Balance

I feel as though most of my days are spent trying to balance things. I am far from "super mom" and I don't always have a ton on my plate. Some of my days are very carefree and easy going. I am blessed to have a hubby who works hard so that I can stay at home and devote time, for now, to our daughter. Some days my priorities get out of order, of course. I don't always do what's most important first. I'm trying to get better about this but it's still an up and down cycle with me. I have been trying for awhile to remember to put my fitness up near the top of my priority list. I didn't grow up in a super active family - yes, we were always on the go but we didn't do alot of physical stuff together. Occasionally we hiked, camped here and there but other then those occasional hikes or walks I wasn't involved in anything physical that would keep me active. Of course growing up I was tiny and didn't even think about it. I never thought I'd have to think about my weight.....but here we are now, years and years later and it is important now. I'm trying to make sure I get Gianna involved in things that keep her active and I don't always do well but I'm trying. I'm glad the pool is open now because she spends hours swimming around, getting all that 3 year old energy out. It also affords me a little extra calorie burning as well!

Some days I feel a little over run though, I tend to feel guilty about not helping especially my family. If they need something I'm one of the first to jump and offer my assistance. I guess I see how unhelpful and uninvolved a few of my siblings are and I don't want to be that. I know how it upsets and disappoints my parents and I don't want to cause them anymore of that. So sometimes I overload myself helping out. I'm trying to remember that I don't "owe" anyone anything, helping out is great as long as it's not at the expense of my own family now.

I get way too stressed over things but other times it's the stress around me that sends me over the edge. It's like no matter how great you feel being around certain people can totally zap the energy it takes to remain positive and upbeat. I end up with headaches and tummy aches trying hard to muster the energy to remain in a good mood around some people. It's overwhelms me and literally makes my head hurt. Constant fighting and arguing totally throws me for a loop. Don't get me wrong, Beej and I have are days for sure but for the most part and the majority of our time together we get along or at least try to. We try not to yell at each other or Gianna because we don't want her to grow up screaming and yelling at us or anyone else. It's hard for me to allow Gianna to be around certain people that don't care - they scream, fight, yell, hit at each other and flip out. I don't want her learning that behavior yet it's people that I don't want to NOT be around! It's so confusing and I'm trying so hard to balance out my duty to my family and my duty to my husband and child. I already see Gianna picking up on some of the negative behavior and I'm having to work overtime to make sure she doesn't start those habits now. It's not easy when she sees people she "admires" and looks up to behaving this way. Sometimes my siblings don't realize what an example they are to her, I've tried to tell them but they don't really seem to care at this point. And that is what gets me the most, they don't seem to care how their behavior affects those around them......I'm stumped as to how to deal with this. I don't want to cut Gianna off from family. We already have a bit of a strained relationship with some of the family on Beej's side ( and we have a really great relationship with some of his family!) and I don't want things to become strained and awkward on my side of the family. I think family is very important...often it comes down to nothing but family. I still haven't found any really great friends who will stick around for you but at the same time I often wonder if it's the best thing. I feel confused on this subject very often. It's a balancing act I haven't mastered yet.