A Few Photos From Mother's Day

Me and my sweet pea - isn't she adorable?!!!
My little family! We had such a great Mother's Day together.
The whole gang, well, minus Daddy who was taking the picture!
This one has Daddy in it!
My hunny and I! I love him so much!
My mom and I! Happy Mother's Day to a wonderful woman!
Walking around the Grove Arcade in Asheville, NC
Mom and Charity
Mom and her boys.....
Daddy and GiBug
Have lunch at Asiana in Asheville......

I am planning to post all about my Mother's Day soon, but I wanted to post pictures of my gifts as well and I haven't gotten one of them yet. I have to go get it tomorrow so I'm going to wait and post then. But until then I thought I would share a few pictures! It was so nice having everyone there to spend the day together........

Another Mother's Day

So another Mother's Day is upon us. For me I often forget that Mother's Day applies to me now! For me it's still a day for my mother and it's also "birthday season". My grandfather, brothers and mom all have birthdays within a week of each other and one of them usually falls on Mother's Day. This year it's my grandfather, last year it was my brothers. So there is always a lot going on. Lots of gifts to buy and we usually meet up for lunch somewhere. This year we are skipping church and going to meet my parents in Asheville, where they are currently spending the weekend. I'm excited that all my siblings are going and of course my hubby and baby girl too. I usually get something a little more "practical" for Mother's Day - like this year it was a hair cut and some time out which I needed both of those desperately! Beej and I usually do something small for each other on Mother and Father's Day. We never go overboard - one day if Gianna chooses to do stuff for us then that's up to her but it kinda seems pointless for us to give each other stuff - it's not Valentine's Day or anything! Lol! That's just how we see it. I usually get my Mom something of course. She helps me out a lot and I appreciate it all so much. Especially all their tireless help with Gianna!
Like I said, sometimes I forget I'm a mom now. I don't "feel" like a mom most of the time. That doesn't mean I don't love my child! I'm just saying I don't feel old enough or smart enough, etc. Some days I feel more like Gianna is my little sister or just my little buddy. And I hope that feeling continues as she gets older. She is so adorable and I love her so so much.....she is getting so big now. She is so opinionated and independent. Sometimes that gets on my nerves a little bit but for the most part I love seeing her individuality shining through. I love seeing what she gets " into" or thinks is cool. She still loves little girl things of course but she's started saying things like "Justin Bieber is cute!" Lol! She told me she likes his hair! Things like that make me laugh - unlike a lot of mother's I can't wait til Gianna starts liking boys and things like that. I think it'll be fun!!! I think young "love" is so sweet and cute.

A Sonnet for My Mother

I often contemplate my childhood, Mom.
I am a mother now, and so I know
Hard work is mixed together with the fun;
You learned that when you raised me long ago.I think of all the things you gave to me:
Sacrifice, devotion, love and tears,
Your heart, your mind, your energy and soul--
All these you spent on me throughout the years.You loved me with a never-failing love
You gave me strength and sweet security,
And then you did the hardest thing of all:
You let me separate and set me free.Every day, I try my best to be
A mother like the mom you were to me.By Joanna Fuchs

So Happy Mother's day to all of you who are mother's. We may not all do thing same things or think the same way. We may all love our children in different ways but what it all comes down to is that day after day we do our best to raise them and love them to the best of our abilities. Thank God that we had mother's we cared about us and took the time to teach us. Hopefully one day Gianna will look back and say "I had such an incredible mom!" Not to toot my own horn but so that we can have a relationship that is closer then anything......I hope I can be an advice giver, a hand holder, a heart mender, a gift buyer, a laughing joker, a carefree friend and a quiet peace maker to my daughter as she grows up so that one day, if she decides to have children, that she has an amazing example to follow and can be above and beyond what I was as a mom to her!

Just blowing bubbles....

