I don't think I talk enough about my daughter - I'm not an over the top, mushy gushy kinda person. Sometimes I wish I were but even though I think mushy gushy stuff about my daughter I just don't talk about it alot. But yesterday, while I was out mowing (yes, that's a good place to do some praying and thinking), Gianna was running around picking flowers and dancing around in her bright yellow sun dress it just struck me, in a whole new way, what beauty a child possesses. Whether or not that child is what the world terms as "beautiful" or not there is still a precious, innocence about them that make them breath taking.
I watch my daughter greet each day with a brightness that I often envy and most recently have tried to copy. I want to find beauty and joy in the day like she does. She finds simple pleasures so fun - yesterday we spent some time in the pool, just floating around, squirting each other with water "guns" and chit chatting. Later she informed me that she had "so much fun." Watching her laugh and giggle as we tousled around on the floor last night, tickling each other. I miss her baby-ness sometimes, I won't lie. But I love this age too - the discovering, the bravery, the outgoingness, the endless possibilities.
My hubby found some old videos on his computer of her several years ago, not even two yet I don't think and hearing her tiny baby voice and the way she said "care-pull" instead of "careful"......it almost brought tears to my eyes. And all of a sudden I realized just how grown up she is. And how quickly time passes....wasn't it just yesterday we brought her home from the hospital? And yet, in other ways, I don't remember life without her!
I watch her creative side - how she puts things together and pretends. I love seeing her discover her favorites - right now her favorites are Bubble Guppies, Justin Bieber, her checkered "golf" skirt, strawberry anything, waffles (still!) and swimming.
I find her zest and excitement for meeting people and playing with other kids grand - I want her to be outgoing and friendly. She is so excited about school and I know she's going to do so well there. Her love of music and her love of spending time with her daddy, make me so proud!
I also see her sensitive side - the side that hates to be wrong or mess up. The way she gets so heart broken when she does something wrong and gets scolded or corrected. Or the way she is so concerned about other children's opinion of her. I do my best to encourage her to be who she is and not worry about what the other kids think but I already see her desire to be accepted.
I hope and pray that I'm teaching her well, that she is learning from me in a positive way. I don't want to raise her to be ungrateful and unsatisfied, yet at the same time I hope to teach her to work hard for what she wants and to not give up on dreams and hopes. To not become consumed with pleasing anyone but God and knowing in her heart when things are right. I hope to raise a polite, caring, loving, bright, smart young lady who knows who she is!
I am overwhelmed sometimes that I have been entrusted with this amazing little life! That God saw me fit to the best parent I can be, I'm not perfect, not even close. But I'm trying my very best to be a good mother and a great friend. I want to be a trust worthy source of strength and advice for my daughter, someone she knows she can turn to without fear of judgment or resentment for her choices and/or mistakes and triumphs!
I love my daughter more then anything.....
I hope that I'm providing her with a home and a life full of
love, joy and beautiful memories.
I don't want her to remember me as being boring, or stressed, or disconnected.
I hope she sees that I gave being a mother my all.
Motherhood isn't something I planned on, but I've long ago realized
that sometimes our plans aren't the best plans -
I would have missed out on so many amazing moments
if I hadn't become a mother!