Fireflies

(I LOVE this song by Owl City! It makes me happy everytime I hear it!)

You would not believe your eyes
If ten million fireflies
Lit up the world as I fell asleep
'Cause they'd fill the open air
And leave teardrops everywhere
You'd think me rude But I would just stand and stare

I'd like to make myself believe
That planet Earth turns slowly
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay Awake when I'm asleep
'Cause everything is never as it seems

'Cause I'd get a thousand hugs
From ten thousand lightning bugs
As they tried to teach me how to dance
A foxtrot above my head
A sock hop beneath my bed
A disco ball is just hanging by a thread

I'd like to make myself believe
That planet Earth turns slowly
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay Awake when I'm asleep
'Cause everything is never as it seems

When I fall asleep
Leave my door open just a crack (Please take me away from here)
'Cause I feel like such an insomniac (Please take me away from here)
Why do I tire of counting sheep (Please take me away from here)
When I'm far too tired to fall asleep

To ten million fireflies I'm weird 'cause I hate goodbyes
I got misty eyes as they said farewell
But I'll know where several are If my dreams get real bizarre
'Cause I saved a few and I keep them in a jar

I'd like to make myself believe
That planet Earth turns slowly
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay Awake when I'm asleep
'Cause everything is never as it seems
When I fall asleep I'd like to make myself believe
That planet Earth turns slowly
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay Awake when I'm asleep
'Cause everything is never as it seems
When I fall asleep I'd like to make myself believe
That planet earth turns slowly
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay Awake when I'm asleep
Because my dreams are bursting at the seams

In That Place....Again!

Once again I've found myself in "that" place. Ya know, the one where you really thought you had made the right decision - you believed that people would some how be different from who they were before?! Yeah, well, I do believe people can change but only if they understand they have faults and truly want to change. Most people live in their own little fantasy world of believing, somehow, that they are always right. And time and time again they wonder why they have no friends, no one they can truly count on. Have you ever stop to think maybe YOU are the problem and not everyone else?! Maybe YOU expect too much from people and can't accept that people are just human and will mess up. Thankfully we have a God who knows about true forgiveness, letting go and pretending it never happened. Not holding it against us to throw up in our faces when we mess up again. I laugh when people tell me they are a good person or that they try their best to be like God. I laugh because most of the time people who have to tell you are still trying to convince themselves. Sometimes I'll post things on my FB or here on my blog - ideas or questions I have. Sometimes it might be about someone I know but often more then not it's just an idea, something I'm wondering about, something I read that sparked a question or a situation I know someone else is in. I post these things and it's amazing how many people JUMP on them!!! This is my thing - if I post something like this for example - "I just don't understand why some people feel like they have to lie to make themselves look better...." And then someone will automatically jump on that and I'll get a message that says "Are you talking about me?" Why would any one assume that something negative like that is about them UNLESS they know they are like that!!!! So when people jump on everything I say I know that they are probably struggling with that issue in their lives. Basically, it's funny to see how quickly people will rat themselves out to you unintentionally! It amazes me how quickly people will turn on you - people who have claimed to be your friend, to love you to death, to enjoy being with you. And then when you do something that pisses them off - holy cow! Suddenly they've always hated everything about you, you've never been a good person, etc., etc. And don't get me wrong, when someone turns on my I suddenly see much clearer all the things that have bugged me about them all along, things that I overlooked at put up with because I loved them or cared about them. If Beej ever turned on me (which that would NEVER happen, just using it as an example) I would probably be able to pick out flaws and frustration much easier then I do now. Because I choose to over look them or forgive them when they do come up because the things I love about him over shadow those things.
I'm still learning how to be a good friend, I try hard but I do mess up, but sometimes it's the people you are trying to befriend that cause you to mess up! I can only be patient, understanding and hold my tongue for so long. After awhile you are just asking for it!!!
So here's to learning to be a friend, a true friend, a loyal friend. Someone that can be counted on, one that is willing to learn and grow with you, someone who is willing to forgive and overlook mistakes and work towards a happy medium. Someone who can enjoy the parts of you that are fun, caring and a plain good ole time!!!!

Announcing....Rebel Photos!!!

So I'm very proud to announce that my sister has really taken to photography after many years of us pushing her to explore it, she was so good at it with a crappy camera we knew if she ever got a really good camera she's be unstoppable! And so she has become! She got a really nice, expensive camera for her birthday this year and the photographs she has taken already are amazing! She's not into super posy, traditional style photography which is so refreshing. I get so tired of the same ole pose here, pose there kinda stuff. And I'm not big into indoor studio stuff either. I've had Gianna's taken in a studio a few times and they are cute but they just don't have the same "feeling" as candid photo shoots do. I actually had some taken of Gianna for Valentine's Day in a home "studio" by someone and a few of them turned out cute but are really over posed and straight laced for me, so I'll probably post a few that I liked and just get rid of the rest. Gianna is so cute that there isn't a lot you can do to take away from that! But I just love the shots that my sister has taken of Gianna, very candid and she has captured of many of her cute, silly and "mean" faces and I love that! Because most of the time Gianna doesn't have a fake "cheese" plastered on her face, nor is she just sitting still with her hands folded in her lap! Lol! I like to try and have someone capture who she is everyday!
So check out my sister's stuff, she's just getting started but I have a feeling in a few years she's really have taken off - check her out at rebelphotosphotography.blogspot.com . Believe you me, she is the BEST around here and you won't find better! She is still setting "prices" and doing a lot just for the experience so now is a great time to catch her!