I tend to get overly anxious and upset about things. I let little things bother me. It's just how I am. I try not to be that way, I try to relax - clear my head. But sometimes I just can't do the mind over matter thing and make it happen. Then I get pissy and it's stupid, even I know that but some days I just want to pout! Some times my daughter can be the way, I tend to think she's more like her daddy but the older she gets the more I see myself in her and not always in the best ways. She tends to be quickly frustrated and but unlike me she doesn't give up, and that is like her daddy. Today though I was watching her blow bubbles. Her daddy let her blow them inside and she was sitting very quietly just blowing bubbles. Over and over, the same thing, yet so contentedly. I watched how even when she didn't blow it quite right she'd try again, and again. How fascinated she was at each little bubble. Even though it was the same thing over and over, each time was exciting for her. Some days simple little actions like these remind me that I'm too uptight. She finds such pleasure in such little things. Or seemingly little things. They may not mean anything to me but they mean the world to her.....I keep trying to remember that not everything is a big deal. Cares are like bubbles, they appear for a moment but then they are gone - we can't keep trying to catch them or hold on to them. But we do have to be careful not to slip in the aftermath! Gianna bubble blowing has left a slippery mess in the floor and if we aren't careful someone might slip and fall in it. It's the same with problems and worries, we can let them go or at least watch them disappear but if we aren't careful we can slip and fall in the invisible mess....
I had a great day today....I got my hair cut as my Mother's Day "gift". It was nice, I love going to a salon and having my hair done. I love getting it shampooed and cut and styled and walking out feeling like a new woman! Not to mention just getting out and having some "me" time. My sis went with me and we went to the mall after and got gifts for our mother and had lunch. All in all it was a good time out and I appreciate my husband giving me the day out! After I got home though I was a little tired (I was up at 6:40am to work out before leaving) and I let me crabbiness get the better of me. Beej made a suggestion that I copped an attitude about (yes, I still cop attitudes!) and I let it ruin a couple of hours of our evening. Time wasted. So Beej is taking a little time for himself now (he deserves it just as much as I do...) and Gianna is blowing bubbles and I'm trying to learn valuable life lessons. Some days I'm slow to learn.

" Our attitude towards life determines life's attitude towards us." - John N. Mitchell

An Eventful Day

So I had quite an eventful day today! It started off fairly simple and normal like always - I got up, fixed Gi and I breakfast, worked out, cleaned up, picked up the house and got us ready to head to the dentist. I had already talked to Gianna, prepared her for what they would do and told her not to cry and all that. She seemed pretty good with it. I decided to swing by the bank on my way out to make a deposit. I usually get everything out and ready before I get there so that I can get in and get out quickly. I went to get my license and it wasn't in my wallet. It's ALWAYS in my wallet, I never take it out except at the bank and then I put it right back. So I searched everywhere and still couldn't find it. I was SO upset and frustrated. I have knowing I'm driving around without although I've never been pulled over - I decided to swing by the bank anyway and pulled up and the teller said, "Hey, I had this for a while....." and she held up my license to the window!!! I was so thrilled - I had finally concluded I had thrown it away accidentally last time I had cashed a check at the bank.
Made it to the dentist on time and Gianna was doing well. She started sniffling and crying a bit when they called us back but was doing Ok. She didn't want to sit in the chair alone so I sat down and put her in my lap. She opened wide and let the lady look inside still crying a bit - then the lady pulled out the pick. And it all fell apart. I guess to Gianna's little eyes it looked like a needle and she flipped out. Screaming and crying and hyperventilating. By the time the dentist actually came in to look she had locked her jaw shut and wouldn't open for anything. I was so embarrassed and frustrated. But they basically told me that yeah, it's a big cavity, all her other teeth look perfect. They think the tooth was just defective from the beginning. And that they CAN'T DO ANYTHING!!! I was so mad. I had gone through all that, waited a month for this appointment for them to tell me they couldn't do anything. For a child Gi's age they have to put them under to do xrays and fillings but the clinic they refer to won't do it unless there are multiply problems. I was like you have got to be kidding me? So I have to wait until she's got more then one tooth rotting out of her head? I'm just supposed to wait until this one just rots out? They told me to try another dentist and see if they could possibly refer me to some other clinic that would do it with just one. I am still so mad about it all.....not sure what to do next.
After that I headed over to Lowe's to pick up some new handles for the dresser I'm redoing for Gianna. The handles on it were kinda old fashion and I wanted something a little more up to date. I needed some that were 3 1/2 inches long and of course all they have in anything cute and affordable is 3 inches. The ONLY 3 1/2 inch one they had was $3 for each handle and I needed 8! So I left without the handles and figured I would deal with it later....I was still to frustrated to even think straight at that point.
Went to my parents house so sand and paint that dresser - DeeAnna was helping me. I was sanding the front side where the drawers slide in and as I pushed my hand with the sandpaper forward I hit a small piece of wood that was sticking up and felt it slide into the end of my finger and break off. It hurt so bad! I almost cried and I was slightly panicking. Ran inside and got Mom to dig it out and she had to dig. There's a nice little hole in the end of my finger - that splinter was HUGE. So nasty. But we got it finished and got two coats of paint on it, it's going to need about two coats more.
So that sums up my day pretty much! I managed to go by Wal-Mart and exchange a dress I had bought and needed a smaller size in. It's a super cute summer dress....I'm going to wear it tomorrow to get my hair cut! I'm so excited - it's been needing a trim up for a few weeks now. It hardly curls under in the back anymore, I can put it in a little pony tail right. Lol! So I'm going to get it trimmed an inch or so, leaving the sides long but trimming up the back.
D is spending the night - we are going to paint our toenails, watch some TV, eat some frozen grapes and call it night!!! Lol!

