Growing up I watched my parents struggle financially. My mom was a stay at home mother of 5 kids and my dad was in the ministry so there was never alot of extra money. We paid bills and survived pretty much. But we never went without either. But in order to help out my parents started putting alot of stuff on credit cards. And I've watched them struggle to get out of debt now for years. And I swore that once I was out on my own and/or married I would never go into debt other then "safe debt" like purchasing a home. When I moved out of my parents home I lived with my grandparents and had a part time job while I went to school, and I never used a credit card, not once. I didn't have a lot of extra money but I had enough to take care of what I needed too. When my hubby and I got married we both decided that we never wanted to be in debt and that both of us would do whatever it took to keep us out of debt. Things have been very tight at time, literally down to our last dollar yet God has always provided for us. We've never been without! Even though we only have one car it's completely paid for, no car payment! We don't own our own home yet but we pay out rent every month. We are never behind each month. All our bills are paid on time and with cash. Quite a feat when you have a child and I don't work. I do "odd jobs" and help my parents out with stuff for their ministry to earn extra money to help out but for the most part my hubby pays for every thing with his job. He works hard, long hours and I am so proud of him. And I'm very proud of the fact that we have managed for fours years to stay out of debt. In fact, up until a few months ago we didn't even own a credit card. We do now simply because we want to build credit in order to purchase a home in the upcoming future. But we only make purchases we know we can pay off each month. It's hard sometimes when you see other people, people your age, doing things, purchasing things, going places that you can't. But at the same time I know that we don't have to worry about all the money we owe to someone else. I'd rather be patient and purchase what we want when we have the money in hand. I know that the whole idea is a novel concept to most people my age but it's a good thing! We can't expect to have everything right away, we have to earn it and work for it. That's how it used to be done. I hope and pray that we can instill that concept into Gianna. Don't get me wrong, there are days I wish I could snatch up the credit card and run out and buy clothes and jewelry and shoes and new Cd's. There are days I wish I could snatch it up and go out to eat when I don't have the money. I wish I could take it and buy Gianna's lots of cool toys and new clothes. But somehow I would just feel guilty walking around in clothes or playing with toys I knew we hadn't actually paid for...or that in the end would probably cost me double what they were. Some days I'm embarrassed to say "No, we can't...." because I know we don't have any money. Or that what money we do have is going to pay bills. But somehow I've never felt like we were really poor! We have a nice place to live, a car that runs well, clothes on our backs and food in the cabinets. It angers me to hear people say "Oh I know exactly what you mean" when I know they don't. When I see what they spend and how they spend I know they have no idea what it's like not be able to just do whatever they want, whenever they want. I'm learning so much patience, yet I think I appreciate the new things we do buy and the times we do get to go out even more then other would!!! I'm thankful we are living debt free!
Ugh. I'm in a munchy mood tonight. And I don't need to be! I screwed up today and had two small pieces of pizza for lunch at my in laws house BUT I just cut back for dinner and still managed to only go a hundred calories over today! Woohoo! But I still feel like crap that I went over at all. I've been doing so good but that took up a huge chunk my calories for the day. And it was good at the time but I've felt yucky ever since. I think there was some sausage on it and pork usually doesn't agree with me very well AT ALL! I think it messed Gigi up too because her tummy has been bothering her ever since too. But right now I'd love to have some serious chocolate! Like a huge, warm brownie topped with vanilla ice cream and some chocolate sauce! Or some Bluebell Mint Chocolate ice cream! *Sigh* but I won't do it! I am strong and this urge will pass. And once I'm on the other side of it I'll be so proud that I didn't give in! We had some ice cream here earlier but I made my brothers eat it so I wouldn't be tempted tonight. Because I knew I would be! I did pretty good at Outback the other night too - I didn't eat any bread (so hard!) and I only had a few cheese fries, let Beej eat the majority of them! And then for dinner I had a salad with no croutons and dressing on the side (it's amazing how little dressing you really need!), a 6 oz steak (SO yummy!) and as my side I got grilled pineapple! Very tasty! And water to drink! Can't go wrong with that! I could have skipped the cheese fries but I didn't eat alot of them! I'm getting better at this whole resisting thing! I really try to concentrate on how crappy I know I'll feel if I do give in. I'm tired of feeling horrible every time I give in to something I know I shouldn't have. It's a nice feeling when I resist temptation! My mother in law commented today that I was losing alot of weight! She doesn't know how hard I've been trying too! It made me feel great! It made me ready to keep going on and trying hard!!! I like the way I look and feel....and I'm excited about how much better I'm going to feel in the future! Hooray for fitness!!!
Isn't it funny how your mind can convince you of things? I swear today that looking in the mirror I had gained 5lbs! I just feel so fat and bloated today although I've eaten very well for the past few weeks and I've exercised more then ever and I fit into a pair of pants I haven't worn for over two years! And they are kinda loose on me already! I've measured and I've lost inches yet I still look in the mirror or I see pictures of myself and I still feel like I'm as fat as ever! And people can tell me all day long that I look good and look like I've lost but until I can see it in pictures and in the mirror I won't believe it! It does make me feel good when my hubby tells me I look like I've lost or changed because he's never lied to me, in fact sometimes he's brutally honest! Lol! But I love him for it and so I know he'd never tell me something that isn't true! I can't wear the "wedding" ring I've been wearing anymore, it's too big now! So I'm wearing a different one, my goal is to be able to wear my actual engagement ring and 1 yr. anniversary band. It's a size 5!!! I'm still working hard towards my goal of a size 6 jean at the end of the month but I'm also realizing it might be too big of a goal for the moment. So I'll be happy with an 8 too. Although I'm wearing some 8's now so I still don't think it's completely impossible! I really want to get something super cute to wear to the concert my hubby and I are going to at the beginning of November. It's going to be a very artsy event and I want something totally cool to wear and feel great in!!! I'm hoping it's really cool out that night so I can wear long sleeves! I don't know if I wanna go grungy, rocker, preppy or what!
