Monday, August 30, 2010

From the alarm clock......

I started my day off around 7am this morning. Not bad but I have made a vow to start getting up earlier. The earlier I get up and get my day going the more time I have in the day to accomplish things and even maybe have been time to do some things I want to do like work on music and read. Right now it seems the day is jammed full from the time I get up until my hubby gets home from work. And I feel like I'm rushing to get it all done. My hubby gets up for work by 5:40am so I think I'm going to start getting up with him and maybe eating breakfast with him or something. That sounds so early! Lol! Especially since it's getting light later and later now. We might push it to 6am but somewhere between there I want to be up. I want to start working out earlier so that I have time to fit more of a work out in if I want and not be rushed. Sometimes I feel like I have to do a shorter work out because I have pushed myself out so late into the morning.
I did an 80 minute work out this morning! I was so pleased, I honestly didn't feel like it but towards the second half I caught a second wind and pushed through pretty well! I did 40 minutes of Pure Cardio and then 40 minutes of Sculpting ( working with weights). As of right now I the scales say I have gained 2.5lbs. Yes, I cheated and weighed early and I shouldn't have but I am saving measuring until Wednesday! But I try not to worry about the gaining when I first start working with weights again because I usually put on a few pounds of muscle before I start losing weight. Hopefully the measurements will show some improvement though. I've stuck with my diet about 85% of the time. I have cheated here and there. Eaten a meal I shouldnt' or had a snack I shouldn't have but I feel like I'm pushing myself hard enough in my work outs that I can do it and allow myself a cheat here and there. But for the most part I really am trying to stick to eating 6 small meals a day. Tomorrow's work out will probably only be an hour because I have to get things done and get everyone up and ready to go to town by 8:40am. D gets her braces off tomorrow - finally! I feel like she's been wearing them forever! We are so excited to see her gorgeous new smile!!!! I think after that we might swing by and visit my mother in law, we haven't seen her in a little while and Gianna loves visiting her and her cats!
I did manage to get my to do list done for today - got both the bathrooms cleaned and most of laundry done. Got all my errands taken care of. I think we are going to try to fit in a swim tomorrow too - probably one of the last few times we get to swim before Fall really kicks in. Hopefully that is sooner rather then later!!!
Gianna helped me make cookies after dinner tonight - she gets so excited when I let her help me with something. She says over and over "I'm helping, Mommy!" with a big smile on her face! I really have to make a conscience effort to let her help me so that I can teach her things. I tend to just want to do it myself and get it done. It takes a lot more time and usually more mess for her to help me, but I have to remember that's how she learns. My mom took the time to teach me so now I have to take the time to teach Gianna. Gi is really into "writing" lately. She copies words she see and numbers. She can count up to 20, she subs 14 with 40! Lol! She can write her name fairly well on her own now and can copy words you write down for her. She likes to find common letters through out the words she writes. Today she asked me how to write "door" and then "paper" and she exclaimed that both words had "r's"!!! She's so smart! This morning she was having a bit of a melt down about something and when I went to speak to her about it she crossed her arms and said "I'm just not being nice today." I almost laughed! She's growing up so fast, I found some videos of her on my phone from when she was just learning how to talk and sing - she was singing Happy Birthday is her little baby voice. It got me a little joked up. I even had the video from when she was about a year old she discovered how to take her pants off and I recorded it!
She has one last step in completely correcting this kidney reflux. She has to go back late September for them to do another dye test and make sure everything has healed up and it working properly from the correction procedure. They'll have to sedate her again but the first time they did this same test we had it done at Rutherfordton Hospital and they didn't sedate her, they just held her down while they inserted a cath. I wasn't with her for it but I know it must have been awful. Beej stayed with her during that because she chose him since only one parent could stay. So I am beyond grateful that the Charlotte Medical Center will sedate her, it's far less traumatic. After that she should be off the daily meds and be done with this part of her life for good!!!
A friend of mine got a new tattoo over the weekend and it has totally given me the itch for new ink! I have my next one planned out and picked but I have to wait till the beginning of the New Year, for good reasons but I do have to wait! This will most likely be the last one I get, not because I think I have too many but because I just don't have any other place I think I want to put one. I'm not swearing to that but for now that's how it seems! I keep crossing my fingers that maybe my hubby will decide on something by then and go with me - I really wanted us to go get tattoos together but he just hasn't found anything yet so who knows! I LOVE what I have picked out and it has a lot of meaning behind it! I can't wait to get it and show it to you - of course I'm not posting a picture of it or even telling you what it is because I don't want anyone to take my idea first!!! It's too special and too pretty to share! So you'll just have to wait until January.
Beej and I started working on a new song last night. He wrote it pretty much, right now it's just a super catchy chorus. He put up a little video of it on FB tonight and I'm eager to see what everyone has to say about it! I'm writing a song at this moment too, a slow ballad type song. It's the first one I've written on piano. It's very, very basic since I'm still in the beginning stages but I like the idea and I know my talented, producin' hubby can jazz it up for me alot! I'm really hoping to have a completed EP of 5 ot 6 songs out by Christmas. Keeping my fingers crossed and praying for a heck of a lot of inspiration in between now and then!!!
I love hearing from all of you wether it's through your own blogs or comments on my blog! It's so fun keeping up with everyone!!! Love to you all!!!

Sunday, August 29, 2010


As some of you might have been able to tell I've been dealing with a little bit of discouragement lately. Over several things but mainly over my fitness goals and the means by which I've been going about reaching them. I often doubt myself greatly. I compare myself WAY too much to others who are farther a long on their journey then I am. I forget that I'm blessed and unique the way I am. That doesn't seem good enough most of the time.
But today at church a lady came up to me - well, I really should say a friend, I've known her since we moved her and we keep up on FB with each other - and she just gave me an encouraging word. Just reminding me of things I know but tend to easily forget or overlook. And the best part of it all was that I know she was perfectly sincere in everything she said to me. It really lifted my spirit and encouraged me greatly! A reminder to focus on the positive things I see rather then the negative. Does that mean I'll never be down on myself again? Absolutely not but it's reminders like this that keep up refocusing more often. When you have something positive or uplifting to say to someone don't hesitate to tell them. You have no idea what that bit of inspiration could do for them.
We also had a great service at church today - our pastor has been speaking on the benefits of praise. He has been breaking down all the different types of praise there are in the Bible and showing us through scripture how they are used and when they are used. It's been a great series and I hate that I've missed some of it. We missed a few Sundays with all the moving, etc. Today we talked about three forms of praise - Barak, Tehillah and Zamar. It was such an energetic, uplifting service. A reminder that praise is an important part of our lives wether we realize it or not. I left feeling refreshed and renewed today. Hoping I can keep these reminders of praise and encouragement on my mind and in my heart through out the week.
Just doing a little relaxing now - we had lunch out after church and it was very enjoyable time out. Gianna behaved well and lunch was yummy. Hooray for a great day! Gotta get the pool in order before the week gets started. We are going to have to get it covered soon - we aren't using it much anymore and I don't know how much longer it will be hot enough anyway. The water is already fairly chilly. Looking forward to the crispness of Fall!!!
"Therefore, encourage on another and edify one another, just as you are doing. 1Thess. 5:11

