You're Invited....

For your own sanity you may just wanna skip reading this post at all....or you may read it and then feel totally better about yourself and how you feel! I really do try to stay upbeat and positive, most of the time. But occasionally, for no particular reason, I just suddenly feel overwhelmed, down, disappointed, upset, etc. And all at the same time! I honestly scold myself mentally, tell myself to suck it up and get it together and be nice. But I think sometimes having a crabby morning/afternoon/day is essential - it's kinda like a good cry. Sometimes you just need it! And after it's over you move on and feel much better.

My day started off quite well - I got up around 7am, got breakfast together for me and the kiddie, fed the cat, checked my FB and blog. And then my sister came pretty early and I cut and styled her hair before she dashed off to work, after that I worked out and it went great. I did a 45 minute work out - 15 minutes of HIIT (which will pretty much blow your heart out of your chest!) and then 30 minutes of toning. I got a little frustrated because it's the second workout I have needed resistance bands for and I just haven't gotten any. So most of the work out was kinda hard for me to do right with free weights. But I did my best and felt completely spent after it was all over. I needed to go into town and go by the Post Office and bank but by the time I cleaned up, fixed lunch for Bug and I, packed up snacks and dinner since we'd be gone (and when I'm trying to eat right it's best I take my snacks and dinner because other wise I tend to slip to easily.) I just didn't get out in time so I ended up just going on to my mother in law's house.......

Sometimes other people's attitudes, worries, frustrations, etc. bleed over onto you whether your realize it or not. She's been going through some things that have upset her and put her on edge and I'm more then willing to be a friend and listen and help best I can. But I think mentally and emotionally I was already a bit vulnerable to negative "vibes" and by the time my hubby arrived I was on edge. We had decided earlier in the day to meet up and take Bug out on the golf course for the first time and "play" 9 holes. I don't play, I take the camera and do my best to capture a non blurry image occasionally. But the Hubs is teaching Bug slowly but surely and since she finally has a set of real clubs he thought it would be fun. She enjoyed it - driving the cart, running around on the greens, dancing, etc. She hit a few shots but for the most part I think she was just having fun goofing off! But I was on edge and sometimes I expect her to be more "grown up" then she should be at four. I wanted her to pay attention, learn, practice.......I lost the whole idea of just having fun. And I'm afraid I tend to do that too much. And before you know it my nasty attitude had bled over to my hubby and his night was ruined as well......I headed home in a huff and a puff and have spent the rest of my evening beating myself up mentally for not pulling it together.

I am feeling a little down about my fitness/healthy lifestyle lately too. I've been back eating right since Monday and I'm just really struggling this time around. I just can't seem to really get into the routine of it and feel good in it again. And I do like this new work out program and I do hope it really kicks my metabolism into gear soon but I feel like before with P90X and Insanity after two and a half weeks I was seeing better results. So I'm feeling very discouraged there - I felt frumpy getting dressed this morning and that usually affects my attitude a lot too. And I don't say that so that someone will say "You look great!" because honestly, if I don't FEEL like I look great then someone telling me doesn't really help me. If I'm feeling good about myself and someone compliments me it's great! I just feel like I'm stuck.....I lost 30lbs and now I'm just struggling to maintain it and can't seem to get to the next level. Yeah, I'm not "fat" but I'm not there yet. I still sit down and have a stomach "pooch", I still have flabby love handles, my inner thighs still jiggle.....I hate it. And no, I don't have some unrealistic view of how I should look. I just know that I haven't seen my full potential yet and I'm frustrated that I'm so close yet I can't seem to get there. So overall, I'm just feeling discouraged.

I keep reminding myself that I have so many things to be happy about and grateful for - a husband who is quick to forgive me even when I'm a bi-otch, a sweet daughter who is full of life and fun, a roof over my head, creative abilities (well, that may be a stretch but I'm trying!), the ability to work out, the knowledge to eat right and treat my body well, the motivation to keep trying to reach my full potential.

So now that my pity party is over you can leave.....thanks for staying and listening. I think I feel better already! Some sleep will probably make things even better - oh, and my mom is in town visiting so I'm excited to see her tomorrow too and she brought my "new" Mac. Um, yeah, I'm feeling happier already!!! Hehe!