Sunday, June 27, 2010

Just being lazy...

The summer heat has made me lazy....well, I don't know that it's all the summer heat but I'm sure it's not helping! I spend most of my days trying to get out to the pool as soon as I can because it's SO hot here. It's nuts. It's been near 100 degrees every day. A day or so ago it was 101! So needless to say I have been neglecting other things......
I've been on a bit of a sugar binge this past month too and I'm so regretting it. I kept wondering why I just felt so tired and out of it all the time lately. And I finally put two and two together - I've been eating sugar every day. Making cookies, apple crisps, ice cream and PB&J's pretty much everyday out at Mom's. Something about summer makes you want to eat sweets. But I feel terrible and bloated so tomorrow I'm back to no sugar. I started another round of Insanity last week and so far I've done well, even added running in two nights for a total of 6 miles of running last week. I was pleased but I want to add more this coming week. Hoping that cutting out the sugar and adding running will knock off these 8lbs I have left to go to my goal weight! I'm eager for August to get here so that I can start Turbo Fire! I know that's going to take me to a whole different level fitness wise.

My piano playing is coming a long - I have to remind myself I've only had 3 lessons! Playing by note isn't as easy as it sounds but I'm practicing hard. It frustrates me when I can't get something right away.....I've been learning songs I like to help me learn chords too. But I'm also teaching myself scales and "rules" so that I know how to make chords. I've learned how to make chords minors and how to make them flats. So that's not bad for 3 weeks of learning! My teacher is great, very patient - I'm the one that stays uptight and on edge. I can play something perfectly right at my house but the moment I sit down to play it for her I'm shaking and nervous and end up messing it up. I can't make myself calm down and just relax.

Beej and I are getting ready to start working on my first music project. I know, I've been saying that for awhile but this time we are pretty serious. He's going to help me getting my writing creativity going again...hopefully. Last night I just felt so down because I just don't seem to have the inspiration and the creative head to make cool songs happen. Beej hears a great song and he's inspired to write one himself. I heard a great song and I get discouraged because I feel like there is no way I'll ever write something that good. My biggest thing is I don't take the time to just play around on the piano or guitar and give myself some time to create and write something. I just want to sit down and it be there! But hopefully Beej's creativity and awesome producing skills will have me sounding awesome soon! It's hard for me to decide what "style" I want to go for - I like so many different genres of music and I think I could probably try out a few so it's hard to nail one down or go for a particular sound. I guess I'll just see where the flow takes me. I've got lots of little ideas and partial songs's just finishing them that needs to be done!

Things seems a little chaotic to me right now - mainly within myself. I feel like I'm mentally in turmoil again. I felt like for awhile I had things going pretty good and I was starting to feel pretty confident about the path I was on. I think maybe I got to proud of myself mentally for finally getting some things going right and it's says that Pride goes before a I think mentally I fell. So I'm asking God for the strength to get things back on track and headed in the right direction again. It's hard for me to break out of the "norm" and do something outside the box. I keep praying for the strength to step outside my box and be confident in doing so.

I am struggling with a family member right now too and that always upsets me.....I have had to take a stand for what I believe in and that's angered them. They've tried to justify their sin to me and have brought up past sins of mine that I know God has forgiven me for because I've turned from those ways.....but it's still hard for me. I want things to be right within my family and trying to keep things peaceful with everyone is not easy. It scares me that this person can openly live the way they are and not feel like it's wrong. I hate it that they can't be apart of my daughters life because living the way they are is more important to them. I don't like it when I know someone is mad at me, especially a family member but at the same time apologizing for saying what I felt was right isn't going to help me or them. But it still makes me feel unsettled inside....

1 comment:

  1. It seems we were both thinking we were doing great mentally....and then those feelings of not being so great crept in, and there went mental stability! I can relate. lol

    You won't be nervous when you are sitting at the piano bench beside me for forever Alaythea! Really, you will become comfortable with it soon enough. You really are progressing quite fast and I can tell I will have to keep myself on my toes to keep up with your learning pace that's already been set! :)