Love. It seems to easily defined yet at the same time so very difficult. Love is constantly growing and changing. Adapting. When you are in love with someone you want to please them, to make their life better, easier, more enjoyable. Sometimes that's harder than it seems. Human emotions get in the way, human error causes more issues than you planned on, etc. Even after almost 7 years of marriage, almost 8 years of being with my husband I'm still learning. Love is still growing, changing, adapting. It's crazy because I feel like I know him so well, but at the same time I feel like there is so much that's undiscovered. Different situations bring out different emotions and reactions and those lead to thoughts and opinions and new conversations and questions. As humans we are always changing. We aren't always the same person. Of course there is always the heart and core of who we are but as times change and life changes we change. Recently a family member mentioned something that I "liked" and I said "Oh I don't like that anymore...." and that said, "Well, you used too." And it made me realize how much we change even though we don't realize it. Things we used to like we no longer do, and things we never thought we'd like we're are suddenly into. I tend to be a little bit inside the box. It's hard for me to break out and just try new things. If I tried it once and didn't like it I assume that I'll not like it forever. But things change even simple things. I used to hate white furniture, walls, etc. but suddenly I wanted to paint my entire house white and replace everything with white furniture, white floors, etc. I used to hate spinach, Red Bull and Cherry Coke. But that's changed.
Anyway, back to the subject at hand. Love. I went to a wedding on Saturday. I love weddings. I love Love. I love celebrating it. Nothing makes me happier then seeing a young couple madly in love with each other. Hearing those sweet words they vow to. And yes, I know, divorce happens for good reasons and bad but I believe in love. True love. I think when you truly love someone (and know them before you make a huge commitment) you do anything to make it work. Doesn't mean you take abuse but that's where getting to know someone before you fall in love and marry them comes in. The wedding was beautiful, the vows were heartfelt and truthful - you know the moment the bride walks down the aisle? I like to see her but then I always turn and watch the groom. I love seeing that emotion on his face, you can almost feel his heart bursting with the love and pride he feels for the woman walking down the aisle. The groom at this wedding was so enamored with his bride. He didn't once take his eyes off her during the ceremony. He looked at her with such love and passion that it almost made my heart burst with happiness. Every girl deserves that and it makes my heart ache to watch girls settling for so much less. Watching them "put out" to try to keep guys around and keep their attention. One of the things that was said at this wedding was "Love is not an emotion. It can be emotional but love itself is not an emotion." And I feel like so many people base love on how they are feeling at the moment. The truth is there are times that B drives me nuts, and I drive him nuts. He annoys me, I annoy him, I think his point is stupid, he thinks mine is stupid, etc. Because we're human. But not once, since I met him, have I EVER though "I do not love this man anymore." Never. I love him and that will never change. Although how we love changes each and every day. It depends on what's going on around us. Our love has matured and changed. It's grown.
Are there times I miss that giddiness of first being in love? Of course. Don't get me wrong, I still get butterflies when B kisses me, my heart still swells when he reaches over and holds my hands, I still look at him across a room and think "God, he's so handsome." but even those feelings have changed. They aren't gone, they've just changed. I know him well, I see him differently, I admire him in different ways now. I love how far we've come, I love that we love each other so deeply, I love that we are still learning. But I will admit that sometimes I wish we could go back to those first days of dating just for a day. To experience that nervous excitement all over again.
Love changes, it grows, it adapts. True love doesn't go away. You have to choose to stop loving someone and I don't believe it actually ever really goes away. It can be buried and ignored but it's always there. Even if I had married someone else I don't think I would have ever stopped loving B, doesn't mean I would have acted on it, cheated on whoever I did marry or not love them as well but love can't just be shoved aside and expected to disappear. Love doesn't die, it doesn't leave. It changes, grows and adapts.