Music to my ears.....

Just wanted to share a few bands/artists and songs I'm loving right now! Take a listen and fall in love too.

The National

Loving their songs England and Vanderlyle Crybaby Geek

Christina Perri

Her "new" song Arms is beautiful and the music video is really cute as well!

Editors

I first heard their song No Sound But The Wind on the New Moon soundtrack and

it wasn't my favorite at first but the more I listened the more I loved it!

And now their song All Sparks is one of my favorites too!

Adele

I have loved her music since I saw her music video for Chasing Pavements on

MTV and thought it was brilliant - the video and her voice!

But her new song Rolling In The Deep is gorgeous and every time it comes

on the radio I crank it way up and sing at the top of my lungs!

Radiohead

This song isn't new by any means but I discover things at a later date most of

the time or so it seems!

And Radiohead's song House of Cards is totally making my faves list right now!

Edward Maya

As far as dance tunes go the song, Stereo Love, is leading the pack for me!

LOVE it!

So what's your favorite song(s) right now! Please share, I'm always looking for new great tunes!

What I've Been.....

Discovering:

That the more I learn about myself the more confused I become!

Listening to:

Don't tell my husband but I'm kinda starting to like this band he had me listen to

awhile back called The National. They're totally growing on me....

go listen to their song "Vanderlyle Crybaby Geek"

Yeah, for real!

Reading:

I'm reading Christine by Stephen King and I'm actually really liking it.

I kinda shied away from it for awhile because it's about a "car"!

But it's totally interesting (what was I thinking, doubting Stephen king?!)

and I wanna rent the movie now!

Learning:

To take life day by day - if I start thinking to far ahead I get overwhelmed

and kinda shut down. So for now, I'm learning to make the most of each day,

best I can.

Watching:

I recently started watching The Vampire Diaries since season 3 of Fringe

isn't out yet (dang it!). I love the whole "new vampire" thing,

you know "veggie vamps". It makes them exciting but endearing at the same

time. Lol! So I started TVD and so far it's no bad.....can't say it's my

favorite but I'll finish the season out of curiosity and the fact

that every one is beautiful and are intriguing to watch!

Summer time, baby!

We have had an amazing weekend and I'm so sad it's winding down already....usually the Hubs has Fri-Sun off but this week he worked this past Friday to make up for missing today so it kinda through my week off some but it was worth it! We went and saw the new Pirates on Saturday night, it was great! SO much better then the last one for sure! Sunday we went to church (and let me just say, I love our church and I especially love our wonderful pastor!) and we had an UH-mazin worship leader from Morning Star church in Charlotte named Leonard Jones. Absolutely incredible worship service! After that we went home and enjoyed some pool time before we cleaned up and headed to Outback for dinner - so yummy! We adore that place, if you haven't figured it out yet. Today we spent pretty much the whole day out at the pool - Bug and I ran and picked up floats and goggles and food this morning before the sun got good and hot. The hubby met up with one of his buddies for a bit after lunch but other then that we have pooled ourselves out......here are a few pictures from our lovely day poolside!

(He'll probably kill me for putting this up but I thought it was cute and funny at the same time!

He was totally goofing off for the camera!)

(Bug and I - she wears so many floats in the pool it's comical!)

(My good looking man!)

(Um, yeah, I put these in here! Lol! I'm proud of how hard I work out

and it does pay off.....I'm not done yet though!)

(My uber cute kiddo!)

(Chillaxin'.....excuse the mess in the background. We aren't rednecks, I promise!

We are still cleaning up from that big storm.....)

(Totally playing around again! He and Gianna soak each other with these squirt gun things!)

(Love!)

(Grill master!)

(Lunch by the pool - PB&J)

(Ready to "swim"!)

Hope everyone had a wonderful weekend!!!

Outdone

I constantly battle with that feeling and idea that certain people around me or "out there" are trying to out do me. Not that life is a competition but I constantly feel like anything I do or say they want to out do or out say. They have to appear better, more in control, far more "perfect". Perhaps this is insecurity on my part or perhaps it's insecurity on theirs. I do know that I struggle with being insecure sometimes but for the most part I know who I am in Christ and I do my best not to worry about what others think or say. It doesn't always work, I think my post last night, Sometimes, is proof that I too have insecure moments where I doubt myself. But that last thing I want is to be reminded of those moments! The point is this, everyone has insecure moments - it's just some people are secure enough to admit them. Others are just constantly trying to out do so that they can feel better.

