Wednesday, March 30, 2011


Doesn't it seem like every time you turn around these days couples are breaking up and divorcing left and right? I hate it, I hate to see love go wrong. But more then anything I hate that it truly seems like no one works at making relationships last and work. It's so easy to just walk away and be done when you get bored, frustrated or just tired of trying. I was raised in a home where once you say 'I do' then that's it, you are committed for life. Unless of course there is infidelity or abuse. And in that case I believe a spouse has every right to walk away. But for the most part I believe splits and divorces happen simple because people are selfish and think only of themselves. It's hard to truly take a step back from yourself and think of someone else first and foremost.
When it's your child it's a little easier but choosing someone to love forever is a little different. Marriage is anything but easy, and the pressure and stress of every day life, each other family's, figuring out where you are going in can all get to you. I see so many marriages where each spouse thinks only of themselves and then wonders why their marriage is crumbling. They feel like the victim, they feel like they have every right to dislike or distrust that person and perhaps they do but if your spouse has done something so bad that you can forgive them or can't trust them again then maybe it's time to walk away instead of living life miserably. BUT, the key is that it's a true reason. Not just a feeling you have.

I think there is a balance to dating and not dating. I know there seems to be so many extremes these days too - people who go through "boyfriends/girlfriends" like water but others who are strict to only dating the person they are going to marry. I don't want my daughter to be a serial dater by any means but at the same time I don't want her to become so obsessed with the idea of dating only one person that she gets stuck with the wrong person. Let me tell you, what that person does or is while you are dating isn't going to change once you get married! If they are jobless, lazy, boring, etc. while you are dating, it's probably not gonna change a lot. It's sad because I do feel like too many girls get obsessed with a one man dating life and then have to sacrifice their dreams because they are stuck with a guy who can't support or encourage them. No, I don't think you should run around dating and sleeping with a bunch of men to "try them out". But casual dating to get to know guys is a good thing. There may be a lot you like about someone but after being with them for awhile you may discover things that bother you or hold you back. And if those things can't be changed then it's time to step away.

Finding your balance is dating and then one day marriage isn't easy. But more then anything it takes work, effort and a true commitment. Too many people opt for splits and divorces because the other one won't do what they want or act how they want them to......and most often if we truly stop and take a look we will realize that it's because of US that they act the way they do. If you spouse blows up on you when you ask them to do something maybe you should take a look at yourself and see if you are demanding or nagging. Does your spouse shut down when you try to talk to them, maybe it's because you don't listen to what they have to say or what's on their heart. It's amazing how far stopping and truly thinking about the feelings and wishes of your significant other can take you. I don't always do that, but I try! And I can honestly say that when my husband and I think of each other first in the end we both usually get what we wanted in the first place!

It's all about effort and true commitment, people. But make sure you are making the right choice in the first place.......

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