For Gianna

I think this song is so beautiful and it puts into words all the things I wish for Gianna. Sometimes I can't express how much I love her. I dread the day she is hurt by something or someone but I know these things will happen and I can only hope I'm the shoulder and support she needs. And that I'll give her unconditional love through everything she may encounter in her life!

If I Could ( Celine Dion)

If I could
I'd protect you from the sadness in your eyes
Give you courage in a world of compromise
Yes, I would

If I could
I would teach you all the things I've never learned
And I'd help you cross the bridges that I've burned
Yes, I would

If I could
I would try to shield your innocence from time
But the part of life I gave you isn't mine
I've watched you grow
So I could let you go

If I could
I would help you make it through the hungry years
But I know that I can never cry your tears
But I would
If I could

If I live
In a time and place where you don't want to be
You don't have to walk along this road with me
My yesterday
Won't have to be your way

If I knew
I'd would try to change the world I brought to you to


And there isn't very much that I can do
But I would
If I could...
oh baby... I just want to protect you
and help my baby through the hungry years
cause you're part of me
and if you ever... ever need
I said a shoulder to cry on
Or just someone to talk to
I'll be there... I'll be there
I didn't change your world
but I would
If I Could!

Slacker.

So I'm a slacker. I haven't quit working out by any means but I've been really slacking on them and not putting a full effort into them and I've been switching up work outs when I don't feel like doing the one I'm supposed to and well, I NEVER did that the first time around with P90X. I'm doing what I feel is easier or quicker. And sometimes the quicker part I have to because I have somewhere to go and know I won't have any other time to work out because I don't work out well at night at all. I prefer mornings or right after lunch. Other wise I have zero motivation. Same with my diet, I've totally slacked on it all the way. I've eaten so much crap for the past two weeks and I'm starting to "see" it. My tummy is bloated and I just feel awful. I've tried to get back on it for the past two days and I'll do good through like lunch and then my will power totally dissolves and by dinner time I've totally undone anything good I've done all day. Ticks me off that I'm so up and down with it. I've really got to lose another 15, possibly even 20lbs. My ultimate goal is 120lbs. I think it's a good weight for my height and for where I'm at right now. I know with the holidays coming up it's going to be so hard to be consistent and not gain all the weight I have lost back. I've noticed my skinny jeans feel a little tighter then they should so I've really got to buckle down and get back with it. I put up my inspiration picture of Jessica Alba on my fridge hoping she'll help me think before I got stuffing stuff in my mouth but I'm not sure it's worked so far. I just wonder if this is something I'm going to forever struggle with? Am I always going to thinking about this. I mean, even now, losing some and getting healthier it's still all I think about. I think about how I'm going to motivate myself, how I'm going to not eat everything I want to, how I'm going to look in my clothes, how I'd feel if I gained back what little I've lost, etc. It's constantly on my mind. I haven't felt good for the past few days, I get all jittery and shaky when I work out. I don't know if it's because I'm not eating the right stuff or what. I started new vitamins a few days ago and I'm hoping they'll help me feel better. I just want to be skinny! I want a flat tummy, I'm not even asking for a six pack, I just want to put on a shirt and not see a "tire". Or put on pants and not have to make sure my "love handles" don't hang out. I feel like this is a never ending battle.....and I'm so tired.

Nothing makes me happier....

...then to see my daughter happy! Tonight she is in a wonderful mood and even though I love her even when she's cranky seeing her happy makes me feel great! I feel like all the hard work and effort I put into her, all the love and patience I give her is paying off! Today we went out with mother in law who is always gracious to us and treats us to wonderful "goodies"! She bought Gi an adorable pair of boots today and a super cute little Tinkerbell doll! And Gianna couldn't have been more excited about that doll! She carried it all over the store, just staring at it! And has carried it around with her ever since. It took a nap with her, sat by her plant during dinner, went to the movie store with us and is now watching herself on the big screen! We took Gianna down to the movie store and picked up the newest Tinkerbell movie, Gi has seen the old one and loved it too! So now they are snuggled up in the living room watching their movie and having a great time! Gianna keeps yelling for me to bring her cookies and milk! I've promised just as soon as they are out of the oven and cooled I will bring her some and she gets that super big excited smile on her face and I just melt! Sitting in there holding her doll, wearing her Tinkerbell pj's and watching a movie. I see how much she's growing up and the things she's into and I'm just so excited watching her discover herself - what she likes and dislikes! It's so exciting to see her "get into" things! I'm looking forward to Christmas so much - knowing how thrilled she will be over all the decorations, festivities, lights, presents and fun! It's going to be amazing!

