Babysitting

Tonight Gianna and I (along with my sis DeeAnna, who's hanging out with us!) are going to babysit baby Zella! I'm SO excited! I haven't got to spend a lot of time with her yet and she's such a sweet, tiny little thing! Zella is my best friend's second baby....she's almost two months old now. Her big sis is going to stay with grandparents and I offered to keep little Zella so that my best friend and her hubby could have a night out. I always love getting out alone with my hubby and I love getting to help make it happen for her as well because the Lord and everyone else knows she deserves it! Having two kids isn't the easiest thing in the world! Having one isn't so I can only imagine if it was doubled. It's been so long since I've had a baby around, it's going to be fun. Gianna is enthralled with her and is very excited about her being here for a little while tonight. I'm very blessed and pleased that my friend trusts me so much.....I know it's very hard to leave your children especially when they are so tiny. So it really makes me feel good that she knows I'll take good care of her baby for her.

Beej and I had a great night out last night. Had a super delicious dinner at Outback - I got the ribeye like I said I would and it was amazing! So tender and flavorful, even prepared without butter. I think I'll be skipping the sirloin from now on! Lol! After that we went and hung out at Barnes & Nobles for awhile. We both could spend hours in that place, just drinking in all the books! I LOVE LOVE LOVE to read! I wish I could buy half of the books in that place. So many great authors, so many great titles and ideas......Stephen King, Dean Koontz, Peter Straub, Stephenie Meyer, and the list goes on and on! I wanted to hit up the mall and Old Navy but by the time we got through with dinner they were all closed since it was a week night. I can't believe the stores around there don't stay open past 9pm! Then we went and saw The Wolfman. We were the only two in the theater! Kinda cool in some way, made it a little creepier for me. The movie was ok. Graphics we amazing, and there were several jump-out-of-your-skin moments but other then that the story kinda lacked and I didn't like the way it ended. So I'll add that to my don't-bother-seeing-again list! I'm excited to see Alice In Wonderland in 3D! It's going to be great I'm pretty sure....I think my sis and I are going to go see it sometime next week. Speaking of next week - I'm totally pumped about my "surprise"!!! It's getting closer as we speak! Hooray!

Gianna has almost been on her antibiotics for a week now - I'm nervous about them ending just because I know what lies ahead for her, and me. And I just dread it. But I do want to find out what's going on and why. Say a few special prayers for us coming up.....

I have had a serious lack of energy today - I really did not want to do my work out AT ALL! I slept in a little later then I had planned because we were out pretty late last night. And then I got up and went and did some grocery shopping and picked up Gianna. I kept honestly trying to talk myself out of working out today. I kept telling myself I could make it up on Sunday, which is normally my rest day. But I just couldn't find it in myself to actually just be lazy and not do it. I'm fine with missing or making it up on another day if there is a legit reason but just being lazy isn't one. So I mustered up all my energy and motivation and did my work out. Which just happened to be my longer one today! Lol! It's a regular full cardio work out and then they add in a 15 minute cardio ab routine too. But by the end of it I actually felt pretty good and more energized which is great! So now I'm pretty glad I did it!

Surprise Date Night!

I love going out with my man! It's fun to go out as a family but lately that has been a little stressful because Gianna doesn't like to sit still and that kind of thing. So I really enjoy it when Beej and I get to go out alone and just enjoy and peaceful, relaxing dinner together. We can talk and concentrate on each other with no interruptions! I look forward to our times alone. We usually go out a couple of times a month - thankfully we have both my parents and his parents less then 20 mins. away and usually one or the other can keep Gianna at a moments notice. My hubby left for work at like 4:30am this morning so I figured he'd be pretty tired and just wanna come home and crash tonight but being ever so thoughtful as he is he suggested we go on a date tonight! I was so thrilled! So I quickly lined up a babysitter (thanks to my Dad and D for being so willingly on short notice!) and now we are planning our date! Probably do dinner, probably Outback because I've been in the mood for a serious steak! I usually get a sirloin but I'm thinking I'll branch out and try a ribeye tonight! Mmmm, good! And then after that I think it's movie time! We love going to the movies - always have, always will! I don't get snacks anymore because I can't have ONE thing at the movies anymore except water! Lol! But I'm totally fine with that....it bothered me the first time but not anymore. It usually makes me sick anyway consuming vats of butter and salt ( SO much sodium, ugh!) and all that sugar in the soda and candy.....it all sounds so nasty now! I can't say it always does but for the most part, after eating right and not cheating once for almost 50 days straight I think it's starting to become a habit to eat right! I can go out to restaurants now and not eat the bread that is sitting in front of me, or the appetizers or dessert and it rarely bothers me. I know I'm strong now that I can go eat mexican with my family and not eat ONE, NOT ONE chip!!!! You have NO idea what an accomplishment that is for me! Lol! Anyway, I'm wandering here.....back to surprise date night. I think we're going to see either Shutter Island or The Wolfman. I think we are both leaning more towards The Wolfman. I think the action will be better and it will be better graphically too. Shutter Island is one of those I'll probably wait and see on DVD. But we haven't decided totally yet. I do think I may try to run by Old Navy too and just try on some jeans....I don't think I'm quite a four yet but my 6's won't stay up and scrunch up under by belts and I just HATE that! So we'll go see how far I have to go yet! Lol!

