Today I am very happy! As I've mentioned before Halloween is my Day 90 of P90X. And my goal was to be in a size 6 by the end of this month. Mainly my goal was to buy a size 6 jeans as Old Navy. That's my favorite jean store, my favorite store really but especially for jeans! And today I went in and tried on a pair of size 6 skinny jeans and holy cow, they fit!!!! I was so excited! And I don't mean super tight, I can barely button them "fit" but comfy fit!!! I was beyond thrilled! I planned to wait and buy then Tuesday when I went shopping but I was so excited I had to buy them right then and there, not to mention they were on sale too! I plan to wear them proudly Tuesday when I go shopping! Yay for working out and getting fit. I still have a ways to go, I'm not as "hot" as I wanna be but I'm feeling better and better about myself. Got to get back eating right and working out even harder! Speaking of which I gotta run workout!!! Yay for sweating!!! Haha!!!
I tend to get on here and vent alot. And I'm sorry but sometimes I just need somewhere to get things off my chest so I don't carry them around with me and weigh myself down! Today hasn't been a bad day but it hasn't been super great either. First of all I woke up and my ankle is so swollen I can't do anything with it. I'm not sure what's wrong or what I did. I don't remember turning it or hurting it. But it's been swelling a bit off and on for the past couple of weeks but today is the worst it's been so far. I have a knot under my outer ankle bone and then it's all puffy around it. And it hurts to put alot of pressure on it too. I've iced it some but that doesn't seem to do anything. I'm hoping it's better by tomorrow because I have a pretty intense workout that I don't plan to miss!
But the bad part of my day came this afternoon....my parents recently had some family photos made and even though I wasn't "in" them they had me do a couple with my sis and mom. And I saw them today. Nearly brought me to tears. I was so excited to see them, hoping I'd look at them and see my "skinny" shining through but I didn't. In fact, I look just down right fat. My face is all round and "swollen" looking and my thighs look massive. I was so upset and depressed after that. I guess I'm looking for more result then there is. And when I feel depressed instead of avoiding food I tend to go right to it. I'm really have to work at keeping myself from eating and eating tonight. I know it will just depress me further when I wake up and realize I consumed 1000 more calories then I was supposed to today. Oh, well. Hopefully Round 2 of P90X will get me closer to where I want to be. I was planning to have family pictures made of Beej and I and Gi come December or so but after seeing myself in those pictures, NO WAY! Maybe next December! Lol! I think I just need to call it a day and go to bed!
Today is Day 80 for on P90X. I've missed two workouts during this entire time! I'm SO proud, you have no idea! I never thought I'd make it this far and here I am, ten day away from completely an entire round and ready for my next one! I'm feeling much better about myself and people have been complimenting me alot, it's always nice when others start to notice your hard work. I will admit that once again my diet has really fallen off track for the last week but I'm determined to get it back on track tomorrow. I really want to do well for the next 10 days so that I can go clothes hunting not feeling bloated and depressed about myself! Haha! I'm hoping it will turn into a big girl's day out! I've invited my friends and my mom and sis to go along for the fun! Can't decide if I wanna take Gi or not, it will be hard for me to really look and try on stuff with her there so I may try to leave her with someone so I can just have the day to myself!
I'm still getting sore after some of my workouts and that's a good sign! My hip muscles are sore today after kicking so much! I love being a little sore because it makes me feel like I've worked really hard!!! Anyway, I just had to say that I'm pretty pleased with my progress, still got a ways to go but I'm feeling so much better and alot happier with myself!!!
I've been thinking about going back to school. Not sure if I'm ready for that or not but I'm thinking about it. I'm contemplating going to Massage Therapy school. I love massage and I think it would be a good field for me. There is a great school near me but I don't know that the schedule can be worked out well enough for me right now not to mention the financial stuff falling into place. I've also thought about pursuing something like Physical Training. I'd love to learn more about the human body and helping make it fit and healthy. And I'd like to teach others about it, but again, I'm just not sure it's the right time in life. Right now I'd really just like to find a part time job. People are calling Beej back about jobs and he already has one but it seems no one wants to hire me for a few hours in the mornings.....grrrrr! I'm just doing everything I can part time for family and friends to help bring in extra money here and there. I help my dad with some of his ministry stuff and I'm helping my mother in law with her cattery some just to bring in a little extra income but it's not steady and it's kinda unpredictable so I just need something consistent. And I would like to get out of the house for a bit every day too. Please pray something good opens up for me!
