So my first day of SlimFast went SO well, I was actually really surprised. I never really got hungry and I didn't feel bad at all! I was thrilled! But yesterday it kinda hit me....I think my body went into full "detox" mode last night and suddenly I was shaky, head achey and crabby for no real reason. And that's usually what happens to me when I come off sugar. Horrible, isn't it?! To think that sugar has that strong of a hold on your body. You don't realize how much you consume nor do you realize how awful it actually makes you feel until you come off of it completely. I've done it enough now and been off it completely for long enough periods of time that I now know the feeling and effect it has on me. I realize how slow and sluggish I feel, how tired and run down, a lack of energy, how bloated it makes me feel too....all those feelings I quickly identify when I'm eating too much sugar. I don't see how people go their whole lives living on soda's and candy now. I spent about 5 days in AL with my family and I really just kinda let myself be - I didn't do my work outs (although I did do bike rides almost every day anywhere from 3-6 miles) and I didn't watch what I ate at all. It was fun for a day or two but then I felt frumpy in my clothes and just so worn down even though I was doing less then I normally do at home. And I hate those feelings! Hopefully today will be a bit better - I am drinking my water again, although I don't think I'm up to quite as much as I'm supposed to have, I'm getting there! I keep asking why I do this to myself, I know how I'll feel, I know how I feel when I come off of sugar but I keep going back. It's seriously like a drug and a bad habit.
I skipped out on piano this week....lame, I know. But honestly I just felt kinda discouraged with it the past couple of weeks. Yeah, yeah, I know - I'm doing great, it takes time, etc. I got all that but it still doesn't change my feelings of discouragement for the moment! So I decided just to give myself a break this week. I didn't get to practice at all this past week being in Bama so I still don't have my songs figured out. Anyway, I'm sure once I'm past this "detox" mode I will feel better about it. It's amazing how food and lack of nutrients can affect your mood and demeanor. I'm not quitting piano, I do love it most of the time! Lol! And my teacher is great but occasionally I just have to take a step back. If I keep pushing when I'm frustrated or upset with something it just ends up being worse in the end. If I take a step back and take a deep breath and plunge into it with a cleared mind things seems to progress better.
I have WeeRuns tonight and I'm quite excited! My sis is going to go with me since no one else wanted to....so sad, I know! But sometimes I think it's better this way - without a lot of friends. Less emotional roller coasters to deal with. I have casual friends I keep up with on FB and those kind of friendships seem to be the best for now. I'm not ready to be "buddies" with older more mature women, I'm not ready to feel "old" yet! Lol! But it seems girls/women my own age are far too consumed with themselves to be a good friend. So for now, I'm good with me and my hubby! But I am thrilled to be going and hunting for Fall stuff for Gianna. I love shopping for her and dressing her up. Her new thing is she wants to match me! I rarely go for that, I'm not into the whole matchy-matchy thing but occasionally it's cute. The other day she was debating with me whether guys and girls can wear jeans or just guys! Haha! Her little mind is always at work!
Tuesday we take Gi in for her last (fingers crossed!) appointment with the urologist in Charlotte. It's her final after procedure check up. They'll do another dye test where they fill her bladder with dye and watch it on x-rays to make sure it's not refluxing anymore. Luckily, this time with the dye test she'll be out unlike when they did it at Rutherfordton Hospital. They just held her down and forced a cath into her. Now that I look back on it I'm am horrified that I let her go through that but at the same time I hadn't dealt with real professionals at that point so I didn't know they did it any other way. The hospital acted like everyone did it this way with little 3 year olds. Now I know better and it makes me angry that they would be so cruel to her....how traumatic would that be for her?! I can't even think about it, it just makes me sick to my stomach. But thankfully, we are dealing with true, kind professionals who have only Gi's best interest at heart and I'm so thankful for the care and attention we have recieved so far! I'm eager for her to get the "all clear" and we'll be done with this and the daily antibiotic! Hooray! It's been a long year dealing with this off and on.....I'm glad, especially for her sake, that it's all over with.