And so I have made it two days without cheating once! Laugh if you want but for me that's a great start because I've had plenty of opportunities to do just that! Yesterday and today I've completed resisted the Breyer's ice cream that's in the freezer right now. And today I've resisted lots of yummy food at Taco Bell, I only ate a hard shell chicken taco! And then we went out for Mexican for dinner and chips & salsa are so my thing but guess what I ate only 5 little chips! Yup! And then I had grilled chicken and some refried beans! We then we out to a coffee shop and I resisted those delicious Mocha Frappe' I love so much and got a unsweet mint iced tea instead! And it actually was very good and very refreshing! And I didn't leave feeling guilty or yucky. I left feeling upbeat and good about myself! If I can just keep it up for the rest of the month I'll be doing pretty good I think! I went to the store today and just held up a size 6 jeans to me and I'm pretty hopeful! I think about 2 or 3 more inches off my hips and I'll be there!!! Woohoo!!! I'm feeling pretty good! I've decided to add Cardio X at least twice a week to my workouts already. It'll be an extra 1000 calories burned each week and that's a good thing. I think my metabolism is definantly kicking up, I sweat like crazy when I work out and I feel alot hotter when I'm just resting too which is a good sign. Or so I'm told! My size 7 ring is practically falling off of me now! I'm really excited! I haven't been able to wear my actual engagement ring and wedding band since I got pregnant....it's a 5!!! Lol!
Gianna is driving me nuts lately, especially in the evenings. It's like she get so wild and she does everything to annoy me and aggravate me. I really try to be patient but she just keeps at it until I'm beyond frustrated. I usually let her stay up late with me when Beej is gone but tonight she went to be right at 9pm because she would stop hitting my computer. The potty training is becoming worse and worse. When I put underwear on her now she just pees in it, it's like she doesn't even try to get to the potty. I'm so annoyed with the whole thing. I feel like just putting her back in diapers again. I'm not even sure how to help her get it. She was doing SO good for awhile. I guess I just need to stay home for 3 days straight again and put her on the potty every 20 minutes or so.....maybe she'll get it then.
So I've been trying to decide whether or not to put up my "before" pictures or not. I finally decided that it would be good for me. I need to get over myself, I want people to see the changes that are happening. Very slowly but surely. I haven't seen a ton of changes just yet but I can see a difference and I know I've lost inches so I'm inspired to keep going. I want the Before and After pictures to be seriously different at the end of this! Well, there will be no end really, I want to make this a lifestyle not a phase. I'm hoping my Day 90 and my Day 120 pictures will be amazing! Don't laugh to hard or throw up on your keyboard when you look at these. I'm so embarrassed I've let myself get this far but I have and I admit it and I'm also trying my HARDEST to change that right now. I'm not doing a little pansy "workout" for 30 minutes. I'm sweating my face off for an hour to an hour and a half 6 days a week! I'm still working on my diet but I'm doing so much better then I was!!!! I hope that farther down the road I can be an inspiration to those around me.....This is very humbling for me but hey, pride goes before a fall. Maybe this will inspire me even more!!! Lol!
( I would love to look like this! Love her hair color and love her outfit!!! Smokin'!!!)
Another day! My weekend was crazy! We spent Saturday up at the Fall Festival downtown, hanging out with our besties. It was hotter then I expected it to be but fun! Then we watched Alabama football and packed up for our late night trip to Alabama. We drove all night and got in around 2:30am. Spent Sunday running around going to various churches and meetings. And then drove to Knoxville, got in around 2:00am. Drove the rest of the way home Monday! It was exhausting and practically pointless now that I think about it. Beej was off yesterday, it was so nice to have him home in the evening. He watched football and read while I caught up on CSI and The Vampire Diaries online. Thank God for internet! I am totally loving The Vampire Diaries, no they will NEVER hold a candle to Twilight but it's still pretty good! They even made a jab at Twilight last night! Shame!
So I did my Day 30 and Day 60 photo comparison and although I can see "some" differences it's not what I was hoping for. So I'm buckling down and sticking to my diet like glue this month and try to get off at least another 5lbs. I am planning to go shopping for new jeans and some new Fall clothes at the end of the month and I'd be really happy if I was fitting into a size 6 pants by then! I'll be thrilled! I'm really excited and motivated to do it. I'm still working out hard, even planning to through a few extra cardio workouts in too. I just don't understand how all these super skinny people do it. I see celebs eating all the time and I know they workout but I feel like I'm working out like crazy and not seeing the results I want. This is serious hard work! Maybe my expectations are too high, JUST KIDDING!!! I know it's going to take awhile to get exactly where I want to be but I'm willing to do my best to get there. I'm tired of be fat and frumpy, this county is wearing off on me too much and I hate it. I used to be stylish and now I got to Wal Mart in God knows what! Gianna has started talking like a hick now, that in its self makes me wanna move somewhere else!
