My Favorites from our Anniversary Shoot!

Day 11 - A Recent Photo Of Me

This is as recent as it gets! This was taken this afternoon by my wonderful photographer sister, D, over at White Umbrella Photography. She did an awesome job as always. I'll be posting some more in a separate blog. We called it our "Anniversary Shoot" since mine and Beej's 5th anniversary is on Thursday! Hooray!!!

Back to Goal Setting....

I've been a little frustrated recently because I just can't seem to get this last 9-10lbs off. I've tried adjusting my calorie intake - unsure if I was eating too many calories or not enough calories, etc. I've bombarded my poor Beach Body coach to death asking questions, trying to figure it all out. I just started Month 2 of my third round of Insanity. And it's keeping me sorta maintained but it's just not getting me where I wanna be. I started thinking the other day that perhaps I needed to put some weight training back into my work out routine because muscle burns calories longer then Cardio does. And then my coach mentioned that very thing to me! Last night my sis was playing with my mom's iPhone and found a bunch of picture from my birthday last year, so almost a full year ago. I was shocked! I don't ever remember being that fat and, well, puffy looking! It was certainly an eye opener and reminded me why I need to work harder than EVER to get to my complete goal and learn how to maintain there. I posted the pics below, a few are from my birthday last August and some are from Christmas.

But here are my goals for August - My plan is to eat completely 'clean' until my birthday. For me that means no sugar, no processed foods, no fast food. Balancing my meals and keeping my portions small and sticking to my allotted calorie intake which I think is about 1850 cal. I'll have to re calculate that to be sure. Of course I am going to take a "break" on the 5th for our anniversary dinner, we have had a date night to PF Changs planned for awhile. I'm not going to gorge but I am going to enjoy dinner! Anyway, my goal is to lose 4lbs. To get back down to 125 (or below!) by my birthday on August 23rd. I am also going to start doubling my work outs at least 3 days a week. I'm going to add back in some strength training routines from P90X and maybe a routine or two from Turbo Jam until I can get Turbo Fire here soon. I really want to get dedicated again to seeing the weight go and getting to my ultimate goal!

Birthday Wish List!

So anyone that knows me knows I LOVE my birthday! Some people have said that I'm getting to old to make a fuss over my birthday still but I saw whatever! I enjoy my birthday, it's the least I can do since I hate the thought of getting older at all. So I make a big deal about, starting making my wish list months ahead of time, preparing/thinking about what I want to do. And although I don't usually have a big party or anything (we keep it simple with family usually) we always make a big deal about it being that persons day and August 23rd is MY day! So since it's less then a month away I have started that process.....I'm still not sure what I wanna do. I have been thinking about perhaps trying out The Cheesecake Factory. I've heard it's wonderful (and very fattening! Lol!) but I'm not positive I wanna go there either. Maybe Beej and I will go do the dessert course at The Melting Pot. I've heard that's really yummy too. I've heard the meat course isn't that great but the dessert chocolate is to die for!!! But there are only two things I want for my birthday. I'm hoping, praying, begging, etc. that everyone who usually gets me a gift will just pitch in together and get me these two things. And since they are both rather pricey I feel bad asking for both! Lol! But I figure it can't hurt to mention them.....

So this is actually 2nd on my list if I'm only getting one item! Lol! I need some new work out shoes. I've heard that Saucony's are really good for people who have arch pain during high impact work outs. I bought Beej a pair back at Christmas for work because he needed some with some support and he's really liked his. I want some black (or mostly black) shoes. I've looked at a pair of Nike's too that are pretty awesome. But these are my first choice I think.....

Of course, THIS is what I want MORE than anything else. It is my biggest wish for my birthday this year! It's kinda pricey since it's brand new from Beach Body but it's awesome (and I'm awesome! Haha!) and so I must have it! I've done P90X twice and I've done Insanity almost three full times now so I'm ready for the next big challenge and Turbo Fire is it. So for all my family (and friends alike!) this is all I want....truly. Please don't get me this, that and another. Just pitch in and get me this - even if you pitch in $5, that will get me $5 closer to what I so badly want and desire!!!

Happy birthday to me pretty darn soon!!!

Day 9 - Favorite Photo

(Whiteumbrellaphotography.com)

Today the challenge was to put up a photo you took but since I rarely take pictures anymore ( I just take my sister along instead! Lol!) and the ones I have taken are pretty much crap I decide instead I would just put up one of my favorite photos of Gianna ever! My sis, D, at White Umbrella Photography took this one of Gianna back in March around her 3rd birthday and I just absolutely LOVE it! It has become my favorite photo of Gianna!