So anyway, I'm totally pumped about our impromptu date night! So thankful I have a wonderful hubby who still "dates" me on a regular basis! SO EXCITED!!!!

Still Learning.....

I am still learning how to be a mom. I'm learning daily. I don't always get it right. I have a great child, but she's a child! A normal child who wants her way a lot of time, she pitches fits, she tells me no, she cries when I make her go to the potty, she gets mad that she has to sit in the buggy. And I am learning how to handle these situations right. And I certainly fail a lot of times. But I try daily to deal with these issues correctly. I don't want to become angry when I get frustrated, but I am human and I do get upset. My patience runs low some days. But more then anything I do not want to put unhealthy expectations on my child. I don't want her to ever feel like she has to be perfect or that she disappoints me because she does things differently then I do. We are both individuals and we'll see things different.

Gianna is not perfection - in my eyes I couldn't imagine her any differently but that doesn't mean she's perfect. I love her because of her flaws! And she loves me in spite of my flaws. And although I want to help shape her and mold her in the end I want to help her become a person that is confident enough in herself to be ok with not thinking the same way I do. I feel like so many parents expect their kids to grow up and do things they way they like them done, or think the way they like to think or be who they think they should be. I want Giana to be her own person, to think feel and decide for herself. Does that mean I'm going to step back and allow her to do whatever she jolly well pleases? No way, but I do want to feel confident that I did my "job" as a parent to teach her right from wrong and realize the rest is up to her.

I see parents who have children who have gone "astray" or taken a wrong path in life and they immediately start blaming themselves and give up on their other children. I don't see the point in that at all....just because one CHOSE to do wrong doesn't mean you did a bad job of teaching the difference. Everyone has their own will and God doesn't force our will and parents shouldn't do the same. It is our "job" to love them through those situations and issues. God didn't turn His back on us when we went astray and we shouldn't turn our back on our children when they go astray. I truly believe that love can bring someone back. When you turn your back on someone you are essentially telling them that they aren't good enough and that you are better then them. Do we really want our children to feel that well? How awful. I can't imagine doing that to Gianna, EVER. She is my pride and joy and even though she frustrates the crap out of me I still love her endlessly.

Motherhood was not on my list of "to-do's" in life. I never planned to have children. I wouldn't change things now that I have one but I didn't ever gear myself up to be a mother. I wanted to be a wife but never a mother. I've seen so many women struggle as mom's and I was so scared that I too would "fail" or fail my child by expecting unrealistic things from her. I never want my child to feel she isn't good enough for me or to feel insecure about being herself around me. That's my biggest goal as a mother. I know my methods may not work for everyone. Everyone parents and trains their child differently. I try not to judge but it's hard when I see things that obviously aren't working! Lol! But I always try to remember that someone else may be looking at me the same way.....

I do hope that I turn out, in the end, to be a good mother. Perhaps I think and worry about it too much but at least I don't NOT care at all!

Anticipation!

I have so many wonderful things I'm looking forward to this month with great anticipation! Sometimes I forget how fun my life is until several things pile up at once and I step back to take a look at the bigger picture, so to speak!

