Wednesday, February 8, 2012


I'm almost 26 years old and I always assumed that I'd have a lot more figured out about life than I do. People ask me "so what are you passionate about?" and it seriously makes me want to burst into tears because there isn't anything. I know, that sounds horrible doesn't it? Now you know why I wanna cry. Don't get me wrong there are things I like or enjoy - like blogging, reading, working out, singing, etc. But nothing that just makes me flip my lid. I love my child and I love being her mother but I'm not one of those mothers that it's always been my dream or anything. I would even liked to have had another child but again, I don't feel like I'm a good enough mom. I do my best but I'm not an amazing or exceptional mom. I think the only "goal" I ever had really in life that I was "passionate" about was getting married and I did that! So now what?

I struggle because I feel like something is wrong with me because I don't have some great dream or anything. Ok, well, there are a few "dreams" but honestly I guess I don't count them because I don't believe they could ever happen. I dwell in reality too much and that pretty much sucks the "dream breath" right outta me. I can't see past where I am pretty much. I know, it sounds so easy to just believe in my dreams or dream big or whatever but I just can't.

I've noticed lately that I just feel in a funk and I really think it's because I feel completely purposeless. Stay-at-home mom is what I call myself but even that doesn't seem to fit when my child is gone 5 days a week from 7:30am to 2pm. I desperately want a job just so I can feel like I'm helping out in some way but I can't even seem to get one of those and well, that makes me feel like a complete loser. I try to keep up the house and cook dinner sometimes - ya know, all the house wifey things but even that can only make me feel like I have a purpose for so long.

What's wrong with me? I mean, my hubby has his dream, he's passionate about it, he wants it more then anything and I want to help him reach that because I know how happy it would make him. He even has a "back up" dream, you know, just in case dream one doesn't pan out he's got his second passion all lined up. And well, that makes me feel even worse. He's got two passions/dreams and I've got none, nada, zip, big fat goose egg. What's wrong with me?!

Why am I lacking?


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  2. wowzers this little post is ringing true to me! - It is hard not to have massive passions - I struggle with this too! Also with my other half being head strong and knowing what he wants out of life. I am trying to let life reveal itself to me, instead of worrying about it...but it's easier said than done! -I hope you figure something out - just try and be open to everything...isn't that how it works sometimes? people just get struck by some random passion?ha! Well, I have just come across your blog- so hello, and maybe see you again :)