Confusion.....

I am truly confused. My emotions, thoughts, feelings, ideas, everything has seemed like a whirl wind in my head lately. I am realizing that I am getting older, no, I'm not old, but I'm getting older and honestly, that scares me. I'm afraid that one day I'm going to wake up and be 40 and still be wondering what my life is going to be or what I'm going to do with it. I wish I could be satisfied with what I am and where I am. But I'm not, the flip side of that is I don't know how to change things or make them any different. I guess that's where I get so frustrated. I feel stuck yet I don't want to be. I don't find complete satisfaction in who I am. I am still struggling with me. I am jealous of women I see who are completely happy with themselves. They like the way they look, they like what they do, they like their position in life. I wish I was satisfied with JUST being a wife and a mother but I'm not. I feel like there is something else in life for me but in all honesty I'm scared to step out and find it. I have ideas but nothing feels exactly right....I don't have the motivation to make any of it happen it seems. I lack the drive and I think that's what scares me most of all. Because I know if nothing happens with my life it's all my fault. Period. I don't want my daughter growing up with a mom who has no direction or purpose in life. I keep trying to take little steps here and there in directions I think I might want to go but I'm still just so unsure. It's even more complicated once you factor in a husband and a child, a family. It's one thing to be confused and searching on your own but when ever decision you make effects two other people it makes deciding even scarier and harder. I want to be passionate about something but I can't find that "thing" that I'm passionate about. I love music but I don't seem to have what it takes to make it as a musician/songwriter/singer, I love fitness but I'm not fit enough or consistent enough with eating right and really pushing myself to do anything in the fitness world (or so I feel), I love to scrapbook but again, how am I supposed to make a career out of that exactly? I'm not a sales person, I don't like to try and sale things to people.....grrrrrr!!! I am trying to further myself musically but this week even that is overwhelming me. Every time I sit down to practice I just wanna cry....I know, sounds ridiculous but I'm stressing myself out mentally and I don't even know why. I start writing songs and at first I think they are pretty good but the more I play them and the more I try to complete them the more I hate them. Lol! I just don't know....and then I start wondering if I'm a good mom. Am I doing all I should be for my child? Am I doing what I am doing right? I struggle - I do lose my patience with her sometimes, I try not to but my stress over flows sometimes. Mental stress I put on myself. I know Gianna loves me but I'm so afraid I'm going to do or say something that's going to totally mess up my relationship with her. I'm scared that I'm going to do something wrong with her.......I am confused, stressed, frustrated, overwhelmed. What does the future hold and what am I supposed to contribute to it?

Day 8 - A Thank You Letter.....

(Today's challenge is to write a thank you letter to someone who has changed your life...)

Dear Gianna,

I perhaps don't sit down and truly think about how much you have changed my life until someone points it out. It of course has been changed for the better although we do have our "off" days!

You have taught me so many things in your short 3 1/2 years so far and I'm sure I have many more lessons to come and I look forward to learning them from you.

I have learned most importantly to think of someone besides myself. I do still have my selfish moments but I think I have them less often now that you are in the picture! You have taught me how to love others more selflessly and more completely. I think I can love your daddy even more now that I know how to truly love someone and you are the one that taught me that. To think towards others the way I think towards you - I want you to be happy, I hate to see you upset or in pain. When you are sick I want to take all of that from you and bear it myself. I never want you to know fear or loneliness or the pain others can bring to you. Yet I want you to experience life to the fullest!

You have taught me patience, I can't say that's a virtue of mine and I still stumble almost daily but you are teaching me to take a breath and think things through before I do them or say them. You are only three and I forget that sometimes.

You are teaching me to be curious again - all your "why" questions make me think a little deeper sometimes. And I start asking "why".

You have taught me to be proud of myself and what little I've accomplished in life so far. There is so many more things I want to do and see and although my mental drive isn't where it should be yet you are helping me get there.

I don't want to teach you the wrong thing or to go the wrong way - I think so much more about what I do and say now. But I also want to teach you to be independent and think for yourself.

You are already teaching me to let go.....I know I can't hold on to you forever. I don't want to be a clingy mom who can't let her child do anything on her own! So I'm learning now to let you have your moments of freedom and independence already, even if for the time being that means I let you walk through the store without holding my hand! I am learning, slow but sure!