Independence and Dependence.....

Let me explain, I love my husband beyond words! He is so dear to me, I couldn't ask for a better husband. He has his faults and neither of us pretend he doesn't. Neither of us pretend I don't have flaws either. I think it's foolish of people, especially in a marriage or relationship, to always pretend to turn a blind eye to any faults. As if admitting to faults will make it seem they aren't happy together. I'm superbly happy with my husband, we have great times together, we like to hang out and talk, watch movies, listen to great music, discuss life, enjoy our daughter, take trips, read books together and go to concerts! He's a hard working, accomplished, talented, fun guy! But he does stuff that gets on my last nerve, I do stuff that gets on his last nerve and we NEED time apart! It helps us appreciate each other when we are together even more. I get tired of people who pretend they never, ever need a break from their spouse or child. As though admitting to that would make them a bad person or a bad parent. It's ok to need time for yourself, it's ok for your spouse to be your best friend - mine is, he's one of my best friends. I tell him most everything but I can't say I don't need a good, true girl friend in life. Someone who shares my up's and down's as a wife and a mother. Someone who realizes she has crappy days too and just needs a break from it all! Gianna is more precious to me then anything, I'd do anything for her. But the truth of the matter is some days she gets on my nerves, she does things that make me crazy. But instead of pretending I've got it all together, I admit, hey, I need some time to myself and I allow someone to give me that time whether it's my husband, my mother or my mother in law. I will admit that I have been let down time and time again by people but I refuse to truly give in to believing that every one is bad except those I "choose" to believe are perfect in my eyes. People think that just because someone never points out their mistakes or short comings that it means they must think they are perfect! Not so, it probably means they just aren't brave enough to speak up about it! Beej and I often, in a good natured way, tell each other the top 5 things that bug us about each other! We usually have a good laugh about it, but I want to know because a lot of times it's things I could change and I don't want to make him unhappy. For instance, I know that leaving my shoes laying around in various places bugs Beej to death, he's told over and over, I try to remember to pick them up but sometimes I don't. He doesn't make a huge deal about it but I know! Most of the time people who don't want to see any good in anyone or can't is because they choose not to. They choose to believe the little world they have created for themselves is perfect and that's all they need. We need trials and frustrations to teach us things. So many times the same trial or issue keeps coming up probably because we aren't fixing what needs to be fixed the first time....I know that some of the issues I've had with people over the years haven't all been their fault, some of them have been mine and some of them have been theirs and some of it hasn't really been a true problem at all, it was just something that wasn't meant to be. You can't make a big deal out of everything, I over react a lot but I try to be quick to admit to that....I admit I need my husband and child. They are very dear to me, but I know they do not make up all of who I am. There is more to me then just being a wife to Beej or a mother to Gianna. And I am tired of people trying to make me feel guilty for that. I am still learning about what makes up ALL of me. I need time away from them for myself - I need shopping trips out where I don't think about what they are doing or where they are or when I'll be back to see them, I need fun movie nights with my "girls" to fantasize about life in a alternate reality! It's all good for me....and I admit I NEED friends, good, true, loyal friends! People who don't make me feel like everything I say is being over analyzed to MAKE it into something! I need a friend that I can relax and be myself with! Someone who isn't worried about what could go wrong or just waiting to see when I'll screw up as a friend and "let them down". Everyone will let you down at some point but the point is you love them in spite of that, you move past it because you do love them. You don't assume that because you had one issue or one falling out that you have been permanently let down. Not everything is about me, and I know that, not every problem is created by me...Most of the time we all need to stop thinking that everyone's else world revolves around us and what we think. Because truth be told non of us are that important!!! Lol!

Reality Check.