Saturday, August 28, 2010

Easy Breezy

We've had a rather easy day around here....we haven't really rushed to do anything or planned anything. We laid around for awhile this morning. D had a friend spend the night so we kinda kept it quiet while they got up and going. Gianna wasn't too pleased with having to hang out in our room for a bit but was fairly satisfied when we brought her coloring books and crayons in for her to play with! I did get a good work out in late this morning - did a 45 minute Cardio work out and a 20 min. Ab work out. I've also been trying to figure out the whole BMR, RMR thing. RMR is supposedly the calories you burn in a 24 hour period even when you are doing nothing. According to estimated calculations I supposedly burn around 2,000 plus whatever I burn during daily activities and my work out. I approximate I burn anywhere from 500-800 calories per workout depending on how long or how difficult it is. Anyway, according to all these calculations I should be burning plenty in order to lose 6 more pounds. It sounds so easy when you look at the numbers! Lol! I'm still struggling with exactly how many calories I should be eating. If I calculate myself as moderately active I should eat around 1650, if I bump it up one step to very active I should be eating 1950! 300 calories is big difference, but I can't decide which I truly fit in, so for now I'm going in between and eating around 1750-1800 calories. We'll see how that goes. I've also started trying to put back in some work outs with weights along with my cardio. I kinda got out of that habit when I switched to Insanity - even though you use muscle and use resistance it you don't actually work with weights. So I started doing some weight work outs this week. I'm sore! I like that, that means I'm working muscle that needs some working!
Beej went and played golf this afternoon - he has started playing a little more often ever since he got back in touch with his old childhood "friend"/boss. They were pretty close when Beej was younger and Beej had his first job at a golf club under him so they go way back. I think it's been good for Beej to get back out there and start putting some time into a hobby he really loves, not to mention enjoy a good, quality, mature friendship. But while he went and played golf we girls ran a few errands - Taco Bell for lunch, Wal-Mart and the movie store. We rented a few "dollar" movies - while we were waiting in line Gianna wanted a gumball from the gumball machine. They have a gumball color of the week there and you get a dollar movie free if you get it. We got one once and I thought it was really funny! Today we got one and it wasn't the "color", but I decided to get another and lo, and behold, it was PURPLE! The color of the week - so we got 5 movies for 5 nights for $2! I was pretty excited!
We came home and crashed pretty much - just chilled out. I cleaned up Gianna room, again. Gianna informed me it was messy and I needed to pick it up! Lol! That child! I sat down and read for awhile too. I haven't had much of a chance lately. The way our bedroom is set up now I don't have a lamp on my side of the bed anymore so it makes it difficult to read in bed. I hate reading in full blown light at night - I like a soft lamp light to read by. So I'm trying to figure out how I can change that but for now I read in the living room. I started reading 'Salem's Lot by Stephen King. We saw the movie and it was OK but I wasn't too impressed so I've kinda avoided reading it. But it caught my attention the other day and by now I know the books, especially Stephen King books, are always WAY better then the movies. I started it and I've been hooked! So far, it's an awesome story and I'm only about 1/4 of a way into it so I know King will build it a lot more from here. One of my favorite Stephen King books is Duma Key. I can't tell you why exactly, it wasn't even my "type" of story but it absolutely grabbed me! It's a must read!
We have church tomorrow....for some reason it's still an issue with Gianna. For awhile it was because of a certain child there. She was afraid of them and it took us awhile to get past that, now I'm not sure what it is. She always has fun and comes out smiling but going is always an issue. She gets really upset and says she doesn't want to go. But I keep making her because I want her to get over her seperation anxiety and I really feel like that's what it is. I'm with her ALL the time, or her daddy is. When we do leave her it's with immediate family. I think she just feels uncomfortable with the thought of not having us as security.
I hope all my fellow bloggers and readers are having a wonderful weekend, enjoying some downtime or going out or whatever it is you enjoy doing! Have a wonderful Sunday!

Friday, August 27, 2010

When Will Enough Be Enough?

Today I got up and going a little late. Gianna woke up at 7:30am or so and I went and got her and put her in bed with us but she never went back to sleep. Beej finally got up with her and I fell back asleep and had crazy, insane dreams for about another hour. I finally got up around 8:30am and felt drugged and headachy. So odd. So I was kinda feeling rough and slow getting up and about. Had breakfast and then Beej wanted to go ahead and leave and run an errand up in Hendersonville. We had already planned to go with him - D was spending the day with a friend so we decided to go with him and get some lunch once his errand was done. Gianna napped on the way up for awhile and she did really great at lunch. We went to a pizza buffet and she ate insane amounts of cheesy bread! Lol! She seems to be going through a growth spurt lately. Most of the time she isn't much of an eater, she snacks here and there but doesn't really eat alot. But then for a few days every few months she goes through this stage where she eats constantly! I can't seem to keep her fed, she is always saying I'm hungry, Mommy! And that's the stage she's in right now. She's become obsessed with peanut butter on a spoon! She asks for it all the time.
After we got back from running our errand and having lunch out Beej and I decided to try and get the yard mowed before it started raining again. It seems like ever since we moved into this house it's been raining so much we don't get a chance to cut it enough and by the time we do it's so deep and thick that it's a major pain in the neck to cut. I think the house sits on 1/2 an acre of land and over half of that is all yard that has to be mowed! So it's no small task! I helped do about half of the main front yard before my mower just decided to call it quits. Beej finished the rest while I came inside and straightened up things around the house and made Gi and I some quick dinner. I was really pooped but decided that after pizza for lunch I HAD to get a work out in. Even though I ate healthy for lunch and dinner the pizza was putting a lot of guilty pressure on me so I did a sculting work out with weights for 40 mins. and then did 20 minutes of Turbo Jam Cardio. I'm glad I did it although I think I pulled a muscle in my arm lifting on my weights wrong but I'm sure it'll be fine.....

Speaking of working out and getting healthy. I have been going through a mini depression over the whole issue. I think all my horrible eating has finally caught up with me and even though weight wise I haven't gained much at all, I have put back on inches and I can see them. UGH! I feel like my mid section is wider and flabbier then ever. I know, people tell me that I look great and blah, blah, blah but honestly unless I feel great about myself I just feel like they are pacifying me. And I hate that. I do know that I probably have a warped image of myself. I look in the mirror and see fat and pudge and dumpy and lumpy. Yes, it's true. That's what I see. Funny how that doesn't seem to motivate me enough. But when is enough finally enough? I feel like I'm working SO hard at this - I work out, hard, 5-6 times a week, I'm trying my darndest to eat right and watch the amount of calories I eat (granted the past three weeks I haven't...), try to keep my lifestyle as active as I can even when I'm not working out yet I still feel like I'm no where near where I want to be. I have friends who have had 3 and 4 children who are now sporting their size 1/2. I'm still in a 6, sometimes at best a tight 4. That discourages me so much. I just don't know how much more effort I'm supposed to put into this before I'm where I want to be. I don't think my image is too off base. I don't expected to be completely ripped or anything - I just was a flatter stomach, no love handles and decently toned arms. Is that too much to ask for or get? I am quite discouraged to be honest....I've noticed myself leaning towards my looser clothing and my baggier things because I feel uncomfortable with myself again. I don't want to be here.....truly, yet I just can't seem to pick myself up out of this hole. I'm really hoping I see some positive improvement with my measurements and weight by this coming Wednesday or I may totally lose it. Keeping my fingers crossed.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Blue Nail Polish & Little Smiles....

