Whirlwind.

The past few days have seemed like a bit of whirlwind, mentally and emotionally. I just felt kinda outta sorts yesterday. Gianna is pushing all my buttons lately and I'm trying so hard to be patient with her. She's been sick for the past several days so that doesn't help anything. Runny nose, coughing, can't breathe, etc. The first couple of nights I "slept" with her which means I didn't really sleep at all. She finally started sleeping through the night on her own again but then the dog has started acting up during the night. We kennel her around 9:30pm or so after we walk her for the last time in the evening and for several weeks she's been good straight through until 7am or so. But the past several nights she's gotten me up around 5:45am barking and "moaning" because she has to go outside....so I get up and let her out but then she doesn't come back right away so I have to wait around and yell and call for her.....not exactly putting me in a great mood. Last night she got me up at 1am. After that I just couldn't get back to sleep. Then Gianna was up around 5am because of a bad dream - a reoccuring nightmare that a big bug gets her. It's always the same. So she ended up in bed with us. The dog got me back up at 7am whining and crying again. Needless to say she has been a constant reminder as to why I will never have an indoor dog, possibly an outdoor one but I don't even like that. I am so glad she's going to Alabama with my sister next week! I've asked Beej if I managed to get rid of both of my parents dogs, one indoor and one outdoor, if I can get a new kitty! I've been wanting to get a kitten for awhile - Gandalf seems to do fairly well with other animals if they aren't annoying. We haven't had one problem with him and the inside dog, except she scarfs down his cat food so we have to confine her to the living room and kitchen area.

I have been emotionally frazzled dealing with all the sudden changes my family is going through, and I'm sure they aren't over yet. My whole plan and idea for the rest of the year has suddenly gone out the window with my sister suddenly deciding she wants to move to AL. I think she was planning on going all along but she had to wait till it was "her" idea. She doesn't like anything to be Mom and Dad's decision. So she waits long enough that it can be her big idea. But it has left me in a bit of pickle. I am still not quite over the frustration and disappointment of it all. As dramatic as it can all be sometimes I still like being close to my family. I'm really going to put forth some serious effort in rekindling my friendship with my sister, C, since she is my only family here now. I'm not sure how to go about it. I've been thinking about taking some time to talk to our pastor about it. He's such a great man, so kinda, understanding and seems to have a true heart towards God! He always has such a timely word from the Lord for us on Sundays, even if my heart isn't ready to except it then and there it usually works on me afterwards. But I know that I haven't always been loving and accepting with Charity and I need some wisdom on how to go about it all.

We didn't do much yesterday (Labor Day), we had a kinda full weekend anyway and decided to just take it easy at home. Monday is one of my double work out days and just because it's the holiday doesn't mean I miss it. So I did a 75 minute work out while Gianna chilled with some cartoons. Beej and his Dad went and played golf, well, Beej plays, his dad watches and they talk! My mother in law came out during the afternoon/evening and saw the place for the first time. She hasn't been out in awhile and hasn't been out since we did all the painting, rearranging, etc. She was really impressed and loved all my color choices! We still have a lot to do, especially with the outside but that will come in time. I'm not hurrying anything right now. I still want to paint and possibly re-carpet my work out room. Get it set up a little better, it's kinda just a workout/storage area right now with random stuff in it! Once my sister moves out next week we'll set up her room as a guest room and use the closet for some extra storage. It'll be nice having a place guests can actually come and stay and have their own space. My dad is going to be back and forth a lot and I'm sure he's going to stay with us some of that time.

It looks like I'll be able to move my piano lessons around to another day so that I can still continue them even though my "help" will be gone. I'm so glad my teacher has been willing to work with me on it because I was really upset that I was going to have to possibly quit. I feel like I'm just starting to make some progress although timing is still an issue for me. Well, exact timing, counting it aloud or in my head while trying to read notes is still kinda tough! Lol! Hopefully I'll get it at some point though....