So have you ever been through something and forever blamed the other person or some other factor as the cause? If they had done this differently or if they hadn't said that, etc. Or if this hadn't happened I wouldn't be here? And then suddenly one day you realize that it's been your fault all along. That it was how you handled what was said or done that caused all the issues in the first place? I hate being wrong and I hate admitting I did something wrong. It makes me feel stupid and small. But I also know that if I deny the fact that I mess up (quite often) that I'm only lying to myself. And there isn't anything I dislike more then lying. I'd rather you just 'fess up and be straight up honest and possibly hurt my feelings that way then for my feelings to be hurt by knowing you lied to me. Because if and when (and mostly likely I will find out at some point!) I find out you lied to me, even over something small, I won't ever trust a word that comes out of your mouth again. Period. I won't hate you, I won't pretend you don't exist but don't expect me to believe anything you tell me! And I'm fine with that if you are! Lol! But here is the thing, it's recently come to my attention that I handled something that happened a while ago terribly wrong. I jumped to conclusions and defended the wrong person. In the end not only was I hurt but that person was left wounded as well. And there is no excuse for my behavior except that I was just being selfish and that selfish caused me to react foolishly. It's so hard to trust someone again, whom you've trusted wholeheartedly, after they have left you down so quickly and so hard. I believed a lie and somehow that lie overshadowed the truth I had known so clearly for so long. I have alot of mending to do....will it ever be done? I don't know yet but I'm going to do my best. Someone who never deserved what I did to them now has distrust towards me that I totally earned. And that hurts me. I know how many times I've been hurt, how many times people who I trusted whole heartedly let me down. And knowing I've done that to someone really makes my heart ache. I am still praying that someone this person will forgive me and allow me to prove myself again as the good friend I know I am and can be. Perhaps this taught me the biggest lesson ever.....I'm not sure I've ever been here. Realizing that I'm the one who messed up, the one who started something, the one who messed up BIG time!!! Hopefully the end of this situation will see restoration and wholeness.

Soon We'll Be Found....

"Soon We'll Be Found" Come along it is the break of day Surely now, you'll have some things to say It's not the time for telling tales on me So come along, it wont be long 'Til we return happy Shut your eyes, there are no lies In this world we call sleep Let's desert this day of hurt Tomorrow we'll be free Let's not fight I'm tired can't we just sleep tonight Don't Turn away it's just there's nothing left here to say Turn around I know we're lost but soon we'll be found Well it's been rough but we'll be just fine Work it out yeah we'll survive You mustn't let a few bad times dictate So come along, it wont be long 'Til we return happy Shut your eyes, there are no lies In this world we call sleep Let's desert this day of work Tomorrow we'll be free Let's not fight I'm tired can't we just sleep tonight Don't turn away it's just there's nothing left here to say Turn around I know we're lost but soon we'll be found

Swimsuit Season!

(Oldnavy.com)
(For Gianna - Target.com)
(Wal-mart.com)
(Target.com)
(Target.com)
So, for the very first time is YEARS I am actually looking forward to summer and swim suit season! I plan to be at least 10-15lbs lighter by the time like April rolls around anyway....so I've been checking out swim suits online for me and Gianna. I'm really looking forward to a swim suit shopping day! I'm still not giving up completely on our beach trip and I want to have some super cute bathing suits to take if we do go! I have one problems with having multiple bathing suits though, I hate the various tan lines you get! Lol! But I'll live I'm sure! I haven't gone a bought a swim suit in literally years. I usually just borrow one here or there from my Mom or sister. Mainly because I didn't want to waste the money buying something I hated on me anyway! And of course dressing Gianna up in swim suits is so fun! She's adorable in anything! I'm going to have to save up again and go on a summer shopping trip because I pretty much don't have any summer clothes now. All mine from last year are too big and out of style anyway. Guess I better get to saving! Lol!

How My Heart Feels.....

......sometimes my heart feels disappointed. Sometimes it feels overwhelmed. Sometimes it questions why. Sometimes it feels like life isn't fair. Sometimes it feels embarrassed. Sometimes it feels like hiding away. When Gianna was younger we had no trouble providing or giving to her what she needed, even wanted most of the time. We were, and still are, extremely blessed. We have a great home, Beej and I have a wonderful marriage, a beautiful daughter, Beej has a great job, we have a car that is still going strong, family for the most part, friends, etc. But even in the midst of all my blessings sometimes my selfish side rears up. I feel embarrassed that I feel the way I do but plain and simple, I feel it. And sometimes the best way for me to get over something is to just get it out there in the open. Even though Beej has been continually blessed at his job and has been promoted and give raises repeatedly things are still sometimes a bit tight. Don't get me wrong, we have a good time, we go out to eat a good bit, we buy things that we want sometimes, we pay all our bills on time, etc. But sometimes it's the extra, BIG things that we aren't able to do that bother me. Well, I take that back, it doesn't even bother me nor do I hardly think about it until it's in my face how much MORE someone else is doing for their children. Then it hurts me SO much that I can't do the same for Gianna. One of the MANY reason I didn't want any more children....I don't think Beej and I will always been in this financial situation, in fact, I know we won't be but for the moment we do our best to provide for one child and I don't want to split that in half. Gianna is happy, she is blessed but I don't want her to one day say "I never got to.....as a child." And that makes my heart ache. I see all the things people are doing and taking there kids too. All the trips, shows, and places. I'm trying desperately to figure out how we could possibly make it to the beach this summer. Gianna has never been really and Beej and I haven't been since we've been together. We like to travel it's just really expensive. We usually travel a good bit at Christmas and even though it's fun it's not really a family vacation, we usually make a trip or two to Savannah, GA because Beej has family there. We are going in Feb to see them and go to a Mute Math concert and I'm very excited! Pleased that we can do it. But I'm talking more about things for Gianna. The circus is coming near us soon and I know Gianna would have loved it but it just wasn't something I could swing at the moment. Mainly it's the beach trip, I want so bad to take her and yet I fear once again that's going to slip through the cracks while others are taking multiple trips. How can people afford it? We budget well, we are very responsible with our money but we are only on one income. I know others who are on one income, who don't make THAT much more then Beej yet they are always going. I'm happy for them, glad they get to go, but honestly, my heart is jealous. Mainly jealous for my baby, because I feel like already I'm failing her. I feel like I'm not giving her everything she deserves, not giving her all the experiences in life that others will have and get. And I don't want her to feel left out. It angers me when others who are NO where near our position in life pretend to understand where I'm at and what I'm feeling. "Yeah, we know what it's like to be tight too" or "We are on such a tight budget too". I wanna laugh in their faces because they have NO idea! Today my heart feels....jealous, angry, frustrated, torn, sad and small.