I'm kinda bummed today because I didn't stick with my goal. I didn't stick to not messing up on my diet all month. The past couple of days have been horrible! I've eaten terrible and consumed an unreal amount of calories. Ugh, makes me gag just thinking about it. Totally did away with my week of working out. And for the first time in 75 days I skipped my workout Thursday. Shame I know. I was gone ALL day and when I got home I just couldn't bring myself to do an hour and a half of Yoga. But I do plan to make it up tomorrow which is normally my rest day. So that I'm ok with. But my eating can't be undone. I feel SO bloated and greasy. Ick. But hopefully I can get with it tomorrow and not mess up til the end of my 90 days at least. My 90th day is on Halloween! I'm so thrilled! I set my mind to do this and I've done it, and loved it! I'm eager to continue on and see how much more I can transform myself in another 90 days! I do feel better about myself overall. I can walk by my store front window or a mirror now without gagging and becoming depressed! I actually think "Hmmm, I'm getting there!" I'm so excited about going shopping! Not only because I haven't had new clothes in forever but also because I know I'm going to enjoy it so much more now that I feel good about myself and know I'm inches thinner! Woohoo! Plus I promised myself that if I made it the entire 90 days I would do this for myself and I've almost done it! No one knows what a HUGE step this is for me! It's the first exercise commitment I've made and stuck with in, well, my whole life I think! I'm tired of having excuses or not having excuses anymore....used to it was " Well, I just had a baby" but after the first 6 months that doesn't work so well anymore! And if surely doesn't work anymore when your baby is almost 3! Lol! I'm like just admit your lazy. I was. I just didn't want to take the time and effort it takes to lose weight. It's the hardest thing I've ever done! And continues to be because I'm not where I want to be. And I'm tired of people "poo-pawing" where I want to be! I told someone recently I hoped to be in a size 6 by the end of the month or at least by the end of next month. And they laughed. As though I was way to far from that goal or that I'd never get there. And I mentioned to someone else I'm close to that my ultimate goal is to be a size 4 again and they said "Well, you may never see that size again, even if you lose weight after you have a baby your hips spread and just need to understand you may never get back down to that again." I say to them "WHATEVER!" Lol! I know that it's within my capability to get there and I will! Here's to reaching goals!!! Woohoo!
So I know alot of people have gotten into making bows recently. I LOVE bows and wish Gianna had more hair to wear them! Lol! They end up slipping out most of the time. But I still think they are so cute and I know in a few years she probably won't want to wear them at all so I'm trying to make her wear as many as I can right now! But to be honest I just can't afford the what most people charge for their bows. Even though it may only cover their cost and shipping it to me, it's still to pricey for me. I'm not a very crafty person at all but I've thought maybe I'd get some stuff and start trying to make a few for Gianna. I doubt I'll get into the "tied" bows but maybe some head band kind of things. I've posted a picture of the kind I want to make but I'm not sure where to find those kind of head bands. Does Wal Mart carry them? Maybe Target? And how would you attach the flower? Glue? Tie it on? Sorry, my mind just doesn't work in these crafty ways so if anyone has ideas or knows how to do it please let me know!!!!
So I am, as I've mentioned before, going clothing shopping at the end of the month! I'm beyond excited and counting down the days! I haven't had new clothes in so long....it's going to be so fun trying on stuff and buying stuff! I think we are going to make a "girls day out" of it! So I'm making a list of things I want to look for and buy. I've found the best way to get the look and style you want is to go find pictures of it and then purchase pieces that look like the pieces in the pics. I put up some of Jessica Alba not to long ago that I'm going to be using as references in my shopping adventure! SO here's my never ending list! Can't promise myself I'll be able to get everything but I'm going to start!