Thank you, my sweet girl, for all the things you have taught me and will continue to teach me! You changed my life and I will never regret you! You are truly the delight of my heart!

All My Love -

Mommy

Day 7 - 5 Things I Can't Live Without!

Well, the first thing I couldn't live without would be my flat iron! Crazy as it may sound I adore that thing and I don't know how I lived without it before. I bought my first really good one when I was working at a salon like 6 years ago. It cost me a small fortune at the time (I think they let me make payments actually! Lol!) but it was totally worth it and it has been my friend every day for 6 years! No joke. I'm pretty sure there hasn't been but a couple of days in that entire 6 years that I haven't used that thing! My hair is somewhere in between curly and straight and my bangs have a mind of their own so my flat iron is the lion tamer! Lol!

I absolutely couldn't live without books! I LOVE to read and I have been devouring books since I started reading, what, almost 20 years ago? My hubby has introduced me to some amazing authors and I can't get enough of their books.....I love the way books look and smell on the shelves....the way they feel in your hand, the excitement of what that book holds inside! Yes, I couldn't live without books.

Of course, I don't really listen to many CD's anymore but I don't listen to my iPod much either. I usually listen to music on "my" laptop. But I most certainly couldn't live without music - especially bands like Coldplay, Mute Math, The Killers, Keane, The Bravery, Eisley, etc. Goodness, what would life be without music?!

Instruments for sure - for me that's guitar and now piano! I can't imagine not having them around although I don't spend as nearly as much time with them as I should I am getting better about it. To be able to create songs and melodies. It seems like a pretty important piece of life!

And of course I couldn't live without working out now! Whew! Glad those lazy days are behind me....lol! And of course currently my favorite workouts are Insanity work outs. I love me some Shaun T.!!! I love the sweat and the burn, doesn't mean I don't have days where I don't want to do them but once it's over I'm so proud of myself!

So there you have it.

Day 6- A Moment I Wish I Could Relive

I can't say that I truly ever wish I could go back in time and redo things or experience things again. I guess there might be a few if I really, really searched hard but for the most part I am happy with the past and I appreciate the one moment I got to live it and I simply look forward to better times ahead! I guess most people would expect me to say my wedding day or the day Gianna was born, etc. But I loved the moments that one time and I enjoy the memory of them. I wouldn't want to relive Gianna's birth, not because it wasn't special and sweet but because I'd have to go through surgery, all that pain, the recovery, etc. And NO WAY am I doing that ever again! Lol!

At this moment in time there is only one moment that I can truly think I would like to relive if I could.....and that is Christmas this past year at my Granny's house. I hadn't seen my Granny since Christmas. If I could go back I would spend every moment we were there with her. Hold her hand, listen to her, smile and laugh with her, hug her and tell her over and over again how much she meant to me and what a very special lady she was. I would make sure I got pictures with her and make sure that I had one of me, her and Gianna. I don't know that I have any photos of Gianna with Granny and that truly makes me sad. I know that for the most part, aside from what people will tell her, Gianna won't remember Granny.

So if I could go back in time and relive a moment - I would relive the happiness and warmth we all felt from Granny at Christmas time. How she never forget anyone's Christmas gift ever! The crowdedness of eating Christmas dinner at her house, everyone gathering around the dining room table to shovel food on their plates, trying to find enough seats for everyone! Yes, I would relive that moment and cherish every sight, sound and smell!

Day 5 - Favorite Quote

I don't know that I really have a favorite quote, there are quotes I like and think are cool or witty for the moment but most of the time I forget them later on! Sad, I know! But this one really stuck with me.....

"Rise and rise again until lambs become lions."

- Robin Hood/Russell Crowe

(In other words, never give up! But I thought this line was brilliant and well said in the movie Robin Hood.)

Day 4- Favorite TV show

So as you can tell I have a hard time narrowing anything down to just one of something! Lol! Especially when it comes to my favorites, there are just too many to decide on! I'll be honest, I watch a good bit of TV when I can. I grew up without a TV, without being able to watch it pretty much ever. So I guess it's still a novelty for me.

I tend to like mystery, thriller, suspense type shows although I watch everything from cooking, home repair shows, Baby stories, etc.

But as far as shows that I usually try to follow these two are on my top list! They usually show back to back on Wednesday night so once Gianna goes to bed I spend two hours enjoying crime drama!