My family has always been a source of encouragement for me - we pick on each other, we're mean to each other sometimes but in the end I know I can count on them for the encouragement I need. And of course my husband is always there to pick me up when I just feel too down to do it myself. I spent the first year of my marriage so insecure and "alone" and ended up moving back here to be close to family because it's where I felt secure. I had to learn that my family isn't my security. I had to branch out and make friends, lose friends, stand up for the way I want to raise my daughter, become closer to my husband, start finding myself, experience things and try things out. When my family moved away my first panic-y thought was "We've got to move there soon too!" Thinking I couldn't survive without them around. Don't get me wrong, I miss my family - I really miss all the babysitters! Lol! Between my mom, my sister and even my dad and brothers occasionally someone was always there to help out with Gianna. I miss having trusted sitters around, my mother in law has been a tremendous help now that they are gone but there is just one of her and it can becoming overwhelming have an extremely active 4 year old around. But back to my point, I have lived 9 1/2 months without my family and I'm good! I'm stronger and less needy then I thought. I don't have to chase my family down and be there with them every second in order to be secure in myself. I have stepped outside my "box" a little and found I'm good with who I am! I've also realized this - if you can't have friends outside your family you might wanna take a step back and figure out why. Sometimes family can be a negative (not in all cases, but some!) because they always tell you what you wanna hear, they cater to your every whim and want and thus NO ONE else can be that perfect. So you can't make friend or keep friends. If they don't bend over backwards to suck up to you then they just "don't fit in" and you toss them to the curb. Stop being so spoiled! Lol! I guess my parents raised me to think outside of myself - people who constantly brag about how giving they are or how unselfish they are usually are the complete opposite of how they see them selves. If you asked anyone on the outside looking in they see that person as selfish and possessive. When people point out things in me, even if they do it in spite, I do try to take a look at myself and see if what they are saying has any truth. Doesn't mean I always fix it right away, doesn't mean they are right but I do try to look because I know I'm not perfect!

Point being - don't live your life trying to out do others. It will make you miserable and lonely. My husband and my child and my family are not my only friends - I do enjoy time away from them! And there is nothing wrong with that. For awhile I have friends who were obsessed with being with their significant other and child ALL the time. Even though I was trying hard to be a good friend they wouldn't allow me to. We couldn't go anywhere or do anything without them constantly texting the other, talking constantly about their child(ren) or counting down the minutes to be back with them. I'm sorry - I love my hubby and daughter more then anything but I need time away from them, time where I talk about anything but them. Time where I re-charge my mind and heart. For the longest I lived with this guilt thinking something was wrong with me because I did enjoy breaks from my husband and daughter. Then I started blogging and started following blogs full of confident, self secure moms who know that time away from their spouses and children is an important part of life! And suddenly I realize I'm not the one who doesn't get it!!!! I appreciate my blogging mom's so much - they have taught me so much and help me discover who I am and who I'm becoming. They have shown me that life isn't about outdoing each other but about joining together and celebrating each person's differences! So I don't spend my time wondering who is out doing me....but rather enjoying who I am and my life!

Sometimes....

.....I wish I were braver.

......I wish I didn't care what people thought about me.

.....I wish I were funnier. more outgoing.

......I wish I was thinner.

.....I wish I didn't care about how skinny I am (or I'm not.)

......I wish I had a better sense of style.

......I wish I had gone to collage so that I could have a "real" career.

......I wish I were more laid back and easy going when it

comes to my daughter.

......I wish I was spontaneous.

......I wish I was more of a help than I am.

......I wish I had fun talents everyone else could enjoy.

......I wish I was better with words.

......I wish I wasn't so emotional.

.....I wish I had more friends, or better friends.

.......I wish I had a fitness partner.

.......I wish I had more then one kid.

......I wish I lived somewhere else. (but where?)

.....I wish my hubby was doing what he loves full time.

......I feel guilty.

......I wonder.

......I wish I could push myself harder.

......I wish I was someone else.

.....I wish I was admired more.

......I wish my blog was bigger and more well know. But for what?

......I miss old friends. although they turned out to be enemies instead.

......I wish things came easily to me, like they do my hubby.

.....I wish I was smarter.

......I wonder if I have a real purpose.

......I feel overwhelmed.

......I read and enter a whole different world in my mind.

.......I wish I lived in a movie. A romantic movie.

.....I wish I didn't feel or think this way at all.

1,2,3.....10!

1. I'm back on track peeps and in two days I've dropped two pounds! Lol! I love it! I love how eating right and working out like mad works. Period. People who say it doesn't haven't really put effort into it. I'm still loving Turbo Fire. It's a fun work out and it has a great variety of long and short cardio work outs, sculpting and toning and stretching. Perfect!