Today, after piano lessons and waiting for the man to come fix our washer (which he didn't.), we ran some errands around town. I had to swing by the make up department and pick up some eyeliner. Gianna took note of the nail polish display - she LOVES having her nails painted and gets pretty upset when they chip or we take it off. We had to remove her nail polish when she had her procedure done last Friday and I've been meaning to paint them but never got around to it. She was being really good today so I let her pick out a mini lip gloss and a little Bon-Bon nail polish. She picked blue, of course, dark blue! I didn't have a problem with that and of course she wanted to hold them both. I told her not to open the nail polish but that she could open the lip gloss. She said Ok and played with her lip gloss all the way home. She was so excited about the blue and when we got home I painted all her nails while she watcher her Barbie: Mariposa movie. I was so pleased with her, she was so adorable and sweet and I love seeing her happy about small things like new lip gloss and nail polish. Not to mention I just love having a little girl and all the sweet fun things we do together. Well, my euphoric mood was quickly ruined when I went upstairs for a few minutes to feed the fish and grab the vacuum. When I came down the stairs she looked up really worried and put her hands behind her back. And then I realized....she had gotten that blue nail polish and had it all over her nice shirt, all over her palms and the bottom of one foot and all over the coffee table. I was livid mad - I sent her to her room where she proceeded to pitch a crazy fit. Needless to say we had a serious talk, a spanking and she spent some "quality" time in her room!
Lately she wants to do everything herself, I understand it's the age she's at and I really try to let her do as much as I can for her size and capabilities. She learned she can get in the fridge and freezer now, we have the side by side kind now. She gets popsicles on her own and then today she figured out where the grapes were in the fridge and was sneaking a handful here and a handful there until I realized she had eaten almost half the bag!!! Agh!!! Yesterday and the day before while we were painting she wanted to paint too - I didn't want to park her in front of the TV so I spread newspaper out and got her a cardboard box, a paint brush and a little bit of paint in a dish and she was totally happy! The first day went super well, the second day she kept getting it off the newspaper and getting it on the floor....that was easy enough to clean up but I stopped and went to the bathroom at one point. When I came out she said "uh, oh, Mommy...." I looked and noticed she had paint all over her foot, I figured she had accidently stepped in her paint dish, then I saw her dish was FULL of paint. I thought DeeAnna must have poured her more, TOO much more. Then I saw a huge puddle of it on the newspaper leaking onto the floor and realized she had gotten the gallon of paint (that was about half full at that point) and had poured it herself!!!! I wasn't happy, at all. I try really hard to be patient but sometimes I end up getting really perturbed. I know she doesn't mean any harm but when it's things I've repeatedly told her NOT to do and she does it anyway it really tries my patience. But then she turns around and climbs in my lap and says I Love you Mommy and then I forget how upset she makes me sometimes! Ah, the power of a child!

Moving on - I had piano today. I feel like I'm learning at a fairly decent pace. My teacher is great and very patient. I'm not very patient with myself though. I expect myself to do some much more and "get it" so much quicker. Plus I over analize each little piece of music I have to learn! My sister makes fun of me because she just "feels" it and I try to get every little note, accent and tone right and then I end up messing it up! I still get a little nervous when I have to play my songs for S but I usually do ok. But not today! I'd practiced that song over and over and kept missing a certain note but other then that I had it down pretty decent. When I sat down to play it I just completely lost it and ended up butchering the whole song! Lol! Some weeks are like that I guess. I usually try to practice a good bit when I get home from lessons while everything is still fresh in my mind. If I practice it for awhile when I get home it seems to get stuck in my head better. I still struggle with 3/4 timing. I'm much more comfortable with 4/4 timing. The timing just seems "wrong" when it's 3/4. I have one in 3/4 to work on this week and I'm already struggling.....but I shall conquer it!!! Lol!

We finished up the evening with a yummy dinner. I had too many carbs today but I have stayed within my calorie limit so I'm good with that, just for today. I decided to make chicken and black bean burritos on low carb wraps (for me at least!). I skipped the cheese and had a little bit of sour cream instead. Lots of lettuce, a few black beans, chicken and salsa! Mmmm, good! Totally hit the spot. I try to keep dinner creative or different but I struggle with fixing healthy, yummy, low calorie options. I'm good with the same things for breakfast and lunch and snacks. I mix it up enough to keep me happy. It's keeping everyone else happy!

Trust you...or trust you not.

Trust is defined as reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc. of a person or thing. Confident expectation of something, hope.

I struggle with trust. Not in the usual way that people struggle with trust. Most people struggle with NOT trusting. I struggle with being willing to trust too quickly and too openly. I tend to get hurt because I give people the benefit of the doubt as far as how they will handle me, my emotions, my well being, etc. I forget how selfish and hard some people can be. I tend to believe there is truly good in everyone although I often see people in such a negative light. Somehow past their negative points I trust that there is good there. I have often been mistaken. And that has led me to be a little stand offish when people start throwing around the word friend. I believe at this point that I have very few TRUE friends, most of them are family. As crazy and off as family can be when it comes down to it, for the most part, family is there if you really need them. But sometimes even trust in my family has been misguided and thrown away. I am very close to one of my sisters, she lives with me and my family right now and for the most part it works well. We enjoy each others company and deep down I believe I can trust her - I trust her with my child which I believe is the biggest form of trust you can put on someone! But my other sister and I don't have such a great relationship. I can't say it's completely either of our faults, I'm sure there is fault on both sides, but I trusted that us being family would conquer any true issues we had with each other. But I was wrong. It's hard to be at odds with someone you truly love and care about. Especially when they are angry at you because you care and because you are trying so hard to help them see the Light. I've had to stop trying, I've had to step back and trust that somehow God will bring the Truth to her because I can't do it. She is angry with me because I expected more out of her then she is willing to be and give. She has cut me out of her life because I won't accept the sin she is deliberately living in. She expects my love for her to turn a blind eye and be ok with it. And I just can't do that, especially when I have a 3 year old child that if very impressionable at this stage in life. She copies what she sees me and her daddy is hard though to lose your trust in someone. And I can't say that even after everything I've been through with certain people that I've completely lost trust in them. There is some stupid part of me that still wants to believe that maybe this time around will be different. There is something inside me that longs to trust them again - because the truth is most of the people I've lost trust in are good people in some aspects in life and my heart longs for that part of them. And there is something that wants to believe that the good part of them will overcome the bad. But it doesn't, and I've tried it over and over with people....I give them time, think they've changed, think they've seen the error of their ways only to return and get blindsided once again. Trust is something that has to be earned, you hear that over and over again - sometimes I wonder though how long till you can truly say it's been earned. What if someone time and time again comes through for you only to finally, as you are coming to fully trust them, let you down completely? I guess then trust is unearned. I want to be a trust worthy person, I hope that is something people can say about me. I try my best to be, but sometimes I wonder if I have blinded myself into believing I am when I'm not. I'm not quite sure how to tell exactly! I'm not sure anyone has ever told me I'm trust worthy or that they truly trust me with something. Hopefully I can come to be known as a trusty worthy person by those that I do truly and rightfully trust!

Wednesday, August 25, 2010


Well, my first day back at this whole healthy thing went really good! I stuck with it and didn't have any cravings for the leftover cupcakes or the mint ice cream in the freezer. Doesn't mean I won't later but for my first day I was pretty happy! I managed to get 1580 calories in too. Mainly because I got up late and my meal schedule was off. But it was pretty close to the 1650 I'm supposed to get. I also worked out really hard today - I did an 80 minute work out today! Cardio Jam and Booty Scuplt + Abs. I was pretty pleased with myself! My hope is to get in double work outs on Monday, Wednesday and Friday's. That's my goal! I also went for a good walk too - Beej and I walked 9 holes at the golf course this evening. He played and we both walked. It was a lot hills and I got my heart rate up pretty good several times.
We got our painting done, tomorrow we are going to hang up pictures/art and call it done! The house looks really nice and I'm pleased with everything we got done.
Gianna has been struggling with wetting the bed again. I'm going to have to go back to making sure she doesn't drink anything at least an hour before bed. I'm not sure why she's having a bit of a lapse. Maybe it has to do with her procedure - they said she might have bladder spasms for awhile so maybe that's causing her to lose control at night. She also developed a rash on her tummy today, right around her belly button is the worst. She has a innie/outie - it's like the lower half sticks out and the top part is in so maybe her shirt is rubbing it wrong or something. I don't know what else it could be. She's been on her medicine for two weeks now and hasn't had any problems with it so I don't know why it would show up now. I'm thinking maybe it's the fabric softner I started using recently. I've never used it before so maybe that's it.....
Piano lessons tomorrow....I haven't spent as much time on practicing as I should have. I've got to get better about practicing more. It's crazy how quickly the week seems to go, before I know it days have passed and I haven't accomplished as much as I hoped to.

