I'll admit that there was a time in mine and B's marriage, not long after Gi was born that I felt like I didn't "love" him anymore. But thankfully I woke up and realized that I did love him, I'd always choose to love him but I was choosing to focus on the bad and the negative rather than the positives and the reasons I fell in love in the first place. I don't turn a blind eye and pretend B doesn't have faults, he's human, he does. But when I choose to focus on what I love about him, how good he is to me and our daughter, how hard he works, how funny and outgoing he is, etc. these things FAR out weigh any negatives. But again, it's a choice. We make the choice daily to focus on what we love about each other and not what irritates or gets on our nerves. It's not always easy but if every time B and I had an argument or got on each others nerves I said "I'm done, I'm not in love with you anymore....." it would start taking it's toll on us and our relationship. You have to speak positive into your relationship or it will die. You can't constantly focus on "what if there is something better" or "what if someone loved me better?" Its about focusing on how well you are loved and taken care of right now and what you can do to make you spouse/significant other feel loved and taken care of as well.
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Choose to love.
I have often heard people say that they've "fallen out of love" with who they are with. I don't believe that. I believe one of two things - a. you weren't in love with them in the first place or b. you've chosen to stop loving them. To me, love is a choice. True, there is that initial "falling in love" and that time is magical but after that there are going to be a lot of times where you have to choose to keep loving that person. You may think you aren't in love any more - those gooshy feelings aren't there or you don't see stars when you look at them anymore. Life becomes reality and it gets down to the nitty gritty. And these are the moments where love is a choice. You have to look past what they aren't or what they aren't being and love them. Let me clarify though that there are times when you have to draw the line. You can't continue loving someone who is abusive to you or dangerous to your mental or physical health. These are the times where you have to choose to stop loving and move on.