Criminal Minds is like reading a Dean Koontz book but watching it instead......

I find criminal drama very interesting, mainly because it's something I feel like I could never truly handle in real life!

I used to follow CSI very closely but after they started changing the cast up so much I kinda drifted away from watching it and it was on a Thursday night which is our Friday night so we are usually out and about doing something and I'd miss it anyway.

So I started watching CSI: NY after Criminal Minds and started to really enjoy it!

All the characters have become quite dear to me and I hate it that this upcoming season won't include Stella's character. It looks like the actress Sela Ward will be taking her place. We'll see how that goes, I hate it when my favorite shows and beloved characters start changing! I tend not to be a huge fan of change! Lol!

So those are my two ultimate favorite TV shows!

Shame on you for thinking you're alone....

Haven't we all thought it or felt it at some point? That we are alone? That we must be the ONLY person in the world who feels the way we do at that moment. We are full of self pity. At least I know I am. I am much better at sympathizing with myself then I ought to be. I have up's and down's just like everyone else does. There are days I feel amazing, full of life, energetic and ready to go for anything! Then one little thing can completely change all of that. It's sad, I know. I wish I was in better control of my emotions and thought process. But I'm not and that's just the way it is, at least for the moment. I can feel positive and yet negative about the same thing. And I isolate myself because I feel like I'm the only person who ever feels that way. I feel like if I can't get it together then what worth do I have?

I don't feel like I have much purpose some days. Yes, I know that truly I do have a purpose but it seems I have constantly searching for it still. I do not feel satisfied in life yet I do not know how to quench that unsatisfied thirst. I'm not even sure what I long for? What do I thirst for? I have not found my complete soul's worth in what I am at this moment. I do believe that who I am now - a daughter, a wife, a mother, a sister.......it all helps make up my complete purpose but it hasn't been completed yet.

Am I alone in this? I feel I am.

I have interests, I have hobbies but I do not know how to make any of them into a career or into something that will make me somebody. I don't feel like I am truly good enough at anything to be someone in that area. Sure, I sing a little, I play a little, I write a little, I work out....more then a little, but still. None of these things are good enough to make me someone or complete me. Or do they? Am I already complete and don't know it yet? Am I searching for something I've already found?

My mind wonders.

I feel good about who I'm becoming, then I stop to think....who am I becoming? Do I even know? I feel like my life is passing my by very quickly and I can't stop it. I keep grasping at things as they fly past me but I can't get a grip on any of them. Some leave light fragrances in my hand, others tear at me and leave me wounded. But for the speed in which they past I can not see which should be touched and which should be left alone. So I feel that sometimes I am missing out on what I should be holding on to because I am too busy trying to heal the wounds of things I have made mistakes in.

It is a bitter cycle.

It seems to be unending.

Will my purpose just fall out of the sky at me one day? Will I be able to see it coming and catch it? Or will it pass me by while I'm looking the other way?

I keep waiting.

Day 3 - Favorite Book

Today is favorite book day!!! I couldn't be more excited because I LOVE to read and lately I have read so many good books it's been super hard to narrow it down to just one. So I narrowed it down to 5 of my favorites! Lol! It's hard to explain each of them so I'll just give a short little over view......

Insomnia is about an older gentleman who loses his wife and starts having trouble sleeping. He then starts "entering" a world other then his own. He is afraid he's having hallucinations but starts realizing there are other people who see these "colors" and auras that he does. They are a link a whole different world. The story goes MUCH, much deeper then that of course, the details are stunning and Stephen King's way of wrapping so many characters and smaller stories into one big story is captivating!

I recently started reading the Hannibal Lecter series....we have found all four books in the series at various thrift stores. I have read the first two and I'm on the third but the second, Silence of the Lambs, has to be my favorite so far! The criminally insane are such gruesome, horrific people but the people who work so hard to catch them are even more interesting. This book takes a look not only into the mind of an insane cannibal but also into the young FBI agent who works so tirelessly to catch him.

Dean Koontz has quickly become one of my most favorite and beloved authors. I have read so many of his books and luckily have many more to read! He is brilliant and yet a little more simple in his story telling then Stephen King (who is another favorite). His stories are intense and thrilling - mixed with a little romance. The Odd Thomas books are a series, Odd Thomas being the first. I fell in love Odd's character right away. He is so simplistic and common, yet completely uncommon at the same time. He sees spirits, the ghosts of people who haven't moved on yet. It his goal and part of his "gift" to help these poor souls solve the reason they can't move on......I would recommend reading this entire series!

