Everyone has things they fear.....we often don't voice those fears because it's embarrassing. I know that sometimes I don't voice mine to those around me because they are laughed at or may even seem minor to some. But to me they are a big deal, they are things I struggle with. Beej knows all of fears and my best friend knows most of them, I think! Beej has never made fun of me at all but he doesn't understand WHY I fear the things I fear and I don't either. I just do. But of course I have my favorite things too - things I love! Things that help me get through my days and make me smile! Of course, these things are besides my husband and my daughter!
My 1st and probably most "overwhelming" fear is being alone. Not like the big picture being alone but being myself anywhere. I can handle it obviously if I'm in a room with other people I don't know, etc. But to be somewhere completely alone literally gives me the sweats. I don't know why, I don't even know what it is that makes me fear being by myself. I have read a lot of scary books and seen a lot of scary movies but this fear was established long before I ever saw anything like that.....being by myself even at my own house can often make me nervous. I don't like it when both Gianna and Beej are gone at the same time. I always try to be gone and doing something if that happens. It's not a paralyzing fear, I can overcome it and make myself stay somewhere alone but I never like it.
My 2nd big fear is getting old. Yes, that very idea makes me wanna cry. I don't like the idea of being wrinkly and not being able to see or hear or be in control of myself. Or to be so weak and sick that I'm dependent on someone completely. I don't want to be out of style and slow. I dread the thought of all those "young" people saying mean things about me and making fun.....I hate the thought of being old.
My 3rd fear is birds.....BIRDS! I think they are so pretty, from far far away! They terrify me. The way they flap their wings and freak out. Their sharp little beaks. Ugh. Makes me shudder thinking about it! My sister of course loves birds and has 3 in her room. I hate them, and if she even pretends to open the cage I completely freak out!!!! The one and only time I've ever cussed around my mom was when she brought one of my sisters birds into a close room with me and let it go, I literally yelled a cuss word at her and then nearly killed myself trying to get out of the room! I think that fear started when I lived in AL. my dad's office was in an old house and during the Spring birds would make their nests in the covered porch and any time you would walk up on it they would swoop at you and go for your hair!
But my favorite things are as follows :
1. Music - it's beautiful, fun, silly, uplifting, inspirational, groovy, sad, angry, etc. You can always find a song to match your mood. You can always find a song to change your mood! I love the feeling I get from listening to good music, I love that my daughter loves music. One of my favorite things to do is turn on some great music and dance and sing in our kitchen together! We laugh and dance and it makes me happy!
2. Shoes - I am IN LOVE with shoes! I couldn't have too many shoes....I have probably 30 pairs in my closet right now and I could go out and buy 30 more and still not have enough! I love every kind of shoe - boots, ballet flats, tennis shoes, heels (although I don't get to wear them as often as I used to I still enjoy how sexy heels make me feel!). Any store I go into I always have to go check out the shoe section if there is one! And I usually find a pair. Shoes seem to always fit, there isn't a pair that's too wild or too tight or that make you look fat! Lol! Shoes always make me feel happy! A new pair of shoes can make the same ole pair of jeans and shirt feel like a completely new outfit!
3. Movies - I love going to the movie theater! I would go every weekend if I could, even during the week! I love seeing pretty much any kind of movie except horror. Not my thing at all. Of course my favorite movies are romance and comedies. Romantic comedies are even better! I don't like going alone though! Lol! My favorite people to go to the movies with is my husband and my bestie! They are great movie "dates"!!!! Movies take you somewhere you can't actually go, they help you believe in things that are unbelievable and give you hope for something more exciting and better!
These are my fears and my favorites.
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