Alone

I admit that I don't do good alone.

I think maybe it has to do with the fact that I never remember being alone

at any point in my life pretty much.

My sister was born when I was three and after that there was a new sibling

every three or four years until I was fourteen.

Then even in my teens years I either had my mom, my siblings or friends around.

I hate being alone and doing things by myself. I mean, don't get me wrong,

occasionally an hour or two to myself isn't bad but lots of time alone isn't fun.

It's been hard for me adjusting to Gianna being gone 6 1/2 hours out of the day.

And I know I'll adjust but right now (Day 3) I'm still not sure how to handle myself.

As crazy as it sounds I'm used to doing things while watching her or listening out for her

or having her around. It feels strange to do things without thinking about her first.

And I admit I miss having her around, I miss that sweet baby/toddler stage.

I wasn't EVER supposed to be here, or be "that" mom - you know the one that misses

having a baby/toddler around? Yeah, I was too cool for that! Lol!

But it's here and I do have to get over it but it's harder then I had expected.

But at the same time I think it's been good for Gianna and I to have to time apart so that

we can appreciate our time together. I think we were starting to get on each other's nerves

a bit and she wasn't stimulated enough during the day - school is really good for her and I know

she really enjoys it so for that I'm happy and grateful.

I'm still hoping to get a job, I've put in several applications but I haven't heard back from

anyone so that's kinda frustrating.

Right now though I feel like I'm back in a really lonely place in a life.

Don't get me wrong, I'm super happy when my hubby and my daughter are around but when

they aren't it hits me that I really don't have anyone else.

My sister and I have been spending a little more time together but she stays really busy and we

live about 35 minutes from each other so gas is always an issue. I can't just pop by her place

and vice versa.

I love all my blogger friends and I do think they are my source of friendship right now but

I do wish I had some girls to go out with some nights, to see movies with, talk to, etc.

But maybe this is what God has for me right now so that I'm not attached to this place,

to where we are now because it's our hopes to be out of here within the next year.

I feel like I've been cutting ties with a lot of things and people that might have been hard to

leave because of.

I just keep trying to see the positive and not focus on what I don't have right now.......

I can have friends when I'm old, right?!!! Lol!