Of course, I can't not put Twilight on my list! I don't care what people say, these books are well written and delightful to read. Granted, you must have a sense of romance and a bit of fantasy as well in order to truly love them and get them for what they are. I believe the author has tried to capture the unabashed love that most people have come to scorn and laugh at. The protective, forgiving and unashamed love of two very different people who are willing to take whatever steps necessary to be with each other. Some people don't "get" these books because they themselves can't imagine truly loving someone that deeply. Don't knock these books, the entire series, until you read them for yourself.

And we can't go without a complete classic! I've read all the Chronicle of Narnia series as a child and even as an adult several times. My collection is one of my prized possessions. But of all of them The Silver Chair is my favorite and I'm so eager to see it turned in to a movie soon! C.S Lewis' mind was insanely bright and imaginative! An absolute must read!

(*Note: The first three books do contain language, gruesome scenes and details which would not be appropriate for children or even some young teens. Please make sure that you understand these are not Christian books and do not contain Christians material or Christian "scruples" in any way, shape or form!)

Bloggin'.....

So besides the daily Challenge posts I'm going to try and throw a few "normal" posts in as well. Not a lot to talk about, just the usual going on as always! I am spending the week with my sister....everyone else is out of town so we are house sitting for my parents. Taking care of the house and the animals. Mom's taking some time to visit an old friend and Dad and the boys are still in Bama taking care of my grandfather. Things are still very undecided there, they're just taking it a day at a time trying to figure out what's best.....it's such a tough decision.

I started wearing a pedometer here and there awhile back and I've been shocked at how few steps I'm getting in. I'm only getting in 6,000-8,000 a day and that's what you need to maintain your weight. I don't want to maintain, I want to LOSE!!! If I wanna do that I have to get in 10,000-12,000! Good grief, I'm going to have to start adding in nightly walks or runs or something. It irritates me to look at my pedometer at the end of the day and see the number. I still have 10lbs to go to my absolute goal weight - 120lbs.! Which is actually at the top of what I should weigh for someone my height and weight. I should be between 110 and 120! So I'm SO close. Technically I'm only 9lbs away but whatever.....so as of yesterday I'm back to my Insanity diet routine. I've made it through almost two full days and I've done well. I'm confused about my calorie intake now - I'm going to have to refigure it because I've always figured it counting myself as a fairly active person but I think I need to take it down to moderately active. That should keep me around 1750 calories a day versus 1900 calories a day. Which I do good eating around 1650-1750 when I'm eating right and that gives me 5-6 small meals a day and keeps me satisfied. I've learned that one of the biggest keys to staying "full" during the day is really drinking all the water you are supposed to. Which is SO hard for me, I hate drinking anything so getting all my water in is difficult but I've managed to do it for the past two days. And other then a lot of extra runs to the bathroom it's been good! Lol!

I went back to piano lessons today after missing two weeks of lessons. Between being busy with summer activities and then my grandmother passing we just haven't made it. And I've missed it. So I'm back at it today! Back to practicing a lot and learning! I also picked up my guitar the other day to play "Breathe" by Taylor Swift. I love that song and the chords are fairly simple. I realized how out of practice I am - my fingers are so sore! I've lost my calluses I guess from not playing for so long. But during my practice with that song I started writing one of my own. I have a melody and some lyric ideas but nothing solid. Which is odd for me, I usually have plenty of lyrics ideas and no melody ideas! Goodness, I wish I could just have both....but I'm working on it! I also starting writing one on piano too. I'm really and truly hoping that I can start recording some stuff soon and have a EP completed by Christmas. It's my goal....whew. So much to do and so little time.

Mine and Beej's 5 year anniversary is coming up two weeks from today. I can't believe it's been 5 years already! It's amazing how quickly time passes....the only thing I wish I could do different is have a wedding. But what's done is done and we can't go back. But I am glad we got married inspite of what some people thought and how some people advised us. It hasn't always been easy but we truly loved each other and that's what's gotten us through some of the harder times. And of course we got Gianna out of it all! That was truly a bonus!

