The journey....

Today I got on my hubby's computer to find some photos of Gianna. He has all the photos from way back when she was born! Lol! All four years back. But then I ran across some pictures of me from "way back when" and sometimes it's a good reminder of why I work out 6 days a week and "try" to eat right most of the time. It's good motivation! Because I look at the girl in these pictures and I remember how miserable I felt. I still remember seeing that first picture after we had been to the zoo and I think I went into a depression for at least a week.

(October 2008)

(November 2008)

(December 2008)

Beej and I were talking today about how unhappy I was back then and that pretty much bled over into EVERYTHING. I felt so unlike myself.

Growing up my mother was extremely overweight but it never even dawned on me that one day I might struggle with my weight because I was skinny! I was outside running around and riding my bike all the time. I never watched what I ate even as a teenager. I still remember going to Old Navy when I was 15 and buying a size 1 and I wore those jeans until I graduated at 17 (and had worn holes in the knees and tore off a belt loop!).

Once I graduated and moved to AL to go to school I literally ate fast food pretty much three times a day 6 days a week. And in between I'd eat honey buns out of the vending machine at school! I'm surprised I wasn't the size of a blimp by the time Beej and I got back together but I had packed on about 15lbs.

Once I got married I would occasionally go to our apartment's gym and walk or "run" on the treadmill but I was never very committed even though I was unhappy with myself.

And I really just kept gaining until I was around 139 when I got pregnant with Gianna.

Then I was crazy sick for three months straight and lost 20lbs. No joke. At the beginning of my second trimester I was fitting into clothes I hadn't been able to wear before I got pregnant and I was thrilled! I only gained about 25lbs when I was pregnant and the day I walked out of the hospital I was at 129 and pretty happy. My stomach was a bit "jiggly" but I figured that would fix itself in time.

Then I got on birth control pills and that on top of trying to be a new mom, going through two major surgeries in four weeks time (c-section and gallbladder surgery). I was miserable, felt awful and my coping was to eat. Thus I shot up to about 155lbs. And that on my small 5 foot tall frame is ALOT.

I can't honestly say what clicked or why it clicked but suddenly I was sick of feeling bad, sick of feeling sorry for myself, sick of hating other pretty girls for being pretty and fit, sick of my hubby being way hot and me being his fat wife, sick of ending every shopping trip crying in the dressing room.

So that's when I started working out hard (P90X then Insanity) and I lost the weight and I felt on top of the world! I suddenly felt in control of myself, I felt good. I have managed to keep pretty much all the weight (give or take 5lbs.) off for just over two years now. I'm proud of that.

I hope more then anything that I can teach my daughter to be health conscious all of her life and not just when it finally gets bad enough that it can't be ignored. I wish I had worked out harder during high school and then college. I really wish that once I was over my morning sickness that I had worked harder on working out and eating healthy when I was pregnant so that it wouldn't have been so hard to get on track afterwards.

I do my best not to be obsessive with it. But at the same time it's part of my day to day life now. I am probably always going to have to work out hard and I'm always going to have to watch what I eat. I try not to think of it as a "diet" - I try to just think of it as how I eat. Don't get me wrong, I eat crap still. I usually regret it afterwards but I still enjoy myself! But I know that making an effort to be fit and healthy has not only made me happier but it's made my husband a happier man too! Lol! I want nothing more then to inspire other young moms (and people in general) to take some time and effort to work on yourself. You may not like to work out but I guarantee if you keep at it and you see the results your mind will change. You may not love fruits and veggies but when you are fitting into smaller pants and actually smiling when you look at yourself in the mirror they'll suddenly much better. And don't get down on yourself for having a bad day (or two!), just get back at it tomorrow! You can change yourself but it's all up to you!