2. It's time for me to go get a few swim suit tops - I usually wear tankini's when I go out somewhere but when I'm here at home I break out the two piece for tanning and I need some new tops.....Target has THE best selection of swim suits! Absolutely the best and that's where I need to go. They have this gorgeous bright yellow one that will blind you - I want it!

3. Our pool is looking great and it's almost hot enough to jump in! So far I've been putting my feet in when I get really hot from laying out but that's all I've done. I can't brave putting my entire body in yet but Gianna has and she'll stay in until she's shaking and her lips are blue. She's so cute picking out her swim suit or "ma-kini", she can't quite get the "bi" in there.

4. I am so very excited about Super 8 coming out - if you haven't seen the trailer's yet go HERE and check ONE or TWO out! It comes out in a couple of weeks (June 10th) and I think we're going to try and plan a date night out with friends and do dinner and a movie. We recently went to downtown Hendersonville and met up with some friend and had dinner at this amazing little place called Never Blue. We totally loved it and already have a couple of other fun places we want to check out down there.

5. We have finally gotten stuff cleaned up since the big storm, we still have a few things we are trying to get in order but for the most part it's finally back to some kind of order. A few more things to haul off but thank God for my dad coming and helping us get things going. And for the amazing guys that come from our church, Father's Vineyard, to help us remove the tree, the HUGE tree that was on the shed and helped fix the well pump too. After a week of no water I wanted to hug that guy that fixed it! Our pastor was so thoughtful to send a few guys out and I can't thank him enough!

6. Three months until Gianna heads off to preschool! I'm so excited for her, she does so well with other kids and loves the interaction. She hates leaving nursery now at church because it means parting with her fun friends. I know she loves to learn and she's so brilliant and I know she's going to do so well. And no, I'm not freaking out about her being at school! I'll miss her but I plan to stay busy, hopefully with a job, so time will go by fast.

7. It's time for a hair cut and maybe even a massage soon. I've never had a hot stone massage and I think I'll try it next time. I usually do a deep tissue because my muscles stay so tense and tight from working out but the hot stones and oils sound SO nice right about now! And I'm growing my hair out, slowly but surely and it needs a trim. I flat iron is every day so it gets fried fast!

8. I'm way behind on my hair accessory making - I've got to get some more ready to take down to the salon that's selling them for me. I keep going in my work room upstairs and looking at every thing and I desperately need to get back up there and start working but I always seem to have something else going.

9. I started The Vampire Diaries yesterday - it's pretty good. A little cheesy in some places and a little over the top in others but not bad. I swear they stole some of the musical score from Twilight for it, for reals. I'm seriously missing Fringe - I'm dying for the 3rd season to come out already! I don't watch TV shows really - I don't have the time to keep up and make sure I'm in front of the TV at that exact time. I usually catch Criminal Minds and CM:Suspect Behavior mainly because I just happen to flip to that channel at the right time! If it's a show I'm really interested in I just wait until I can get it on Netflix. So much easier!

10. Looking forward to great weather, grilling out and loads of watermelon this weekend! I do plan to spend lots of time out by the pool eating sugar free popsicles. I'm totally in love with them! I can eat like three or four for like 50 calories and they are so refreshing when I'm sweating like mad getting my tan on! I've also found that laying out is the perfect time to read, I'm almost done with Desperation by Stephen King and I'm also finishing up Visioneering. Great, great book!

Overload.

1. Me at the beach (a few leftover beach pictures from my phone!)

2. My sis, D, being silly with the Elvis cut out

3. U2 album coasters - I got them for Beej!

4. New anklet

1. Tan!

2. Foot jewelry

3. Greek food from Johnny's Gyro's - SO good!

4. D goofing off at the souvenir store!

1. Mom and D on the dolphin tour boat

2. View from the boat

3. Me and C on the dolphin tour boat

1. Mom at breakfast on her birthday!

2. C, the morning we left

3. Patio and beach

4. My cute new dress from Target. Love.

1. Meet Ms. Gemima

2. She's our new baby - not home yet but so adorable!

3. Gemima and her brother

1. Gemima

2. Gemima again (she's just too cute not to take pictures of!)

3. Cat world - just some of the momma's and babies

1.,2.,3. - Gemima!

1. Bug showing off her new anklet I got her at the beach

2. Lunch date at McD's

3. See Bug's huge bruise on her forehead there?!

4. Bug's lunch - fruit salad at The Brewhouse

1. My silly (and super hot!) hubby showing me his 70's look!

2. Oatmeal and fresh strawberries for breakfast - yummo

3. My cartoon watcher

4. She's so creative!

I've been kinda behind on my photo posts so there ya go! Click the photo to see it larger.....

