Still Learning.....

I am still learning how to be a mom. I'm learning daily. I don't always get it right. I have a great child, but she's a child! A normal child who wants her way a lot of time, she pitches fits, she tells me no, she cries when I make her go to the potty, she gets mad that she has to sit in the buggy. And I am learning how to handle these situations right. And I certainly fail a lot of times. But I try daily to deal with these issues correctly. I don't want to become angry when I get frustrated, but I am human and I do get upset. My patience runs low some days. But more then anything I do not want to put unhealthy expectations on my child. I don't want her to ever feel like she has to be perfect or that she disappoints me because she does things differently then I do. We are both individuals and we'll see things different.

Gianna is not perfection - in my eyes I couldn't imagine her any differently but that doesn't mean she's perfect. I love her because of her flaws! And she loves me in spite of my flaws. And although I want to help shape her and mold her in the end I want to help her become a person that is confident enough in herself to be ok with not thinking the same way I do. I feel like so many parents expect their kids to grow up and do things they way they like them done, or think the way they like to think or be who they think they should be. I want Giana to be her own person, to think feel and decide for herself. Does that mean I'm going to step back and allow her to do whatever she jolly well pleases? No way, but I do want to feel confident that I did my "job" as a parent to teach her right from wrong and realize the rest is up to her.

I see parents who have children who have gone "astray" or taken a wrong path in life and they immediately start blaming themselves and give up on their other children. I don't see the point in that at all....just because one CHOSE to do wrong doesn't mean you did a bad job of teaching the difference. Everyone has their own will and God doesn't force our will and parents shouldn't do the same. It is our "job" to love them through those situations and issues. God didn't turn His back on us when we went astray and we shouldn't turn our back on our children when they go astray. I truly believe that love can bring someone back. When you turn your back on someone you are essentially telling them that they aren't good enough and that you are better then them. Do we really want our children to feel that well? How awful. I can't imagine doing that to Gianna, EVER. She is my pride and joy and even though she frustrates the crap out of me I still love her endlessly.

Motherhood was not on my list of "to-do's" in life. I never planned to have children. I wouldn't change things now that I have one but I didn't ever gear myself up to be a mother. I wanted to be a wife but never a mother. I've seen so many women struggle as mom's and I was so scared that I too would "fail" or fail my child by expecting unrealistic things from her. I never want my child to feel she isn't good enough for me or to feel insecure about being herself around me. That's my biggest goal as a mother. I know my methods may not work for everyone. Everyone parents and trains their child differently. I try not to judge but it's hard when I see things that obviously aren't working! Lol! But I always try to remember that someone else may be looking at me the same way.....

I do hope that I turn out, in the end, to be a good mother. Perhaps I think and worry about it too much but at least I don't NOT care at all!