Friday, January 6, 2012

When we disagree....


It's just a fact of life that people disagree. Married people disagree. There isn't anything wrong with disagreeing, it's how you solve that disagreement in the end. I feel like people think that if they admit they sometimes disagree or even "fight" with their spouse that it means they aren't happy and that's not true at all. My husband and I are VERY happy with each other but we are two different people with two different hearts and minds and that's going to clash occasionally. I never think less of a couple because they admit they don't get along occasionally. But if they never resolve those issues then things can get messy. I think B and I have learned, over the past 6 1/2 years, how to better solve out arguments and how to argue better. I know that sounds crazy but instead of blowing up and flipping out (which occasionally still happens!) we do our best to think logically and really talk things out....which is easier said then done for me a lot of times!

I've come to the realization that B is the stricter parent. There always is one. I discipline Gianna but I am much more lax on what I expect of her or press her to do. I don't think either one of us is "wrong" necessarily but sometimes we clash on how we want to deal with her. It's hard because you don't want to send a mixed message so some how you have to come to an compromise. And I can't say I have that down just yet! Lol!

Tonight we had a bit of a "disagreement" at dinner time. I made pot roast. Growing up pot roast was the ONLY way I'd eat cooked carrots. I'd eat them raw with ranch dressing but cooked.....gag! The only way Gianna will eat cooked carrots is if they are the sweet Japanese style carrots. Gianna eats very lightly - she nibbles and then she has a few things she really likes and veggies aren't one of them. She'll eat salad when she's in the mood, she'll eat raw spinach with ranch and she'll eat broccoli if I stir fry it with chicken. To be honest I don't think most kids like or eat many veggies. I honestly don't like any of the veggies I was forced to "try" growing up. And eating one bite or two isn't giving them that much nutrition anyway.

So tonight I gave Gianna a dinner roll and left it at that. I know I should make her try the pot roast, potatoes and carrots. But I'll be straight up honest, I hate the fight. I really do. I want to enjoy my dinner not sit with her crying, snotting, gagging and choking. I hate telling her over and over "take a bite, take another bite, eat the rest of that....." I hate the conflict so I avoid it. But B wanted her to eat some of everything. And instead of simply stating that I felt like he kinda "jumped" on me about. He probably doesn't feel that way and that's ok, we see things differently sometimes. But I reacted to that and got kinda upset. I did my best to hold my tongue and simple ate dinner while he coached Gianna through her crying, snotting and the fact that she can chew a mushy bite of carrot for 5 minutes (no joke). But he made her do it and in the end she was fine.

And I think we are both over the "issue" now. But honestly, I hate disagreeing with him. I do. And a lot of the time he's right but I just don't want to feel guilty of being the "slacker" parent.

So here's a few questions for you -
1. How do you handle disagreements with your spouse or significant other?
2. What are your feelings on making kids try or eat foods they don't like?
3. Who is the strict parent in your house?


2 comments:

  1. 1. We decide to talk about it later, not in the heat of the moment. We usually end up deciding to agree to disagree on a lot of things, and that's fine. We really don't argue much at all, maybe because we're both so laid back? I don't know.
    2. My boys are still little but as they get older, there will be food they don't like. We'll have rules about trying that stuff to get the good things afterward. Can't have desert unless you try the veggies first.
    3. I'm the stricter parent at our house, but mainly because I'm home all the time with the boys, it could be different if my hubs was the one staying home.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Great Post!

    1. My hub & I are HUGE talkers, so we always talk our way through arguments. We let each other say their piece, and try to come to a compromise or one lets the other "win". Occasionally we have disagreements that are a bit larger, so we walk away & revisit the issue when we've calmed down.
    2. We try to always have a vegetable, protein, & carb at all meals, so our rule is that our little guy tries 2-3 bites of each. He likes many veggies (tomatoes, peppers, salads, etc...) and requests them often. There are times where dinner is more of a struggle, but we maintain the 2-3 bites rule.
    3. I feel that my hubby & I each have things that are more "important" to us in parenting, so we are separately strict on certain issues and more lax about others. However, I am more of a "redirect the behavior" discipline, while my hubby prefers the more traditional method of time-outs & loss of privileges.

    ReplyDelete