Back On Track!

(Gotta get back to this!)

I will admit it, people, I've been a slacker lately when it comes to eating right. I know, I know. Shame on me. But I have kept up with my work outs. To be honest I just got bored and tired of keeping up with everything I'm eating, counting calories, making sure it's all healthy, etc. BUT I've seen the results of that too - I've gained a few pounds but mostly I just feel yucky and frumpy and that attitude totally carries over to every day things and my attitude towards others. Because I feel crappy about myself I end up being snappy with my husband and short and cross with my daughter and short fused with others around me. And I hate being like that and feeling like that all because I've been lazy and unmotivated. I am seriously contemplating trying a shake program called Visalus. I have heard good things about it and I'm thinking about trying it for a month and seeing how I like it. It's two complete nutrition shakes and one balanced meal a day. It is quite a chunk of money upfront but you cut down on your groceries for the month a lot too - and at this point I feel like I buy so much stuff when I'm eating right because I have to eat 5-6 meals a day and I have to have some kind of variety to keep me interested at all! I am thankful for my iPhone app Myfitnesspal because without it I would really hate keeping up with my calories. Not to mention the first few days of getting back on track are always rough - especially since for some reason this time around with not eating right I drank alot of Coke. I usually have one now and then with a meal out or pizza but this time I drank one of more a day and that's so not like me. And now coming off the caffeine isn't fun! I've had a lingering head ache all day......I gotta get back to my water, vitamins, veggies and fruit! SO this morning I started eating right again, I feel better just knowing I'm eating right but I do have to get these pounds off again. It's so much easier to gain them then it is to lose them!

I have seriously thought about starting a fitness/health blog separate from this one simply because it does help me to post about my eating habits and about my work outs but I don't want to consume this blog with all that and I know that not all of you would be interested in hearing about all that day in and day out. But what do you think? Should I start a fitness/health blog on the side? Just to keep me accountable and to also help those who are interested get ideas and be encouraged to keep at it themselves as well......hmmm. Who knows, I'll keep thinking about it and let you know what I decide!

So for now, here's to eating healthy and losing weight and being fit!!!

Dark room.

Imagine you're in a dark room.

One you've been in before,

you know the room.

You know how it's laid out,

you know the furniture inside.

But occasionally someone rearranges all the

furniture.

Still the same room, still the same furniture,

but you don't know the lay out and it's dark.

You feel your way around searching for the

light switch. You feel along walls,

perhaps take a few confident steps in what you feel

is the right direction until you stumble over

unseen obstacle. You pick yourself

back up and try again......

After feeling around some more,

perhaps stumbling some more,

even getting a few cuts or bruises...

You think you've found the right switch and you

flip it only to realize it's not the right

switch and it doesn't turn on the

light......

So you start your search all over again -

stumbling, falling, feeling your way around.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

So often this is exactly how I feel when it comes to finding and executing God's plan for my life. And now, not only do I have to think about the plan God has for me, but I also have to make sure it lines up with my husband's heart and what he feels is God's plan for us. I have to take into consideration how decisions will affect my daughter as well. It's complicated and overwhelming at times. I feel like I'm searching and searching - I know it's there, I'm in familiar territory but yet I just feel like I can't find it. I'm scared to make a decision lest it be the wrong one or it affect those I care about in a negative way. But that keeps me from doing things I truly feel are the right things to do.

Plus you fight your flesh - I know there are things I'm supposed to do and things I feel like God will at some point bring those things to pass but my mind fights it. It doesn't fit my "plan" or my idea of a plan, it isn't the right time, how could we afford it financially, how will I find the time, what would I do with my daughter if I took on those challenges, how will I support my husband in his endeavors if I go that direction? So many questions, so many answers and yet I feel like most of the time I can't connect the dots. I'm trying hard lately to not "think" and just to pray - any time my mind starts saying "It's impossible. No way will that work. Where would the resources come from?" I stop and simply pray "Lord, help me have faith. Help me to trust that if this is what You would have me do then You will show me the way." Does that mean I never doubt or struggle or get discouraged? No not at all - in fact, I am struggling with it now. I feel overwhelmed by decisions that need to be made for our family, about our future and what it holds for us. I feel like the future is so vast and we have very few ways of getting there. And the biggest question, where is "there"? I see so many people my age or my husband's age, young families who seem to already be on their way - they seem to be living out the plan God has for them and yet I still feel like we are struggling to even know what that direction is. I struggle to even know how to pray about it!

