I'm not going to go into a lot of details, at least not yet, but God is really helping me grow up lately. Pushing me beyond myself and looking at the future far more than I am comfortable with. Far more. Because looking at the future means you have to realize that either you have a good plan or you have absolutely no clue! And I kinda feel like right now our entire future is a huge load of questions with seemingly no answers in sight! But I know that's not true - I know that God has the answers we just have to open ourselves up to them and follow them. The problem is God's answers are never in the order we think they should be and they are never as detailed as we really wish they'd be. I want a book laying everything out step by step!
We have a lot of big decisions ahead - my husband and I both have desires and visions for our lives - individually and together as a family - and finding the balance of all that is so very hard. It is almost paralyzing, you don't want to move because you are afraid you will make the wrong move and screw everything up yet standing still isn't getting you any closer either. Waiting around for "answers" or "signs", anything to tell you that you it's time to take the step or leap out. But it's never that simple is it? Nope, never. All we know is that where we are at and what we are right now isn't all that's meant for us.
I want someone to give me the answers so most often when I have a desire, a dream, a vision, a plan....I run tell someone, everyone! I hope that something they say will point me in the right direction. But more often then not the opposite happens - when you share your heart in a premature fashion the criticism usually shuts you down before you ever get close to where you need to be and then you are back at square one trying to figure out what happened and how you missed it so badly.
I feel like I'm bursting at the seems with ideas and visions for my life and the life of my family and yet it's not exactly the right time to share those. But (and this is the point I'm getting to!), I am so very glad I have a husband that I can share my heart with! It's not always easy for me, I really have to push outside my comfort zone. I'm afraid I'll sound stupid or silly or that if we disagree on something I'll be crushed and totally abandon the idea. I know, it's really ridiculous of me but over the years of our marriage I have learned to trust my husband. To know that he only wants the best for me, Gianna and himself. And that his reaction to things may not always be what I want it to be but he's always honest. And I have to appreciate that quality in him, and I do. Last night my hubby and I spent some time out - went to see a movie and grabbed some dinner - and had probably the best open, heart-to-heart conversation we have ever had. We were honest and open about so many things that we've both been pondering and thinking and praying about. And we both realized we are more on the same page then we thought! There are still things we have to pray about, work out and determine when and how is the best way to go about them but I'm so happy and blessed to know I have a husband who loves me and doesn't doubt me and doesn't brush my visions aside. I'm excited about our future and what it holds for us, I'm excited about learning and growing and falling even more in love with my husband and the man God has made him. I'm so very blessed!