So I keep going back and forth in my head about going back to school. I hate the thought because I hate studying and writing papers and disciplining myself to doing all that. Plus I worry that I won't be able to do it and be a mom at the same time although I know countless people do it constantly. I don't want to be one of those overstressed moms who gets way in over their heads but doesn't know where to stop. I've seen it and I just don't wanna go there. But at the same time I would like to go into a field I really enjoy or at least think I'll enjoy. I'm still fairly young, I guess. Lol! I don't think I'll ever want to go back into Cosmetology full time - it's fun but it's a hard field to get going and I don't know that I want to be standing on my feet for countless hours anyway. I still enjoy doing hair for my family and few friends or whatever but I don't think I want to try and make a career of that.
As much as I love music and love the "idea" of being in music I don't know that I have the drive, dedication and creativeness to actually do it and be good at it. I guess I've come to the realization that my hubby is probably going to be the artistic, famous one! I don't want to give up on music completely of course but I do want to have a "back up" career where I can get a job and make some money. I guess I want to be able to help lighten Beej's load when it comes to providing and making money. I want to be able to help up get a house and a new car and whatever else may come our way. I want Gianna to be able to be apart of activities without worrying about the money part of it. I'd love to get her into dance and gymnastics and music lessons at some point. But the truth is it all takes money - I see everything that everyone "else" does and I just wonder how. I'm not jealous or angry that they get to do it I just wonder how they do it. Beej and I doing really good with our money - we don't have debt and we keep things simple I guess but still things are usually budgeted out pretty evenly.
I figure if I get started in school fairly soon then I will hopefully have a two year degree by the time (or shortly after) Gianna starts school and whether that is here or somewhere else I'll have a degree to help me get a job somewhere. Or so that's the plan in my head!
We don't know what the future holds for us - we don't want to be here for the rest of our lives yet I know I'm kinda scared to go anywhere else. I don't like the unfamiliar or the unknown. Usually I find that once I step out into it it's not as bad as I have imagined but still, it's making that first step that scares me. We love Huntsville, AL of course and we've always wanted to live in Nashville/Franklin, TN. But obviously jobs and living arrangements have to be right, etc. I guess we need to start doing some serious praying because we have less then two years now to decide and get there! I just honestly don't want Gianna growing up here and living here for the rest of her life. I don't want her to have that poverty mentality that "everyone" around here seems to have. I want her to accomplished and classy, I want her to be smart and have every opportunity to make the most of herself and I just don't feel like that is going to be here. I don't want to be content here, I don't want this to be "it." I want to do more and see more but I'm scared to go......
I keep praying for wisdom and a clear answer - but want I really want is for someone to tell me what to do. I don't want to the full weight and responsibility of making the decision on my own because I'm scared I'll make the wrong one. I did contact the local college to ask them what kind of degree and what kind of courses I'll have to take to go into the field of Nutrition/Health. I've also thought about going into Physical Training too but I figure that seems pretty easy to get into - it seems everyone around here is a personal trainer! Lol! So I figure I can possibly get my certificate in PT later on if I want to. I'm just ready to better myself, or at least I think I'm ready......will I ever really know I'm ready? Will I ever actually be ready or is it just something I'll just have to do?