Thursday, October 22, 2009

I Saw Myself Today.....

I tend to get on here and vent alot. And I'm sorry but sometimes I just need somewhere to get things off my chest so I don't carry them around with me and weigh myself down! Today hasn't been a bad day but it hasn't been super great either. First of all I woke up and my ankle is so swollen I can't do anything with it. I'm not sure what's wrong or what I did. I don't remember turning it or hurting it. But it's been swelling a bit off and on for the past couple of weeks but today is the worst it's been so far. I have a knot under my outer ankle bone and then it's all puffy around it. And it hurts to put alot of pressure on it too. I've iced it some but that doesn't seem to do anything. I'm hoping it's better by tomorrow because I have a pretty intense workout that I don't plan to miss!
But the bad part of my day came this parents recently had some family photos made and even though I wasn't "in" them they had me do a couple with my sis and mom. And I saw them today. Nearly brought me to tears. I was so excited to see them, hoping I'd look at them and see my "skinny" shining through but I didn't. In fact, I look just down right fat. My face is all round and "swollen" looking and my thighs look massive. I was so upset and depressed after that. I guess I'm looking for more result then there is. And when I feel depressed instead of avoiding food I tend to go right to it. I'm really have to work at keeping myself from eating and eating tonight. I know it will just depress me further when I wake up and realize I consumed 1000 more calories then I was supposed to today. Oh, well. Hopefully Round 2 of P90X will get me closer to where I want to be. I was planning to have family pictures made of Beej and I and Gi come December or so but after seeing myself in those pictures, NO WAY! Maybe next December! Lol! I think I just need to call it a day and go to bed!

1 comment:

  1. Alaythea, I know that for some reason you don't like me anymore and I'm sorry about that... I just wanted to tell you that I am very impressed at how you have stuck to your goal. Even if you haven't lost the weight you wanted to you have accomplished a lot. We unfortunately don't have much control over gaining or losing weight but I bet that you are in great shape and you are stronger than you were 90 days ago. Don't beat yourself up too much! You have been very inspirational to me by sticking with it this far. This is the mother in me coming out...don't exercise if your ankle hurts. you could really do some major damage to it if it's sprained or something. I hope it gets to feeling better soon. Take the family portrait! Don't worry about what you look like, Gianna will be glad to have the picture when she's older. 20 years from now you'll look back at it and think "man, I looked good! and I thought I was fat!" I do that now when I look at pictures of me in college. I thought I was so fat and I really looked great. Sorry this has turned into such a long comment. Chin up! Be proud of what you've accomplished!