Friday, November 11, 2011

This is only a season (right?!)

Don't let my smile fool you too much - the past couple of weeks have been a bit of an emotional roller coaster for me. Feeling some of the lowest lows and some of the highest highs. I do my best to stay on an even keel for the most part but occasionally life sneaks up on me.

A couple of weeks ago we very unexpectedly had to have about $400 worth of repairs done on our Jeep. Our Jeep is 11 years old but it's been taken care of and it's paid for our it's our "main" vehicle. It has a butt load of miles on it....other then the year we lived in Alabama when we first got married I think my husband has always had a job at least 45 mins. - an hour away so there has been ALOT of miles put on it. When we first met my husband had just gotten that Jeep and now we're married and carry our kid around in it so it holds a lot of special memories as well. But anyway, it was unexpected and kinda set us back a bit. We did our best to just roll with it.....

Then we had another little "hiccup" that really put us in a bind - I spent most of that day working out because I honestly was so stressed I just had to put my energy into something so that I didn't dwell on it too much! That same day, later that afternoon when I went to pick up Gi at school, I'm pulling into school and my Cherokee dies. It's old, really old but it's been a good vehicle for around town and getting Gianna to school and I haven't had any real issues with it. But that was just not the day for it to mind totally blanked for a minute and then I said out loud to myself "You've got to be bleepin' kidding me!" I managed to get it cranked back up and got us home. Took it to the mechanic this morning and thankfully it was "only" an air filter - apparently some lovely squirrel had tried to build a nest in the air filter and clogged it all up! Seriously.

I feel like every time we turn around there is something else we've got to pay for or find money for on top of all the regular bills and living expenses. Somehow we always manage to pull through and for that I'm very grateful. My husband and I have done our best to try not to overly stress about it all, we haven't always succeeded but I think we have both realized that we have to really focus on the good things happening and simply work on righting what's wrong. Stressing about it doesn't help us at all. It doesn't solve anything, it doesn't make solutions suddenly appear. It's just a matter of putting one foot in front of the other and making the best decisions for can for the moment.

On a happier note I feel like my hubby and I have connected on a much deeper level lately. I feel like every year or so our marriage takes another step up. And I'm glad, I'm glad that our marriage is growing and getting better. I feel like we are on the same page with a lot of things and I think I was struggling with that for a little while. I felt like what he wanted in life and what I wanted were so far apart. But I think with a little effort on both our parts we have figured out that maybe there is a way to see both of "dreams" come together. I'm still working on a lot of mine but I have bits & pieces. I think our communication has gotten better. I still have a hard time voicing myself - it's something I've struggled with since I can remember. I often write letters or emails because I feel like I can better communicate my feelings and thoughts in a less jumbled up (tearful) way. But I'm getting better and I appreciate my hubby's patience with me!

The new year is going to bring a lot of changes for me. The first half of the year is going to be a lot of preparation for changes. There is SO much to moving especially now that we have a child. We can't just up and go - we have to think about her welfare. It's hard for me to wrap my mind around the fact that next year we'll have a new place to live, new jobs for me and Benjamin, a new school for Gigi and probably a new dance academy, a "new" car, new goals, etc. I have a hard time seeing past today and I think that a lot of times that translates as me having no vision. But I do think about the future but I'm busy trying to make the most of where I'm at now and I have such a hard time with change most of the time that thinking about too much leaves me nervous and anxious. Yet I'm excited too, I know God will direct our paths. There are other exciting things I hope that we can start pursuing sometime next year, some things have to line up and fall in place first but it's something I've been praying about and holding onto for awhile. Just waiting for the right timing and that's oh, so hard for me!

But I do remind myself that this is a season in life. It may seem hard at times but it's also a joyful season. Not just because the holidays are close but because there are beautiful things happening around me every day and those out weigh the difficult ones. This probably won't be the only hard season I face in life but hopefully as I grow and mature (mentally! lol!) I will be better equipped to handle these seasons with ease and grace and most importantly unwavering faith!


  1. I can so relate to this post on so many levels (as I'm sure most people can). We were hit hard by a lot of unexpected expenses especially at the beginning of the year and it is never fun.

    And I feel like my husband and I are getting to a whole nother level of our marriage as well. All marriages go through changes, good patches, bad patches, boring patches...I feel like we are totally on the same page and all of these "patches" make our love so much more strong and genuine. That's what I love about marriage. I love the growth.

    I pray all your financial strains dissipate fast and it's only a little hiccup!

  2. Thank you for your prayers! It's very appreciated.....and yes, marriage never stops evolving and I hope and prayer ours always evolves into better and better things!