I am attempting to get stuff together for my WeeRuns appointment tomorrow too. I had everything going pretty good until I realized they want everything on wire hangers because it takes up less space on the racks. So I've been searching for wire hangers but I think everyone is grabbing them up right now so I don't have all I need yet. But most everything is priced and marked so as soon as I get hangers I'll be good to go! I don't, as of right now, have anyone to take the early opening of WeeRuns. As a seller you get in to a pre-opening along with one other guest. I think I'm going to post it on FB and see if anyone wants to go with me.....I know plenty of mothers so we'll see. I am eager to get Gianna some Fall stuff, she has a few things but mostly just some items from last winter that were too big or still fit. I always like to get her some new things, by the end of the season, even though she has a lot of clothes, I'm bored with them all! Bored with trying to switch them up and rearrange them to look different!

Well, I'm off to work out....just catching you up on how crazy life has been right now. Hopefully it'll settle down soon! We have to get the satellite TV hooked up by the end of the month so we don't miss too much more college football! Alabama played their first game this last Saturday and killed the other team, of course!!! I'm still trying to get Gi and I some new Bama gear for the season but it's really expensive right now since we are THE CHAMPIONS at the moment! Lol! But we'll keep looking!!! Happy Football Season, everyone!!!

Where to begin...and where does it end?

The past couple of days have been an emotional roller coaster. On the homefront we have been extremely happy and have a had a wonderful weekend together. It's been fairly peaceful and happy. But I have been so emotionally torn ever since Friday. I posted in my blog "Mr. and Mrs." about finding out that my sister had gotten married without anyone really knowing. It really hit me hard. And in the midst of dealing with that I was hit with another blow from another family member who I least expected it from. They didn't understand why I was so torn up about the deal with my sister. It's my sister for crying out loud and right now our relationship is so torn apart that she couldn't even tell me she was married. Yet they couldn't seem to understand the state my heart and mind were in at that time. I wasn't asking them to but I didn't expect more sympathy then I got. In fact, they lashed out at me about my original blog Mr. & Mrs. which I removed in a fit of tears because I felt so run over by them. The new blog under that title isn't nearly as emotional as the first one was. But I didn't feel like I said anything bad in the first one. They accused me of being rude, heartless and hurtful because of some things I had said about my lack of a wedding and who was responsible for it. This harsh reaction came from someone who isn't in any way interested in uplifting or encouraging anyway, I have seen this person over and over tear people down for no real reason. I have tried to ignore this because of the simple fact that they are family but you can't ignore problems forever. And what someone does to one person or many people at some point they will do it to you too. I guess somewhere in my mind I hoped I was different and I hoped that they loved me and respected me enough not to hurt me the way they did others. I seem to trust people who have no interest in my well being at all. And that's sad that you can't even count on family anymore. Yes, family has their issues, they have their problems and everyone deals with those in different ways but when you can't see past your own selfishness to take note of someone elses feelings then you have a lot to learn in life.

Over the weekend my sister, D, who has been living with us since Mom and Dad moved decided she was moving to AL. too. Apparently we Carroll's are too difficult to live with and put up with! Lol! I laugh at this because we are pretty easy going but she feels this is the best decision for her. I am hurt and disappointed. It was hard enough to say good bye to my family so suddenly, go through this crazy move in such a short period of time, attempt to settle down and get into a routine and now she's leaving too. I had hoped, with her help with Gianna, to get a part time job this Fall. I feel like I need to have an opportunity to get out of the house and help, even if it's on a very small scale, financially too. But I guess God has other plans for the time being and I pray He shows me how to find the good in this situation. Because right now my heart and my mind are full of bitter, negative thoughts and feelings. My husband has been my support and my comfort through all of this. I know he hates to see me hurt just like I hate to see him hurt. I know how I feel towards the people that have hurt him over the past few years and it's not an easy place to be in. I have done my share of crying too. I'm just overwhelmed at this point. On a selfish note we are left without a lot, or any, help with Gianna. There goes a lot of our date nights. *sigh* I will miss them. I don't care how much you love your child or how wonderful they are you need breaks from them. It's healthy for you and them in the end. So my mind is swirling.....things haven't ended on a super positive note. There are some feelings of anger and bitterness in the air between my sister and I. I am fighting that and have attempted, best I know how, to fix things and move on but I'm not sure I am quite there yet. I am still licking my wounds so to speak. I feel like every time I start to count on someone they let me down. I am praying hard that God softens my heart because I don't want to become a bitter, cynical person. I love my family dearly and it's so hard to sit back and watch all the drama unfold. I feel helpless to help or fix things and so I sit on the sidelines and bit my lip as much as I can.