Beej's birthday is just four days away now! We aren't doing anything big really. I do have one of his presents bought and I'm getting the other two this weekend. His birthday usually gets overshadowed by Gianna's because I spend most of March planning and preparing for hers! He isn't one to make a big fuss over his birthday anyway but I am and I shall forever make a fuss about my birthday! It's my day, my one day I get to call my own, completely! His birthday falls on a week day so he'll be at work anyway. I hate it when birthdays fall on week days. Mine's on a Monday this year too. Gianna's falls on a Sunday but we're doing her party on Saturday so that family from out of town can make it! I'm uber excited!!! I addressed her invitations yesterday and they are ready to mail out. Started my lists of what I have left to buy and make. Time is ticking by pretty fast!

Besides Gianna's birthday we have WeeRuns coming up too - the best consignment sale ever! I get so excited about finding cute clothes and shoes for a good deal! Gianna is so fun to dress up and she looks so cute in summer clothes - I'm so ready for summer by the way! Bring on the tans (My hubby has promised me a membership to a tanning bed this year!), bathing suits, sunshine, pools and loads of watermelon! I think I'll go on a watermelon "diet" this summer! Lol! I absolutely love a good, ice cold watermelon. Ah, just the thought makes the snow outside seems all the more nasty, cold and unwelcome!

And then of course New Moon is coming out on DVD! I'm not sure if I'll buy it right away, I waited quite awhile to buy Twilight and will probably do the same with this but I am going to go with my oh-so-dedicated friend to stand in line at midnight to get it! Well, because we are silly like that and I love that! It's good to remember that we are young and still girls in some ways. We are counting down the days to Eclipse of course. June can't come fast enough! I'm so glad to have my "Twilight buddy" back - other then her I don't really know anyone that is as die hard fans as we are! Details, we know them - characters, we know them! Lol! I think the storyline is just pure romance! Nothing could get more heart gripping!

Gianna's big day! She is so pumped up for her birthday this year! She keeps telling me it's in March on the "teenty-furse"! And that she'll be three! I'm amazed at how fast this past year has gone already. She's learned so many new things and has become so much more grown up. She'll fully potty trained now (I can say that with confidence!), she's drawing now, knows how to count up to 20 and knows most of her letters and all her shapes and most colors now. I'm looking into a program to teach her how to read, I want her to be ahead of the game once she starts school which is so much closer then I realize. I have seen people, who I really would consider smart and educated, who's spelling and grammar is appalling! I'm scared to send Gianna to school here.

I'm going to buy the stuff to make Gianna's tutu for her birthday this weekend. I've made one so far but this one has to be perfect because everyone will be seeing it! She is going to look so "presh", as my sister would say!

Beej spent last night fixing my PC. I have come to loath that computer now! After using my hubby's Mac for the past two or three weeks I am now jealous of his computer! I can't wait to get my own Mac. And get rid of my huge, clunking Dell. Anyone wanna buy a big laptop? Don't get me wrong, it's a great machine, a very expensive one but I'm pretty sure I'm done with PC's now. I use my parents Mac's, my hubby's Mac, my parent's iMac and I'm now over PC's! Lol!

I have one other big "surprise" coming up soon too that I am very, very thrilled about! It's been a long time coming and I couldn't be more excited! I'm not going to say what it is or put up any pictures or anything because I don't want anyone to have the chance to "steal" my idea - and yes, I do know people who would do that just to be spiteful! Sad, I know, but true. So until it's done I wont say anything! Just know that I am OVER THE MOON excited and can't wait to show you all!!!! How's that for anticipation?!!!

Compromise & Sacrifice

I have had to learn a lot of things since I got married just over 4 1/2 years ago. A lot of things! Thankfully, I've been willing to learn and not remain stubborn and stuck in my ways. For the first year or so I had a big wake up call, realizing that I didn't know who I was as a person much less who I was as a wife. I was expecting my husband to define me, to tell me who I was, to make me feel happy. And when he didn't (because that's not his place.) I became angry and quite frankly, lost and depressed. How could I be a happy part of a marriage when I was so unhappy with who I was as a person? I honestly thought about giving up a few times. But I knew I truly, truly loved my husband with all my heart. And I didn't want to just give up on something I knew I could work out if I truly put my mind to it.

