“If I could turn the hands of time, I'll turn it forward to tomorrow. I want to move beyond with optimism and growth, taking the past which has gone by as my lessons in realising the future with hope, courage and determination.”
My husband and I have discussed a lot lately about whether or not God allows things in our lives as lessons to us. I think we both agree for the most that God doesn't make "bad" or unfair things happen just to teach us lessons. Most of the situations we are in have been brought upon us by our own free will. Not everything bad is a "lesson" and not everything good is necessarily a gift. Some thing just happen as result of life. Don't get me wrong, God does bless us with gifts and I have received many of them. And I do believe that God has use situations we are in to help us learn lessons. I guess it's easier for me to see hard times as lessons from God then just to think maybe it's just part of life or maybe, heaven forbid, I just screwed up and made the wrong decision!
Lately I feel like there have been a lot of situations placed in my path of life and I'm learning lessons from them. They aren't all easy but I'm trying to take them in stride. To be honest I haven't been the greatest student - I have whined & complained, I may or may not have told God is wasn't "fair", I may have asked "why?" more then a few times, I have even pitched mental fits and mentally yelled at God for not putting me in the place I want to be now. I've also shed loads of tears and asked God to hold me because I just didn't think I could deal with it on my own. And you know the great thing about God? He lets you do both. He sits quietly while you scream and kick and whine and burst into tears, then He holds you close and mends your heart. And here recently I have needed that. Don't get me wrong, I'm not necessarily unhappy, I almost feel two sided because part of me feels SO blessed right now and I'm constantly thanking God for all of it, but then part of me is so broken and torn because of where I want to be and the "things" I want to have. I see so many people around me in the place I wish I was and learning to rejoice with me is taking me some time but I am happy for them, I can only imagine their joy and contentment and fulfillment but I desperately long to be in that place too.
I keep putting of things I know God wants me to do because it doesn't feel good to my flesh. My flesh wants to cross my arms, stick my nose in the air and say "I'm not helping. Do it yourself." But my spirit knows that God is gently nudging me out of myself and my selfishness to encourage and bless someone who is where I want to be. So that one day, if I get to be there, then hopefully someone else will respond to His voice and help me. "Do unto other as you would have them do unto you."
I can't help but wish sometimes that life was easier - that you just knew what to do and did it. I feel like I'm surrounded by people who know exactly what they want and they are going for it and living full happy lives. I'm so blessed yet something seems to be missing. I feel like there are so many expectations on me, ones that I don't necessarily want to fulfill. But if I want something else then I'm just being emotional or trying to fill voids in my life.
Am I the only one learning lessons?!