Back at it!

I am back at this again this morning! I went last night and bought all the good, healthy groceries I needed. We've kinda been living on what was here when my parents left and lots of junk food that we grabbed here and there. Like I said before I hadn't stopped working out but I had been skipping more then usual and doing quick and "easy" ones just to get by. But today I am back on putting more of a priority on staying healthy and losing weight again. Getting back in shape. Even though I haven't gained weight, I actually lost some, I know that I have lost muscle tone and I've put on inches. Which is almost worse then seeing the scales go up. I took my measurements this morning, which I haven't done in months and months. I have put some inches back on and I plan to get those off soon! But here are my starting measurements, I will weigh and measure once a week. So my next "weigh in" will be next Wednesday.

Starting weight: 125.5 (My goal is 120)

Chest: 32 inches

Waist: 30 inches

Hips: 36 inches

Thigh: 20 1/2 inches

I started out my morning with oatmeal and strawberries! One of my favorite breakfasts now. Just a touch of honey and I am good to go with it! It also seems to fuel me better through my work outs then if I have eggs or something first. I think my body needs a bit of a carb wake up first thing in the morning! I usually cook eggs and some kind of meat after I finish working out for my second "meal" of the day. I am going to try and do a double workout today. Right now my remote is still lost so most of my work out DVD's I can't select work outs so I'm going to get a remote tomorrow so that I can get back to my normal work out routine. But for today I think I'm going to do Booty Sculpt + Abs and then probably Cardio Jam. So that should be about an hour and 20 minute work out!

We finished painting the upstairs hallway yesterday and today we'll finish the down stairs! I am so excited to be DONE with all the painting! The color is very rich and pleasant. This lovely milk chocolate brown:

After we are done today we'll get all our "before" and "after" pictures up! I'm pretty pleased with how everything has turned out so far. It's much harder keeping everything cleaned up and in order though. You would think more space with make it easier but it doesn't, it means more stuff gets spread out of place before you know it! Plus having the three extra animals adds to the load too. It's an added 15 minutes to my morning routine to feed them and let them off their chains/out of their cages., etc. I've never done well with dogs and now I have two! I don't think I'd have that big of an issue with a dog if it were one I really wanted. But a Golden Retriever and a blind Cocker Spaniel would not be my pick! So if anyone is looking for a dog or two please let me know! They are both great animals just not something I want to have long term!

So I'm off to get my day really and truly going now!!!

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Self Confidence.....or the lack thereof.

One of the biggest issues I've had to face and deal with in life, well, ever since finishing high school, is self confidence. Or in my case the lack of self confidence. It puzzles me because I never struggled with this before. All through high school I was an extremely confident, out going person. I wasn't afraid to state my opinion or be known for thinking a certain way. I stuck to my guns and some people liked me and respected me for it and other didn't. The ones that didn't never bothered me at all. I was pleased with who I was, or who I was becoming and how I was going about it.
I don't really know where I lost it or what caused me to lose it. I think it was when I left home and went to live in Alabama and attend Cosmetology school. There I was the under dog. I was the little innocent, Christian girl who didn't know anything. I was constantly on the outside looking in so to speak. Don't get me wrong, there were a lot of great people there, I am still friends with many of them to this day. I appreciate them and some of the things I learned from them but my self confidence quickly diminished when I was no longer the smartest, cutest, most talented, etc. I had grown accustomed to being admired by my peers in a small, church type setting. I was the "cool" homeschooler, the youngest worship leader in our youth group, I traveled around with my dad and sang and was admired by church leaders and church goers alike. This isn't to toot my own horn, it was just how it was and I felt confident there. Leaving all that aside I was suddenly vunerable, small and insignificant. While in AL I attended a huge church where I snuck in on Sunday mornings and snuck out without hardly being noticed. I attended a college group while I was there but even that was a large gathering and I was far less talented and noticable then otheres there. I dated a guy from that church for a short period of time - I liked him a lot but he was still trying to figure out his life and was a little back and forth with our relationship. I never knew week to week what his idea for our relationship would be. We are still friends to this day, he's a really sweet guy but it wasn't meant to be between us in that way....but it was yet one more thing that shook my confidence. Back home the few cute guys around liked me and I liked them - but being thrown into a much bigger pool of wonderful, sweet, pretty, talented young women took a toll on me. Obviously my self confidence was shallow and built on a shaky foundation.
After I got married I started struggling even deeper with who I was. Trying to figure out who I was for myself but also for my husband. It's something I'm still trying to figure out. I lashed out because I wanted freedom yet I had no idea what to do with myself or freedom if I had it. I felt like at some point everyone was trying to "control" me but really they were trying to help guide me. It's hard to admit but I really have no idea what direction I'm heading in, then or now even.
Then we had Gianna, very unexpectedly. That put a whole different pull on who I was and who I was supposed to be. I was still trying to figure out who I was, how was I supposed to guide and train up a child correctly? I am doing the best I know how and I know I mess up often - I am not patient enough or attentive enough sometimes. But I am doing the best I can muster up. But along with my emotional lack of confidence came my physical lack of confidence. And that can effect things just as badly as emotional. I gained weight and that threw me for a loop. I had never struggled with weight - I ate what I wanted and it never effected my waist line at all. I wasn't a super active person. I didn't play sports or work out much. I grew up in a house hold struggling with weight itself and you would have thought that would make me more conscience of keeping myself healthy but it didn't. So suddenly I'm not only struggling with my mental stableness but I feel like I look like a slob on the outside as well. But I wasn't self motivated enough to do something about it. I struggle with changing myself, I don't feel like I can do it. That how I am is just how I am. But I hated myself and thus I hated others around me. Especially people who were what I wished I could be. Last August I decided to finally step up and take hold of my physical well being and I started P90X. I lost a total of about 25lbs over the last year and it boosted my self confidence a lot. I suddenly started thinking I could do more and more. Yet there is still that self doubt that starts creeping back in. Something some says or does and it totally throws me off. I've struggled with friendships this past year and that has set me back mentally. I feel like I try so hard yet it doesn't pay off. Some people tell me I don't try hard enough but I'm honestly pushing myself as far as I feel I can. I don't know how to go any farther.
Needless to say the past few weeks have been rough. The moving has totally thrown off my normal routine and schedule. I've been eating like absolute crap - some days I would barely get in three meals we were so busy but then I would eat nothing but fast food and junk. And it takes it's toll on me. I feel terrible. But the worse I feel the more crap I eat. It's a vicious cycle. My work outs have suffered too. I usually manage to get about 4 work outs a week in over the past couple of weeks but they were usually quick and rushed - just getting through them. So my whole goal plan for August went completely out the door. I am disappointed in myself because of it. And trying to get myself back on track is so hard. I need a new challenge, a new challenge usually gives me the boost I need to really get back on track. I want to get the new Turbo Fire SOON. I think I need it, as soon as I have the money it will be mine! Plus in the move we lost our remote for the TV so my work outs have been limited because I can't get to other menu choices without the remote! Lol! Sad, I know, I keep hoping we'll find it but so far no luck. Guess I need to go buy a universal remote.
Anyway, needless to say, August has been a rough month. I have higher hopes for September. Getting back into the swing of a routine. Getting back to counting calories and watching what I'm eating, back to working out harder and concentrating on goals I set for myself. Trying even harder to be a better, more patient wife and mother, willing to learn. I want to get back to writing songs and recording. I keep talking about it but I want to put my plan into action. I want to do things and not just talk about them.....but we'll see how that goes!