I'm reading up a storm right now....Beej has, over time, collected all the books in the Hannibal series by Thomas Harris. I had seen bits and pieces of Silence of the Lambs a few years back and it was so interesting and gruesome at the same time. But I always like to read books before I watch the movie if the movie is based on a book. So I read the first one, Red Dragon, and then watched the movie. It was great! Edward Norton did a fantastic job in his role and the detective on the case. I finished reading Silence of the Lambs but haven't had a chance to get the movie yet.....I went ahead and moved on to Hannibal and that's what I'm in the midst of reading at the moment. The books are so well written and are full of such amazing detail! I am eager to read the last one, Hannibal Rising, which actually goes back to the beginning of Hannibal's life and explains why he became what he is....or was. I can't wait to see the movies....although I'm a little scared at the same time! I'm not one for watching stuff that's too gorey but I managed the books ok so we'll see!

Day 2 - Favorite Movie

Today is Favorite Movie day on the 30 Day blog challenge. I had a hard time narrowing it down, just like with my favorite song but I've found that usually when someone asks me what my favorite movie is Pride & Prejudice always pops into my head! I love this movie and I've watched it a dozen times or more. And the story never gets old. I love it. I love the old charm, the simplicity yet complexity of all that happens, the intense affection and desire for one another that stays hidden for so long......the story is brilliant and captivating and I think no one could have portrayed Elizabeth Bennet better then Keira Knightley!

Elizabeth is so headstrong and willful yet simple in her needs and desires. She, of all the sisters, seems to have her head on the straightest. At least to me! She isn't going to settle just because and is truly in search of love in it's truest form. She doesn't choose Mr. Darcy because of his money - she chooses him because she comes to know what an honest, charitable, kind man he is. She comes to realize that despite their differences they love each other deeply.

And of course there is the ever wonderful and handsome, Mr.Fitzwilliam Darcy! He seems to staunch and cold at the beginning yet there is something so mesmerizing about him. He isn't flippant or careless and he doesn't say what he doesn't mean. I love how Ms. Caroline Bingley is constantly openly flirting with him yet he pays it no mind at all! I find the immediate attraction, though denied, between him and Ms. Bennet to be quite exciting! At the end of the movie there is always the sigh of contented happiness that once again Mr. and Mrs Darcy live happily ever after together!

"You may only call me 'Mrs. Darcy' when you are completely, perfectly, and incandescently happy!" - E. Bennet Darcy

Click here to see my absolute favorite scene from Pride and Prejudice!

Day 1 - Favorite Song

COSMIC LOVE

by: Florence and the Machine

A falling star fell from your heart and landed in my eyes
I screamed aloud, as it tore through them, and now it's left me blind

The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out
You left me in the dark
No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight
In the shadow of your heart

And in the dark, I can hear your heartbeat
I tried to find the sound
But then it stopped, and I was in the darkness,
So darkness I became

The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out
You left me in the dark
No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight
In the shadow of your heart

I took the stars from our eyes, and then I made a map
And knew that somehow I could find my way back
Then I heard your heart beating, you were in the darkness too
So I stayed in the darkness with you

The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out
You left me in the dark
No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight
In the shadow of your heart

The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out
You left me in the dark
No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight
In the shadow of your heart

This, for now, is my favorite song! I first heard Florence and the Machine on the new Twilight Saga: Eclipse soundtrack and fell in love! Her voice is amazing and she seems like such a strong, bold person. You get the feeling that she feels ALIVE every day of her life and I love that. I think this song is absolutely beautiful! Click HERE to see the video, it's amazing!

(P.s. I embedded the link because I seem to have a lot of difficulty actually putting videos up on blogspot. No one else seems to have this problem but I do! Lol!)

30 Day Challenge Blog!

A friend of mine recently posted this 30 Day Challenge on her blog and I thought it looked kinda fun and interesting so I thought I'd at least start it! Hopefully I can finish it out but we'll see.....some of these might be a bit challenging for me but I guess that's the idea! Lol! Feel free to join in, it might be fun! Here is the challenge......

Day 1: A favorite song.

Day 2: A favorite movie.

Day 3: A favorite book.

Day 4: A favorite television program.

Day 5: A favorite quote.

Day 6: A moment you wish you could relive.

Day 7: Five things you couldn't possible live without.

Day 8: A thank you letter to someone who has changed your life.

Day 9: A photo you took.

Day 10: A photo of you taken over ten years ago. *might have trouble with this one* *hehe*

Day 11: A photo of you taken recently.

Day 12: A song that you want played at your wedding(or was played).