Hold my tongue....

I am still trying to learn when I need to hold my tongue and when I need to speak up. It's hard for me to decide when which is right. For the most part I hold my tongue, I don't say what's truly on my mind because I just want to keep the peace. But occasionally, if you push me far enough, I will tell you exactly what I think and why. Usually at that point I'm pretty pissed too. So you can guarantee that what I have to say isn't going to be pleasant! Over the end of this past year and the beginning of this year I had to deal with some situations where I had to decide between holding my tongue and speaking up. And I finally decided in the end to speak my mind because holding my tongue hadn't stopped the others I was dealing with from blasting me several "good ones". And it was to the point that it couldn't be ignored or passed on. It had to be dealt with. It's funny how people are so eager to dish it out but are shocked when you dish it back! I recently heard a line from a song that basically said this "Just because I'm wrong doesn't mean you're right." People assume that because you handled it wrong that it means they must have handled it right. And for the most part that's far from the truth. They probably handled it just as wrong. I've also learned this - that when you are dealing with someone who is untruthful or a back stabber they assume you are the same way. They assume that if they said what you said then it was would have "this" meaning behind it when that's not how you intended it at all. So they are convinced you meant to be ugly when you never did. And no matter how much you try to apologize or explain yourself they won't listen. They close their ears because they themselves are so deceived they can't believe that someone would actually just speak the truth to them. To me that's been THE hardest thing to deal with in friendships and relationships - people convinced you are lying no matter how truthful or open you are. That's probably what hurts the most - they can't take a compliment because they never give a truthful one themselves, they don't believe you really like them because they don't really like you but pretend to. I used to have a "friend" who would ask me when we were out shopping if something looked nice on her or if it would be cute on her and I would answer truthfully "yes" or "no". And if I said yes she NEVER got it, ever. Finally one day she told me why she thought that I was lying to her just to make her look bad!!! I was shocked! And I told her why would I do that? What does it benefit me to make you look bad in clothes? And then I realized that she had done the same to me all along - things that she thought would make me look "bad" next to her she suggested. It made her feel better about herself and so she assumed I did the same thing. She couldn't imagine that I was jealous of her because she was jealous of everyone around her. Of course, we all have something someone else wishes they had and someone else always has something we wish we had. Sometimes it's money, sometimes it's time, sometimes it's motivation, sometimes it's creativity and sometimes it's as shallow as looks. People push others away because of stupid insecurities. We assume people dislike us for the same reasons we dislike ourselves and sometimes that overwhelms our ability to be a good friend. I have come to realize that some of the girls I have tried to befriend lately (and have seemingly failed....) have no all together been bad people - they've just allowed insecurities to overwhelm and take over them. To the point that they can't be sincere. And they couldn't believe that I was. I liked the girls I was friends with - we had things in common, we had some good times - sometimes I wish I had just kept a shallow friendship with them so that we could still be friends. I tried to make things "deeper" then they could go. Regardless though they had no right to do the things they ultimately did to me and I couldn't stand there and let who I am be torn down my selfishness and insecurity. No one wants it to be their fault that a relationship or friendship ends - they make up stupid reasons. They blame you for things you never said or did, they drag up small issues and make them huge. They want you to hurt as badly as they hurt. And I've been there, I've said things that I didn't truly mean just because I wanted someone to hurt just as badly as they were hurting me. It overwhelms me because I KNOW how hard I try, how sincere I try to be, how loyal I am (to a fault sometimes perhaps) and then when it comes crashing down all around me I'm shocked. I had to stop blaming myself though......if I truly know that I've done my very best to make something good out of the situation then I don't have to worry about myself. I've done my part. I recently saw one of my ex-best friends at Wal-Mart. I was behind her so she didn't see me but we were headed to the same section and I wanted so badly to show up there and to confront her. We haven't seen each other since everything went "down" between us and part of me just wanted to see how she handled it all. I wanted to say ugly things that I knew would hurt her, just like she had said some awful stuff to me but thankfully my husband was with me and he kept me from stooping to her level of things - we went the other direction and we never saw them again. Again, I am still learning when to hold my tongue and when to speak my mind and heart. Just because you don't say what needs to be said doesn't mean you've done the right thing and just because you speak doesn't make things right sometime either. But I've learned too that people who don't speak and get things off their minds and out of their hearts sometimes can't ever be truthful. They think that by pretending those feelings and ideas don't exist or by not mentioning them that they've been the bigger or better person. But in the end all it does is harbor there inside them until they can unleash it on some other undeserving person. For me, getting things out here, on my blog, in a "general" manner keeps me from saying things directly to people that might ruin my reputation or my good standing. Sometimes things just have to be said .......