I'm searching for direct answers, I want a map in detail to tell me where to go and how I'm going to get there and what pit stops to make and where the road work and traffic stalls are. I want to know when or if my car will break down and how I'll get it fixed and how long it will take me to get back on the road. I want to know how many wrong turns I'll make or how lost I'm going to actually get before I get where I'm going. And from what I've seen, God rarely works that way! I guess that's why He gave us faith, huh?! So I'm trusting, or at least trying to. I desperately want to know His will for my family and I - I don't want us to spend the rest of our lives trying to figure it out and never actually doing anything. I want to make a difference to someone or something - if that's only my daughter then so be it. I need to make sure I'm being the best support I can be to my husband as he reaches his goals and achieves his dreams. Perhaps that's what my role is in this lifetime - to support and encourage. Who knows. I certainly feel like I don't know, at least not yet. I have ideas, I have hopes and I have things I feel like one day I'm supposed to accomplish but I'm just not sure how to go about them or how to make them come to pass. And maybe that's not my job - I'm waiting to know exactly what my part is in it all. For now I feel like I'm wandering around a dark room trying to find the light switch to brighten it all and make sense of it.

M.I.A - Pt. 2 Beach Trip!

First I'd like to report that as of about an hour ago we finally have running water again! I've never been so happy - so happy I cleaned the toilets first thing! Lol! Oh, yeah. Thankfully a couple of great guys from our church came over today and helped my dad remove the tree, cut it up and fix the busted water pump. SO thankful!

Now on to my lovely weekend away! Let me say that everyone needs time away and I needed this trip. Don't get me wrong, I love spending time with my hubby and daughter but I don't care who you are - you NEED time to yourself. It was so amazing only having to get me ready, only having to worry about myself, waking up when I wanted and only packing for me! Sound selfish? Yeah, it does but I wouldn't want it all the time. I did miss Beej and Gianna alot and I was happy to return home to them and my routine. But those few days away from reality were wonderful!

Thursday we got there mid afternoon and immediately headed to the beach and spent an hour or so just enjoying the sand and surf. After that we got ready and headed to dinner at a super fun spot called Lambert's "Home of the throwed rolls!". Good country cooking but the reason you go is for the fun atmosphere and the fact that they throw your rolls at you! My first roll the guy threw right into my face and I deflected it and tossed into the lap of the girl behind me! Fun times!

Friday we planned to spend at the beach and headed out first thing in the morning but it ended up being kinda overcast and rainy that day so we got ready and went shopping and went to another great place for dinner called Lulu's. The owner is Jimmy Buffet's sister, Lucy Buffet. We went with my aunt and grandmother when were there back in Nov. It's a lot of fun - big open air dining and live music.
Saturday was gorgeous and absolutely perfect beach weather - hot and sunny! D and I got up earlier then mom and Charity and went out and walked the beach and picked up a few shells. D collects them whenever she goes places with shells and fills this big vase with them. She only collects unique shells, not perfect ones! The beach was so beautiful!



I also chopped my sister's hair off Saturday night too (see above pic). She likes to keep it short since she works alot and doesn't want to have to spend tons of time on it but this is the shortest she's ever gone. I think it looks so good - she has a great jawline for it! I later put a bunch of blonde in it as well.....but back to Saturday. We spent all day out on the beach and got totally toasted! It was slightly painful but we all coated ourselves in aloe vera gel and called it a good day. That evening we went to this cute little hole in the wall place called Johnny's Gyros and since it was D's graduation trip and she wanted Greek food that's what we did. I ended up with a lamb gyro that was scrumptious!

Sunday we spent a little time on the beach but it was a little windy and since we were all burnt from the day before we didn't want to risk burning ourselves anymore so we went out for a dolphin cruise. To be honest I didn't expect to actually see any dolphins but we did! My sis caught a couple of shots of them. Since they are free and wild you just kinda have to know where to go and hope they surface. It was alot of fun and just seeing all the scenery and the beautiful houses along the shore line was great too!

Monday was my mom's birthday so we went to the Island Pancake House for breakfast (where I got french toast! Lol!) and gave her gifts before we had to part ways and make our way home. My sis and I had an almost ten hour drive there and back so we got on the road by mid morning. We jammed to the radio because we forgot CD's in all the mad rush of getting out at 5am with no power (at her house) and no water at mine. But all in all, a wonderful trip and a great get away. Hopefully we can do a girl's trip once a year!

Beej was so great with Gianna while I was gone too - they went to KidzPlay, got ice cream two different times, rented the Justin Bieber movie and watched it twice, and went to the zoo! I'm so happy to have such a great husband who I can totally trust to take care of my baby girl even in the midst of the chaos of not having water! I am so blessed!