1. New Jeans - I'm not quite ready for skinny cut jeans just yet, gotta lose some more weight so for now I'll stick with dark wash, boot cut jeans. Dark wash is slimming, especially for hippier people. Boot cut is sophisticated but cute. Flare leg seem a little to "youthy".
2. Cardigan - a neutral color that can be paired with jeans, slacks or dresses.
3.New undershirts - I always wear a tank top under my t-shirts and I need some new ones!
4. Shirt dresses - I want a solid colored one and maybe a plaid one for more fun! They are adorable with leggings and flats!
5. New black flats - I've got two pairs but they are starting to look worn!
6.Scarf - I have several but need a multi colored one....
7. Boots - some flat heeled, walking boots in gray maybe or black.
8. New shirts - just some cute, modern ones! Lol!
I'm pretty excited!!! Working on putting together some money and it's off shopping I go!!!! Woohoo!!!
My hubby has always been very honest with me! He always encouraged me but never did he butter me up or tell me just what I wanted to hear so when my hubby tells me something I know it's the flat out truth! And for the past couple of days he's complimented me on the weight I've lost and how much I've toned up and tightened up!!! It tickles me pink because I know it's true and I love that people are seeing my results now! It really encourages me to keep going! I'm ready to keep it up! Today is my day 70 on P90X! I'm thrilled I've made it this far and I'm thrilled that I'm going to keep it up! I can't wait to see how much more I can change my body in the next few months! I've started doing double workouts 2-3 times a week now to really try and up my weight lose results. I'm ready to be skinny and I'm working hard for it! Really watching my diet and pushing my workouts! And nothing makes me happier then getting compliments from my sweetie!!!
Growing up I watched my parents struggle financially. My mom was a stay at home mother of 5 kids and my dad was in the ministry so there was never alot of extra money. We paid bills and survived pretty much. But we never went without either. But in order to help out my parents started putting alot of stuff on credit cards. And I've watched them struggle to get out of debt now for years. And I swore that once I was out on my own and/or married I would never go into debt other then "safe debt" like purchasing a home. When I moved out of my parents home I lived with my grandparents and had a part time job while I went to school, and I never used a credit card, not once. I didn't have a lot of extra money but I had enough to take care of what I needed too. When my hubby and I got married we both decided that we never wanted to be in debt and that both of us would do whatever it took to keep us out of debt. Things have been very tight at time, literally down to our last dollar yet God has always provided for us. We've never been without! Even though we only have one car it's completely paid for, no car payment! We don't own our own home yet but we pay out rent every month. We are never behind each month. All our bills are paid on time and with cash. Quite a feat when you have a child and I don't work. I do "odd jobs" and help my parents out with stuff for their ministry to earn extra money to help out but for the most part my hubby pays for every thing with his job. He works hard, long hours and I am so proud of him. And I'm very proud of the fact that we have managed for fours years to stay out of debt. In fact, up until a few months ago we didn't even own a credit card. We do now simply because we want to build credit in order to purchase a home in the upcoming future. But we only make purchases we know we can pay off each month. It's hard sometimes when you see other people, people your age, doing things, purchasing things, going places that you can't. But at the same time I know that we don't have to worry about all the money we owe to someone else. I'd rather be patient and purchase what we want when we have the money in hand. I know that the whole idea is a novel concept to most people my age but it's a good thing! We can't expect to have everything right away, we have to earn it and work for it. That's how it used to be done. I hope and pray that we can instill that concept into Gianna. Don't get me wrong, there are days I wish I could snatch up the credit card and run out and buy clothes and jewelry and shoes and new Cd's. There are days I wish I could snatch it up and go out to eat when I don't have the money. I wish I could take it and buy Gianna's lots of cool toys and new clothes. But somehow I would just feel guilty walking around in clothes or playing with toys I knew we hadn't actually paid for...or that in the end would probably cost me double what they were. Some days I'm embarrassed to say "No, we can't...." because I know we don't have any money. Or that what money we do have is going to pay bills. But somehow I've never felt like we were really poor! We have a nice place to live, a car that runs well, clothes on our backs and food in the cabinets. It angers me to hear people say "Oh I know exactly what you mean" when I know they don't. When I see what they spend and how they spend I know they have no idea what it's like not be able to just do whatever they want, whenever they want. I'm learning so much patience, yet I think I appreciate the new things we do buy and the times we do get to go out even more then other would!!! I'm thankful we are living debt free!
