Thursday, November 11, 2010

When "home" isn't home....

I am feeling a wee bit unsettled here lately. Most people would say it's because my family isn't here anymore. But as much as I miss them I have actually adjusted quite well to them being gone. I guess it helps that one of my sister's is still close by and I see her and talk to her quite a bit now. And that Beej's Mom and Dad are still here too. I wouldn't want Bug to be completely without family around. But, like I said, I just feel like I don't belong here. Don't ask me where I belong because of that I'm not sure either all I know is where I am at is not really home. Of course having Bug and Beej around will always make where ever I am "home".
But where you are can either encourage you to be what you want to be or discourage you and drag you down and this place that we live now is discouraging and a drag to be quite honest. It doesn't seem a lot of motivation resides here! Most of the people who are here don't think they could do any better or don't really want to do any better. And hey, I'm not saying you shouldn't be content with where you are or what you have. If you are truly content then enjoy that! But we aren't content. Our hearts are not settled and happy here. But we aren't sure where we are supposed to be.....we know where we would like to be but we aren't sure that's the direction we are supposed to go or not. My husband has a dream and a goal in life with music and that's not really "happening" here. He needs to be somewhere that really encourages and embraces what he wants and needs to see his dream to fruition.
Today as I was around town I realized how out of place I feel every time I step out......this isn't one of those quite, cute little old towns where everyone knows everyone is happy and enjoys life and everything is quiet and settled and peaceful. The feeling of depression and poverty over this town is overwhelming and sometimes just going out to the store makes me feel depressed! No joke. All I can say is that even though we are "home" we are not yet truly home. And I do hope that God will show us where He wants us to be soon.....I don't want to be writing these same feelings down 3 or 4 years from now. Ultimately I'd like to be gone from here before Bug starts kindergarten! But I know my plans aren't always God's plans! So I'm praying God gives us some clear direction soon.


Moving on though - I actually had a really good day today! My sis came over and I cut and colored her hair - it looked pretty good when she left! I also did her eye brows and painted her toenails in preparation for the beach this weekend!
I also colored my hair, same thing, just darker. I like to refresh my color occasionally just to keep it rich and healthy looking. Not to mention is just makes my hair feel and look good! I also re-painted my toenails too - I bought a new color the other day and it's quite cute on!
I painted Bug's nails too - she picked out an Ocean blue for her pretty little toes. She's such a little fashion bug and I love it! I also did something for her today that would probably shock most mom's but hey, I'm a cosmetologist.
So yeah, I highlighted Bug's hair today! Lol! Not alot and you can't tell a huge difference. It blends really well with her hair, just kinda looks like she's been hanging out in the sun awhile. Her hair is a sandy brown - not truly brown but not really blonde either and I thought since we were going to the beach and since we were all doing our hair she wanted to get in on the action too! It's adorable and fun and I will always love doing fun, girly things with my sweet baby girl! She originally asked for pink but I think we'll wait till her 10th birthday for that!

So we are headed off to Gulf Shores, AL this weekend. I haven't been there in YEARS! We used to go every summer when I was a little girl - before there were five of us kids! I remember going when it was just me, Charity and maybe DeeAnna. After that we stopped going but I still had such amazing memories of how beautiful and fun it was. And I am so excited about taking Bug! She's hasn't really been to the beach yet and she is so excited especially since her buddy, A, will be there too.
I'm excited about the road trip down, the fun while we're there!
It's in honor of my Grandmother's 70th birthday. It's all girls trip (with the exception of my 2 mon. old cousin who's a boy!) and I think we're going to have loads of fun and of course I'll bring back lots of pictures for you all to enjoy!!!

For now I'm signing off - going to enjoy the rest of the evening with my gorgeous girl and yummy hubby!!! Holding off on packing until tomorrow, there's plenty of time. I'm making my list and checking it twice - 9 hrs. is a pretty long drive to forget something you need!

Have a great weekend, my lovelies!

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