Ok, when I first had my child I never ever thought I'd compare our position in life to anyone else's. We do our very best and I've always been proud of how well we handle our money and how much we do manage to do on one limited income. For the most part I am content with what life is giving me right now, I do hope for more in the future. But I'll admit there are days that other people's "fortune" kinda gets to me. Not just for me, yeah, I get jealous of people who get to shop more then I do, or people who drive nicer cars or get to go on bigger and better vacations but I can deal with all that. It's when it comes to things my child doesn't have or get to do. It breaks my heart and makes me angry at the same time. It wasn't a big deal when she was a little baby. I mean, I didn't care about super nice strollers or fancy car seats. But now that she's older and we are getting to that age where kids are doing "stuff" - sports, dance, gymnastics, karate, etc. I want Gianna to be able to do the things she enjoys and be apart of stuff she loves. Right now she's in love with dance and I really want her to be able to do dance but right now $40 a month plus the cost of shoes, dance clothes, recital outfits........it gets pretty costly. And I feel so bad when she says "I can't wait to go to my new dance class....." when I'm not sure she's going to get to go.
I feel like I'm surrounded by people who, rightfully, get to do SO much more for there kids. Don't get me wrong, Gianna is one blessed kiddo. But I think we all want to do more for our kids no matter how much we seem to do. Every time I hear someone else I know has enrolled their kid in new dance classes or gymnastics or karate or their taking their kids to DisneyWorld or whatever it may be I get a sinking feeling in my gut.
I feel it's one more thing I'm letting me kid down on.
Growing up I didn't have the comparisons because I was home schooled on a farm in the middle of no where with no TV or internet. Yeah, I had no idea what I missing out on and maybe that was good for me. But now I seem to be surrounded by constant reminders that I'm not doing good enough. I know that me getting a part time, minimum wage job isn't going to solve our financial issues. It is going to create more issues because we'll need to start thinking about a second car, more gas, more insurance, etc. But I'm hoping maybe it will work into enough money to be able to get Gianna involved in something she loves. I wish so much that I had been able to take dance as a young kid and I love how Gianna's face lights up when she sees ballerina's or dance shoes and how excited she gets talking about taking tap (she wants to take tap dancing SO bad! The girl has rhythm, what can we say?!).
I so want to be able to give my daughter everything, I guess sometimes I feel like I'm being a failure as a parent. Not a complete failure because I love my child, she has a good roof over her head, I'm teaching her right from wrong, she has a room full of toys, a closet full of clothes and shoes. But it never seems like what she deserves......
Do you ever feel this way? Because honestly I feel like I'm the only one who feels like this!