Friday, December 2, 2011

Feeling funky....

Yesterday I was completely out of sorts (and yes, I know what you're thinking, ladies, and no, that isn't the "issue"! Lol!). I can't really put my finger on what it was. I've just had A LOT on my mind lately and sometimes I can sort it all out and only worry or stress or get frustrated over one thing at a time but yesterday I just felt it was all crowding into my brain at once making me feel a myriad of emotions and feelings all at once. It was sorta confusing even for me - I felt mad, sad, frustrated and down all at the same time. Maybe they call that being depressed? I dunno but I don't like it. Most of the time I can talk myself into feeling better or being more upbeat but yesterday it just wasn't happening. I've taken quite a hit lately emotionally with a lot of things that have been said and done and going on......that's no excuse and not the sole reason but it hasn't helped any. There are a lot of changes coming up and even though I'm excited I don't handle change really well and I think maybe I'm feeling a bit panicked and I don't realize it fully. I'm feeling frustrated because I was just sure I'd have a job by now and I don't. I had a lot of plans for Christmas but they sorta all revolved around me having a job and "extra" money. So now that hasn't panned out and it's kinda left me hanging. And then there are just other things I wish so badly I could make happen right now and I can't.......and it seems my self confidence is in the crapper again. And no, I don't say that so that people will compliment me and say I have no reason to not be confident. I appreciate those things and I think the people who say them mean them from the bottom of their heart. But no matter how much people tell you to feel a certain way you just can't make yourself. And I feel like just about the time I start feeling Ok about myself something else comes along to knock me down again.

I'm feeling better today. I had a wonderful morning out with my hubby. He really gets me and even though my moodiness really frustrates him sometimes he's gotten a lot better with dealing with it and helping me through it. He took me out to breakfast and something about just driving with him (it was about a 40 minute drive to the Cracker Barrel) really loosens me up and allows me to just talk. So many times I hold things in because I'm afraid I'll sound stupid or something (it's all in my head.) but once I open up and talk about it I feel better and he understands and comforts me, gives me advice, or just lets me talk. It was very much needed today and I came home feeling much better!

Can't say I'm completely out of my "funk" but I'm getting there.....I hate not being able to nail down that one thing that's getting me in the dumps but I'm sorting through all my feelings and thoughts and trying to make sense of them all and "fix" them as I go. Some have no solutions for now but I'll keep trying to figure it out!

No comments:

Post a Comment