Day 13: A guilty pleasure.

Day 14: A vacation you would like to take.

Day 15: A person you admire.

Day 16: A song that makes you cry.

Day 17: An art piece.

Day 18: A time when you felt passionate and alive.

Day 19: A talent of yours.

Day 20: A hobby of yours.

Day 21: Something you know you do differently than most people.

Day 22: A website.

Day 23: A way in which you want to be remembered.

Day 24: A movie no one would expect you to love.

Day 25: A recipe.

Day 26: A childhood memory.

Day 27: A physical feature you love.

Day 28: A scar you have and it's story.

Day 29: Hopes, dreams and plans you have for the next 365 days.

Day 30: A motto or philosophy.

I'm Here.

It's all over now, well, sorta. We said goodbye to Granny yesterday, Friday. The funeral was pleasant, not overly sad which was nice. They played that song Homesick by MercyMe. I cried a lot during that song. Even though I'm sad, I think I'm starting to move past that now. I'm glad she isn't in pain anymore, I'm glad she's whole and well, I'm glad she's full of life and peace now. Now I'm just sad for my grandfather. My grandmother was his life, they were married 58 years. She was his "boss" so to speak and he seems so lost with out her now. We've been staying at the house and it's just odd seeing all her stuff around but her not be here. No one is ready to get rid of all her stuff just yet.

The funeral home had WAY too much Pepto Bismol pink everywhere. The velvet curtains and seating in the actual service area were so horribly pink. The lighting on the casket was pink, I guess that was to make her look less white or something. I don't know but all that pink on top of the smell of all the flowers was almost over whelming. The flowers were beautiful and so many wonderful people sent flowers, beautiful arrangements but the smell was sickening sweet. We brought most of them home to Papa's with us and every time I walk into the dining room the smell hits me and I get nauseated.

Papa has handled it all very well, people kept saying that he didn't understand what was going on but he does. He was just more prepared for it than we all realized, I think. But I can tell he's sad and a little lost. We've spent the day with him here at the house. I didn't realize how much Granny did for him, just reminding him to eat and when to eat and all that. We didn't realize he hadn't eaten lunch till almost 3pm. I felt awful....

I am ready to go home though, I miss my house and my routine. I miss being able to work out in the morning too. I went and ran a little bit this morning, did some jumping jacks and some sprints in the yard. Not as much as I should have done but it got my heart rate up a little. I'm eager to get back to working out hard when I get home. I'm so ready for a new program, I'm really getting bored with the same work outs, my body needs something to mix it up too. I'm really really hoping I get Turbo Fire for my birthday! I want it SO badly! I can't believe that I've almost been at this whole working out thing for almost a year now! For the past year I have managed to work out for 5-6 days a week, every week. I've maintained keeping off 20lbs, I've gained back about 4 over the past few months just because I've totally let me eating habits get crazy out of control. Honestly, this week has almost done me in - WAY too much junk food. I eat when I'm stressed , depressed and bored. And this week end has been the perfect set up for all three......

I know this blog is rather scattered but I can't get my thoughts together. I just wanted everyone to know that I'm still alive and doing well. Keeping it together!

Finally Home

I am here alone, in the falling snow,
And the wind, it cools my tears.
I have been so wrong,
I have turned away, but the road was long,
And finally I have come to my knees,
I want to be

Where I can walk,
Where I can run,
Where my heart sings,
And I feel the sun,
Where I can trust,
And I'm strong enough,
Free like the wind,
I'll run into my Father's arms,
I'm finally home!

Oh the winds of change,
They blow slow and cool!
Oh the wandering of a fool,
But I have laid it down,
In my Father's hands,
Where the weight of suffering,
Is carried by the arms of a cross,
Healing my loss

Where I can walk,
Where I can run,
Where my heart sings,
And I feel the sun,
Where I can trust,
And I'm strong enough,
Free like the wind,
I'll run into my Father's arms

Heaven has reached into my lonely soul.
Loving so deep, and so complete,
'Til I don't feel alone.
Where the light of love is burning,
Where the past is washed away,
Where I feel the sunlight shining on my face!
Now I can

Walk!
Now I can run,
Now my heart sings,
And I feel the sun,
Now I can trust,
And I'm strong enough,
Free like the wind,
I'll run into my Father's arms,
I'm finally home!

Now I can trust,
And I'm strong enough,
Free like the wind I run,
Into my Father's arms
I'm finally home