Resting and Measuring!

(Moe's Joey Bag on Donuts burrito on a whole grain tortilla with NO sour cream)
(Roast Beef pita)
(Chicken and rice bowl)
Yesterday was my rest day for the week. My normal rest day will be Sunday but this week I knew I'd be gone on Monday from 6am til 6pm and wouldn't be able to get it in so I did Monday's work out Sunday and rested yesterday and it was nice! Lol! I spent the day with my hubby at work. He drives a delivery truck for a bottled water company and I rode around Hendersonville, Asheville and Greer with him while he made his deliveries. It was actually pretty fun and relaxing. Just hanging out and talking - while he went in at different places I sat in the truck and read - finished up my book 'Servants of Twilight' by Dean Koontz and started 'Darkfall' by Koontz. There was one delivery I couldn't go to with him because it's a restricted, security area only he is cleared for so he dropped me off at the local Goodwill and I picked up some summer clothes for Gianna. I'm slowly trying to build up her summer clothes collection! I've found alot of cute skirts and found shirts to go with them, a couple of pairs of shoes and some pants that are more for now then later. She seems to have hit a growth spurt lately in the height department and all her pants are flooding and that's one of my biggest pet peeves!
While we were out we stopped for lunch at Moe's. I had never been but I knew that for the most part I could get everything in a burrito that I could eat - chicken, beans, lettuce, a little cheese and some rice. They make HUGE burrito's! I only ate about a 1/3 of it because I wasn't sure what the calories were for one of those huge things! I sent a text to Cha-Cha after the meal (should have done it before) and they said that the Joey Bag of Donuts burrito, which is what I had (see the yummy pic above minus the sour cream!) has 665 calories in it. So I had another 1/3 for dinner and Beej ate the rest! lol! I ate breakfast before I left (bran cereal and banana with skim milk and a little honey) and then packed a cooler with two "meals" with consisted of two different bars - one a nutrition bar I had with some cottage cheese and then another higher calorie protein bar and a low fat mozzerella string cheese. By the time I got home last night and ate dinner I was still way behind on my calories so I had a snack and called it a day at less then 1600 calories! Not bad!
The other night I made an absolutely delicious dinner - wheat pita filled with a little low fat cheese, some roast beef and then stuffed with lettuce, tomato and avaocado along with pickle and a few strawberries! It was SO good! I'm also posting a picture of the chicken and rice bowl I made the other night too, it was really yummy as well. Going to try my hand at turkey burgers sometime this week!
Took my measurements today - I'm going to take them every week although I don't really expect there to be huge differences each week I still want to keep up with them especially since the only judge I have to if I'm losing weight is measurements and how my clothes fit, I don't own a scale and that's probably a good thing! Overall I've lost about 4 inches all over my body and I'm fairly pleased with that! If I can just keep it up my waist will be what I want before you know it! I'm having a hard time changing the numbers around my hips though, hopefully that will come soon because they need to change and have plenty of room to change! Lol!

Still Rockin' and Rollin'!

I'm still at it! And still going strong with my exercise and diet plan. I know, it's been less then a week but keeping up with this food plan can be exhausting! I can't go out alot because most of this food has to be cooked. But if I have to stay home more during the day for the next two months so that I'll be in a size 4 by the end of March it will be totally worth it!
I'm getting most of my water in, most days I get it all in but some days I'm lacking a glass! But it's miles ahead of where I was a week ago, when I barely drank a full glass of liquid a day. Overall I can say I feel more energized during the day but I'm tired by like 10pm! But my workout's burn approx. 1000 calories during a workout, I take a few more breaks so I'd say I burn at least 800! Lol! And I'm only eating about 1500-1700 a day. I've tried out a few new recipes for dinner the past night or two. Trying to make it tasty enough that Gianna and sometimes Beej will eat it! Last night was Chicken Meatball spaghetti. I've got to work that better where I don't use as many calories though because it went WAY over my calories yesterday! Tonight I made a "chinese" inspired Rice and Chicken bowl. Brown rice, chicken, fresh garlic, a little soy sauce, corn, peas and carrots. And it ended up being pretty yummy. Gianna picked the chicken and corn out of course! But even Beej liked it and ate a bowl! So I was pretty pleased! Not to mention it was very filling and actually a good bit of food for less then 400 calories! I'm going to try turkey burgers later this week.
Mixed it up a bit today and instead of my much loved egg wrap I had a protein bar and cottage cheese (Meal #2), I had bran flake cereal for breakfast minus the banana because I was out (it's amazing how many calories are taken out when you use skim milk instead of even 1%!), And lunch today I had a turkey pita with veggies and an orange, I still had my traditional half PB&J for Meal #4, I feel like I'm splurging a little with it and it's so yummy! But since I had cottage cheese earlier I substituted and had some low fat mozzarella string cheese! Overall it's been a good day!
Work out was great, kept up pretty well. Still having to an a occasional quick break here and there but I've found that now that I know what's expected or coming up I can push a little harder but there are some moves that just push me really hard and I just can't do them all but I work my butt off for sure!!! Lol!
Getting up early to do my Monday work out tomorrow because I'll be gone with Beej from about 6:30am til about 6pm on Monday and won't have time to get it in. I don't wanna skip it so I'm just changing up the days!