I do hope my outlook on all this changes. I'm not good alone - I know I'm really not alone completely. I have Gianna and Beej of course and they are my best friends but I like have other family around. I can't say I have a lot of friends here. Most aquaintances, people I know but no one I am close to. I am trying not to let myself think about it to the point that I get too depressed because I know what that leads me too. I need to focus on Gianna, focus on being a better wife, getting back to focusing hard on fitness and working on music. Maybe this time is set for me to break ties that keep me from focusing on what truly needs to be done right now in my life. I just pray I have the strength and will power to accomplish what is set before me.

What A Wonderful Day!

We had quite a wonderful day out and about on Saturday! The weather was absolutely gorgeous outside, couldn't have possibly been any more beautiful! We headed out to Hendersonville and our first stop of the day was the Pit Boss Bar-b-que stand over at Grandad's Apples. Beej's boss and his wife not only own the water company Beej works for but now they are selling award winning bar-b-que as well! We stopped by and grabbed us some oh so yummy lunch - Gianna had a hot dog which she claimed was the best hot dog she'd ever eaten! Beej has a Beef Brisket plate and I hate a bar-b-que sandwich. Generally I don't get them because pork doesn't not agree with me and makes me really sick but I thought I'd risk it because it sounded SO good. It was indeed amazing, slathered with Mr. Haynes homemade Sweet N Spicey Bar-b-que sauce! Mmmm! Happily, it didnt upset my tummy and I went away one happy camper!

Next we headed to downtown Hendersonville where the Apple Festival was in full swing! We went last year but didn't go until Monday which is when most of the vendors are gone. This time we went during the heart of the activity! It was crazy and packed.....we pushed our way all the way down main street and made it to the games and rides for Gianna. She had a blast and was very disappointed about having to go - she got some cotton candy on a stick and had a lovely blue "beard" going on! Beej bought an extremely delicious hand squeezed lemonade. I did want a caramel apple but we never really found any for sale, at least that we could get to easily. The crowds were just crazy and trying to get in lines and wait with an energetic 3 year old is kinda hard so we skipped out on the caramel apple this time around. I would like to go one year without Gianna so that I can fight crowds more and actually browse products and goodies more. But she had a really good time and that's the whole reason we went!

After that we made a little stop at a shoe store and someone blessed Gianna with a brand new pair of Disney Dazzle shoes, she's in love with them and hasn't taken them off all day today practically! They also blessed Beej with THREE new pairs of shoes!!! I was excited and thrilled for him! He is on his feet so much for work and he wears through shoes really quick. I had bought him a new pair of Saucony's for Christmas but those were already worn out completely not to mention his casual shoes were starting to look a bit rough too. So he walked away with a brand new pair of Nike's for work and two awesome pairs of Sketchers for every day wear! I was so happy for them both!!!!

On our way home we stopped off in Columbus, NC at Scoop's Ice Cream shop and finished up our fun outing with ice cream cones. Gianna doesn't like those nasty little kids cones so she insists on a sugar cone instead! She always has strawberry ice cream, I even offered Birthday Cake flavor and she said no and stuck with her favorite! She was so cute eating her cone all neatly, the store owner commented that she was a pro eating that cone and not dropping or spilling it! I decided to try something a little different and got a scoop of vanilla and a scoop of Chocolate with peanut butter swirled through it - it was insanely rich, I had to scrap some of the peanut butter out because I just couldn't handle how rich it was! Beej got a huge Upside Down Banana Split, it had everything but the kitchen sink in it!!!

We came home tired but super happy....the day went so smoothly and everyone had a really great day out!!! Oh, and I forgot my camera of course! Lol! I've got to get better about taking it with me.....

Mr. and Mrs.

(So I posted a blog under this title not too long ago and then I deleted it after getting a lot of flack about some of the things I had said. I didn't feel they were nearly as offensive as the person thought they were but I took it down to attempt to keep the peace between that person and I. But even though I removed it they still weren't happy and I realized that this is my blog and my space and I can say what I like. So even though this isn't the original post it will be somewhat close!)

