Discouraged

It's been one of those days, one of those days where I just feel pretty discouraged about myself. I got up and my hair looked crappy so it ended up in a crappy looking ponytail. Plus it was raining so my bangs curled up and looked silly and frizzy. I put on my one pair of "cute" jeans, that I've had for years now and are starting to kinda look saggy and worn. And then had to decide between the four shirts I own that fit. Ugh. I haven't had new clothes in years. Seriously. I've bought a new shirt here and there or whatever by my wardrobe is so outdated it's ridiculous. Left my house feeling horrible. So I've been working out like crazy and attempting to watch what I eat (I mess up alot!) and I thought I had lost about 8lbs which I was thrilled with! Got to the dr. and asked them to weigh me since I haven't weighed on a real scale in a while. Lo and behold, it says I weight 10lbs MORE then I thought! I was nearly in tears. How can two different scales weight my daughter exactly the same but then weight me 10lbs difference?!!!! I was SO discouraged. So discouraged. Then I went out to dinner and ate crap. Why in the world do I do that? When I feel crappy about myself I end up eating worse then I do when I feel good. UGH!!!! So anyway, I came home and threw in an extra cardio workout hoping it'll burn off that nasty Mexican dinner I ate. Gag. So now I'm sitting here all sweaty, wondering how in the world I can really stick to my diet and make myself lose weight. I just wanna LOSE WEIGHT!!!!! *SCREAM*!!! Why is this such a hard task? I feel like I'm working harder then I have in years and yet I don't feel like I'm making alot of progress. Anyway, I just needed to vent! I'm sure my perspective will be better tomorrow!!!

Photos of Gianna

Imagination

Isn't it amazing what your kids "introduce" you too?!!! I think of some of the things I find fun or funny now all because Gianna does. I never, ever watched Spongebob, in fact, I wasn't allowed to. My mother to this day finds it an "inappropriate" cartoon. But for some reason I let Gianna watch it one day, I think it was because there was nothing else on and I just needed her to settle down for a bit. And she loved it! Soon she was asking for it, she always calls him "G-Bob Pants"! After awhile I started watching just to make sure it was too crude or anything and I actually starting liking it too! It's funny, silly and just a plain ole good time! There are times when a episode will get on my nerves but I found it's more my attitude and my own uptightness. Not good ole, bright and sunny Spongebob. I grew up in a home where things were pretty uptight most of the time. And I try so hard to fight that in my own life. Am I winning? I don't know, but I just keep trying! Not to mention, it puts a smile on my daughters face, and that is worth more to me then anything else!
Gianna also introduced me to McDonald's. Had I been there before her? Of course I had but I'd never really seen it through the eyes of my two year old. To her McD's is a wonderful place, a fun place! They have chicken nuggets, you drink soda, you get a toy with your meal, they have a place to run around and play and best of all you eat outside!!! She sees those golden arches now and jumps for joy!!! I get so much pleasure out of taking her there and buying her a Happy Meal, fairly inexpensive yet priceless to my sweet girl!!!!
How I love her!!!!

New Hairstyle?

I like the "blonde one's" cut! Maybe I should just keep it that length and put a red streak in it and call it a day! Lol!!! Long hair is sexier on me I think....
This is super cute, but with red instead! But that's alot of flat ironing for me!

I love this one but it's WAY extreme and I'm not sure I could manage fixing it everyday and keeping the color up!

So I've been wanting to put some red in my hair for awhile. I miss my hair being different colors all the time. It was so much easier when I was in school and then working at a salon. I could get my hair done anytime by any stylist for practically free! Now that it comes out of my own pocket, full price I haven't had a good cut or cool color in years. I'm so bored with my hair! Grrrr! So I've been thinking about doing something totally extreme but I'm scared to at the same time! It has taken me so long to grow my hair out and the thought of not being able to put it in a pony tail kinda scares me! Lol! My hubby all but told me he doesn't like my hair today! He "gently suggested" that I get a new cut, something edgy!!! It just takes so much money and alot of time. And the keep up, ugh!!! But I'm tired of feeling old and frumpy! I have a few more months to decide! When it's long I want it short but when it's short I miss it being long. But the in between thing isn't for me either, I tried it! Here are a few of my "ideas", extreme and not! Lol!