"Always hold your head high, but keep your nose at a friendly level."

Will Power & Self Motivation

" I don't wait for moods. You accomplish nothing if you do that. Your mind must know it must get down to work." - Pearl S. Buck

" If you think you can do it, or you think you can't do it, You are right." - Henry Ford

I never cease to have to constantly push and motivate myself. It is an endless cycle that I know I will probably forever be in. It's just how I am. I used to hate that about myself but now I realize as long as I don't allow my lack of "natural" motivation over take me then I'm ok. As long as I am pushing and getting myself to do things then I'm ok! I over critique myself too much - I don't allow myself any room for error thus I feel like I make too many mistakes. I don't see what I've accomplished as much as I see what I haven't. I recently have really been careless with my eating - it disappoints me to even have to write it here but I have. I start off well during the day and then just get slack and allow myself to much allowance. And I've felt terrible but I just haven't mustered up the will power to get back at it. So today I decide enough is enough and I'm getting back to what got me where I am in the first place. Strict, strict, strict. Not allowing any cheats, not allowing any mishaps. That seems to work best for me. I can't allow myself one thing because then it turns into two, or three, etc. We are going to Savannah for my niece's graduation in less then two weeks and I don't want to go down there feeling like I look like crap after all the hard work I've put in! I'm still working out like mad but I can tell my eating is really holding me back. I'm an emotional eater too and lately I've been a little "out of it". So I've just given in to eating my "comfort" foods. I guess if I had slacked on my working out I would be extremely worried but I've still been pushing hard with my work outs. I was sore yesterday from Monday's work out and I'm hoping I'm sore tomorrow from today's! But anyway, please be on my case, blog readers - make sure I'm stickin' with it again! No slacking from here on! I'm going to try a new shake mix tomorrow from Beach Body called Shakeology - it's got a great mix of protein, vitamins, veggies, etc. I've heard it's awesome and a great meal replacement so I'm eager to try it.
Tomorrow I'm taking Gianna to the dentist, finally. When I made her appointment, a month ago, this was the earliest they had. I was just freaking out her tooth might fall out before then. But so far it hasn't seemed to bother her and it still looks the same. I'm eager to see what they decide what to do - I figured they would just want to pull it since it's a baby tooth instead of trying to fill it. But a friend of mine who works for a dentist says not to let them.....so I'll wait and see what the verdict is tomorrow. I doubt they will do anything but look at it and reschedule her tomorrow. Ugh. Dealing with dr.'s can be so frustrating sometimes.
After that I'm going over to mom's house to re-paint a dresser...it's an older, wood dresser but I'm going to repaint it white and put new handles on it so that it will match Gi's room. I'm pretty excited about it - I've been wanting to get her a dresser for awhile and just haven't done it. I just use a stackable drawer system for her clothes and keep her shoes on her old changing table. I'm eager to get rid of both though!
Calling it a night early tonight and going to snuggle in bed with my love and watch some Lost! We are slowly making our way through it and we absolutely love it! We are still only on season 1 but we are chipping away at it slow but sure! We also have the movie Ghost Town to watch from Netflix......so many movies and shows to keep up with! Also, for those of you who are Twilight fans along with me....they just announced that Breaking Dawn won't be in theaters until November of 2011!!!! November 18th to be exact! I can't believe it....it's going to be a whole year and a half after Eclipse comes out. I've been hearing forever that it would come out November of this year, right after Eclipse. I can't believe they are going to make us wait that long - shame on them!!!!

