Back to Smilin'!

We seem to finally be getting back to some normalcy in our lives. This past week has been a nightmare! To say the least. It seems that everything that can go wrong wen wrong this past week. Our A/C went out for the upteenth time this summer. They just keep patching it up and it finally wouldn't patch anymore. But it took them almost a week to finally get a new unit in and then it didn't work right. So today is the first day that we've had air again and we aren't positive it's working right....lol! But we are crossing our fingers hoping it's fixed for good. On top of that our Jeep started having issues and we had to take in to the shop, twice. Thought it was completely fixed but the "check engine" light came on again today so we took it back to the shop and they told us what needs to be fixed and luckily it's not as pricey as we thought it would be but it's still an unexpected expense. Our internet went down for no reason for almost a day here. Yesterday I nearly lost it. The stress was just getting to me and I thought if one more thing went wrong I would have a mental break down. But thankfully things are looking up. Thank you, Jesus!!!

Needless to say, my week has been completely off whack. I haven't been able to work out but once and I feel like such a loser at the moment. This is the longest I've gone without working out in over 10 months! I can't believe that I've actually been working out 5-6 days a week for 10 months now!!! That is so crazy and I'm beyond proud of myself. I still have some up and down's and I still struggle with the healthy eating part but I've made it so much longer at this then I thought I would. I have so many more goals to still meet.....I'm ready for a new challenge!

I haven't really been home in over a week. I've popped in and out to get a few things and get fresh clothes for Gianna and I but we've spent most of the week out at my parent's house avoiding the heat. Swimming and just hanging out. But I miss my own bed and my own things and my own home. I miss my routine and most of all I miss working out!!! I can't work out at my parent's house. My mother has some "house rules" that keep me from working out like I want to. One being she doesn't approve of my work out videos because the people aren't "dressed" - lol! And second of all she doesn't like us to wear shorts at her house or tanks tops and I can't work out in anything else. So I just don't even try when I'm there. I tried to swim more and work more of swimming actual "laps". I know it didn't make up for my missing work outs but I really tried not to just sit around on my butt. My eating got a little better this week. I've tried harder to keep to what I know I'm supposed to have.

Starting Monday I'm going to stay home for about three days straight and work on some stuff that I've been lacking at. I'm going to clean my house, and re organize Gianna's room. It's a disaster!!! I need to get rid of some toys, shoes and clothes. Plus I need to clean bathrooms and floors and just get my house back in order. It's amazing how bad it can get when no one is even here! And I'm going to focus on getting my work outs back on track and I'm going to do another Protein Shake cleanse. So three days of getting my life back in order! I'm eager to get started.

I'm ready for bed now, I'm really thrilled to be sleeping in my OWN bed tonight! I think I'm going to sleep very well tonight!

But I'm thankful things seem to be settling back down now.......so thankful.

Wrong Side of the Bed.....

I'm not a very happy camper this morning....I know, I'm still trusting God to take care of our needs but it still doesn't mean my human nature side doesn't kick in. It seems that everything has gone wrong at the same time - our Jeep is messed up, our A/C at our house as been out for 7 days now, Gianna needs dental work soon, I need dental work soon and it's goes on....I am just beyond exasperated. Mainly with the air situation....I haven't slept in my own bed since last Wednesday night. The couple of nights we've stayed here while the A/C has been out I've slept on the couch downstairs because it's about 7 degrees cooler downstairs. But I don't sleep well, between being on the couch and it just being stuffy in the house. We've been crashing at my parents house for the better part of the past week. I hope they don't mind, I haven't even really asked! Lol! We spend most of the day out there at the pool anyway. It's supposed to be 100 degrees today and I'm getting worried about our cat too....I don't know that he needs to be in this heat here at the house but I don't know what else to do with him.

Yesterday I took the Jeep in to the shop to be looked at because the "Check Engine" light had come on and the Jeep seemed to be "shaking" when you tried to drive it, as though it might die on you. So they fixed it, said it was just new spark plugs and I went and picked it up yesterday evening, drove it home and all seemed well. But when I went out to buy groceries last night the light came back on and it started shaking again. So I ran it back to the shop last night and left it to be looked at today....ugh. So Beej borrowed a vehicle from my parents to drive to work today and my dad is coming to get us here in a little while and I guess we'll spend another night out there with them......*sigh*

I haven't worked out since Saturday because I haven't been home to do it....I can't work out at Mom's house because there isn't room plus she doesn't approve of my work out's anyway! Lol! So I've been trying to swim laps in the pool and get a little bit of a work out in that way but it's not the same. So we spent the night at my house last night, I didn't get much sleep because it's so hot but I'm going to work out this morning and I'm praying the A/C is fixed by this evening. But they aren't very prompt at taking care of anything or taking care of it right. I'm starting to loathe our apartment management. Ugh.