Weddings. I absolutely love them. Always have, probably always will! I have been to so many different kinds of weddings. From traditional to modern to simplistic, etc. I love to see how each couple takes on displaying and celebrating their love and personalities! I always walks away going "I would totally do that!" and then also saying "I totally would not do that!" Lol! But I am a sucker for a good love story, I always trust each love story will end in the happiest possible way. I don't know that I myself am a romantic person but I do love romance!

I, like many girls, dreamed of my wedding since I could remember. I had it planned out, had wedding planner books that I had read, gathered ideas from various weddings and wedding websites, etc. But when I finally got engaged I started changing up my ideas some, scaling down a bit. Reality had hit and I realized at that time in my life things were going to have to be a little different. My family, well some of them, weren't to pleased with my choice of spouse and didn't want to help me financially or otherwise so most of it was going to fall on mine and my now husbands shoulders. I was just finishing up Cosmetology school and he had just moved down to AL to be with me and so we were young and not "made of money". I had my dressed picked out - a beautiful, strapless ballgown. Funny because those are the two things I went in saying I didn't want. But after trying on what I thought I wanted and didn't like it the sales lady put me in what became "my" wedding dress! I was so thrilled and had put it on lay away and started paying it off but when it finally came down to it we realized we just couldn't make it happen and we didn't want to wait either so we ended up with a "shot gun" wedding at the local courthouse. I didn't even wear a dress! I wore black dress pants. LoL! But we were married none the less. Life doesn't always turn out exactly like you dream it will.

But I have been looking forward ever since then to my sisters weddings. I knew that they would have me help and I would be maid of honor, etc. I had all these dreams for their weddings. One of my sisters became engaged a couple of years back. But I was still in AL and wasn't really included in her planning.....she ended up breaking that engagement off.....when she became engaged for the second time I was thrilled and eager to help her plan her wedding since it would be at a different time and a different place and we were both in NC. But her and her fiance kept pushing back the date and pushing back the time until I finally realized they didn't plan to wed any time soon. They ended up moving in together and when I didn't put my stamp of approval on that she became angry with me and cut me off, completely. I haven't talked my to my sister in over two months. Sad, I know since we live less then 15 minutes from one another. It saddens me to think that my relationship with her wasn't stronger then it was. That she couldn't be understanding of the fact that I couldn't understand some of her life choices. I did my best to see past that and love her and stay friends with her but she wanted my approval and when I didn't give it she didn't want anything else.

Last Friday my other sister called to announce that my sister had gotten married.....and had been married for almost a week by then. She didn't call our parents, she didn't call my sister, she didn't call me - my dad over heard her telling my grandfather on the phone. I was so hurt and upset. Not that she had gotten married, I am happy for her and glad she has made that committment before God and man now. But I was sad that she has cut out her family to point that we were included in one of the biggest events of her life. That we weren't important enough for her to even tell. I have tried several times to reach her and she has blocked me from her number, I don't have her address nor do I even know where she works. My heart is so sad that she has cheated herself out of what is a wonderful occasion. I didn't get to celebrate my union or the love I have for my husband properly and I hate that she too has missed out on that because of decisions she has made. I love my sister and I am still praying and asking God to show me how to restore our relationship - to restore her faith and trust in me and the rest of her family.

But congratulations to Mr. and Mrs. Jonathan Hyder - August 28,2010. May they have a blessed and happy marriage and may they come to know God and His blessings in it's never ending goodness. May they strengthen each other and build and life and family they are proud of!

Mr. & Mrs.

Looking UP!