Ugh. I'm in a munchy mood tonight. And I don't need to be! I screwed up today and had two small pieces of pizza for lunch at my in laws house BUT I just cut back for dinner and still managed to only go a hundred calories over today! Woohoo! But I still feel like crap that I went over at all. I've been doing so good but that took up a huge chunk my calories for the day. And it was good at the time but I've felt yucky ever since. I think there was some sausage on it and pork usually doesn't agree with me very well AT ALL! I think it messed Gigi up too because her tummy has been bothering her ever since too. But right now I'd love to have some serious chocolate! Like a huge, warm brownie topped with vanilla ice cream and some chocolate sauce! Or some Bluebell Mint Chocolate ice cream! *Sigh* but I won't do it! I am strong and this urge will pass. And once I'm on the other side of it I'll be so proud that I didn't give in! We had some ice cream here earlier but I made my brothers eat it so I wouldn't be tempted tonight. Because I knew I would be! I did pretty good at Outback the other night too - I didn't eat any bread (so hard!) and I only had a few cheese fries, let Beej eat the majority of them! And then for dinner I had a salad with no croutons and dressing on the side (it's amazing how little dressing you really need!), a 6 oz steak (SO yummy!) and as my side I got grilled pineapple! Very tasty! And water to drink! Can't go wrong with that! I could have skipped the cheese fries but I didn't eat alot of them! I'm getting better at this whole resisting thing! I really try to concentrate on how crappy I know I'll feel if I do give in. I'm tired of feeling horrible every time I give in to something I know I shouldn't have. It's a nice feeling when I resist temptation! My mother in law commented today that I was losing alot of weight! She doesn't know how hard I've been trying too! It made me feel great! It made me ready to keep going on and trying hard!!! I like the way I look and feel....and I'm excited about how much better I'm going to feel in the future! Hooray for fitness!!!
Isn't it funny how your mind can convince you of things? I swear today that looking in the mirror I had gained 5lbs! I just feel so fat and bloated today although I've eaten very well for the past few weeks and I've exercised more then ever and I fit into a pair of pants I haven't worn for over two years! And they are kinda loose on me already! I've measured and I've lost inches yet I still look in the mirror or I see pictures of myself and I still feel like I'm as fat as ever! And people can tell me all day long that I look good and look like I've lost but until I can see it in pictures and in the mirror I won't believe it! It does make me feel good when my hubby tells me I look like I've lost or changed because he's never lied to me, in fact sometimes he's brutally honest! Lol! But I love him for it and so I know he'd never tell me something that isn't true! I can't wear the "wedding" ring I've been wearing anymore, it's too big now! So I'm wearing a different one, my goal is to be able to wear my actual engagement ring and 1 yr. anniversary band. It's a size 5!!! I'm still working hard towards my goal of a size 6 jean at the end of the month but I'm also realizing it might be too big of a goal for the moment. So I'll be happy with an 8 too. Although I'm wearing some 8's now so I still don't think it's completely impossible! I really want to get something super cute to wear to the concert my hubby and I are going to at the beginning of November. It's going to be a very artsy event and I want something totally cool to wear and feel great in!!! I'm hoping it's really cool out that night so I can wear long sleeves! I don't know if I wanna go grungy, rocker, preppy or what!
And so I have made it two days without cheating once! Laugh if you want but for me that's a great start because I've had plenty of opportunities to do just that! Yesterday and today I've completed resisted the Breyer's ice cream that's in the freezer right now. And today I've resisted lots of yummy food at Taco Bell, I only ate a hard shell chicken taco! And then we went out for Mexican for dinner and chips & salsa are so my thing but guess what I ate only 5 little chips! Yup! And then I had grilled chicken and some refried beans! We then we out to a coffee shop and I resisted those delicious Mocha Frappe' I love so much and got a unsweet mint iced tea instead! And it actually was very good and very refreshing! And I didn't leave feeling guilty or yucky. I left feeling upbeat and good about myself! If I can just keep it up for the rest of the month I'll be doing pretty good I think! I went to the store today and just held up a size 6 jeans to me and I'm pretty hopeful! I think about 2 or 3 more inches off my hips and I'll be there!!! Woohoo!!! I'm feeling pretty good! I've decided to add Cardio X at least twice a week to my workouts already. It'll be an extra 1000 calories burned each week and that's a good thing. I think my metabolism is definantly kicking up, I sweat like crazy when I work out and I feel alot hotter when I'm just resting too which is a good sign. Or so I'm told! My size 7 ring is practically falling off of me now! I'm really excited! I haven't been able to wear my actual engagement ring and wedding band since I got pregnant....it's a 5!!! Lol!
