Friday, December 4, 2009

Feeling Alone....

So, I'm feeling alone again. Mainly in my exercise quest again. I started out with my hubby and some friends helping me and motivating me but my hubby dropped out and I think my friends might have to now....or at least breaked for the holidays. And that's totally fine but I just feel alone again. I don't have anyone to help me or to talk to about it anymore. I'm feeling my motivation lagging again. I'm not at all satisfied with how I look but I can't seem to get up the gumption to get where I wanna be. The holidays are looming ahead too and I'm terrified I'm going to get fat again. But I don't know how to get my motivation and excitement back. I've skipped two work outs this week for no reason other then I was just too lazy to do them. And that pisses me off. And I'm eating WAY too much again too. I was doing so good watching what I was eating and how much. Now I'm back to just eating whatever, whenever I want. And well, it's going to start catching up with me again. I guess I'm also afraid that losing more weight will lose me more friends too. My last best friend ended our friendship over some trivial things but I think the real reason she didn't want to be my friend anymore is because I was losing weight. Yeah, that sounds kinda like I'm tooting my own horn but that's not the case, I'm just saying I think she got jealous. And that hurts my feelings too - to think that my friendship to someone is less important then them feeling good. Dang people! Anyway, my next goal is of course a size 4 at Old Navy! And to lose at least another 10 to 15lbs. I think my "reward" will be to pay and get my hair done at a nice salon! I've been wanting to go red for awhile just haven't had the money to have it done right! So maybe I can save up a good $200 and go get it done in Greenville or somewhere. I think I deserve it! So I need to get my lazy butt back in gear and not count on everyone else to motivate and encourage me! I have go to learn to do it myself!!!!!

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