I've always heard that marriage is about compromising and sacrificing. But of course I applied all of that to my husband, not to myself. I was waiting for him to compromise and waiting for him to sacrifice. Not realizing I wasn't doing the very thing I was demanding of him. I really had to make a mental change and a heart change. At the time we start attending a new church, I was resistant and angry. I didn't want to hear about other people making their marriages work. I didn't want to hear that I was probably doing things wrong! No one ever wants to hear that. But through an miracle of God, I began to allow my heart to soften and started seeing the errors of my ways. I was young and wanted my independence and yet I was so dependent upon my husband too. I was expecting him to "parent" me because I had never been out from under my parents. At least not for long! I hadn't had to make a lot of decisions on my own. I hadn't had to work things out with someone, to compromise and find a happy medium. Living with my parents it was about listening to them and obeying rules ( and rightly so.....). So for awhile I tried to just do whatever my husband wanted - I tried to do things the way I knew he liked and completely forgot myself. I became angry because I never felt like I had a say in things but it was my fault for not speaking up more.

Luckily, we both have changed so much. We have learned how to compromise and we've learned how to make sacrifices for one another. He works really hard every week so that I can stay home with our daughter. It's not easy but he does it because it's the best thing for his daughter at this point. His love is music, he has had to put that aside a lot of times in order to work and keep up with every day life for us. We've learned that fighting, yelling and exchanging words we WILL regret later doesn't help anything. If we have a disagreement, we talk it out. Explain our opinions, sides and reasons. Most of the time we are more on the same page then we think. I've found that if I put him first, think of him first then he does the same for me. Instead of trying to force him to do it! We aren't perfect, we don't have it all together but we are happy and life is so much more simple to understand now. We enjoy doing things together, we like a lot of the same things - going to dinner, seeing movies at the theater, good music, concerts, etc.

It upsets me when I see "happy" couples who have things unbalanced in their marriages. Like I said before, our marriage isn't perfect but we strive daily to think of each other over ourselves. I see couples where one of them is constantly talking about all the other one does for them, and how the one sacrifices for the other all the time, how the one does everything the other one asks of them, etc. The one never does things or goes places the other one likes because "I" don't like it. How selfish. Luckily Beej and I like most of the time foods, movies and music. But if we didn't, and there are still times when that happens, then I would make the sacrifice to still do things with my husband that he loves and enjoys because I want him to be happy, and not just on his birthday! Lol! It irritates me to hear things like "We don't eat there because I don't like it...." or " We don't go do that because I don't want to....." Wow. Selfishness. I feel sorry for the other spouse. The pretend that those kind of things don't bother them but I don't care how selfless you are at some point always giving and not receiving in return will wear you down.

Here is my advice to both married couple and serious dating couples - even when you want to put yourself first, or when you want so badly to "prove" your point let it go and simply remember that by giving to your significant other while in turn reap rewards for you in the end! If you give, they will return it and in the end you both will be happy with each other!

I love my husband more then anything - is my best friend, my advice giver, my musical genius, my big dreamer, my hard worker, my inspiration.....I'm so glad that I'm married to him and can call him mine forever! I'm so glad that we were able to look past ourselves and see each other. We have a beautiful marriage and a beautiful family. I am still learning daily who I am - I am more then just a wife and a mother. My husband constantly encourages me to find myself and I can't thank him enough for that! In return, I give him (hopefully!) the space and time he needs to find himself and define who he is even more.

Positively Negative

"Fill your mind with light, happiness, hope, feelings of security and strength, and soon your life will reflect these qualities."

I've said it before, I'm not a super positive person. Although I'm doing my best to change that and look at things in a more positive manner. And I am doing better, really! But I do get so tired of people who claim to be "positive" but are really no more positive then anyone claiming to be a negative person. They hold on to negative things that have happened to them and constantly bring them and allow those things to dictate their lives. They pretend that seeing things through "rose colored glasses" makes them positive. No, that's lying to yourself. To pretend things aren't how they are, or to pretend your life is perfect. It's all a lie. It's living a positively negative lie. The problem is most people who do walk around living a lie will never know it. No one can convince them otherwise. They will continue to walk around pretending they aren't as negative and bitter as they are - letting their past dictate how they feel about everyone that crosses their path, isolating themselves more and more from people.

I think it's funny how we think that saying something like "bless their hearts....." before or after something negative makes it ok. Hey, I'm pointing the finger at myself too. I do it, too much probably. But people think as long as they point out everyone's faults with a sympathetic "tone" it makes it's a positive rather then a negative!