Monday, August 23, 2010

Happy Birthday To Me!

Today is my 24th birthday. It sounds so old to me. Some about 23 still sounds pretty young. 24 just sounds so adult like! Lol! Although I've been an adult for 6 years now it still seems old to me! I dread 25....but I'm sure I'll make it just fine. I still feel really young, almost childish sometimes until I'm around teens and then suddenly I feel so old!
My day started out pretty normal - got up and made Gi and I some breakfast, did Booty Sculpt + Abs (good work out!) , practiced piano for awhile, read a little bit and then got ready to leave....DeeAnna and my mom went in together and got me a haircut and massage! I was so excited! D even set up the appointment for me! I was thrilled to have a little "me" time and enjoy myself on my birthday!

My hair stylist, Kari, is also a massage therapist - she does it all. She even owns the salon she works at now! Head & Shoulders, Knees and Toes is such an awesome place! I had a half hour massage and it was heaven! She told me my shoulders were really tight....but I felt like jello once she was done!

When I got home D and Gi were making cupcakes for my birthday - lemon with cream cheese icing! So yummy!

Here is my new hair cut! Shorter and black now of course but I like it. I don't think I'm quite ready to grow it out just yet. I've only had it short for about 5 months now so I decided to go short again! It's so much easier to deal with especially after working out, it's quicker to wash and dry in a hurry. But it was inspired by this hair cut that Charlize Theron had in the movie Aeon Flux back in 2004/2005:

I love this cut and thought it was stunning even back then. Obviously I have a bang right now that I'm trying to grow out but I can't make it grow any faster! Lol! The cool thing is back when she filmed this movie I got to meet the guy who cut it for her, Luis Alvarez. He was friends and collegues with our family friend who owned the salon I was working at in AL.! He came and gave a bunch of us at the salon a hair cutting lesson and this was the cut he taught us to do. It was super edgy, especially even for a few years ago....he was super proud of it and I loved it! So hopefully as I grow my bangs out I can get it even closer to this look!
I didn't get my work out program, Turbo Fire, it just didn't work out to get it but I got a lot of other great gifts! I can't wait for my Toms shoes to get here. They were shipped yesterday so hopefully they'll be here by the weekend!

.....and that's how I feel.

Do you ever have days when you feel completely unappreciated? When everything you do is never enough? No matter how hard I try it seems like nothing I ever do is enough or good enough. I know, people will tell me all day long that I'm wonderful, sweet, caring, a treasure, a gift from God, etc. but the truth is I don't believe that nor do I see it. I feel worthless, I feel like crap, I feel like I will never, ever, ever do enough. The days that people tell me good positive things do not make up for the days when people tell me I'm not grateful. I do not know how to show that I'm grateful or trying any more.....obviously, no matter what I do it will never be enough. And honestly, I'm tired of it. I'm tired of trying so hard. People will accuse me saying that I don't actually try and that all I do is make excuses - and what would I do if I actually had to do something in life? How does that translate to me? It translate to me being worthless. Extreme? Maybe. But it's how I feel. No matter how hard I work, no matter how many things I try to keep right in life, no matter how much I pick up, clean up, declutter, etc. it will never be enough. I keep falling short of the mark. And it's wearing me thin. Some people would laugh and say I have it good. I do have it good for the most part. But I don't want to be reminded over and over and over how good I have it. As though I am some ungrateful leech just sucking the life out of someone.

I struggle with guilt, loads of it. Some days I am completely overwhelmed by it. I feel like if someone does something for me then I must be in debted to them for life. Honestly, that's why I never ask people to do things for me, or help me....I don't want to feel like I owe you something for ever. And even if you tell me I won't be, I will still feel that way. It's another one of those mental issues I deal with, I guess.

I am unsure of myself - I don't know how to stand up for myself because I so desperately want to be liked, loved, thought well of, make someone proud. I feel like I've yet to do that with anyone. Perhaps my daughter, for now, thinks well of me. But how long will that last? I disappoint the ones I love and the ones I love disappoint me. It is a never ending cycle that I am weary of walking.

I have felt a little down for the past couple of weeks - I keep trying to lift my spirits, remind myself of the good things, be positive but I'm slowly wilting. Spiralling. I have done SO much over the past few weeks yet once again the people I do it for don't seem to care. All that is brought to my attention is what hasn't been done and what they've done. My efforts are futile and pointless. I will forever be striving and trying and never reaching or succeeding. At least in this area of life.....or so it seems. You can not make someone see you any better then they do, especially those who love you, they have a fixed, flawed image of you that will never change no matter how much you polish and revamp yourself. It is frustrating. It makes me lash out because I feel unappreciated. I will never be good enough and that thought drags me down daily. Some days I manage to push it farther away than other days, but for the most part it is always with me. Smiling at me wickedly and leaving me full of tears.

Am I an emotional basket case?! Probably. But it's who I am, I fight it constantly but it doesn't seem to do any good. I'm not sure anyone can truly accept anyone fully. There will always be things we hate about each other, things that drive us crazy, things that make us lash out. We hurt others because we are hurting ourselves. And an apology here and there doesn't make up for the feelings you give someone day in and day out......and that's how I feel.

Friday, August 20, 2010

Death AFTER a funeral....

It is amazing the blackness that can come to light after someone's death. I've heard over and over people who's families are torn apart after a death because people get so caught up in material things. I have never worried about what I would get once my grandparents or parents passed away. That doesn't matter to me. My grandmother's recent passing has brought to light some thoughtlessness and selfishness that has truly amazed me. My grandmother left her jewelry to her granddaughters - that was sorted out weeks ago. She set up how we all could choose and it went well for the most part. There were a few pieces certain people wanted or hoped for but for the most part everyone was happy with what they got. But it seems to be getting a little out of hand now. It seems that people just take stuff or assume it should go to them and so on and so on. I've had a really hard time keeping my mouth shut about it. Not because I want anything, I honestly don't. I don't want anything but for those who do want things I feel their should be a better system. Some family members seem to think that they are owed more then others or that it's theirs for the taking. They get upset when others don't understand why they get what they get. And sometimes I feel like it's being rubbed in other family members faces when they take things that they know others would like to have but haven't had a chance to ask for. Yes, it's all quite a jumbled up mess. People who are getting what they want are quick to give the whole "it doesn't matter what material things we get...." speech while they are quickly snatching things left and right. They say it's all about family yet they haven't once stopped to think how they are making other people feel in the process. Even if it's rightly theirs there should be a little more humility in them over it all.

It seems that the ones who were involved the most in my grandmother's day to day life seem to think they have the right to whatever they want. It's true that we weren't nearly as involved one on one with my grandparents, it's hard to be when you live so far away or you are sick and unable to help but that doesn't give others the right to take over. I feel bad for some of my immediate family being stuck in the middle of dealing with it all. Being treated as though they aren't even's long, rough story and I'm angry with how it's all being handled. I'm tired of everyone siding with the wrong side and treating the rest of us, who have done nothing, like we're the bad guys. Life is so unfair it seems, all the time. I try my best not to dwell on it but it upsets me even more when it effects those around me that I love. It's hard to see them disappointed and hurt by people they love and trust or tried to trust. I'm tired of the childishness displayed by young adults and older adults alike. Tattling on each other like children and acting as though they deserve more then the other because of what they've done. There seems to be more "death" after the funeral then during it. And how sad is that, once again, people's self absorbedness tears them away from the people they should be trying to get closer to during this time.

A Sigh of Relief!