I haven't practiced piano much at all this week....it's hard for me to concentrate at my parent's house because it stays pretty noisy and active there. Plus the songs I had to learn this week were pretty hard for me which means I need more practice then usual. So today I have to spend time working on them, noise or no noise.

I am still trying to eat right....I know, it gets old me saying that. I usually do good all day long and then something I eat in the evening sorta throws me off course. But I try again the next day....I didn't do horrible yesterday except that I didn't really eat enough until the evening and then I was hungry and ate too much. so today I have to make sure I eat more regularly.

So, needless to say, my day has not gotten off on the greatest foot but we'll try to salvage it!

Too Big?

Do you ever have a request for God that you almost feel silly asking Him for? Not because He isn't big enough to take care of any need but because to your human mind it just doesn't seem possible? I do that alot, I feel bad "bothering" God with my needs or even my family's needs. God has blessed us time and time again and I can't begin to tell you of all the miraculous things He's done for us. But I still let my human sized faith get in the way sometimes. I want to badly to believe and trust that anything can be done but then I let doubt creep in slowly but surely. I keep trying to figure it out in my mind how it'll work out or how it will be taken care of. But time and time again He proves He can do! I don't understand how many can not believe in God when I've seen Him do things over and over that only a higher, powerful "being" could do. I've seen Him answer prayers NO one knew my parents were praying, not even me until after they were met. It has helped solidify God to me in a very sound way.

Recently several unexpected things have come up in our lives. Various things that we honestly just don't have the extra income to deal with right away. Thinking about it overwhelms me greatly although I know God has never let us down before and I don't expect Him to now. I am pulling on every ounce of faith I have right now to take care of these things. They have to do with health, transportation, family, etc. I keep praying as I know my husband is doing as well and I know somehow, someway, at just the right time God will take care of these things for us. It's hard to be patient because I want them taken care of and done with today but God doesn't work on our time.

My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways, says the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts.”

- Isaiah 55:10-11

I am taking deep breaths and taking it a day at a time knowing that my Father knows best. He cares for even the smallest bird so certainly He knows my needs. I was praying the other day and I told Him my needs, even though He knows them, sometimes I think He just wants to hear us actually say it and put belief behind it. And so I told Him - I put each individual need out there. I felt silly and overwhelmed listing it all. As though not saying it makes it go away or something! I know my husband is praying and believing as well and so together we stand strong in the faith that God is going to bless us and see us through this time. He always has before!

“Again I say to you that if two of you agree on earth concerning anything that they ask, it will be done for them by My Father in heaven.” - Matthew 18:19-20

Fourth Fun!

Let Freedom Ring!!!

Happy 4th of July weekend, everyone! I haven't been on here much of the past few days but we've spent most of the time out at my parents house and I just haven't taken the time to get on here and write. Our A/C at our apartment went out on Thursday, they sent someone to look at it Fri., and they told us they couldn't fix it until Tues.! Lol! So, needless to say, even with the slightly cooler weather we've been spending most of our time out at my parents house where it's cooler. But it worked out since it was a weekend of festivities anyway.

I think this year, even more then ever, everyone is really taking the time to think about their freedom(s). Because, even though we do have so much more freedom then a lot of people in the world, it seems those freedoms are slowly being taken away or changed slowly but surely. After years of war, losing so many precious lives....we as Americans are starting to value our freedom more and more. Our pastor spoke an amazing Freedom message at church yesterday....Really thought provoking and encouraging. Yesterday I celebrated my freedom with even more heart felt gratitude then usual! And my eyes started to well up yesterday singing America, The Beautiful at church yesterday - there is a sense of belonging and pride that I don't know that I've ever really taken the time to appreciate before.

We spent Saturday evening at the local Forest City festival - it really isn't much of a festival. There are some bounce houses for the kids, some of the local restaurants set up stands where you can buy food less then a mile from where you normally buy it, bands come and play (mostly various churches trying to entice you to come to their church!) and then a small but decent fireworks show around 10pm. I go just to look at people and see people I know who won't speak to me in public! Lol! It's really just somewhere to go really.

