Wednesday, September 7, 2011


I admit that I don't do good alone.
I think maybe it has to do with the fact that I never remember being alone
at any point in my life pretty much.
My sister was born when I was three and after that there was a new sibling
every three or four years until I was fourteen.
Then even in my teens years I either had my mom, my siblings or friends around.
I hate being alone and doing things by myself. I mean, don't get me wrong,
occasionally an hour or two to myself isn't bad but lots of time alone isn't fun.

It's been hard for me adjusting to Gianna being gone 6 1/2 hours out of the day.
And I know I'll adjust but right now (Day 3) I'm still not sure how to handle myself.
As crazy as it sounds I'm used to doing things while watching her or listening out for her
or having her around. It feels strange to do things without thinking about her first.
And I admit I miss having her around, I miss that sweet baby/toddler stage.
I wasn't EVER supposed to be here, or be "that" mom - you know the one that misses
having a baby/toddler around? Yeah, I was too cool for that! Lol!
But it's here and I do have to get over it but it's harder then I had expected.

But at the same time I think it's been good for Gianna and I to have to time apart so that
we can appreciate our time together. I think we were starting to get on each other's nerves
a bit and she wasn't stimulated enough during the day - school is really good for her and I know
she really enjoys it so for that I'm happy and grateful.

I'm still hoping to get a job, I've put in several applications but I haven't heard back from
anyone so that's kinda frustrating.

Right now though I feel like I'm back in a really lonely place in a life.
Don't get me wrong, I'm super happy when my hubby and my daughter are around but when
they aren't it hits me that I really don't have anyone else.
My sister and I have been spending a little more time together but she stays really busy and we
live about 35 minutes from each other so gas is always an issue. I can't just pop by her place
and vice versa.
I love all my blogger friends and I do think they are my source of friendship right now but
I do wish I had some girls to go out with some nights, to see movies with, talk to, etc.
But maybe this is what God has for me right now so that I'm not attached to this place,
to where we are now because it's our hopes to be out of here within the next year.
I feel like I've been cutting ties with a lot of things and people that might have been hard to
leave because of.
I just keep trying to see the positive and not focus on what I don't have right now.......
I can have friends when I'm old, right?!!! Lol!


  1. I can completely relate. I am not really good with being alone and I'm enrolling my son to daycare soon. It's actually breaking my heart. As much as I'd love to say space is good, I still miss the little man.

  2. I need to send you an email! Hopefully I will have a few free minutes to do so soon! We can chat about husbands being musicians and about making money while being on a tight budget...and whatever we want. haha. soon!

  3. Please do, Jillian! I'd love to hear from you!