"My disappointments with you far out weigh the moments I'm proud of you...."
Those are words no child should ever hear from their parent and those are words no parent should ever say to their child even if it might be true. There are times that I hear things that parents say or have said to their children and I honestly can't imagine ever saying those things to Gianna. I'm not perfect, far from it, I've said things I wish I hadn't sometimes but I'm quick to apologize and correct myself because I never ever want Gianna to feel like she is the cause of my frustration or disappointment. Even once she is older I can't imagine her doing anything that will make me dislike her or hate her or be completely disappointed in who she is. Sure, she will make choices I'll wish she had made differently, she'll do things differently than I would, she won't be me. I already see that in her. And sometimes it's hard not to fight against that - to make her be "like" me. She likes different clothes and shoes, she likes different TV shows, different food, etc. I don't want her to be like me, I want her to be her and I want her to always feel proud and confident of who she is. I don't want her questioning and wondering if I'll like her if she does or doesn't do something. I will do my best to train her in the right way but like it or not she will not see things the same way I do. I do want her to love and honor God in everything she does but the way she does that may be different than how I do it.
It seems like every generation has their group of things they deem "wrong". Some of them are wrong and go directly against God's written word. Those things I never question. But there are some things that some religious nut decided were "wrong" and that has been ingrained into that generations minds. For instance, my grandparents no matter how much you reason with them and show them scriptures, etc, they will always think tattoos are wrong. They also believe wearing pants to church is a sin. It's not a sin, it's a preference and that's fine as long as you don't push those preferences on others and assume they aren't as God fearing as you because they do things a little differently.
I just hope that I can find the balance with my daughter. I do not want her to push her to do things just cause it makes me feel better or makes me feel like I look better. I want her to search out things for herself. She has to work out her salvation on her own. As each of us have to. I don't believe God calls us all to the same convictions. It can't be because I see tons of men and women of God daily who all have different ideas of what God has called them too. Don't get me wrong, there are set-in-stone right and wrong's that God has given us. But then there are things that are kinda left us to our discretion. Whether or not you wear pants to church, whether or not you think shorts are ok (or how long or short they should be), whether or not wearing short sleeves is ok but not wearing tank tops, whether one ear piercing is ok but two isn't, etc. Obviously people like the Duggars are extreme in their convictions but then our former pastor in AL is not nearly that "strict" yet I believe they both love God with all their hearts and are doing their very best to serve Him to their utmost.
My point is this - we are all different and our disappoints and expectations shouldn't be put on others so that they carry an unnecessary burden their entire lives. Trying to please someone or something that they just can't please. Life is hard enough with out feeling like you are failing someone every step of the way. I want Gianna to always have my undying love, support and pride. She makes me proud just because she's mine, that's it. That's all I want to put on her.