Yesterday was great! We went to church and had a really great service. After that we grilled out with my family - chicken and burgers, grilled corn, home made french fries and home made jelly drop cookies! Plus swimming.....Gianna swam herself silly with her daddy yesterday! She loves nothing more then spending time with him. It's so sweet to see how much she adores him. After that me, Dad, Beej and D headed up to Asheville. We left Gi at home with Mom because we knew it would be a lot of walking, fighting crowds and getting home really late. Next year I want to find a fireworks show that's a little closer so that Gianna can go see them. But she's still at the age where she doesn't really know she's missed them. I don't think she'll be like that next year though, she's going to be SO much more grown up next year......but we spent a couple of hours walking around amongst the crowds down town and looking at the various, colorful assortment of people that Asheville draws. Heard a cool like indie folk band called Now You See Them! Really neat band. Beej bought a funnel cake - D and I won't eat them because we've gotten sick off them before but Dad ate some. We went by Starbucks twice - once we got stuff, the second time was just for a bathroom stop. We did TONS of walking. Which was good but my legs were tired by the end of the night. Trying to keep up with everyone else's long legs! We went by a sandwhich shop called Jimmy John's and I've heard they are great - we didn't want anything but drinks before the fireworks but they told us they'd be open till 11pm and we said we'd come back to eat after the fireworks. Where we parked to watch the fireworks and where Jimmy John's was located was a good 3 miles probably. The fireworks were awesome as always - towards the end something went wrong and they just ended. No grand finale or anything.....we waited for awhile and then finally loads of people started leaving. But we kept waiting thinking something had just gone wrong and sure enough about 15 mins. later they started back up! And the grand finale was AMAZING! D took a lot of pictures so hopefully we'll go through those today and I'll post some later! After that we sprinted over to Jimmy John's, fighting crazy traffic and crowds and got there around 10:30pm and they were CLOSED!!!! We were livid! Called someone over and she was pretty rude and told us they closed at 10pm. Sorry. Needless to say, I probably won't ever go back to that Jimmy John's and probably won't bother to ever give them my business. We tried to stop and eat at IHOP on the way home but half the restaurant was closed and the lines were out the door. We finally decided to just head home, call it a night and go to bed which I was more the willing to do!!! All in all, a great fourth!!! How was your 4th?!

The "Test Drive" Mentality

I recently spoke to someone on the subject of love, sex and marriage. I am continually floored at people's ideas and mentality on marriage and pre marital sex these days. Living together, sleeping together - it's like it's nothing these days. People just view it as serious dating now or something. I think I've posted a blog before on my whole idea of living with someone and sleeping with someone before you are married to them. Before the true commitment has been made. I don't understand why these people claim to be so committed to one another yet they can't make the simple step into marriage.

This whole "conversation" started around the whole Eclipse movie. Some people are thrilled that Stephenie Meyer has saved Bella and Edward's first sexual experience for one another AFTER they are married. But some people, like the guy I was talking to, thinks it's stupid and unrealistic. He said that virginity is no longer a virtue. And that people who only sleep with one person their whole lives and are married to them usually end up in divorce because no one is meant to sleep with just one person. He said that sex and love are two separate things and shouldn't be tied together! Needless to say my mouth was hanging open. This guy isn't what I would call a "card carrying Christian" but I know that his ideas are simply based off of, well, stupidity. He said that Bella (in the Twilight series) wouldn't be so back and forth between two guys if she'd slept with them. She's know which one she wanted to be with! I laughed. And he was completely serious. He said it's the same idea as buying a car - you wouldn't buy the car and then test drive it. You would test drive several and see which you liked best. That's his theory for marrying someone - you "test drive" several people sexually and then you decide which one you want to be with!

" Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: :It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman." But because of temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband......"

-1 Cor. 7:1

I think it's obvious how God planned and designed it. Sex isn't how you determine love. In fact I think most relationships that go straight to sex to determine whether or not they are right for each other usually end badly. I occasionally watch those teen mother shows and it blows me away at how silly these girls are. They think that the guy they slept with, who's slept with a million other girls, is suddenly going to grow up and be a dad and a faithful partner. It doesn't work that way! Sex is an action in response to deep rooted love. It comes after you build a relationship of trust and security with someone. Trying to build that after sex tends to make for a weak and shaky foundation. I didn't do everything right in all of my dating relationships but those mistakes have proven to me that what I was taught is what is right.