Coming Home!

It is finally THE day! The day my dad and sister come home from their long trip to Nicaragua. And I am so excited! I know this day is going to creep by, especially since they are coming in later today and I may not get to see them until tomorrow. But I think I may sneak over and see them once they get in! They've been gone 17 days and that's plenty long enough for me. I'm used to my dad being gone for weeks at a time but I'm not used to DeeAnna being gone that long. I hate not being able to text her and "inform" her of things or ask her questions or just hang out with her.
I've mentioned a couple of times that I haven't been feeling well lately, mainly on FB, so if you aren't my friend on Facebook you wouldn't know. But I have just been having some really "off" days lately. Just feeling slow, sluggish and down. Even got sick to my stomach a couple of times. I think my problem has been my eating habits lately - I'll eat good for a day or two and then bad for a day or two and I think it's affecting me because in the midst of it all I'm still working out like mad. So I think my body is just over run right now. Someone was brave enough to ask me if I was pregnant! Lol! I told them as far as I'm aware of that's impossible since I had my tubes tied a year and a half ago. Now she's got me freaking out a bit that maybe I'm one of those freak "1 in 10,000" or something that get pregnant after they've had their tubes tied. Lord, I hope not. I think I could possibly die of a heart attack if I was. But I'm pretty sure that's NOT the problem! I think I've just run my body down, not to mention the weather has been so up and down lately - wet, dry, cold, hot, etc. and tons of pollen. And I've always been affected by the weather and I think my body is just worn out. I need to pump up my vitamins and healthy foods. My coach from Beach Body has provided me with some Shakeology samples - a protein shake mix full of vitamins and nutrients. I'm hoping that will help give me a boost too!
Speaking of weather - it's looking like a pretty grim day outside. I'm not a huge fan of rainy days especially if I have to get out in it (or my dad and sis are flying all day!). I think I'll be spending most of the day in doors though - my brothers are coming over for most of the morning, I'm going to work out and finish up laundry and maybe do a little reading. Started a new book by an author I've never heard of and so far it's kind freaky. Not because it's been scary (yet), it just has that freaky feel!
We watched the movie 2012 over the weekend. It wasn't horrible but was kinda blah at the same time. The story line had quite a few "holes" in it and the end was almost too "good". But the graphics were cool and John Cusack is fun to watch even when he's cheesy! We have a comedy, 'Ghost town', coming next. I've been wanting to see it and I think it'll be pretty funny. We also have The Box and The Invention of Lying coming after that. We are done with the Harry Potter series now so we are back to renting some newer releases. Trying to catch up! We just found out that director Ron Howard is set to start filming Stephen Kings 'The Dark Tower' Series in 2011! We are pretty stoked - especially Beej since he's read that entire series and fell in love with it. I started it but found all the ideas a bit overwhelming at the time - I may try it again soon though. It's a 7 book series and they plan to try and cram it all into 3 films. I guess they'll be cutting a lot out because I don't see how one film per a book could capture it all. Just like they are doing 8 films for 7 Harry Potter books, I think the same needs to be done with The Dark Tower. We've been speculating who we think we fit the lead roles and we've always said Viggo Mortenson would be the perfect Roland, and Beej says that he think Halle Barry should play Odetta but I think someone a little more unknown like Taraji Henson would be better. But we'll see! They've also named a director for the last Twilight film 'Breaking Dawn', to be honest I'm not exactly sure how it's going to go. He hasn't done any really great films in my opinion. His latest being "Dream Girls". I don't want it to be "soft" exactly but we'll see. I actually think of all the films Eclipse is going to be the best. I think the director is making a little darker this time and taking it back to that "indie" feel that Twilight had and New Moon lost. Of all of them I think New Moon will be the worst. It was my least favorite book and I think the director got way to "showy" with the filming. And they cut out a lot of key stuff and cut scenes short. I'm eager to see Eclipse in June!

I'm off to work out - I start Month 2 of Insanity today so my work outs are a little harder and a little longer. Pray I make it! Lol! I think we'll be doing a little swimming when we go down for my nieces graduation so I want to look nice in my bathing suits! So I've got a little less then three weeks to try and get a little more toned up! No more crappy food for me!