Chicken Meatballs

So my chicken meatballs were pretty yummy! I did spice them up a bit because a plain meatball is no fun, but no extra fat or anything.
Here is the recipe -

For every 4 ounces of ground chicken add to it 1 egg white (only) and 1 Tbsp of seasoned or unseasoned whole wheat bread crumbs. Form into balls and place on a greased (with olive oil) baking sheets. Bake at 375 degrees for 15-20 mins. Serve with marinara sauce and whole wheat pasta!

Tomorrow I'm going to make a chicken and brown rice bowl for dinner! Kinda looking forward to it!!! Still had a hard time with the green beans though. They are just nasty no matter how I cook them. I just gag everytime I have to chew and swallow them. I think I'd rather just eat steamed broccoli every night! No joke! Happy healthy eating, everyone!

Birthday Ideas....

I have SO many ideas for Gi's 3rd birthday! I love celebrating her birthday! So far the two parties we've had for her have been a lot of fun for everyone and I always serve good food! Lol! This year we are doing a Fiesta/Dora the Explorer theme. Serving tacos and burritos, having a pinata'! She is so excited about it, it can't come soon enough for her! I've been trying to decide what I want her to wear - I knew I wanted to get her some red rain boots to wear that were like the ones Dora's friend Boots wear! They will be adorable! We've bought some of the party stuff already, decorations, plates, invitations, etc. We picked out her cake too - it's adorable and I can't wait! It's going to be so much fun! I put up pics of it and of the outfit I want her to wear! But we'll see, it'll probably change before then!

Falling Behind....

So I've fallen behind on keeping up with my food blog for the week. I haven't cheated, not once! That's not why I haven't blogged. Honestly I've just been kinda busy and lazy about taking and posting the pics. Plus, I've been eating about the same stuff as I've posted before with a few exceptions here and there. I went out to dinner last night with my bestie, and I did well again. I got a small 6 oz. sirloin, and sides of broccoli and plain baked potato again. I didn't eat much of the broccoli because it was in a butter sauce and I'm not supposed to have butter. I only at part of the baked potato, it's amazing how yummy a plain potato can be and the steak was really tender and juicy. It's amazing though how easy it is to fall into an old habit. The other night when we were out to eat I found myself several times reaching for a fry off Gi's plate and today she got a happy meal and I found myself going to grab a fry or two out of her bag. Had to stop myself short. It wasn't that I was even hungry or really even wanted it, it was just a habit to do it.
I'm trying a new recipe tonight for dinner, I'm making chicken meatballs! I hope they turn out yummy. Serving it with marinara sauce and whole wheat pasta and sauteed green beans. I hate green beans so that's going to be hard for me but I'm hoping that sautee'ing them in a little olive oil and garlic will help me like them better. But we'll see....tomorrow night I'm going to try a Brown Rice bowl - brown rice, chicken, peas and carrots. A little low sodium soy sauce just for taste and it will be scrumptous! I'm planning to pick of a few items I don't have at home to help change some meals up next week. I usually buy enough stuff for the week and I just make sure I have enough stuff to make certain meals for the week. I'm not one of those that has to eat something different every day. I can eat the same thing for breakfast for a week and as long as it's something I like I'm fine with it!
My work out was hard today....yesterday we did a recovery workout. Alot of stretching, but difficult stretching! And then lots of slow lunges, squats and dips! I was sweating like crazy! So today I knew they would really pump it up for us and I was right! Today was pure cardio, non stop running, jumping, squatting, lunging and push ups! Whew! I have NEVER sweated so much, it was like a waterfall down my face! But I struggled to do some of the moves today, it was like I just couldn't summon the strength to actually do them! But I did my best....I'm having some issues with the arches in my feet though. Even with good, new shoes I'm still getting pain in them. I'm thinking I might need to go get some sort of gel insoles for my shoes to see if that helps.
Well, that wraps up today pretty much! I'll try and post pics of dinner, if it turns out good! Lol! Dinner is the only time I like a little change and I'm in the mood for spaghetti so I'm hoping this even healthier version will be good!!!

Just Taking It One Step At A Time.