Today was Gianna's big procedure day. I was nervous to say the least. I know how she normally reacts to the dr.'s and doing anything with the dr. So I was expecting it to be a rough day. They called me yesterday and told me the procedure was at 8am and that we had to be at the Surgery Center at 6:30am which meant we had to leave the house at 4:45am! Whew. I thought Gianna would sleep the whole way there but she didn't, at all. She listened to music and sang and seemed fairly happy even though she knew we were going to the dr. It was still dark out when we arrived. I was afraid we would be waiting awhile in a cramped waiting room - but I forgot we weren't in Rutherford County anymore! Lol! The waiting room was HUGE and they had this great sound proof, glass encase "room" in the waiting area full of toys and little tables and chair and a TV with kids cartoons playing. Gianna loved it! We didn't wait long at all before someone came and started the paper work and questions with us. She was super nice and friendly, explained things to us, talked to us about her own sons having surgery there. Then a lady came to take us back to get Gianna prepared. Gianna got a little teary eyed at first but the lady sat down with her and talked to her and explained she wasn't getting any "ouchies" today (at least that she would remember!), Gianna calmed down quickly and we went back and Gianna weighed and got measured without any issues (a first!). They took us in a side prep room and had a child speciliast come in, she just talks to the kids, brings them little goodies - she helped Gianna draw pictures with markers all over the sheets! Gianna loved it and felt at ease which was so nice. They gave her some "silly medicine", something to calm and relax her before they took her back - it just helps with the seperation from the parents. Gianna was so funny on it, like she was drunk. Her eyes were all heavy and she kept slurring her words and trying to catch stuff that was in the air that wasn't there! We had a good laugh - when they came to take her back she just laid back in her bed and said "Bye, Daddy!" I was so glad, I was afraid it was going to be lots of tears and screaming to be honest. After they took her back we went to wait in the waiting room, even got some Chik-fil-a for breakfast from the floor up. They took her back to the OR and prepped her with a gas anethesia and then hooked in her IV. The procedure took less then 30 minutes and they would only allow one of us at a time to go back with her while she woke up from anethesia, Beej went first. They told us she would come out of it kinda cranky and weepy and unconsolable. Beej stayed with her for awhile and then we switched because she was asking for me. She said she was hurting so they gave her a little morphine and she calmed down and we drew on her sheets some more. After that they transferred her to a another holding area where we could all be with her - and they gave her some Teddy Grahams and juice. She was hungry since she hadn't been able to eat or drink since before midnight last night. She was already coming around pretty good by the time they discharged us at 10am. She fell asleep in the car and then woke up when we stopped for lunch at IHOP. She even ate some pancake and used the potty - I was a little nervous about her first bathroom experience because they said it might burn a little but she didn't complain at all when she went so that made me feel a lot better. I figured she'd lay around most of the day when we got home but no such luck! She's been at up and at 'em since we got home. Going non stop! I took a nap, I was so worn out but she stayed up with Beej and watched cartoons and played in her room. She's about to head outside right now for a bit! She's so funny, so full of life and energy. I'm just so glad it went so well today - the staff there at Carolina Medical Center was PHENOMANAL! I couldn't have been more pleased with our experience!

On a another good note I ordered some new Toms today! A birthday present from my Papaw and my mother in law - they gave me money and that's what I bought! I love my other ones and I've been wanting another pair for awhile and this seemed like a great time to get them. I can't wait to get them and WEAR them!
All in all, a good day. Glad it's done with.....Gianna will have a follow up appointment for a dye test with Dr. Perez in about 6 weeks to make sure everything is good and in order, for now she'll keep taking her daily antibiotic until they do the test to confirm all is well. After that she should be good for the rest of her life! Hooray!!!

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

To tired to think clearly....

I am too tired to think clearly. I'm not even sure why I'm blogging. I don't really have anything new to say. Still working on the house, still trying to get the last few things put in place and get some order established. It's so odd because I have so much more room then I did at the apartment yet I can't seem to find a place for everything. I think the biggest thing is there isn't as much convient closet space here at there was at the apartment. As crazy as that sounds I'm sure it's true, you have to just leave everything out in the open. And that drives me we are getting there slow but sure.

We put two coats of paint on the bathroom today and I bought a new shower curtain too that will match. I love our old one, it's beautiful - gold, orange, purple and reds. I didn't want to just throw it away so I'm going to turn it into curtains for our bedroom. It'll match our gold, brown and burgundy theme pretty well. The new bathroom look is more creams, browns and teal. The walls are this beautiful jewel tone teal blue! I love it. It's so rich and brilliant! I can't wait to ge the new floor tiles down, it's going to be quite a challenge though. The tiles are swirl patterns of browns, cremes, and teal. It's going to be lovely once it's done!

I did my first work out in my "work out room" this morning! I'm not sure why I call it that - it's pretty much empty except the piano (which is just too large to move anywhere) and my TV on a stand and a large book shelf for the present time. I like having the space to move around and work out without the furniture getting in the way. At some point I'd love to get a treadmill or a spin bike. But for now this will do! I'm doing some Turbo Jam work outs right now, I got a little bored with Insanity. I've been doing it for too long I think. Turbo Jam is fun and a little dancey but I'm learning to push myself at it more to get a better work out. I'm still learning alot of the moves but I'm enjoying it more now. The Turbo Sculpt is awesome! I'm doing it again I did the Cardio Party. It was a pretty good sweat and burn. And I LOVE the Ab Jam. It's fabulous, makes my abs burn like crazy! I still want to get the Turbo Fire work out soon but I don't know when that will be....things are a little tight right now with the move and all the "redecorating" we are doing. So I'll probably get it later......but it's still on my major wish list!

I've got to get my hair cut soon too....I'm not planning on cutting it short again, I'm letting it grow out. It's at that horrible stage where it's not short anymore but it's not long enough still. It's driving me nuts! I can't seem to get it to really do anything. I want to get some more layers put in it just to give it some body and lift again. I'm going to have color it again too - after that red it's fading out quicker then I like. I like to stay really dark, almost black.

I may have a job opening up for me soon! I'm kinda excited about the idea but nervous at the same time. I don't want to say too much about it just yet because I don't know all the details or exactly when it might happen but it's been quite amazing to see how it's come about! I'm eager to see if it's the path the Lord is directing me down or not.

Gianna's procedure is coming up on Friday. The dr.'s office called me today and went over her medical history and gave me a brief run down of how everything will go when we get there. I'm so nervous, I don't want her to be in pain or scared or anything. They said that they will give her a medicine to drink that will make her drowsy then they'll give her a gas to put her completely asleep. After she's asleep they'll attach an IV, I'm so thankful they'll do that after she's out, I don't want her to have to go through that again. The procedure take about 45 minutes and then they'll be about 2 hours of recovery time then we'll be able to go home as long as she doesn't have any fever or anything. I'm ready for it to be over with and her to be well and for us not to have to worry about this anymore. Please pray for us all on Friday!

My birthday is on Monday - I'll be 24! So crazy to think......I think we are going to celebrate a little early on Saturday evening and go eat dinner at Carrabba's! I love Carrabba's, their bread is amazing and their Sirloin Marsala is to die for! I'm rather excited about going!

Well, I think that's about all my tired mind can come up with for the moment! Until next time......

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Just a moment....