"Angel Baby"

I wouldn't call this a song, at least not yet! It's just an idea, an inspiration. I look at my own daughter and I look at my best friend's beautiful children and nothing could truly capture them in words. But these are a few things I think of when I look into their eyes or see a smile light up their face

-ANGEL BABY- by: Alaythea

Say hello, angel baby
Let the world see your happy face!
You eyes search a face until you
know they are innocent.
A heart that see the aura of life
A soul who's wings are still white.
You make your way down a rocky path
with grace, on feet light as air.

Say hello, angel baby
Let the world see your tender hands
Yet to know the pull of hate
A mind that's open to capture
everything right, everything wrong.

Say hello, angel baby
Let the world see the blush of your mouth
Lips that hold back a tongue eager to speak
An instrument that sings your thoughts......

Day To Day

We had a great Labor Day weekend! Spent the day up in the mountains, Hendersonville and Asheville. We visited downtown Hendo for what was left of the Apple Festival. Not alot going on but we had fun hanging out with some of my family and one of my best friends and her hubby and son! I thank God every day for my friends! I think I went so long without friends that now having a few that are so close and so dear to me really means alot now. Friends, especially good ones, are hard to come by these days! We also went on up to downtown Asheville. That place is so neat yet so weird at the same time! We always run into at least one crazy person while we're there! This time the some man wanted a dollar to get his wife to a job interview. When we refused to give him a dollar he told us to look around for her, "she's wearing a purple da-shiki and she's ugly...." I don't know what a da-shiki is and poor woman!!! We got a good laugh out of it though! Later that evening we all went out to my parents house and enjoyed delicious, juicy burgers wrapped in bacon, home made fries and desert! Yes, Tony Horton would have been so disappointed in my Monday! But I couldn't have asked for a better day! Gianna was a little angel and our friend's son is just perfect! He doesn't like his stroller but other then that he was quiet as a mouse and happy as can be!
My hubby and I are now on Day 37 of P90X! Oh yeah, that's right, I've been working our 6 days a week for almost 40 days! I never cease to amaze myself! Haha! I'm pleased with the results I'm seeing and I'm eager to see the changes that come in the next 53 days! But I'm not done there, I've already decided to go on for Round 2 of P90X and from there who knows! I don't want to stop what I've started now. Other might not be able to see my "results" just yet but I can see positive changes already! My muscle tone is amazing, my legs muscles are getting defined, my arms are firmer then they have been in years and my back is even starting to define! Woohoo! I've lost a few pounds but I know I've gained several pounds in muscle too. I'm working hard on the diet, weekends are so hard for me though. I do great all week - keeping my diet to 1200-1500 (MAX!) calories, keeping to good carbs, etc. But then come the weekend we go out with family and friends and I totally lose it! Ugh! But at least I know I'm not "splurging" or "binging" all week long now. And I know with working out as hard as I am I'm not gaining anymore! Can't wait to post before and after pics and feel good about them!
Beej finished recording his second song today that he plans to put on his EP which is due out in October. I'm so pleased with his work! Very experimental and different for him. He's trying different things with his vocals and experimenting with new sounds. Tonight he was drumming on his desk chair, put it in the song and it was awesome! A very "crisp" drum sound! He's putting so much effort into it and I know it's going to take him places.
I have another song I'm ready to record. But I'm eager to write something new. I keep a "journal" of song ideas and lyrics. But I just can't seem to complete anything. I'm sorta stumped! Writer's block or something.

Not much blogging....

Two reasons I haven't blogged much lately. Number one - not alot has happened or changed that I want to share right now. And number two - my computer has a virus and sometimes just shuts down on it's own. So I've had several super long blogs I've been writing and right towards the end it'll just shut down and I lose the whole thing! So frustrating!
I'm still going strong with P90X! We made it through the first 30 days without missing one workout and sticking to the diet fairly well. I actually gained several pounds the first month but I know it was all muscle! I'm seeing muscle definition in my arms and legs like crazy and even some in my back (which I've NEVER had!). Two days into the second month and I've already lost 3 1/2 pounds! I am beyond thrilled! I feel like I'm looking "tighter" now. I'm eager to see how much I can lose this month. I'm sticking to the diet much closer lately. I feel good! Drinking tons of water and trying to keep my calories and carbs down. It's so much harder then you think! I've even thrown a few extra cardio workouts in. And for those of you who know anything about P90X, well that's a serious thing! Lol! But I'm eager to see transformation and see what my body can do! But for now I'm going to run, I need a healthy snack and ice cold watermelon is calling my name! I promise to blog more soon!