Sometimes we have to say goodbye

Today was a sad day for me. After much thinking and talking about it I finally took one of my cats to the shelter. We had two, Gandalf and Esme'. We've had Gandalf since my hubby and I got married four years ago. He's a great cat, easy going and laid back. He's pretty old too so he's not hyper or super active which is great since we live in a small apartment. But I was at the vet about 8 months ago and saw a beautiful black and white female. She was fixed and declawed and seemed so sweet! I just had to rescue her so against my hubby's advice I got her. It took awhile for her and Gandalf to get along. Gandalf likes his space and she was all up in it! But they finally settled down and I thought everything would be fine. But I soon realized that she was super hyper. Tears around the house like a mad cat. She was very moody - some days you could pet her and love on her and then other days she'd bite you! She made the biggest mess when she ate, knocking cat food all over the bathroom floor. Then she decided that instead of climbing at the side of the blinds onto the window seal she would just tear a giant hole in the blinds. So now two of my blinds have big holes in them. Ugh. And then after we'd all get in bed she's start wondering around meowing. I tend to adapt the things better then my hubby does and she really got on his nerves. He endured it for 8 months but I knew he hated her. And then I realized that come Christmas time she'd be tearing down my Christmas tree and garland and the presents and I would end up being so frustrated. But I still didn't want to take her to the shelter but no one else wanted her. I still feel so sick to my stomach thinking about her being at that shelter in a cage. I could just cry all over again. After I left her there I got in the car and Gianna started crying and saying "Where is my Esme'?" I just broke down and sobbed for like 10 minutes. I feel so guilty. She trusted me and loved me, I had rescued her and then just threw her back. It makes me feel like a horrible person. I pray to God someone adopts her and loves her. I really did but this is what I had to do for now. I don't think we'll be getting anymore pets anytime in the up and coming future. We'll stick with Gandalf til we have more room. I just hope Gandalf won't be lonely without her.....the house will seem so quiet without her tearing around and trying to get out the door every time we open it. Good bye, Esme' - I'm truly sorry.