My back muscles are still really sore this morning but I took it pretty easy yesterday so I am back into full work out mode this morning. Wednesday I did an Insanity work out AND a Turbo Jam work out so I expected and hoped to be sore but not this bad! Yesterday I did a short Recovery work out and just kinda took it easy. I didn't want to over do it too much and hurt something.
I slept pretty well last night. Gianna slept in her bed and I slept in mine! I spent the last two nights in bed with her but she seems to be on the up swing now so I figured with some Robitussin she'd sleep fine. She woke up around 2:30am and yelled for me - ran up stairs and she was just looking for her lovey! I went ahead and took her to the bathroom just to avoid any accidents. After that Max, the outdoor dog, decided to bark for about 30 mins. straight. He doesn't have deep, manly bark it's more of a whiney, howling! So annoying and impossible to sleep through. I finally went back to sleep about 3:30am. Luckily I had gone to bed at 10pm. For some reason I was just zapped. Gi and I spent about an hour and a half outside in the sun yesterday and that always seems to get me.....I know today includes laundry, vacuuming, working out, doing dishes, maybe some sun if it gets warm enough and then our weekend begins when Beej gets home!!! He usually has Friday's off but since his work is closed for Labor Day on Monday he is doing his Monday route today so that he doesn't get behind!


I think tomorrow we might venture out to Hendersonville for the Apple Festival! We went last year on Labor Day and it was pretty much over with by then. This year I want to try to make it up in the midst of all the festivities and get a caramel apple. Some how I totally missed getting one last year when we were there. Gianna enjoys all the sights and sounds and the hub-bub of all it. It's fun just to get out and go. I know it's going to be crazy packed but it'll be good exercise walking around. Beej knows Hendersonville like the back of his hand now so he can find us parking, etc. I need to find some batteries for my camera since D is gone we won't have her camera. A "friend" of mine went with us last year and took some photos.....I'm behind on my scrapbooking again! Mainly just 4th of July. And then pictures from the Apple Festival that I'll want to scrap. Once Fall really hits, maybe early Oct. we are going to do a family shoot with D. We haven't done one since last Christmas and that one was just kinda quick because we needed a Christmas card shot! Lol! This time I want to put a little thought and effort into it.

Also on my list of things to do today is write some letters. Yes, old fashioned, I know! But I think there is just something so sweet and personal about receiving a hand written letter from someone. It means they took time out of their busy day to share with you, catch up with you and remind you that you are special to them. I really only have one person that we correspond through hand written letters but it means the world to me!!! I try to write thank you notes to people as well.....growing up I loved penmenship. I took several Calligraphy classes and just in general really enjoyed writing. I think I am pretty much the only one of me and my siblings who truly loves to read and to write! Everyone else just does it because they have to so to speak!

D went back to Bama for most of the week with my Dad. I think she misses everyone more then she lets on. Plus they were doing a big bash for the first Bama game of the season. D is obsessed with football especially Alabama football and missing the first game would have been the end of the world for her! They come back Tuesday and then Friday Gi and I are going back for 5 days with them. My aunt is hopefully going to have her baby by then and we just want to see family again too. I'm really looking forward to going! When we get back D starts her first official job! She'll be working at Davis Donut Shop. So everyone will have to swing by and grab donuts and say hello when she starts! I am still looking at the possibility of a getting a part time job....I haven't heard anything back on the one possibility I was looking at. So I think I'm going to start looking elsewhere.

Trying to get myself back together again - I seem to have fallen apart a bit the couple of weeks. Just a general lack of real motivation and believing in myself. I hate when I go through those slumps but I've had a lot of reminders that I need to keep my focus UP and not inward!

Even sleepy eyes see the little things.....

I had a feeling that I wouldn't get a lot of sleep last night and I was correct! Gianna woke up yesterday with a slightly runny nose and it seemed to progressively get worse as the day went on yesterday. By last night she couldn't hard breathe, poor baby. I have her some children's allergy relief medicine hoping maybe it was just hay fever or something but it didn't seem to do a thing. I put her to bed and she was quite exhausted - Beej usually lays down with her for the first few minutes she's in bed and I think she fell asleep before he even left the room. I went to bed about 10:45pm and it wasn't long till I heard her coughing and crying. So I decided instead of getting up every 20-30 minutes and going all the way upstairs and comforting her I would just go sleep up there with her. Gianna isn't a good co-sleeper when she's well, when she's sick it's twice as bad. She tosses, turns, kicks, flops, everything you can imagine. And that's what she did, she couldn't get comfortable....I elevated her pillow some to help her breathe and got her some water to try and keep her throat from getting dry. What little sleep she did get was accompanied by great amounts of snoring! I took her to the potty around 2am and gave her some children's Robutussin instead. I think that must have kicked in because once she settled down we didn't wake back up till around 7am. So I still feel slightly zombie-ish but I'm getting there! It amazes me how much energy Gianna has even when she is sick - she got up this morning and dragging all her toys out of her toy box and then went downstairs and out on the porch while I walked the dog and got her bubble stuff out and started blowing bubbles! Amazing child!

