The Heart of Life

I am slowly learning what the true heart of life is. I think I've always known but sometimes you have to take what you know in your head and apply it to your heart. I guess I've always thought that life was about making lots of money, having tons of friends, traveling all over the world, etc. And there is nothing wrong with those things and I hope to have at least two out of those three at some point in life. I won't stop "working" towards that - having money is good if you know how to handle it correctly and traveling is wonderful! Having lots of friends, well that can be both beneficial and non-beneficial! Lol! My thoughts on friends have changed a lot of the past year. I'm learning that having some people that you can chit chat with or do something with occasionally is great. I've always been looking for that "best" friend, that "bosom buddy" so to speak. Someone that you can pour your heart out to, trust, etc. But I'm not sure, other then my spouse, that someone like that exists. Maybe they do but for the most part I'm not looking anymore. I think for too long I've been focused too much on finding that friend. Young women my own age, at least most of them I've met, are shallow and silly. Even ones that are married and have families, they are all so selfish and focused on themselves that they can't be a good friend, it's virtually impossible for them. They are so sure that everyone is out to get them that they can't just relax and be a good friend. So why should I pour my time, energy and heart into people like that? So for now I'm focusing on myself and my family. I'm bettering myself as a person, for now that includes getting involved in some scrapbooking "clubs and classes", even though the women I scrap book with are much older then I am I tend to find that they are worried about who's the prettiest or who's the most threatening, etc. It's actually kind of nice to not feel like we are competing with each other. I just go and enjoy time chillin' and enjoying some creative time. I'm also working out still, I don't think I'll ever stop doing that. I've done 2 round of P90X and 2 rounds of Insanity now! I'm so proud of myself, I never imagined I would be able to do it! But I knew once I did get started I would probably get hooked and I did! I love the feeling of sweating and pushing myself! And of course I love the results too. It makes me feel not only stronger in body but stronger mentally and emotionally too. I feel so much more confident in myself and that translates over into other things. I'm starting to think I can do things I never thought about doing. I'm considering at some point possibly getting my personal trainer's license, but that's still being considered! And now I'm getting ready to start piano lessons, I know, I keep talking about it but I can't tell you how excited I am! I guess I've always thought of music lessons being for young kids (stupid I know.) but that's just how I thought. But I feel like now I know better what it takes to push myself and work hard for something that I really want and I really want to play piano!!! Gianna is getting so big now, I can't get over the fact that she is 3 now! I'm starting to think about Pre-K now. I know most places you have to pay for it so I'm not sure yet but I want to find a good school for her to go to. It makes me nervous to think of her going to school, not because I'm scared for her - I think she'll do amazing and she'll love learning new things but I'm more nervous for me. For the past 3 years, well almost four now, I've been at home with her. I haven't worked or anything. But once she starts school I'll be looking for a job. I know I'll be fine but starting new things always makes me nervous! But I am eager to see what the future holds.....Beej is still working on his music, hoping to have another project out by the end of summer. White Umbrella Photography is going to do new photos for him soon. He also really wants to do a project for me and I'd love to but so far I don't have one song completed! I need some help with that so I think we are going to start collaborating on some song writing soon. But I'm ready to push myself and do something I've always wanted to do - record an album! People have been asking for it and expecting it from me for about 10 years now. Maybe I can finally give it to them soon!

So here's what I am finding the heart of life is for me, right now, I'm sure it will change as I change but for now it's - strengthening my relationship with God, loving my family and doing all I can for them, bettering myself and learning new things!!!! I'm happy right now, not full satisfied because there will always be bigger and better places to be in life, but for now I'm good!