I Saw Myself Today.....

I tend to get on here and vent alot. And I'm sorry but sometimes I just need somewhere to get things off my chest so I don't carry them around with me and weigh myself down! Today hasn't been a bad day but it hasn't been super great either. First of all I woke up and my ankle is so swollen I can't do anything with it. I'm not sure what's wrong or what I did. I don't remember turning it or hurting it. But it's been swelling a bit off and on for the past couple of weeks but today is the worst it's been so far. I have a knot under my outer ankle bone and then it's all puffy around it. And it hurts to put alot of pressure on it too. I've iced it some but that doesn't seem to do anything. I'm hoping it's better by tomorrow because I have a pretty intense workout that I don't plan to miss!
But the bad part of my day came this afternoon....my parents recently had some family photos made and even though I wasn't "in" them they had me do a couple with my sis and mom. And I saw them today. Nearly brought me to tears. I was so excited to see them, hoping I'd look at them and see my "skinny" shining through but I didn't. In fact, I look just down right fat. My face is all round and "swollen" looking and my thighs look massive. I was so upset and depressed after that. I guess I'm looking for more result then there is. And when I feel depressed instead of avoiding food I tend to go right to it. I'm really have to work at keeping myself from eating and eating tonight. I know it will just depress me further when I wake up and realize I consumed 1000 more calories then I was supposed to today. Oh, well. Hopefully Round 2 of P90X will get me closer to where I want to be. I was planning to have family pictures made of Beej and I and Gi come December or so but after seeing myself in those pictures, NO WAY! Maybe next December! Lol! I think I just need to call it a day and go to bed!

Getting There.

Today is Day 80 for on P90X. I've missed two workouts during this entire time! I'm SO proud, you have no idea! I never thought I'd make it this far and here I am, ten day away from completely an entire round and ready for my next one! I'm feeling much better about myself and people have been complimenting me alot, it's always nice when others start to notice your hard work. I will admit that once again my diet has really fallen off track for the last week but I'm determined to get it back on track tomorrow. I really want to do well for the next 10 days so that I can go clothes hunting not feeling bloated and depressed about myself! Haha! I'm hoping it will turn into a big girl's day out! I've invited my friends and my mom and sis to go along for the fun! Can't decide if I wanna take Gi or not, it will be hard for me to really look and try on stuff with her there so I may try to leave her with someone so I can just have the day to myself!
I'm still getting sore after some of my workouts and that's a good sign! My hip muscles are sore today after kicking so much! I love being a little sore because it makes me feel like I've worked really hard!!! Anyway, I just had to say that I'm pretty pleased with my progress, still got a ways to go but I'm feeling so much better and alot happier with myself!!!
I've been thinking about going back to school. Not sure if I'm ready for that or not but I'm thinking about it. I'm contemplating going to Massage Therapy school. I love massage and I think it would be a good field for me. There is a great school near me but I don't know that the schedule can be worked out well enough for me right now not to mention the financial stuff falling into place. I've also thought about pursuing something like Physical Training. I'd love to learn more about the human body and helping make it fit and healthy. And I'd like to teach others about it, but again, I'm just not sure it's the right time in life. Right now I'd really just like to find a part time job. People are calling Beej back about jobs and he already has one but it seems no one wants to hire me for a few hours in the mornings.....grrrrr! I'm just doing everything I can part time for family and friends to help bring in extra money here and there. I help my dad with some of his ministry stuff and I'm helping my mother in law with her cattery some just to bring in a little extra income but it's not steady and it's kinda unpredictable so I just need something consistent. And I would like to get out of the house for a bit every day too. Please pray something good opens up for me!

Bummed.