I see so many people in "test drive" relationships and I see how on edge they always are, watching their "partners", waiting for them to mess up. There is no trust, no security - they are hoping that sex is a strong enough glue to hold them together. Again, sex is not love - it's the ultimate expression of love once the ultimate commitment has been made - marriage. It's benefit of marriage. Marriage is work, no doubt. But in the end, a marriage based on the proper standings is bright and strong future for both people involved!

I'm all for dating, I'm all for romance, I'm all for expressing love at the proper time. I'm not one of those who won't let my daughter hold her boyfriend's hand or kiss him. But neither do I want her to just "try" this boy out and "try" that boy out. I want her to think seriously before she starts joining herself with someone. I still believe you should never start a relationship with someone you can't see yourself marrying. Casual, relaxed "dating" with no commitments is one thing but once you make yourself exclusive with someone make sure it's someone you know well enough to know whether or not you could spend the rest of your life with them! I love Love! I really do! I can get overwhelmed in the romance of things. I love the feelings that love brings. I love watching a good romantic movie but there are limits to where things go before a certain time! And ultimately, even though Edward is a fictional character, I respect the writer for giving him the strength and respect he needs for the woman he loves to wait. Usually it's the woman wanting to wait in most fictional stories but I respect the leader type qualities the writer gave this character. Obviously, commitment and marriage is a lot deeper then the Twilight series but I mention is solely because this subject was started all because of this story line!

Strength.

I am praying for strength today. It's just another day but I am seriously trying to get back to my strict eating habits and well, it's going to take a lot of strength and determination on my part. I know I can do it because I've done it before, it's just lately I haven't had the drive to do it again and I have to get that back. I start out good during the day and then by mid afternoon I give in and eat something I'm not supposed to. And I can already tell the difference it's making in my waistline and I don't like it.

I'm also praying for strength to handle situations with family members. Different issues, but family non the less....I'm praying for wisdom on how to handle them and what to say and not to say. Praying that I know how to speak and when and when I need to just step aside. Lately I feel like I've been dealing with so much drama from one person or another that honestly I just step back and don't deal with it within my family or extended family. I just want to keep the peace as best I can because everything else seems to chaotic around me. Someone mentioned the other day about people bringing up the same things over and over - rehashing issues that no one cares about anymore. And here is the key - it still means something to someone. I don't hold on to things that don't mean anything to me. Usually when I "hold" on to a hurtful situation it's because it meant something to me, the person involved meant something to me, etc. Some times, just to be honest, when someone has hurt me I say hurtful things because I want them to feel the pain and disappointment they have inflicted upon me. The "friends" that I talk about on here a good deal, ones that have deserted me and left me alone - I talk about it still because it still hurts. I talk about it because I still can't understand what happened.....I work so hard to be a great friend and I think the problem is that people don't want a friend a "true" as I try to be. It's too much expectation on them. If I'm a great friend then it requires that they be too. It requires me to have strength that I'm still building. I'm not sure I have the strength to carry it all alone at this point and the way I get rid of some of the "weight" I still carry over these things is to talk about it - to rehash it.

I am praying for strength and guidance on some financial/physical issues. Nothing "serious" really but it always seems there are things we need to take care of dental and doctor wise that we just don't have the immediate funds for and I get nervous because I'm afraid that we aren't going to be able to take care of ourselves properly.

I am praying for the strength to make the wisest and safest decisions for my daughter......we recently put her on a daily low dose antibiotic to control her kidney infections. She's been on it for about a week and a half, maybe 2 weeks and the past two or three days she's been complaining of itching really bad all over. I looked her over and didn't see anything and assumed her skin was just dry from being out in the sun and rubbed her down with lotion. But it seems to be getting worse, she sat on the couch last night and just scratched and scratched and then I noticed her cheeks getting all red and puffy and hot. I got online and looked up her antibiotic and looked up the side effects some people have and a lot of them have had an allergic reaction to this medicine and it include extreme itching and red "rash" on the cheeks. So I have got to get in touch with the dr. today and find out what we can do next.......

Yes, I'm praying for strength, wisdom, guidance, patience, love.........