Friday, July 2, 2010

The "Test Drive" Mentality

I recently spoke to someone on the subject of love, sex and marriage. I am continually floored at people's ideas and mentality on marriage and pre marital sex these days. Living together, sleeping together - it's like it's nothing these days. People just view it as serious dating now or something. I think I've posted a blog before on my whole idea of living with someone and sleeping with someone before you are married to them. Before the true commitment has been made. I don't understand why these people claim to be so committed to one another yet they can't make the simple step into marriage.

This whole "conversation" started around the whole Eclipse movie. Some people are thrilled that Stephenie Meyer has saved Bella and Edward's first sexual experience for one another AFTER they are married. But some people, like the guy I was talking to, thinks it's stupid and unrealistic. He said that virginity is no longer a virtue. And that people who only sleep with one person their whole lives and are married to them usually end up in divorce because no one is meant to sleep with just one person. He said that sex and love are two separate things and shouldn't be tied together! Needless to say my mouth was hanging open. This guy isn't what I would call a "card carrying Christian" but I know that his ideas are simply based off of, well, stupidity. He said that Bella (in the Twilight series) wouldn't be so back and forth between two guys if she'd slept with them. She's know which one she wanted to be with! I laughed. And he was completely serious. He said it's the same idea as buying a car - you wouldn't buy the car and then test drive it. You would test drive several and see which you liked best. That's his theory for marrying someone - you "test drive" several people sexually and then you decide which one you want to be with!

" Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: :It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman." But because of temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband......"
-1 Cor. 7:1

I think it's obvious how God planned and designed it. Sex isn't how you determine love. In fact I think most relationships that go straight to sex to determine whether or not they are right for each other usually end badly. I occasionally watch those teen mother shows and it blows me away at how silly these girls are. They think that the guy they slept with, who's slept with a million other girls, is suddenly going to grow up and be a dad and a faithful partner. It doesn't work that way! Sex is an action in response to deep rooted love. It comes after you build a relationship of trust and security with someone. Trying to build that after sex tends to make for a weak and shaky foundation. I didn't do everything right in all of my dating relationships but those mistakes have proven to me that what I was taught is what is right.

I see so many people in "test drive" relationships and I see how on edge they always are, watching their "partners", waiting for them to mess up. There is no trust, no security - they are hoping that sex is a strong enough glue to hold them together. Again, sex is not love - it's the ultimate expression of love once the ultimate commitment has been made - marriage. It's benefit of marriage. Marriage is work, no doubt. But in the end, a marriage based on the proper standings is bright and strong future for both people involved!

I'm all for dating, I'm all for romance, I'm all for expressing love at the proper time. I'm not one of those who won't let my daughter hold her boyfriend's hand or kiss him. But neither do I want her to just "try" this boy out and "try" that boy out. I want her to think seriously before she starts joining herself with someone. I still believe you should never start a relationship with someone you can't see yourself marrying. Casual, relaxed "dating" with no commitments is one thing but once you make yourself exclusive with someone make sure it's someone you know well enough to know whether or not you could spend the rest of your life with them! I love Love! I really do! I can get overwhelmed in the romance of things. I love the feelings that love brings. I love watching a good romantic movie but there are limits to where things go before a certain time! And ultimately, even though Edward is a fictional character, I respect the writer for giving him the strength and respect he needs for the woman he loves to wait. Usually it's the woman wanting to wait in most fictional stories but I respect the leader type qualities the writer gave this character. Obviously, commitment and marriage is a lot deeper then the Twilight series but I mention is solely because this subject was started all because of this story line!

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