Meal #1 - 1 pack original flavor oatmeal 100 cals., 1/2 mixed berries 40 cals., 2 tsp. 30 cals., 1/8 cup 1% milk 30 cals. = 200 cals.
Meal # 2 - Orange 65 cals., 1 whole wheat flatbread 90 cals., mustard 5 cals., 2 eggs 96 cals. = 256 cals.
Meal # 3- 2 cups mixed greens 20 cals., 1 Tbsp. Olive oil & vinegar 60 cals., 3 oz. broiled chicken 130 cals., 1/2 green apple 40 cals., 1/2 Tbsp. almonds 30 cals. = 280 cals. of the BEST salad you'll ever eat!!!
Meal #4 - 4 oz. charbroiled chicken approx. 175 cals., 1/4 green beans 65 cals., 1/3 med. baked potato (NO toppings) 60 cals. = 300 cals.
Meal #5 - 1/2 cup low fat vanilla yogurt 70 cals., 1/8 cup Grape Nuts cereal 50 cals., 1/2 banana 55 cals. = 175 cals.

Recovery Drink - 4 oz. Grape juice (no sugar added) 80 cals. & 1/2 scoop protein powder 50 cals. = 130 cals.

Total : 1341

Today was my first time eating out since I've been on my diet plan. It was interesting for sure! The place we went to wasn't super health conscience! Lol! I ended up ordering a charbroiled chicken breast (although I'm sure it was cooked in butter....shoot.) and green beans (also buttered and baconed, lol!) and a plain baked potato. I asked the waitress for a to-go box right away and went ahead and put away most of the food I wouldn't eat. I ate half the chicken, only about 1/4 c. of the beans and a third of the potato with only salt and pepper. Took the rest home...oh and ordered water! So I was successful! Going out tomorrow night and I plan to do just as well! Didn't put the protein powder into my oatmeal this morning and it was so much better! I'm going to have to up my calories a bit, I'm watching it too much. I shouldn't be under 1500, I need to be closer to 1700 but it's alot of food to eat when you are eating this way! The work out went great - I was huffing and puffing through it, again, did about 80 % and I keep pushing to be better. But it's only my 3rd day so I'm not being too hard on myself. But I find that I'm SO tired by like 9pm now! Ready for bed....another day tomorrow!!! This keeping track of food and eating right wears me out! Lol!

Yesterday's Day......

Meal #1 - 1 packet of original flavor oatmeal 100cals.,1Tbsp. sliced almonds 30 cals.,1/2 Tbsp. honey 30 cals.,1/2 scoop protein powder 75 cals.,1/2 c. mixed berries 50 cals., 1/8 c. 1% milk 25 cals. = 310 cals (only ate 3/4 so 200 cals. consumed)
Recovery drink after workout - 4 oz. no sugar added grape juice and 1/2 scoop protein powder = 130 cals.
Meal # 2 - 1 Whole Wheat Flatbread 90 cals.,2 eggs 96 cals., mustard 5 cals., Banana 105 cals. = 296 cals.
Meal # 3 - 2 cups Mixed greens 20 cals., 3 oz. broiled chicken 130 cals., 1/2 green apple 40 cals., 1 Tbsp. chopped almonds 30 cals., 1 tbsp oil and vinegar 60 cals. = 280 cals.
Meal #4 - 1 Whole wheat slice of bread 70 cals., 3/4 Tbsp. Peanut butter 70 cals., 1 Tbsp. reduced sugar fruit spread 40 cals., 1/2 cup 1% sm. curd cottage cheese 90 cals. = 270 cals.
Meal #5 - 5 oz. Ribeye Steak 275 cals., 1/4 c. steamed broccoli 10 cals., 1/3 med Sweet potato 50 cals., 1 tsp. reduced sodium soy sauce 5 cals., 1 tsp. honey 30 cals. = 370 cals.

4 oz. Grape juice 80 cals. = 1596 cals.

I didn't blog yesterday because I was just too tired by the end of the day! I usually do it once Gianna is in bed but once she went to bed last night Beej and I finished a movie and then we both crashed. I'm a little sore this morning. Mainly my inner thighs and my lower back. I don't think I used my core muscles very well, instead I used my back and I've got to make sure I don't do that today! I'll post Day 3 this evening.....The work out consisted of A LOT of jumping and running in place. You do a set of moves, then you go back and do it again faster, then you go back and do it a 3 time even FASTER! And you do 3-4 sets of sets! You get small 30 sec breaks in between and that's hardly enough to take a sip of water and get a breath! But I was sweating like mad by the end!!! Can't wait to see my results at the end of 60 days!!!

The Fitness Journey Has Begun Again!

Meal #1 - 3 hard boiled egg whites (No yolks) 48 cals., 1 Low Fat Mozzarella String Cheese 60 cals., 1 Med. orange 100 cals, 1/2 Whole Wheat English muffin 70 cals. = 278 cals.
Meal #2 - 1 sm. tortilla 100 cals., 1/2 fruit 50 cals., 2 whole eggs 96 cals., mustard 5 cals. = 251 cals.

