effort in rekindling my friendship with my sister, C, since she is my only family here now. I'm not sure how to go about it. I've been thinking about taking some time to talk to our pastor about it. He's such a great man, so kinda, understanding and seems to have a true heart towards God! He always has such a timely word from the Lord for us on Sundays, even if my heart isn't ready to except it then and there it usually works on me afterwards. But I know that I haven't always been loving and accepting with Charity and I need some wisdom on how to go about it all.
We didn't do much yesterday (Labor Day), we had a kinda full weekend anyway and decided to just take it easy at home. Monday is one of my double work out days and just because it's the holiday doesn't mean I miss it. So I did a 75 minute work out while Gianna chilled with some cartoons. Beej and his Dad went and played golf, well, Beej plays, his dad watches and they talk! My mother in law came out during the afternoon/evening and saw the place for the first time. She hasn't been out in awhile and hasn't been out since we did all the painting, rearranging, etc. She was really impressed and loved all my color choices! We still have a lot to do, especially with the outside but that will come in time. I'm not hurrying anything right now. I still want to paint and possibly re-carpet my work out room. Get it set up a little better, it's kinda just a workout/storage area right now with random stuff in it! Once my sister moves out next week we'll set up her room as a guest room and use the closet for some extra storage. It'll be nice having a place guests can actually come and stay and have their own space. My dad is going to be back and forth a lot and I'm sure he's going to stay with us some of that time.
It looks like I'll be able to move my piano lessons around to another day so that I can still continue them even though my "help" will be gone. I'm so glad my teacher has been willing to work with me on it because I was really upset that I was going to have to possibly quit. I feel like I'm just starting to make some progress although timing is still an issue for me. Well, exact timing, counting it aloud or in my head while trying to read notes is still kinda tough! Lol! Hopefully I'll get it at some point though....
I am attempting to get stuff together for my WeeRuns appointment tomorrow too. I had everything going pretty good until I realized they want everything on wire hangers because it takes up less space on the racks. So I've been searching for wire hangers but I think everyone is grabbing them up right now so I don't have all I need yet. But most everything is priced and marked so as soon as I get hangers I'll be good to go! I don't, as of right now, have anyone to take the early opening of WeeRuns. As a seller you get in to a pre-opening along with one other guest. I think I'm going to post it on FB and see if anyone wants to go with me.....I know plenty of mothers so we'll see. I am eager to get Gianna some Fall stuff, she has a few things but mostly just some items from last winter that were too big or still fit. I always like to get her some new things, by the end of the season, even though she has a lot of clothes, I'm bored with them all! Bored with trying to switch them up and rearrange them to look different!
Well, I'm off to work out....just catching you up on how crazy life has been right now. Hopefully it'll settle down soon! We have to get the satellite TV hooked up by the end of the month so we don't miss too much more college football! Alabama played their first game this last Saturday and killed the other team, of course!!! I'm still trying to get Gi and I some new Bama gear for the season but it's really expensive right now since we are THE CHAMPIONS at the moment! Lol! But we'll keep looking!!! Happy Football Season, everyone!!!

Sunday, September 5, 2010

Where to begin...and where does it end?

The past couple of days have been an emotional roller coaster. On the homefront we have been extremely happy and have a had a wonderful weekend together. It's been fairly peaceful and happy. But I have been so emotionally torn ever since Friday. I posted in my blog "Mr. and Mrs." about finding out that my sister had gotten married without anyone really knowing. It really hit me hard. And in the midst of dealing with that I was hit with another blow from another family member who I least expected it from. They didn't understand why I was so torn up about the deal with my sister. It's my sister for crying out loud and right now our relationship is so torn apart that she couldn't even tell me she was married. Yet they couldn't seem to understand the state my heart and mind were in at that time. I wasn't asking them to but I didn't expect more sympathy then I got. In fact, they lashed out at me about my original blog Mr. & Mrs. which I removed in a fit of tears because I felt so run over by them. The new blog under that title isn't nearly as emotional as the first one was. But I didn't feel like I said anything bad in the first one. They accused me of being rude, heartless and hurtful because of some things I had said about my lack of a wedding and who was responsible for it. This harsh reaction came from someone who isn't in any way interested in uplifting or encouraging anyway, I have seen this person over and over tear people down for no real reason. I have tried to ignore this because of the simple fact that they are family but you can't ignore problems forever. And what someone does to one person or many people at some point they will do it to you too. I guess somewhere in my mind I hoped I was different and I hoped that they loved me and respected me enough not to hurt me the way they did others. I seem to trust people who have no interest in my well being at all. And that's sad that you can't even count on family anymore. Yes, family has their issues, they have their problems and everyone deals with those in different ways but when you can't see past your own selfishness to take note of someone elses feelings then you have a lot to learn in life.
Over the weekend my sister, D, who has been living with us since Mom and Dad moved decided she was moving to AL. too. Apparently we Carroll's are too difficult to live with and put up with! Lol! I laugh at this because we are pretty easy going but she feels this is the best decision for her. I am hurt and disappointed. It was hard enough to say good bye to my family so suddenly, go through this crazy move in such a short period of time, attempt to settle down and get into a routine and now she's leaving too. I had hoped, with her help with Gianna, to get a part time job this Fall. I feel like I need to have an opportunity to get out of the house and help, even if it's on a very small scale, financially too. But I guess God has other plans for the time being and I pray He shows me how to find the good in this situation. Because right now my heart and my mind are full of bitter, negative thoughts and feelings. My husband has been my support and my comfort through all of this. I know he hates to see me hurt just like I hate to see him hurt. I know how I feel towards the people that have hurt him over the past few years and it's not an easy place to be in. I have done my share of crying too. I'm just overwhelmed at this point. On a selfish note we are left without a lot, or any, help with Gianna. There goes a lot of our date nights. *sigh* I will miss them. I don't care how much you love your child or how wonderful they are you need breaks from them. It's healthy for you and them in the end. So my mind is swirling.....things haven't ended on a super positive note. There are some feelings of anger and bitterness in the air between my sister and I. I am fighting that and have attempted, best I know how, to fix things and move on but I'm not sure I am quite there yet. I am still licking my wounds so to speak. I feel like every time I start to count on someone they let me down. I am praying hard that God softens my heart because I don't want to become a bitter, cynical person. I love my family dearly and it's so hard to sit back and watch all the drama unfold. I feel helpless to help or fix things and so I sit on the sidelines and bit my lip as much as I can.
I do hope my outlook on all this changes. I'm not good alone - I know I'm really not alone completely. I have Gianna and Beej of course and they are my best friends but I like have other family around. I can't say I have a lot of friends here. Most aquaintances, people I know but no one I am close to. I am trying not to let myself think about it to the point that I get too depressed because I know what that leads me too. I need to focus on Gianna, focus on being a better wife, getting back to focusing hard on fitness and working on music. Maybe this time is set for me to break ties that keep me from focusing on what truly needs to be done right now in my life. I just pray I have the strength and will power to accomplish what is set before me.