"Thoughts and After That"

So I'm so excited to announce that my hubby's first EP is going to be released soon! He goes by Stranger in Bree and the EP is entitled "Thoughts and After That". He's been working on this project for almost a year now and he's put alot of time, effort and energy into it. It's not quick, cheap, crappy work that he randomly threw together and called it "music". These songs are heart felt, quality songs. People have already heard a few of the songs and some clips but have yet to hear it completely through. He let me listen to it straight through the other day and it's impressive! Raw but solid! His musical style on this project has taken a totally different twist then I forsaw at the beginning but I think it fits him and it's been neat to watch him grow and change musically. I thinks it's great that he's allowing his true musical ability show through instead of trying to copy someone else's style or sound. Or make something he's knows people who know nothing about music will like. This is cool stuff that only people with great musical taste will understand and love. The official track recording and album art work has been sent off for publishing! It will be available for downloading on every major music site in just a few weeks - iTunes, CDbaby, etc. It will be available for download all over the US and Europe! How cool is that?!!! I'm really expecting this to go far and really build a step for him to reach even higher heights with his next project. His official website is being constructed as we speak! He's putting alot of effort into all of this to make sure it isn't "cheesy" and so far he's done a perfect job! You'll be able to find him at www.strangerinbree.com but for now you can visit him at myspace.com/strangerinbree. Please support him, pass the word along and really listen to the music. If you like it then let others know about it! The only way this is going to make it is if people support it and not just people who knows us or are friends with us but total strangers taking this and running with it and promoting it along side of him/us! The EP will be available in less then $6! It has a total 6 tracks on it.....Please visit his myspace for now and let him know what you think. Artist/musicians don't happen over night and with out help and support. If everyone of my Facebook and Myspace friends gave it to a friend of theirs and so on and so on then their would be a huge fan base before you know it and that's how it's going to happen! We appreciate your love and support! This is Beej's dream and I want to see it flourish for him. He's put in long hard hours on this project - writing, playing, producing and tweaking it all! This is his passion and love and I know he's going to keep working hard at it until his dream comes true and he gets where he wants to be! Luckily, I'm married to him and I get to go on this ride and journey with him, supporting him is supporting me too! Thanks for everything, everyone! Please keep your eye on Stranger in Bree!!!!

Alba Inspired...

So I've had a few "inspirations" along the way as far as what I'd like to look like or a style I'd like to have, etc. But no one has inspired me more then Jessica Alba! I LOVE, love, love her style - classic chic' and she's the most adorable, stylish mom and I'm dying to look like her! I have a ways to go but this is what I want to look like when someone takes my picture!!!

Are you surprised?

Do people ever cease to amaze you? It's like no matter how much time and effort you put into certain people they never see it. All they see if one mistake or maybe you didn't even make a mistake - they just make up stuff and even though you've never lied to them they still seem to think this lie they've come up with in their heads it true. I've recently gone through a "break up" with a close friend. And it's nearly as bad a breaking up with a boyfriend. It's hard for me to get close to people, so when I do I usually trust them all out and treat them like family. I'd do whatever I could for them, stick up for them and enjoy spending time with them! But this person has suddenly decided that our friendship is "too stressful" on her. I don't even know what that means. To be honest I think I make her uncomfortable now. That's not bragging on me or anything, it's far from it. I'm heart broken that she's decided to completely shun me because I have other friends that she doesn't like. And part of me is glad I've seen this other side of her, because I know that's not the kind of people I want to call "friend" but at the same time I'm angry and hurt that for the past year and a half I've trusted this person and truly thought we were close. It overwhelms me at how often this happens. You think someone is so true to you, so loyal and that they love you very much and then at the drop of a hat they turn their backs on you and walk away when the relationship/friendship is no longer benefiting them or making them feel good. There have been lots of things over the past few years that I've been friends with this person that I've felt a little jealous of things she's had or done but I always try to put those feelings aside and be happy for her and rejoice because I know if I can't do that then I'll never be blessed.
Isn't it funny how getting fit (or trying to) will bring out people's true colors and feelings? I can't believe how many people get "mad" at me because I've lost some weight. And I don't flaunt it or walk around bragging but I am proud of my accomplishment. People don't understand how many times I've tried to lose weight in the past few years and have failed and failed and failed. How many diets I've started and lasted a day through, no one understand that my will power and motivation up until now has been zero. No one can rejoice with me not just about the actual weight loss but rejoice with me in the person I am becoming on the inside. I'm learning more self motivation, more inner belief in myself, becoming more inspired, becoming more self confident. No one seems to see those accomplishments. And they start hating me because they lack these themselves. Believe you me, I've been there. Dissed people I didn't know because they were skinny like I wanted to be, dissed people because they were in the gym when I was too lazy to get motivated to be there too, dissed people because they stuck with something long enough to see results and I couldn't. I got tired of being "one of those people" so I changed it. I have SO far to go to, I'm not even half way there yet. I need support and encouragement, not people that run out on me as soon as things aren't going their way. I ask this question all the time, are their truly real friends out there? People who will stick by you no matter what, stand up for you, be an encouragement, rejoice in your accomplishments even if they themselves aren't there yet....where have all those kind of people gone? I've ceased to be surprised when people I love and trust and who I think love and trust me turn on me and walk away. Are you surprised?
The picture above is of my hubby, someone I know will NEVER EVER walk out on me, even when I aggravate or frustrate him. He's stuck with me through all my failings and short comings. He's been my rock, my inspiration, my encouragement, even my advisor sometimes! I love him more then anything, and I take comfort in the fact that even when or if ALL my other friends and loved ones walk away I can count on him coming home and loving me every day! And that too surprises me sometimes, what did I ever do to deserve someone's love like that?! But I'm happy someone thought I did!