(Meal #3 - 1 slice Whole Wheat bread 70 cals., 1 large Teaspoon Peanut Butter 90 cals., 1 Tbsp. low sugar strawberry preserves 70 cals., = 230 cals.

Meal #4 - 5 oz. Ribeye steak 275 cals., 1/2 cup steamed broccoli 20 cals., dash of soy sauce 10 cals., 1 cup lettuce 50 cals., 1 TBsp. olive oil and red wine vinegar 50 cals. = 405 cals.
Meal #5 - 1/2 cup low fat vanilla yogurt 70 cals., 1/2 banana 55 cals., 1/4 Grape Nuts cereal 100 cals. = 225 cals.

4 oz. No sugar added Grape juice 80 cals. = 1469 cals.

Today I kept my calories a little lower then what they recommend I eat once I really get started in the work outs. Today I simply did the fit test, even though it was hard I wouldn't consider it a work out really. Today I mainly practiced getting in the five meals they recommend. And I did good so far! I even actually enjoyed eating my broccoli this evening! Tomorrow I'm going to eat a sweet potato, plain!!! Now that's something! Tomorrow's work out is killer! I won't be doing this meal plan blog every day but I do want to do it for the first week of my work outs just so that I can visually see what I'm doing and eat!!! I'm so excited to be on the next step, this next road of my fitness and getting healthy and fit!!!

...what feelings sound like.

I've started trying to write songs again...I really want to get some songs written so that I can record at least an EP soon. It's hard for me to write, mainly because I just don't take the time to practice writing. I don't feel inspired much either. Or I get a line or two and then I get stuck and don't finish it. I also listen to so much good music that what I write and sing seems so crappy in comparison. I listen to some of my favorite artist sing or listen to what they write and I just don't feel like I should even try. I listen to how I sing and it sounds so generic and plain compared to those I love to listen to. I can't imagine someone ever wanting to listen to what I write or how I sing. But I'm really trying hard to get back into it. Slow but sure. I've written a few ideas down and hopefully I can start making myself use Gianna's nap time as time to write and practice my guitar which I haven't done in years really. I'm usually getting my work outs done first thing in the morning after breakfast while Gianna watches her cartoons. I'm trying to get better about structuring my day. I tend to be a little "fly by the seat of my pants" a lot of times. I'll have plans made for the day and then someone calls or asks me to do something and then I'm gone running around all day and never accomplish anything. I've got to get better about staying home more and getting things done for myself. I really want to get better on guitar again and I would love to learn piano. Beej started trying to teach me awhile back but we slacked off and I never learned more then a few notes! Lol! I just think it would be so cool to write songs on piano. For me, writing songs on guitar is harder. I tend to make them all a little "country"....But I want to get back into music. It's hard for me to think about doing music again....I'm a mom now and I just don't see how it would be possible BUT I know there are lots of mom's in the music industry so I know it's possible. I'm just not good at juggling too many balls at once! But I want to get back into doing something I used to love so much. Music is so beautiful to me, it makes me happy, sometimes it makes me sad, - it makes me dance and it makes me rest. I love it! It's the most beautiful, inspirational thing in the world! And I so want to be apart of it......

Just 2 More Days!

Yep, just two more days until I start my newest challenge! Insanity! I know I've talked about it a lot lately but you just have no idea how excited I am! I know it's going to be an insane amount of work but I'm ready to do it because I know I can do it. It's going to be hard and there are days I'm going to feel discouraged but ultimately I'll keep going just like I did with P90X! P90X changed my life, not just because it helped me lose some weight (although that was a fabulous part of it) but because it taught me how to set a goal and how it feels to complete it and see a great result! I probably could have seen even better results if I had committed to the diet more and that's why this time I'm so determined to stick with the diet part of this as well as the working out. I was to see THE greatest results possible. I hope to lose 15lbs in the next two months and to be comfortably wearing a size 4 at Gianna's birthday party! I'm not that far off, I know I can get down one more size!!! It's going to be tough, so tough, especially since I hate green beans and broccoli, and they seem to want me to eat a good bit of it!!! Lol! But I'm thinking that slipping into those size 4 jeans and looking at a flat stomach will probably make ever stalk of broccoli and every green bean I gag down worth it! I talk about this a lot for another reason, I need encouragement and help to stick with things. I'm not a self motivated person like my husband is. I'm learning and trying a heck of a lot more then I used to but I'm not quite there yet. So I need people to tell me I'm doing good, or the encouraging word when I'm down. I just work like that. Plus talking about it keeps me accountable too - I hate it when I have to admit I skipped a work out or that I've been eating bad. It's also nice to have other people you know who are working out with you - I have some friends who started the P90X journey with me and are continuing on the work out road! Even though we may not being doing the same program it's still nice to have someone to talk to about it and to exchange tips, ideas, accomplishments and sometimes a few failures with! Working out is hard, eating right is WAY harder but at the same time I feel SO good when I'm doing both. I feel better physically and I feel better mentally as well. Working out gives me such a boost of confidence. Even if one workout doesn't change my physical size, it changes my mental size and they way I see myself in the mirror! I'm far from perfect, I mess up A LOT! But I know how to encourage and help push you - I don't want anyone to feel like I have felt over the past few years. That feeling that nothing fits when you try it on, or no matter how hard you try you still look bloated in everything. Ugh. Plus I want more then anything to teach Gianna how to be health conscience too. I don't want her to grow up never eating chocolate or tasting a soda but I want her to learn early on how to control her portions of things like that and how to enjoy physical activity and healthy food. So not only will I be eating better I also plan to embark on teaching Gianna to eat better too. It's not going to be easy and there is still alot of Mac N Cheese in the freezer along with the chicken nuggets and waffles. None of those are really bad in moderation but I've gotten into a bad habit of always falling back on those because I don't want her to be hungry. But I realize I am doing her no favor by not making her at least try vegetables and to learn to like grilled chicken instead of breaded and fried. By always resorting to syrup laden waffles just because I want her to eat breakfast. 2010 is a healthier year for the Carroll family! Wish us luck (or blessings or whatever it is you wish! Lol!)!!!

