Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Choose to love.

I have often heard people say that they've "fallen out of love" with who they are with. I don't believe that. I believe one of two things - a. you weren't in love with them in the first place or b. you've chosen to stop loving them. To me, love is a choice. True, there is that initial "falling in love" and that time is magical but after that there are going to be a lot of times where you have to choose to keep loving that person. You may think you aren't in love any more - those gooshy feelings aren't there or you don't see stars when you look at them anymore. Life becomes reality and it gets down to the nitty gritty. And these are the moments where love is a choice. You have to look past what they aren't or what they aren't being and love them. Let me clarify though that there are times when you have to draw the line. You can't continue loving someone who is abusive to you or dangerous to your mental or physical health. These are the times where you have to choose to stop loving and move on.

I'll admit that there was a time in mine and B's marriage, not long after Gi was born that I felt like I didn't "love" him anymore. But thankfully I woke up and realized that I did love him, I'd always choose to love him but I was choosing to focus on the bad and the negative rather than the positives and the reasons I fell in love in the first place. I don't turn a blind eye and pretend B doesn't have faults, he's human, he does. But when I choose to focus on what I love about him, how good he is to me and our daughter, how hard he works, how funny and outgoing he is, etc. these things FAR out weigh any negatives. But again, it's a choice. We make the choice daily to focus on what we love about each other and not what irritates or gets on our nerves. It's not always easy but if every time B and I had an argument or got on each others nerves I said "I'm done, I'm not in love with you anymore....." it would start taking it's toll on us and our relationship. You have to speak positive into your relationship or it will die. You can't constantly focus on "what if there is something better" or "what if someone loved me better?" Its about focusing on how well you are loved and taken care of right now and what you can do to make you spouse/significant other feel loved and taken care of as well.

So choose today to love the one you are with. Stop thinking about the negative or focusing on the faults. Choose to be the best you can be with them! Love them like you want to be loved and they'll return it!


9 comments:

  1. This is really great. Marriage definitely isn't always easy and after that initial spark dies down, you really do have to choose love and focus on the positives. Thanks for sharing! I read your blog but I don't think I've ever commented before :)

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  2. I completely agree. It is a choice.

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  3. Very true! Couples give up way too easily these days. Vows aren't taken seriously anymore. I believe everyone in a relationship sometimes have doubts or feel like maybe things have changed whether they decide to express those feelings or not. A lot of couples feel like if you have those feelings it's time to give up, when actually you should be working harder and digging deeper. It's nice to see someone write with such truth, thank you!

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    1. I agree, Natasha. I feel like as soon as the going gets rough or they have an argument then they are done and want something "better" to make them "happier". My husband and I have had some really rough spots but we both work hard to make it work and now arguments and bad days hard effect us. We apologize and move on! Quitting isn't an option! Lol!

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  4. aw this is such a sweet and honest post. i agree with it entirely! love is a finicky thing, and the truth is we will never understand it fully and completely - otherwise it wouldn't be as special as it is. but thankfully we can learn to love eachother with the respect and compassion that everyone deserves to have in a relationship... it always comes down too, who really wants to be loved and how hard are you willing to work (and fight) for it...

    at least in my opinion! i could very well be a big bag of crazy. doctors are still undecided.

    ;)
    xxxoo

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    1. No we can't fully understand it and it's always changing that's why you have to continue to work on it. And no matter how madly in love you are there will be "bad" days or arguments. I'm just tired of the irrational rants I hear people go on simply because they aren't getting along with their significant other one day. Suddenly they doubt everything and think there is something better. Life is full of up's and down's. You ride out the down's and enjoy the high's!

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  5. Such a wonderful post, girl! Love and marriage (especially) is a continuous project...you must work to do it better and better, you must work to be patient and kind, and you must work to accept one another through good and bad.

    Hope you had a happy LOVE day, friend! xo

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  6. thanks so much for this post! I think this is amazing. It's definitely true. you choose to love someone. I will have to keep this in mind.

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