Saturday, January 30, 2010

Independence and Dependence.....

Let me explain, I love my husband beyond words! He is so dear to me, I couldn't ask for a better husband. He has his faults and neither of us pretend he doesn't. Neither of us pretend I don't have flaws either. I think it's foolish of people, especially in a marriage or relationship, to always pretend to turn a blind eye to any faults. As if admitting to faults will make it seem they aren't happy together. I'm superbly happy with my husband, we have great times together, we like to hang out and talk, watch movies, listen to great music, discuss life, enjoy our daughter, take trips, read books together and go to concerts! He's a hard working, accomplished, talented, fun guy! But he does stuff that gets on my last nerve, I do stuff that gets on his last nerve and we NEED time apart! It helps us appreciate each other when we are together even more. I get tired of people who pretend they never, ever need a break from their spouse or child. As though admitting to that would make them a bad person or a bad parent. It's ok to need time for yourself, it's ok for your spouse to be your best friend - mine is, he's one of my best friends. I tell him most everything but I can't say I don't need a good, true girl friend in life. Someone who shares my up's and down's as a wife and a mother. Someone who realizes she has crappy days too and just needs a break from it all! Gianna is more precious to me then anything, I'd do anything for her. But the truth of the matter is some days she gets on my nerves, she does things that make me crazy. But instead of pretending I've got it all together, I admit, hey, I need some time to myself and I allow someone to give me that time whether it's my husband, my mother or my mother in law. I will admit that I have been let down time and time again by people but I refuse to truly give in to believing that every one is bad except those I "choose" to believe are perfect in my eyes. People think that just because someone never points out their mistakes or short comings that it means they must think they are perfect! Not so, it probably means they just aren't brave enough to speak up about it! Beej and I often, in a good natured way, tell each other the top 5 things that bug us about each other! We usually have a good laugh about it, but I want to know because a lot of times it's things I could change and I don't want to make him unhappy. For instance, I know that leaving my shoes laying around in various places bugs Beej to death, he's told over and over, I try to remember to pick them up but sometimes I don't. He doesn't make a huge deal about it but I know! Most of the time people who don't want to see any good in anyone or can't is because they choose not to. They choose to believe the little world they have created for themselves is perfect and that's all they need. We need trials and frustrations to teach us things. So many times the same trial or issue keeps coming up probably because we aren't fixing what needs to be fixed the first time....I know that some of the issues I've had with people over the years haven't all been their fault, some of them have been mine and some of them have been theirs and some of it hasn't really been a true problem at all, it was just something that wasn't meant to be. You can't make a big deal out of everything, I over react a lot but I try to be quick to admit to that....I admit I need my husband and child. They are very dear to me, but I know they do not make up all of who I am. There is more to me then just being a wife to Beej or a mother to Gianna. And I am tired of people trying to make me feel guilty for that. I am still learning about what makes up ALL of me. I need time away from them for myself - I need shopping trips out where I don't think about what they are doing or where they are or when I'll be back to see them, I need fun movie nights with my "girls" to fantasize about life in a alternate reality! It's all good for me....and I admit I NEED friends, good, true, loyal friends! People who don't make me feel like everything I say is being over analyzed to MAKE it into something! I need a friend that I can relax and be myself with! Someone who isn't worried about what could go wrong or just waiting to see when I'll screw up as a friend and "let them down". Everyone will let you down at some point but the point is you love them in spite of that, you move past it because you do love them. You don't assume that because you had one issue or one falling out that you have been permanently let down. Not everything is about me, and I know that, not every problem is created by me...Most of the time we all need to stop thinking that everyone's else world revolves around us and what we think. Because truth be told non of us are that important!!! Lol!

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