Projects and My Life...

My newest challenge!!! I completed 2 complete rounds of P90X and I'm beyond proud of myself for sticking to working out 5-6 times a week for 6 months now! But I need something new and a bit harder of a challenge so this is it! Intense cardio! I plan to lose another 15lbs and hopefully be in a size 4 in two months!!! Woohoo! Yay for goals!

My recent thrift store finds! I got the candle holder for $1 and I plan to paint it to cover the chips and cracks it has. But I just loved it! The picture above it I got for $2! And it's a big picture! I'm going to paint the frame black and hang it in our room. I see a laundry basket in there so maybe it'll remind me to keep up with the laundry better!!! Haha!
I bought this today so that I can hopefully keep up with how much water I'm drinking because I know I'm not getting in every day what I should. This holds 8 glasses of water, I have been through like half of it this afternoon and evening and gosh, I've had to pee so many times! I remember why I hate to drink now!
So Craig Horner is my newest celebrity crush! Lol! Actually I've been watching his show "Legend of The Seeker" off and on for awhile but I always forget how much fun he is to watch and look at! Haha! The show isn't the greatest, a little cheesy at points, but man, he totally makes up for that with his killer good looks!!!


Gianna seems to have had a relapse when it comes to potty training. It was like she totally had it down for like a month now. Telling me when she had to go when we were out and about and going by herself at home. I thought all we had left was to get her night trained but the past two days she's been peeing all over herself and today she actually went #2 in her pants! I was shocked and pissed to say the least. I have NO idea how to get this child potty trained completely. She's almost 3 for Christ's sake......

The Future of 2010.....

So, everyone is asking what my goals and resolutions for 2010 are. I have a few ideas for things I want to accomplish. But I honestly have a hard time seeing very far into the future. I'm kinda a right here and now person. But here are a few things I'd like to see myself accomplish in the new year..... 1) Working out - even though I'm already working out and have been since August of last year I want to see myself up my workouts a little more and really get into even better shape.I am getting ready to purchase a new work out system. More cardio so that I can burn up some of the fat I'm still carrying around! Lol!

2) Losing weight - I still have about 15lbs to lose and I'll be at my goal weight. The thought of finally seeing 120 on the scales is thrilling! And I know I can do it! I lost that first 15lbs and now I seem stuck again.

3) Eating healthier - I do wish I was in love with garden food and tofu but I'm not! But I'm trying hard to watch what I'm eating and that if I do eat "nasty" food I eat only a small portion and not what I normally would.

4) Scrapbooking - I seem to always stay behind on my scrapbooking projects! I caught up right before Halloween and then somehow fell behind again - now I need to do Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas! So one of my goals is to try and keep up with it and never be behind!

5) Song writing - I used to write alot, it was pretty easy. Well, not easy, but I felt like I was inspired a lot more then I am now although I have many more experiences that should inspire me now then I did! My goal is to just start writing again, even if they don't all make it into songs to at least start writing down ideas....

6) Recording - It's always been a dream of mine to have a full album recorded! Even if I never become a mega super star I would like to have a project completed and out there for people to enjoy. Not to toot my own horn or anything but I do know I have some talent and people have always seemed to enjoy hearing me sing so I want to put something out there....I've got a whole year to write and get it done!

7) Travel - I would like to make a few trips this year. Other then just family things like our Christmas trip or trips to see family in Bama. I want to go on some vacation type trips. I really want to take Gianna to the beach this year. To Gulf Shores, AL! We used to go when I was a child and it's beautiful! Even as a child I realized that - white sand and blue green water - Gianna's never really been to the beach so I want to take her, I know she'd love it! And I'd like to get away somewhere with my hubby, probably for our 5 year anniversary in August! Just me and him, I love spending time with him!

8) Boldness - I want to be bolder in 2010. I tend to keep my opinions to myself so that I don't offend or upset anyone and in turn I keep it all bottled up and feel frustrated. Everyone else seems to voice their opinions and ideas freely so I want to be able to voice mine and not feel horrible every time I do!!! Lol!

So these are a few of my goals for the year! What are yours?