It's a beautiful morning outside! I think September has to have some of the prettiest mornings. Something about the air is starting to thin out some and around 7:30am everything is brightly lit and still crisp. The dew sparkles on the grass and the air just smells nice! For those who don't get up before 9 or 10am you are truly missing out! If I drank coffee I would so sit out on my front porch now and enjoy the beauty of the morning. But since I don't I enjoy it while the dog runs around and does her business! Lol!

This morning when I got up, a little grumpy and crabby, I checked my email and my blog first before going downstairs. The computer is right outside Gi's room so I stopped there first and one of the blogs I follow was about the little things and remembering our spouse and the not only the little things they do for us but also what we can do for them.....I thought it was a great blog and I do try to think of little things for Beej and I know he does the same for me. I went downstairs to our room to get my phone and lo, and behold, he had made the bed up! Yes, it may seem like a small thing but with all the "throw" pillows we had it's a little more then pulling the covers up. And of course being the perfectionist he is he doesn't just pull the cover up - he tucks and straightens the sheet, arranges the pillow just so.....and when you are up at 5:40am and have to be out the door by 6am taking the time to do that is super sweet. And it really made my morning. Something about walking in there and expecting a huge disarray of covers but instead seeing a neatly tidied bed made me very happy!

So today is Wednesday and I'm supposed to post my "new" measurements for the past week. I'll be honest, I cheated a lot more then I should have. I am hoping for a much better coming week. This is my thing, I keep trying. That's the point I guess. I don't give up on myself and I know I'll get it. I ate right about 85% of the time this past week, I'm hoping for a much better percentage this coming week. But here are my measurements:

Chest: 32 inches (no change)

Waist: 29 inches (Lost an inch!!!)

Hips: 36inches (no change)

Thigh: 19 inches (lost an inch!)

Weight: 126.5 (gained one pound but due to adding in weights again I expected that....hoping to lose by next Wednesday or at least be back down to my starting weight again.)

I have been managing to do at least an hour workout on Tues. Thurs. and Sat. and then I try to do at least an 80 minute work out on Mon., Weds. and Fri. I did do my work out yesterday although I didn't get around to it until about 4:15pm. But better late then never, after that I mowed grass for 45 minutes and helped clean the porch off too. I need to take pictures of our yard and house for everyone to see.....I put up the "before" and "after" pics on my FB page, I left it open to the public for everyone to see because I didn't want to post all the pictures on here. There are just too many. But I forgot to put up any of the outside. We haven't done much outside but I want you guys to see how HUGE our yard is! And why when I say I mowed it means I MOWED! Lol!

My dad is coming to town this afternoon - he's actually already in Charlotte teaching a class at a college there. But he's going to head this way and stay the night with us tonight before he heads back to Bama tomorrow. He wants to be back in time for my brother's first football game of the season. He is going to a much larger school there and I hope their football team is really good. The school he and Matthew attended here had a student body of about 200 kids. The school Kenneth is attending now has about 1300!!! Lol! Matthew's school is probably pretty close to that too.... We are heading down there in about a week and I can't wait to see everyone! I miss them a lot. We hope to catch on of Kenneth's games while we are there too. We are also going down to see my new cousin, Mr. G, too. He was supposed to be forced to come out tomorrow but the dr. is holding off the induction until next Wednesday or Thurs. So unless my aunt goes on her own we have about a week left until he's here! It's going to just be a girls trip this time around - we don't have room for all four of us to go in our little Jeep. Plus we'll be gone about 3 of Beej's work days and he can't take that much time off. But since we'll be taking the dog with us it's probably all for the best! Traveling with a 3 year old and a dog should be an interesting time! But I'm looking forward to the trip a lot and seeing everyone again!