Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Are you surprised?

Do people ever cease to amaze you? It's like no matter how much time and effort you put into certain people they never see it. All they see if one mistake or maybe you didn't even make a mistake - they just make up stuff and even though you've never lied to them they still seem to think this lie they've come up with in their heads it true. I've recently gone through a "break up" with a close friend. And it's nearly as bad a breaking up with a boyfriend. It's hard for me to get close to people, so when I do I usually trust them all out and treat them like family. I'd do whatever I could for them, stick up for them and enjoy spending time with them! But this person has suddenly decided that our friendship is "too stressful" on her. I don't even know what that means. To be honest I think I make her uncomfortable now. That's not bragging on me or anything, it's far from it. I'm heart broken that she's decided to completely shun me because I have other friends that she doesn't like. And part of me is glad I've seen this other side of her, because I know that's not the kind of people I want to call "friend" but at the same time I'm angry and hurt that for the past year and a half I've trusted this person and truly thought we were close. It overwhelms me at how often this happens. You think someone is so true to you, so loyal and that they love you very much and then at the drop of a hat they turn their backs on you and walk away when the relationship/friendship is no longer benefiting them or making them feel good. There have been lots of things over the past few years that I've been friends with this person that I've felt a little jealous of things she's had or done but I always try to put those feelings aside and be happy for her and rejoice because I know if I can't do that then I'll never be blessed.
Isn't it funny how getting fit (or trying to) will bring out people's true colors and feelings? I can't believe how many people get "mad" at me because I've lost some weight. And I don't flaunt it or walk around bragging but I am proud of my accomplishment. People don't understand how many times I've tried to lose weight in the past few years and have failed and failed and failed. How many diets I've started and lasted a day through, no one understand that my will power and motivation up until now has been zero. No one can rejoice with me not just about the actual weight loss but rejoice with me in the person I am becoming on the inside. I'm learning more self motivation, more inner belief in myself, becoming more inspired, becoming more self confident. No one seems to see those accomplishments. And they start hating me because they lack these themselves. Believe you me, I've been there. Dissed people I didn't know because they were skinny like I wanted to be, dissed people because they were in the gym when I was too lazy to get motivated to be there too, dissed people because they stuck with something long enough to see results and I couldn't. I got tired of being "one of those people" so I changed it. I have SO far to go to, I'm not even half way there yet. I need support and encouragement, not people that run out on me as soon as things aren't going their way. I ask this question all the time, are their truly real friends out there? People who will stick by you no matter what, stand up for you, be an encouragement, rejoice in your accomplishments even if they themselves aren't there yet....where have all those kind of people gone? I've ceased to be surprised when people I love and trust and who I think love and trust me turn on me and walk away. Are you surprised?
The picture above is of my hubby, someone I know will NEVER EVER walk out on me, even when I aggravate or frustrate him. He's stuck with me through all my failings and short comings. He's been my rock, my inspiration, my encouragement, even my advisor sometimes! I love him more then anything, and I take comfort in the fact that even when or if ALL my other friends and loved ones walk away I can count on him coming home and loving me every day! And that too surprises me sometimes, what did I ever do to deserve someone's love like that?! But I'm happy someone thought I did!

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