I always try to give people the benefit of the doubt when it comes to trusting them or seeing past their negative/positive mask. But as the saying goes...."Burn me once, shame on you. Burn me twice, shame on me". I've been burned more then once by some people and that's my own fault. I tend to let people have a second change to easily. Sometimes it's turned out for the better, I'll gladly admit that but sometimes it's put me through the same heart ache I've been through with them before. And that's my own fault, because I want to think that it's possible for people to change......but I've learned that without knowledge of who you really are then you can't ever really change. Not to mention it takes the grace of God as well! I neglect my personal time with God WAY too much - it's a fault I'm working on. Slowly. But it amazes me how many people like to pretend they have a personal relationship with God when the extent of their "relationship" is asking Him for things and waiting for Him to give it to them. I do it too, but I know it's wrong. Don't pretend you are spiritual when you haven't set foot in a church or been with a church body for years, when every thing you have to say about church is negative and bitter and when the only positive thing you ever say about God is to talk about what "He" gave you.

I'm doing my best to be positive - being positive doesn't mean you pretend things are better then they are, being positive doesn't mean walking around in a perfection bubble, being positive doesn't mean saying mean things with a sympathetic tone.....being positive is having the will power to try and turn any negative thing into something good. To be able to see past the situation and see a light ahead. Knowing that even in the midst of trials you can remain lighthearted and clear headed! I hope and pray I become less and less of a "positively negative" person.

Gotta Have My Blue Jeans!

I LOVE blue jeans! To me jeans can be worn anyway you want - dressed up, casual, grundy, preppy, emo, vintage, etc. I wear jeans to church in a dressed up kinda way and then every other way during the week! I've worn pretty much every style of jean too and still do. Luckily, even though some "styles" become more popular for the time really no kind of jean goes completely out of style! For the past few years I've worn bootcut jeans. They are still my favorite! But I have tried skinny jeans and I like those if I'm wanting to look a little preppy. I went through a skinny jean phase not to long ago mainly because I was just excited I could wear them! Lol! Flares kinda balance you out if you have bigger hips like I do. But you have to make sure they are TOO big of a flare. You can never go wrong with a good pair of jeans. It's funny to watch how people who are "stuck" on one style of jean suddenly try another just because you do - I think it's key to really do research when it comes to jeans. Figure out your body type and then look it up. It's amazing how much info Google has for you! Bootcut are ultimately the best jean for me because I have average shoulders, slightly larger hips and skinny legs - bootcut balance me out without overwhelming me! Plus a lower rise that sits just below my belly button keeps me from having gaps in the waistband which is a big problem I have. Right now my current size jeans still fit in my thighs, which are pretty muscular, but they are way too big in the waist right now. I guess I could have a worse problem but it's so annoying sometimes!

Really and truly the only people that should wear skinny jeans are really skinny people! Lol! I guess that's why they are called skinny jeans - if you are a super then, straight figure they over emphasize whatever your "problem" are is - if you have large shoulder and no hips or butt skinny jeans just make your shoulders look even bigger! Or if you are pear shaped (smaller shoulder, larger hips) then it makes you hips look even wider, etc.

Flare are just more fun and a little "younger" looking. I own a pair of flares and although I will admit they make my legs look shorter I still like them because they make my hips look smaller! lol! Plus they were only $5 at Wal-Mart! Another key to jeans is making sure they are the right length. If you are going to wear them with heels take note of the length when you buy them. If you wear them with heels or boots make sure that they are long enough to just barely touch the ground when you are wearing your shoes. Nothing is worse then flooding jeans! If you plan to wear them with flats or tennis shoes make sure they are short enough to just touch the ground with shoes on - if you are really short like me then places like Old Navy have the great option of "short", "regular" or "long". This has been a lifesaver for me - For the most part I'm not having to cut off and re-hem my jeans. I did have to re-hem my $5 jeans but it was worth the few minutes of time! Don't roll your jeans up, that cuts off the leg, especially in short people. Most of the time a alterations shop will only charge a few dollars to hem your jeans if you don't have the time or don't want to take the time to hem them yourself.

Also, a quick tip for people losing weight but don't want to part with some of your shirts just yet - you can always take up the sides to make them smaller! I've done it with several of my shirts lately and I'm glad I did because they are shirts I really like!

So those are my fashion tips for the day! I guess I got started because I recently "saw" someone I knew who was always set on ONE style of jean - wore nothing else but has now decided on other styles and I just started thinking about all the different jean fashions and how hard it is to find the perfect jean for each person. It's taken me awhile to find my "perfect" jean and I still have to search a lot of the time! But in the end the search is worth it! Nothing can make you feel better (or worse!) then a pair of jeans!!!