Gianna is driving me nuts lately, especially in the evenings. It's like she get so wild and she does everything to annoy me and aggravate me. I really try to be patient but she just keeps at it until I'm beyond frustrated. I usually let her stay up late with me when Beej is gone but tonight she went to be right at 9pm because she would stop hitting my computer. The potty training is becoming worse and worse. When I put underwear on her now she just pees in it, it's like she doesn't even try to get to the potty. I'm so annoyed with the whole thing. I feel like just putting her back in diapers again. I'm not even sure how to help her get it. She was doing SO good for awhile. I guess I just need to stay home for 3 days straight again and put her on the potty every 20 minutes or so.....maybe she'll get it then.
So I've been trying to decide whether or not to put up my "before" pictures or not. I finally decided that it would be good for me. I need to get over myself, I want people to see the changes that are happening. Very slowly but surely. I haven't seen a ton of changes just yet but I can see a difference and I know I've lost inches so I'm inspired to keep going. I want the Before and After pictures to be seriously different at the end of this! Well, there will be no end really, I want to make this a lifestyle not a phase. I'm hoping my Day 90 and my Day 120 pictures will be amazing! Don't laugh to hard or throw up on your keyboard when you look at these. I'm so embarrassed I've let myself get this far but I have and I admit it and I'm also trying my HARDEST to change that right now. I'm not doing a little pansy "workout" for 30 minutes. I'm sweating my face off for an hour to an hour and a half 6 days a week! I'm still working on my diet but I'm doing so much better then I was!!!! I hope that farther down the road I can be an inspiration to those around me.....This is very humbling for me but hey, pride goes before a fall. Maybe this will inspire me even more!!! Lol!
( I would love to look like this! Love her hair color and love her outfit!!! Smokin'!!!)
Another day! My weekend was crazy! We spent Saturday up at the Fall Festival downtown, hanging out with our besties. It was hotter then I expected it to be but fun! Then we watched Alabama football and packed up for our late night trip to Alabama. We drove all night and got in around 2:30am. Spent Sunday running around going to various churches and meetings. And then drove to Knoxville, got in around 2:00am. Drove the rest of the way home Monday! It was exhausting and practically pointless now that I think about it. Beej was off yesterday, it was so nice to have him home in the evening. He watched football and read while I caught up on CSI and The Vampire Diaries online. Thank God for internet! I am totally loving The Vampire Diaries, no they will NEVER hold a candle to Twilight but it's still pretty good! They even made a jab at Twilight last night! Shame!
So I did my Day 30 and Day 60 photo comparison and although I can see "some" differences it's not what I was hoping for. So I'm buckling down and sticking to my diet like glue this month and try to get off at least another 5lbs. I am planning to go shopping for new jeans and some new Fall clothes at the end of the month and I'd be really happy if I was fitting into a size 6 pants by then! I'll be thrilled! I'm really excited and motivated to do it. I'm still working out hard, even planning to through a few extra cardio workouts in too. I just don't understand how all these super skinny people do it. I see celebs eating all the time and I know they workout but I feel like I'm working out like crazy and not seeing the results I want. This is serious hard work! Maybe my expectations are too high, JUST KIDDING!!! I know it's going to take awhile to get exactly where I want to be but I'm willing to do my best to get there. I'm tired of be fat and frumpy, this county is wearing off on me too much and I hate it. I used to be stylish and now I got to Wal Mart in God knows what! Gianna has started talking like a hick now, that in its self makes me wanna move somewhere else!