I'm kinda bummed today because I didn't stick with my goal. I didn't stick to not messing up on my diet all month. The past couple of days have been horrible! I've eaten terrible and consumed an unreal amount of calories. Ugh, makes me gag just thinking about it. Totally did away with my week of working out. And for the first time in 75 days I skipped my workout Thursday. Shame I know. I was gone ALL day and when I got home I just couldn't bring myself to do an hour and a half of Yoga. But I do plan to make it up tomorrow which is normally my rest day. So that I'm ok with. But my eating can't be undone. I feel SO bloated and greasy. Ick. But hopefully I can get with it tomorrow and not mess up til the end of my 90 days at least. My 90th day is on Halloween! I'm so thrilled! I set my mind to do this and I've done it, and loved it! I'm eager to continue on and see how much more I can transform myself in another 90 days! I do feel better about myself overall. I can walk by my store front window or a mirror now without gagging and becoming depressed! I actually think "Hmmm, I'm getting there!" I'm so excited about going shopping! Not only because I haven't had new clothes in forever but also because I know I'm going to enjoy it so much more now that I feel good about myself and know I'm inches thinner! Woohoo! Plus I promised myself that if I made it the entire 90 days I would do this for myself and I've almost done it! No one knows what a HUGE step this is for me! It's the first exercise commitment I've made and stuck with in, well, my whole life I think! I'm tired of having excuses or not having excuses anymore....used to it was " Well, I just had a baby" but after the first 6 months that doesn't work so well anymore! And if surely doesn't work anymore when your baby is almost 3! Lol! I'm like just admit your lazy. I was. I just didn't want to take the time and effort it takes to lose weight. It's the hardest thing I've ever done! And continues to be because I'm not where I want to be. And I'm tired of people "poo-pawing" where I want to be! I told someone recently I hoped to be in a size 6 by the end of the month or at least by the end of next month. And they laughed. As though I was way to far from that goal or that I'd never get there. And I mentioned to someone else I'm close to that my ultimate goal is to be a size 4 again and they said "Well, you may never see that size again, even if you lose weight after you have a baby your hips spread and just need to understand you may never get back down to that again." I say to them "WHATEVER!" Lol! I know that it's within my capability to get there and I will! Here's to reaching goals!!! Woohoo!

Making hairbows....

So I know alot of people have gotten into making bows recently. I LOVE bows and wish Gianna had more hair to wear them! Lol! They end up slipping out most of the time. But I still think they are so cute and I know in a few years she probably won't want to wear them at all so I'm trying to make her wear as many as I can right now! But to be honest I just can't afford the what most people charge for their bows. Even though it may only cover their cost and shipping it to me, it's still to pricey for me. I'm not a very crafty person at all but I've thought maybe I'd get some stuff and start trying to make a few for Gianna. I doubt I'll get into the "tied" bows but maybe some head band kind of things. I've posted a picture of the kind I want to make but I'm not sure where to find those kind of head bands. Does Wal Mart carry them? Maybe Target? And how would you attach the flower? Glue? Tie it on? Sorry, my mind just doesn't work in these crafty ways so if anyone has ideas or knows how to do it please let me know!!!!

Picture List!

My Shopping List!

So I am, as I've mentioned before, going clothing shopping at the end of the month! I'm beyond excited and counting down the days! I haven't had new clothes in so long....it's going to be so fun trying on stuff and buying stuff! I think we are going to make a "girls day out" of it! So I'm making a list of things I want to look for and buy. I've found the best way to get the look and style you want is to go find pictures of it and then purchase pieces that look like the pieces in the pics. I put up some of Jessica Alba not to long ago that I'm going to be using as references in my shopping adventure! SO here's my never ending list! Can't promise myself I'll be able to get everything but I'm going to start!

1. New Jeans - I'm not quite ready for skinny cut jeans just yet, gotta lose some more weight so for now I'll stick with dark wash, boot cut jeans. Dark wash is slimming, especially for hippier people. Boot cut is sophisticated but cute. Flare leg seem a little to "youthy".

2. Cardigan - a neutral color that can be paired with jeans, slacks or dresses.

3.New undershirts - I always wear a tank top under my t-shirts and I need some new ones!

4. Shirt dresses - I want a solid colored one and maybe a plaid one for more fun! They are adorable with leggings and flats!

5. New black flats - I've got two pairs but they are starting to look worn!

6.Scarf - I have several but need a multi colored one....

7. Boots - some flat heeled, walking boots in gray maybe or black.

8. New shirts - just some cute, modern ones! Lol!

I'm pretty excited!!! Working on putting together some money and it's off shopping I go!!!! Woohoo!!!

Compliments from my honey.....

My hubby has always been very honest with me! He always encouraged me but never did he butter me up or tell me just what I wanted to hear so when my hubby tells me something I know it's the flat out truth! And for the past couple of days he's complimented me on the weight I've lost and how much I've toned up and tightened up!!! It tickles me pink because I know it's true and I love that people are seeing my results now! It really encourages me to keep going! I'm ready to keep it up! Today is my day 70 on P90X! I'm thrilled I've made it this far and I'm thrilled that I'm going to keep it up! I can't wait to see how much more I can change my body in the next few months! I've started doing double workouts 2-3 times a week now to really try and up my weight lose results. I'm ready to be skinny and I'm working hard for it! Really watching my diet and pushing my workouts! And nothing makes me happier then getting compliments from my sweetie!!!