I haven't had any time to blog lately! We have just been SO busy that by the time I do get a little break around 9pm when Gianna goes to bed I just watch a movie or crash. I can't even think straight enough to put up a decent blog. Plus I think I just keep kinda saying the same things over and over too!
The first room I tackled was the living room, I needed some place that was clean, organized and in place for Gianna to go and for us to go to get away from the chaos of the rest of the house. So it's been in order since Saturday night. I didn't get a chance to do much on Sunday. We slept late, we all desperately needed it, and then went out to lunch, ran a few errands and then baby sat my mother in law's new kittens while she went to pick up some friends from the airport. That turned into a very long ordeal and we didn't get home till almost midnight. Ugh. Yesterday we ran more errands and made it home mid afternoon. I did managed to squeeze in a 45 minute Turbo Jam work out yesterday morning too. Once we got home yesterday I spent the rest of the afternoon cleaning and organizing mine and Beej's room, helped cook dinner (it's so nice having D's help!) and then cleaned and organized Gianna's room. It all looks so nice! Today I'm hoping to get my work out room cleaned out and in order. Right now it's housing all the unopened boxes and stuff that doesn't have a place yet! So that's my goal for today and possibly tomorrow too. Thursday, after we have piano lessons, my plan is to spend all day working on the bathroom. We are going to paint it and re-tile the floor. I'm so excited, we have all the stuff sitting there but I don't want to start on a project like that when the rest of the house is in such disarray. Beej started getting his studio/"man room" in order last night too. It feels so good to have things neat and in place! I am still getting used to the house of course, it's odd being here without my parents and calling it my home now! Hopefully with a little more time I'll feel this place is mine.....or ours! Gianna keeps reminding us that this is "our house now....."! It's so cute. Although everytime we leave and head into Rutherfordton she asks if we are going home.
So that's a quick update on our life, currently. My birthday is less then a week away. This one is going to be different, I don't remember the last birthday I had that my mother wasn't around to make it a huge deal. She usually takes me out for breakfast or lunch and just makes the whole day about me and then we usually have a small family party in the evening. Not only will she not be here this time but my birthday also falls on a Monday so Beej will be at work. I think it will probably end up just being another day....we may go out for dinner that night to 'celebrate'. I am waiting to get my work out program, I just don't have the money for it right now. Extra is going into getting the new house in order right now and that's ok. I think I may do a round of P90X next if I can get my pull up bar put up somewhere in the work out room. Not sure how I can do that because of the doors but we'll see. I did get my new work out shoes and I'm thrilled about that. I'm hoping for a hair cut and maybe even a massage possibly but we'll see. I most certainly NEED the hair cut - my hair is growing out now and it's driving me nuts. I hate this stage.....and a massage, well, that would just be nice! Plus I'm checking out some new Toms shoes too! I have a pair I want, more suited for Fall/Winter. So we'll see what I end up with!

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Updates, updates...Read all about it!

I have been slacking a lot when it comes to blogging lately. Even with the Blog Challenge. I just don't seem to have enough time in the day right now to get to it. To stop and really think out what I want to say and all so I just haven't done it! I have a few extras minutes this morning because I got up about 30 minutes before I planned to so that gets my morning off to a good start. I have a lot to accomplish today but I'm not fretting or stressing about it, that doesn't help anything get done! But first of all.....these are my new Nikes! I'm in love with them and can't wait to work out this morning and try them out! They are the new Nike Reax Rockets. The reviews looked really good on them for someone who does a lot of high energy, high impact exercise. Which I do! I got a new pair of Sauchony's, nice ones, back at Christmas but I've worn them out already. I can still use them but they aren't supporting my feet the way I need right now. Insanity is rough on shoes!!! But I've never had any black or blue tennis shoes before, I always go for grey and pink and that sorta thing. But I thought these were pretty rockin' hot! They were an early birthday present from my parents.....


Tomorrow is THE official moving day. We are getting a U-Haul and moving everything out of the apartment. Beej is going to all the cleaning on Saturday while Gi and I are helping out at the yard sale we are having. Which by the way for those who live in the Boiling Springs/Shelby, NC area or don't mind driving 20 or 30 minutes you really must come check out this yard sale! It's going to be HUGE and we are pricing things to go - everything must be sold! Antiques, furniture, kitchen appliances and tools, a fridge, a dryer, children's toys, clothing, shoes, jewelry, books, etc. We'll be holding it at 3030 McKinney Rd. Boiling Springs, NC (there is a Boilings Springs, SC too but that's not where we'll be! Lol!) Spread the word, let your friends and family know and maybe we'll see some of you there - I certainly hope so! It starts at 8am and will close up around 2pm!
But I still have ALOT to pack up here at the apartment, I've got to work out and then that is all I'm focusing on today. Getting stuff in boxes and suitcases and getting it moved to our new place! Luckily we don't keep a lot of extra junk around - my husband is very good about keeping things cleaned out and organized and as clutter free as possible. Though it gets on my nerves occasionally in the end I'm very thankful he does especially now that we are moving. There isn't a lot of clutter to be packed or sorted through. We know what we have and we know where it's going! So thank you, Beej, for your organized mind!!!!
I think Gianna is slightly confused as to whats going on exactly. I keep explaining to to her but she doesn't get that Janou and Pops and her uncles won't be living there anymore or that we won't be coming back to our apartment. She talks about the "new house" and everything but I'm not sure she quite grasps it all just yet! But she is excited, we painted her room purple the other day and she kept telling me it was her "favorite color ever!" So I think she's pretty proud of it! I can't wait to put up "before" and "after" photos for everyone. But of course I'm waiting to do that once everything is organized and in it's place and not a moment before!

I made my appointment with WeeRuns this morning and I am so excited! I keep looking at all the stuff I have set aside in Gianna's closet for it and I can't wait to get it priced and sold! I have a lot of good quality, name brand things to go this year. This will be my first time selling and I'm a little nervous to know how it all goes but for the most part I think I have a good idea. For those of you who don't know what WeeRuns is it's a twice a year consignment sell in our area. They do a Spring/Summer sale and then a Fall/Winter sell. I've been to two sells so far and I always find Gianna a lot of great things for good prices. This year I'm selling and buying! I've got to go to buy all the supplies I need to price everything and get it ready before my appointment. But since I'm selling I'll get in to the early sell which is nice and I can take my sis with me this time around - we'll have fun shopping for stuff for Gi! We have so much to get done before my appointment though! Whew! I foresee much busy-ness is my future!

My birthday is like, uh, ten days away, I think! Lol! I can't even keep up with it....I'm excited but this year will be very different since my family won't be in town and my hubby will be working on my b-day. I think 24 may come and start going without much notice this time around. That's ok, I guess I can plan to make a big deal out of my 25th birthday! I've already gotten two of my birthday presents......

Well, ladies and gentlemen, I am off to work out. I recently got a few of the Turbo Jam work outs from a friend just to try and see what I think. I've heard great things about TJ so we'll see how it goes. I need something to change it up a bit with Insanity until I can get Turbo Fire. Since I'll have a work out room at my new house (YAY!!!) I want to start looking for a stationery bike. A friend of mine does Cycling classes at her gym and it looks like so much fun - of course I'll have to find some kinda of cycling routine on DVD to work with but I'm sure there are some out there somewhere!!!! So until next time, have a wonderful day!!!!

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Day 21

Today is something I do differently than anyone else.....
I can't think of much really!
But when I eat frosted mini wheats I always stack them and arrange them
frosted side up. I can't stand to just pour them all into the bowl mumbo-jumbo!
There are probably other people who do this too I just don't know about them.
I don't think anyone is quite as "special" as they think!

