This morning I ran across this post via another post. And to be perfectly honest I was a little
surprised and then totally upset at the whole "idea."
I am beyond tired of people getting so upset about people being beautiful or attractive. I'm tired of hearing about how celebrities are nothing but air brushed fakes. I'm tired of people getting onto other people because they take pride in their appearance.
There is NOTHING wrong with that!!!! Nothing.
Now back to the idea this post gives - about avoiding giving children or girls compliments
because their looks shouldn't be the first thing you think about. I'm sorry your looks are your first impression. Doesn't mean you have to be a beauty queen but being well put together and neat and clean is important. It's your first impression to people.
I compliment my daughter ALL the time - because guess what? If you don't she'll look for it somewhere else! And that's no joke. You can act like if you don't make the priority her looks then she won't make it priority. And I believe just the opposite - if you aren't the one to praise her then she will find someone else to praise her.
Growing up "looks" were a no-no around my house. We didn't talk about being pretty, we talk about looking good, we didn't worry about working out - because that was all vain. And needless to say, I feel like because I didn't have my mother's affirmation in how I looked I looked to someone else to find that affirmation and I think even to this day I struggle to get that in one way or another. I wasn't allowed to play with Barbie Dolls because that would encourage me to want to be skinny or have big boobs, I wasn't allowed to look at fashion magazines because all it portrayed was sex. I wasn't allowed to wear shorts after like 5 years old because showing your legs could be a stumbling block for some guy and it was vain and ungodly.
Now I feel like I'm self conscious of my body because that's what I was taught, I was taught to almost be ashamed of my body and to keep it covered. It was stumbling block for young men, it was a wrong. I don't want my child to want to hide - I want her to know that I find her beautiful and that I'm proud of how she presents herself on the outside AS WELL as the inside.
And no, you don't have to stop at "you look nice" or "oh, what a pretty dress" - move on from there and talk about other things but don't act as though giving someone a sincere compliment is going to mess them up for the rest of their lives. I love nothing more then when someone gives Gianna a compliment on how she looks because I know I work hard to keep her looking nice and kept up.
No, looks shouldn't be the ONLY thing but they are key as well as other things. I don't just tell Gianna she's cute all the time - I tell her she's smart, she's funny, she's talented, she's got a great imagination, etc. But in my opinion it is just as important to feel like I find her beautiful, and that her daddy finds her beautiful!
So speak to your daughters (and sons) and let them know that not only are they smart,
witty, funny, talented......let them know they are beautiful creations in your eyes!