Thursday, November 12, 2009
So I'm a slacker. I haven't quit working out by any means but I've been really slacking on them and not putting a full effort into them and I've been switching up work outs when I don't feel like doing the one I'm supposed to and well, I NEVER did that the first time around with P90X. I'm doing what I feel is easier or quicker. And sometimes the quicker part I have to because I have somewhere to go and know I won't have any other time to work out because I don't work out well at night at all. I prefer mornings or right after lunch. Other wise I have zero motivation. Same with my diet, I've totally slacked on it all the way. I've eaten so much crap for the past two weeks and I'm starting to "see" it. My tummy is bloated and I just feel awful. I've tried to get back on it for the past two days and I'll do good through like lunch and then my will power totally dissolves and by dinner time I've totally undone anything good I've done all day. Ticks me off that I'm so up and down with it. I've really got to lose another 15, possibly even 20lbs. My ultimate goal is 120lbs. I think it's a good weight for my height and for where I'm at right now. I know with the holidays coming up it's going to be so hard to be consistent and not gain all the weight I have lost back. I've noticed my skinny jeans feel a little tighter then they should so I've really got to buckle down and get back with it. I put up my inspiration picture of Jessica Alba on my fridge hoping she'll help me think before I got stuffing stuff in my mouth but I'm not sure it's worked so far. I just wonder if this is something I'm going to forever struggle with? Am I always going to thinking about this. I mean, even now, losing some and getting healthier it's still all I think about. I think about how I'm going to motivate myself, how I'm going to not eat everything I want to, how I'm going to look in my clothes, how I'd feel if I gained back what little I've lost, etc. It's constantly on my mind. I haven't felt good for the past few days, I get all jittery and shaky when I work out. I don't know if it's because I'm not eating the right stuff or what. I started new vitamins a few days ago and I'm hoping they'll help me feel better. I just want to be skinny! I want a flat tummy, I'm not even asking for a six pack, I just want to put on a shirt and not see a "tire". Or put on pants and not have to make sure my "love handles" don't hang out. I feel like this is a never ending battle.....and I'm so tired.