Saturday, November 20, 2010
Cheating Minds, Cheating Hearts
Cheating - adulterous: not faithful to a spouse or lover
Cheating is an act of lying, deception, fraud, trickery, imposture, or imposition. Cheating characteristically is employed to create an unfair advantage, usually in one's own interest, and often at the expense of others
First of all, let me clarify one thing - I am NOT writing this blog because I have any doubts that my husband is 100% faithful to me! I am NOT writing this blog because I have ever even THOUGHT about being unfaithful to my husband. I honestly can't imagine even thinking that way. It was how I was raised, it is what I know in my own heart and mind to be true. And I believe that when you truly have committed in your heart to love and honor someone then you do it - you deny the sinful, lustful part of you not only to honor them but to honor God as well. For me, in a marriage cheating and divorce are not option. I think all young couple probably make the mistake of threatening "divorce" when they are angry and arguing. I know I did it but finally one day I realize that wasn't something I really ever wanted to consider and so my husband and I made the commitment to not threatened that anymore to each other. Because it wasn't an option. I used to get jealous when my hubby commented on another woman being pretty or attractive. And then one day I realize that just because either of us commented on the attractiveness or beauty of another person did not mean we wanted to be with that person or had sinful thoughts about them! It freed me up a lot, I stopped worrying that I wasn't enough for my husband or that at any minute he was going to up and leave me. I realize that I was being jealous and protective for no reason at all. I have never doubted that even in the roughest spots of our marriage that my husband was faithful to me....and I hope that he can say the same!
But the reason I am bringing up this subject is because I see people over and over, every day, people I know, who are constantly worried and wondering if they are being cheated on by their significant other - whether they are married to them yet or not. I can't imagine the strain and emotional pull that puts not only on them personally but also on their relationship. One of THE biggest keys to a relationship is trust - you can love someone to no end but if you don't trust them you will never have a good relationship. It will constantly be strained and stretched and you will constantly feel "worn out' emotionally because of it. I would never ever tolerate cheating, because I know that personally I could never trust that person again even if they promised to never do it again. I would always be wondering and that's why I've always told my husband (in a kinda joking way but I'm serious) IF (and once again let me clarify that I believe 1000% that he would NEVER do that to me or G.) he ever cheated that would be it. We would be done. Over. Period. Because a relationship will never last without trust. And just because someone has had other relationships in life, even if these were sans cheating doesn't mean they can't move on from those and love completely. I feel like some many relationships/marriages concentrate so much on past relationships on either side. I have to realize that yes, I dated other guys (I think I probably loved some of them too - for THAT MOMENT.) and I know my husband dated someone else too and he loved her, for that moment. But that does not mean he hasn't moved on and given me his whole heart or vice versa. You choose to continue or to stop loving someone. It truly is a choice. Too many people choose to stop loving someone and do something low to hurt them and then blame it on the other person. BUT let me clarify that you have to do your part too. You can't become hard, cold, angry, argumentative, back stabbing, nagging and pull away from someone and expect them to just keep right on loving you in the same way they have before. It takes two!
I honestly can say that I don't worry when my hubby is around other pretty women. Truly. I have realized that he can talk, cut up with, and laugh with another woman and that doesn't mean he wants to sleep with her! Seriously! I know too many women who worry all the time about if their hubby is hanging out with other women at work or wherever they are on a day to day basis. So what if they are? If you truly believe they are capable of cheating then you shouldn't be with them in the first place!
I know that at work my hubby encounters lots and lots of pretty, attractive women - I know he's polite and friendly and that's perfectly ok! I am so glad I got over the whole "we can't talk about other cute people cause we are married" crap. I like that I have the liberty say something like "Ohhhh, Robert Pattinson is SO adorable, I love his hair!" and my hubby can say, "Eva Mendes is gorgeous" and neither of us flip out!
I guess I'm just trying to say that if you don't trust the person you are with then you shouldn't be with them. And here's another thing - just because you have a cheating mindset doesn't mean they do. I see women (and men) all the time who don't trust their significant other, not because their "other" has had any problems with cheating but because THEY have. Because they've had relationships where they've cheated, lied or been cheated and lied too. So they assume everyone thinks that way. They think that because they've been sneaking around behind someone's back then the same thing is happening behind their back!
TRUST that the person you love loves you enough to honor you. Honor them and leave it at that.
P.S. I'd like to say a great big thank you to my new followers! I was so excited to see that over this past weekend I have acquired 4 new followers!!! How exciting to share my life, thoughts, ideas and joys with you!