Monday, August 9, 2010

Day 20 - A Hobby of Mine

I am a scrapbooker! Yep. And old fashion scrapbooker if you will. I do everything the "hard" way, I have all the supplies in various boxes, I print up my photos, etc. I know alot of people have opted to start digitally scrapbooking but to me it's just not the same and I don't even considere it scrapbooking really. Photo's collaging maybe but not scrapbooking! Anyone can create something on the computer but it takes a lot more times and creativity to put together something all on your own using random products! I love taking the time to collect my memories and arrange them and display them where other can hopefully enjoy them as much as I do. I've been scrapbooking since I was like 8 or 9 but really got into it full fledge after Gianna was born. I realized how quickly time was going by and how quickly, even though I didn't want them to, my memories seemed to be fading already of her being a baby and all the little things and trips we've done. Stuff that I'll honestly probably forget we ever did or she ever did if I don't take a picture and make a photo memory of it. I'm not a photographer, no where close, in fact I rarely carry my camera anywhere anymore. My sis D is THE photographer to have around, she captures everything so beautifully so I just take her a long and then print up her photos which are so much more creative and lovely then anything I'd take! I went through a huge scrapbooking kick for awhile a few months ago and managed to get all caught up on events and holidays but over the past month or so I've fallen behind again and desperately need a day to work on it again. I'm excited that I'll have ALOT more room to work with once we move into our new house! One of the biggest issue here at the house has been not enough room for me to get all my stuff out and really have the space to work. But that's all about to change! Yay! I'm going to have to have D take some photos of our apartment. I don't want to forget it, it was Gianna's first home. The only home she's known so far and I don't want to ever forget it!
So that's my hobby, or one of them at least!

Sunday, August 8, 2010

Day 19 - A Talent of Mine

I hate saying I'm talented at anything. Because to me, talent is subjective. Just because you think you are talented at something or someone else does doesn't always make it true necessarily. So sometimes I hesitate to say that I'm talented in one thing or another. But over the years I guess I've had enough people all over the States tell me that singing is my God given talent that I've started to believe them! Lol! I love to sing, I love the way I feel on stage, I love the emotion of singing, the feeling I get belting out a tune I love! And I would like to think I'm pretty decent at doing there it is. Nothing new really. I do hope that once things settle down here that I can get back to writing again and start recording. It will be a lot easier too now that Beej is going to have a room specifically for recording! I'm very excited about that! I'm also going to start doing some vlogs on Youtube of me singing and doing a few covers of some songs I like and enjoy singing. So we'll see where all that goes some day soon! But for now, that's it!

Saturday, August 7, 2010

Moving on up!

I'm skipping the blog challenge Day 18. It's a moment you felt passionate and alive and I honestly just can't bring anything specific to mind. It's probably because at this moment I feel pretty much dead! Lol! I'm so tired, exhausted from being on my feet all day long. So I'm just going to skip over it and start up again tomorrow!
So as I announced on my FB today, for those of you who are my FB friends, we are officially changing addresses. No, we aren't moving out of state, just yet, we hope that move will happen in the next couple of years but for now we are still in good ole NC. Which I'm good with for the moment because I think it's where we are needed, FOR THE MOMENT! Plus I would hate to give up my wonderful piano teacher right now we are moving to a house. We currently live in a 2 bedroom apartment and now we're moving into a 5 bedroom house! I couldn't be more thrilled!
My parents are going to be "temporarily" moving to Alabama to live with my grandfather for now. To take care of him for awhile. They thought about moving him here but they just felt it would be easier on him mentally to stay where he's comfortable and used to things. Where he is near his doctors and his daughter and her family as well. They decided that in the end it would be best for them to go there. My brothers are starting school there Monday and they are settling in fairly well, pretty quickly. But in the mean time they have a house here that needs to be lived in and taken care that's what we are going to do. We are moving officially in exactly week. I haven't even started packing my own house. Yikes. I've spent the past week packing up my parents house for them and helping my Dad get their major furniture loaded and headed down to Bama. Plus we have started re-painting stuff here at the house too. My sister is going to be living with us for now until she moves to Bama to live with my aunt and take care of their new baby (who is due at the end of the month!). I hate that she's going to be going, especially since Mom and everyone is gone to Alabama now....but that's another sob story for another day! Anyway, we are busy, busy, busy here. D and I spent all day today repainting the kitchen. I'm so excited to get it done and put up "after" pictures. The kitchen was some crazy colors I painted back when I was 16 years old! I got this brilliant idea to paint the kitchen pink, yellow and mint green! So the walls were pink, and the cabinets were yellow with mint green doors. Yes, you'll see the "before" picture at some point! It was wild - oh and I did I mention the floor was black and white checkered? yeah, so we are painting it some more neutral, modern colors. The walls are a nice slate grey now and the cabinets are being painted white so it's going to look so nice! We got the walls painted today and one coat on the cabinets, I'm totally beat. More to do tomorrow. We still have to paint the hall way, what will be Gianna's room and bathroom. Plus redo the bathroom floors and put carpet down in our "new" bedroom too! Whew! It's going to be a chaotic month for sure. We are having a HUGE yardsale in Boiling Springs, NC next Saturday. Near Shelby. I'll post more details later but we are going to have a TON of stuff to sell, that must go so we are planning to advertise big and get it all gone!
So that's what's going on for us! Exciting times and we feel like it's going to be a really good thing for us. The room will be so nice, Beej will finally have his studio/man room he's been wanting. I'll have a work out room - I'm so excited about that! Not having to move furniture or take up anyone's TV. Plus we'll have all the room outdoors as well as the pool. Gianna's going to love being able to play outside and enjoy the rest of the summer and upcoming Fall! Good things are ahead!

Friday, August 6, 2010

Happy (Belated) Anniversary!!!

Yesterday Benjamin and I celebrated our 5 year wedding anniversary yesterday! I can't believe it's been that long and at the same time it really seems like yesterday that we got married....time is such a funny thing.
But I will say I love him more and more each day, honestly. I think we learn to love each other in new and different ways. We appreciate each other more now than I think we did before. He is truly the love of my life and even at times when we get a little frustrated with each other I can't honestly imagine my life without him. I see what an amazing father he is to Gianna and it makes me love him even more - how sweetly he loves her and it makes my heart smile!
Things are changing, rather swiftly for us right now and I am happy about what the future holds. I know that our dreams and hopes for the future will happen with hard work and determination and I know that Beej is willing to work hard for them, he's determined to see them happen! And I am proud of him for all he does....
I couldn't be more blessed with anyone that could possibly love me more than Beej does! And I'm proud to call him mine!

We were able to spend the evening out last night - we had a super yummy dinner at PF Changs, we hadn't been in quite awhile and we just love the area it's in up in Asheville! So we try to sneak off and enjoy some time there whenever we can!
We also decided to see a movie, we wanted to see Inception originally but the show times didn't work for us so we decided to see Salt instead. And we were not disappointed at all! I knew it would be good but it was a lot better then I had expected it to be! I'm pretty sure they will be doing a sequel and I can't wait to see it! There are now two sequels I'm excited to see - the sequel to Salt and the sequel to District 9!!!
It was so nice just relaxing and talking and laughing last night....this past week has been pretty busy and hectic and it was nice to just enjoy some time with Beej last night! It was a great 5 year anniversary!!!
I love you, Benjamin Carroll.

Day 16 & 17

I got way too busy yesterday to take time to post my anniversary post will be a bit belated as well. I hopefully will get to blog about all that later tonight. For now I'm again in a hurry so I'm getting my Day 16 - A Song That Makes You Cry and Day 17 - A Piece of Art

I have found that the old hymns literally move me to tears especially when sang with all the emotion and beauty that Carrie Underwood uses when she sand "How Great Thou Art", one of my favorite hymns of all time! I find that these songs seem to capture the pure Majesty of our Savior better than any modern song can. Their ultimate sincerity and purity moves me to tears!
Click here to hear Carrie's AMAZING version of this song!

I know there are probably tons of art pieces I have seen and admired. I tend to gravitate towards more abstract pieces. I find Picasso's pieces very interesting and alluring. But I do believe the Sistine Chapel painted by Michelangelo is beyond beautiful and beyond words to describe the detail and beauty in this huge piece of art! So for today, that is my inspiring piece of art to share with you!