Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Finding Strength.

Why is it that at the time you need strength the most you are at you weakest? Whether is be physically, mentally, emotionally, whatever. I feel like lately I have been at my weakest.....I just feel drained. Physically I just feel like I'm barely making it through my work outs, I don't feel like doing them which isn't like me at all. I usually look forward to working out but I just can't seem to want to lately. Doesn't mean I've stopped, no way, I know better then that! I've seen where that's gotten me but at the same time I know I'm not pushing to my fullest and best because I'm mentally not there. Even though nothing "huge" has been going on I've still felt a little out of it mentally and emotionally. I think maybe everything that has happened since August has really caught up with me - my family moving away suddenly, then my sister moving too when I thought she'd be around for awhile, my other sister getting married, etc., etc. I think lately I've finally had the time to really sit back and let it all truly sink in. The past two weeks no one has been around - my dad was back and forth every week and my sis was with him but these past two weeks they've all been in Alabama and we've been here. I'm doing better then I thought I would without everyone around. I love my family dearly, as crazy and chaotic as it all can be sometimes they still mean the world to me. I have plenty to do and keep me occupied but it's odd knowing that I can't just drive a few minutes down the road and see them or hang out with them. I think even though I've felt OK about it all maybe it's been harder on me emotionally then I realized. Plus Gianna and Beej have been sick with colds and Gianna is always so much more "needy" when she's sick. Luckily, she's been sleeping through the night with the help of Robitussin but still she has been more emotional then normal. Who knows, but it's been a combination of things I think and I just feel zapped. My eating habits have been absolute crap lately too. Honestly I haven't even really tried - when I'm tired, stressed and emotional I turned to crappy eating. Oh yeah, I know STUPID. But I'm trying so hard to get it back together. I don't want to lose it completely. So I'm praying for strength and hoping I find it for tomorrow.....

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